Feb
05
2014

Sleeping In Seattle

 

Hello from Seattle, where it is currently really, really, really cold. No, I mean really cold. Like, think of the coldest thing you can think of right now—a milkshake with ice cubes in it, the Arctic tundra, Paris Hilton's heart—and multiply that by a hundred and four, and that is how cold it is here. I just walked seven blocks back from my office and by the time I pushed open the doors of the hotel lobby, I couldn't feel most of my extremities, and I was wearing gloves, a hat, and a coat that kept me pretty toasty in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. In November. I mean, come on. 

On the upside, here is the view from my office, which could not possibly be more beautifully Seattle-ish.

Okay, wait, maybe it could be a tiny bit more beautifully Seattle-ish, but only if it had Frasier Crane somewhere in the left hand of the frame. Holding a cup of coffee. Next to McDreamy. 

(Is McDreamy still a thing? Do people still watch Grey's Anatomy? I remember the last time I visited Seattle, I was obsessed with the show and kept thinking I saw Meredith everywhere, but I must confess that I stopped watching several years ago and now I have no idea what the residents of Seattle Grace are up to anymore. Although presumably the same five people are still getting together and breaking up in various combinations.)

As well as not realizing that it was going to be this cold in Seattle—I mean, it's not like I have a weather app on my phone or anything; it's not like I could have looked it up (I could have looked it up)—I also did not realize that I was going to be arriving in the city on the day of a major parade. Why was there a major parade in Seattle today? Well, if you just asked yourself that question, you're in good company, because I did not know either. This is because the parade was to celebrate the winning of the Superbowl, but because the Superbowl is a sporting event and my brain shuts off at the phrase "sporting event" somewhere around "spor—", I kind of didn't really pay it any attention until the hotel check-in person said "wow, lot of people out there for the parade, huh?" and I said "oh, there's a parade today? For what?" and then I was actually asked to leave the United States of America immediately for unpatriotic conduct and also my husband texted me and asked for a divorce. 

(Whatever. Talk to me when there's a parade for the Oscars. Oh wait, there is! It's Live From the Red Carpet on E! and I have the time and date of it written down in my planner. Look, I'm sorry, we all have our passions. Yours might be football but mine is marveling at what a good job that boob tape is doing at holding everything in.) 

I am going to finish this now because I have one-quarter of The Goldfinch left to read—I have been dragging it out for an entire month because I never want to not be reading it—and also a pack of Skittles to get through. In bed. In this quiet room. Bolstered by the magnificent knowledge that when I turn off the light and drift into sleep tonight, no-one is going to wake me up three hours later and demand to eat. Small pleasures, friends. You can't even imagine. 

Recent Posts

Jan
13
2014

And In The End We All Survived

First of all, thank you so, so, so much for all your kind and compassionate and encouraging comments about my return to work. I read them over and over, and they helped me so much to feel better about it all. I worked from home last Wednesday, Thursday and Friday—the equivalent of inching body-part-by-body-part into the swimming pool, as opposed to just cannonballing in from the diving board; highly recommended if you can swing it—and then today I actually went back to the office for real.

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Jan
06
2014

These Days Are Numbered

I go back to work on Wednesday. Even writing that sentence, my heart simultaneously plummeted and soared, like when you get on an elevator that you think is going down but then the doors close and it starts going up. 

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Dec
31
2013

A Lot Of Words About 2013

Oh hey, remember me? Here I am on the very last day of 2013, squeezing in one last blog post so I can say that I updated eight times since mid-July instead of seven. I mean, I don't know who I think I'd be saying this to—the imaginary blogging police, I can only assume, who presumably monitor this kind of thing?but anyway, there you go.

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Nov
17
2013

I Wrote This Entire Thing Without Taking A Breath Can You Tell

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your wise and helpful comments on my last post. You know, sometimes I feel like I just can't be bothered with blogging anymore—all the sponsored this, Pinterest-fodder that—and I think "eh, I'll just show myself out quietly, there's nothing in this for me anymore," and then you, all you wonderful people, weigh in on a subject with your thoughts and your advice and your experiences and I realize that what I've always valued most of all about writing online

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Nov
11
2013

Party At My Crib

Look, let me just tell you once and for all that when it comes to babies and sleep, things are every bit as terrible as you would imagine. As in, once you have one, you probably won't be getting very much of it at all. 

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Nov
04
2013

There Is No Narrative Construct To This Blog Post But I Hit Publish So I'm Calling It A Victory

Hello! I just got back from a week in a cabin in Northern Michigan—actually, I kept calling it a cabin but it was really just a condo decorated very rusticly and located in a woodsy setting—with a small portion of my family. My parents got lots of grandkid time, my kid got lots of grandparent time, and I got lots of "sleeping til 10am because someone else is looking after the baby" time, so basically it was a win-win for all. 

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Oct
03
2013

You Are Doing Just Fine

One of the things that has surprised me so much about having a baby—and there is so much that does surprise you; leaves you reeling, in fact—is that almost everyone I've spoken to in the last eleven weeks since Hugo was born has asked me how I'm doing. How I'm doing. Once we've ascertained that the baby is thriving and well and sleeping just enough that Sean and I aren't contemplating driving him back to the hospital and asking about their return policy, their attention is turned to me.

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Aug
26
2013

Parents Of Twins, I Salute You

So having a baby is a little time-consuming, turns out. I know! Who'd have guessed! Despite the fact that Hugo has proven, so far, to have inherited his father's mellow, easygoing temperament—as opposed to his mother's, ahem, less mellow, less easygoing one—the basic job of keeping a tiny human being fed, happy, and not rolling around in his own poop all day has been surprisingly all-encompassing.

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Random Flashbacks

Oct
08
2008

Obama Foam Fingers

DSC05558.JPG

I first saw these Obama foam fingers on Sweetney's site, in a post where her little girl was wearing one. I left a comment professing their awesomeness, and a few days later, the guy who makes them emailed me. "Long story short," he wrote, "I make those things. How they got to her, I have no idea, but I almost fell out of my chair with excitement."  

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May
13
2009

Girl Walks Onto A Balcony

Hello from Exuma, the most beautiful island in the Bahamas! Do you like my balcony? Funny thing about that balcony, actually, IT ALMOST GOT ME KILLED. Well, that's not exactly true, although it certainly could have, had I acted on Plan A this afternoon when I found myself in a certain situation. Since I rather sensibly acted on Plan B, however, it merely---how shall we say this?---mildly inconvenienced me instead.

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Mar
17
2010

Things To Do Before Having A Baby

One of the things I wasn't expecting about marriage is how soon afterwards you start thinking about having kids. I'm sure it's not this way for everyone, of course---plenty of people have kids without being married, plenty of people get married and don't want kids---but for me, at least, it's been something of an eye-opener. And when I say it's been something of an eye-opener, I want you to imagine someone dropping a bucketful of ice down the back of my shirt just as I'm starting to fall asleep. That kind of eye opener.

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Nov
08
2010

That's For The Future And The Future Is Now

When I was born, I had the cord wrapped around my neck five times. On New Year's Eve, eight months pregnant, my mother had been lying on the sofa, Blondie loud on the stereo on the last night of the seventies. As big as a watermelon, or maybe bigger, I was dancing around inside her, the outline of my tiny fists punctuating the skin of her stomach while my mother watched in wonder. At a crescendo, I jumped, flipping around violently like a porpoise getting tangled up in seaweed. Debbie Harry made me do it.

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Oct
05
2006

Permission To Join The Adrenaline Club

Today we finally roused ourselves from our cultural inertia long enough to decide that since we only had a few days left in Chiang Mai, we should probably Do Something. And I don’t know about you, but when I think about Doing Something, I usually think about going for an elephant ride. And then trekking barefoot through the jungle. And then white-water rafting. And then visiting several obscure hill tribes, who obviously aren’t that obscure, because even though they live in mud huts, they still have cable television—they do!

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May
31
2009

Becoming Those People

The other day, on our early morning flight from San Diego to San Francisco, a baby was crying across the aisle from us. I mean, of course he was crying, poor thing: he'd been dragged out of his crib at four in the morning and made to sit in a cramped metal tube with a hundred strangers who glared at him. Have you ever noticed how people glare at crying babies on planes? Because that's going to help, isn't it: affixing a poor defenseless four-month-old with your iciest stare. Why don't you just steal his lunch money and insult his sister's virtue while you're at it? 

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Feb
15
2009

L'Oreal Double Extend BeautyTubes Mascara

loreal_double.jpg

For my entire life, I have suffered from a debilitating condition called SES. You may not have heard about SES but it imbues in the victim a terrible feeling of insecurity, as well as a frequent burning jealousy and often---as in cases where the victim's fiancé  most undoubtedly does not suffer from SES---pure unadulterated rage.

What is SES, you ask? Why Internet, I can't believe I have to tell you. It's Stubby Eyelash Syndrome!

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