Mar
13
2006

Awesome Things That Happened This Weekend, In List Form To Soothe The Savage Demons Of OCD

1) A while ago, I wrote this brief guide to Charleston for theCitizen, a cutting-edge youth culture travel site for which I fear I may not be hip enough, and which carries the following disclaimer: "If your idea of fun is eating a 12-course meal on a cruise ship, theCitizen is not for you. If you lost your wallet last summer in a complicated scam run by some junkie from Berlin, theCitizen might be for you.

Continue Reading

Mar
07
2006

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Vinegary

Damn, you CANNOT find a strudel in this town. Trust me, I looked all day yesterday---in four different supermarkets, no less!---and I couldn't find a strudel anywhere. Then someone told me about a German bakery, but by then it was too late and I'd already bought half a dozen apple Danishes (Danishi? Dani?) and cut them into slices to make a faux strudel, which---with much aplomb---I christened Fudel. I may also have added an umlaut. Everything is better with an umlaut.

Continue Reading

Mar
04
2006

You Don't Need To Clean Your George Foreman Grill, And Other Lies My Brother Told Me

My boyfriend is either gay or a genius. Today he went out to Target OF HIS OWN ACCORD and bought a new vaccuum. It is a very stylish apple green vaccuum that could accurately be described as the poor man's Dyson. His genius lies in the fact that when he turned it on and started hoovering a corner to see how well it worked, I immediately leapt up from the sofa, where I was reading a very important magazine, and followed him around, rubbing my hands together and pleading, "Ooh, ooh, let me have a go! Oh, go on, let me try it! Is it good?

Continue Reading

Mar
02
2006

What Not To Wear

Internet, this is an emergency. A fashion emergency, that is. My sister Susie, who lives in Singapore, is searching for a dress for her summer formal---she is 16, so this is the most important! thing! ever!---and I have volunteered to help her find one. (From 30,000 miles away, yes! Isn't that how you do your shopping?) The other day, though, she sent me an email with a few pictures of styles she thought might be cute, and I yelped. YELPED!

Continue Reading

Mar
01
2006

Secret Bachelor Tuesday: The End of the Affair

This is going to be a long one. I'd get a strong drink now, if I were you, and also perhaps some pita chips and some other sundry supplies to keep you going at your computer---like maybe a tent and a camping stove, since I'm not sure how long this is going to take. You might also need some flares. (The kind you have in your car for roadside emergencies, I mean, not the pants. You can bring the pants too, if you'd like, but be warned that we'll probably all make fun of you. Also, you should know that they're totally not flattering. Widens the hips, I think.)

Continue Reading

Feb
27
2006

He Pretty Much Always Has An Open Door For Call Girls

Well, that was fun! I now have a mental image of everyone's hair, a long list for the library, and a note to myself never to say PUS or MOIST or CHUNKY again. That was my favorite part, by the way, the words people hated; Pretty Coworker Elle and I used to have a running list of The Worst Words In The World, which we kept on the back of the door in our office, and added to every day. We had WOMB and WOUND and BRUISE and WAD and PANTIES and TURGID and LUBE, and it was awesome until someone stole it!

Continue Reading

Feb
22
2006

Today Is The First Day Of The Rest Of Your Life

For the last eight years, Sean has hated his job. I wish I could tell you I was exaggerating about the "eight years" part, but I'm really not. He's been very good at it, of course, and has garnered all sorts of accolades and promotions, but he's hated almost every second of it. I suppose that's just what happens when you're passionate about design and photography, and you end up working in nuclear power.

Continue Reading