I Wish I Knew How To Quit You, Heath Ledger

I just came back from seeing Brokeback Mountain---finally, finally, FINALLY, South Carolina!---and at first I was all "wow, you totally got to see Heath Ledger in his nuddy pants!" and "hmm, all they ate was elk? That's packed with protein; they must have lost tons of weight!" and then by the end of the movie, I was such a blubbering mess that I couldn't see straight or think straight or formulate even the most vaguely coherent thought. Sean almost had to carry me out of the theatre. And also through the parking lot. And also up the stairs to our apartment. I know you already know this, but you really have to see this film. (Also, you have to triple check that you've turned your cell phone off, OAFISH PEOPLE SITTING FOUR ROWS IN FRONT OF ME, lest it suddenly start spouting techno during the most moving parts---yes, PARTS, IT HAPPENED TWICE---of this incredibly beautiful movie. Just so you know, YOU YAHOOS, we were THIS CLOSE to pelting you with peanut M&Ms.)

And hey, you know what, while you're obeying me, I suggest that you spend 99 cents on iTunes and download the song "Landlocked Blues" by Bright Eyes. Then push the boat out and spend another 99 cents on Belle & Sebastian's "A Century of Elvis." Then make me a mix tape and send it to me if you know any songs better than those two at the moment. BECAUSE I KIND OF DOUBT IT.

Your last mission, should you choose to accept it, is this: please go and visit the Very Fabulous, Very Funny, And Very Pretty Mir and read about what she's doing and see if you can help. It's for a good cause and she swears she hasn't worked out in a while so, you know, if nothing else, the results should be pretty funny to read about afterwards.

Take Kleenex for all of these things. Also maybe a strong man to carry you away afterwards and place your gently weeping body on the couch. Have him make sure there are no long-distance telephone company commercials featuring small children or reuniting families on the TV as well. Just to be safe.

Jan 23, 2006

I'm sorry but: NO. I am not a homophobe, but I cannot bear to look at guy on guy stuff. Can't do it, absolutely cannot. I am still trying to get over that movie Total Eclipse which brought us the spectacle of Leonardo DiCaprio cooing and spooning with Professor Remus Lupin. To be fair, I don't much like to look at hetero sex either. Remember, I'm in my 40s, and whether you're looking at yourself and your partner in a mirror or pretty young people in cinema, it just ends up being depressing either way. At my age, you just boink away cheerfully and don't focus on the visuals.

Especially Heath Ledger, because he's hot. The spectacle of him pining away for some guy's hairy ass is just too freaky for me to contemplate. I'm sorry to be so provincial.

Jan 23, 2006

Brokeback Mountain will never come here. Two of the best guys in the movie business?? Why, Singapore would never allow it!! Seriously before anyone else BAGS it, I will be Jake Gyllenhaal's wife. No, not that gross-toothed-but-dresses-well-and-kind-of-looks-like-Maggie-Gyllenhaal Kirsten Dunst. Heath Ledger is still up for grabs though.

Also, there's nothing sadder than boys with awkwardly long legs and funny teeth and broken glasses riding alone on tricycles.

Jan 23, 2006

I did visit Mir's website, thanks for linking to it. She is really funny!

I haven't seen the movie yet but that's only because going to the movies makes me really unhappy. I prefer to watch movies in the privacy of my own home where I can blubber all I want, in my pj's, and it's ok.

Also, the last movie I saw in the theater was that movie about the guys' wine country trip that made everyone start hating merlot (what was it called?), and at one point in the movie, the people behind us, who didn't stop talking the entire time, got into a discussion about what exactly Vicodin was. People, please! Must you have this debate NOW? And how do you not know what Vicodin is?

Jan 23, 2006

Oh Gretchen - I couldn't agree more ...
I avoid hetro love stories because I simply can't stand them. I barely endured Cold Mountain (or whatever it's called). And I felt sorry for everyone who had to watch it with me because all did was yell throughout: GET BACK HOME YOU TOTAL IDIOT! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?! WAR SHMORE! BOTH OF YOU, MOVE TO CANADA ALREADY! ARRRRRG.
And homo love stories have the added bonus of [shiver] boys in bed. ACK! I simply DO NOT need that kind of visual in my brain.

Jan 23, 2006

We went to see it a couple of weeks ago and promptly downloaded the whole damn soundtrack. Then we watched the Golden Globes and EVERY TIME THEY PLAYED THAT DAMN MUSIC we'd stop talking and get all teary and reflective.

I wish I knew how to QUIT THAT.

Jan 23, 2006

Cannot WAIT to see this film-- although I will have to cross state lines to do so since I live in homophobiaville----

Thanks for the warning about the need for bodily assistance seeing as I will be quite a ways from my front door-- good to know.

Jan 23, 2006

Damn! You really should've pelted them with M and M's! I hate people and their cell phones. I wish I had some M and M's handy in my Candlelight Yoga class the other day because I would have totally chucked the entire pack at the woman who was giving glaring dirty looks at everyone in the class when the cell phone starting ringing, only to realize a few moments into her glaring face that the cell phone ringing was INDEED hers! Gah!

PS. I love Belle and Sebastian! Bright Eyes are right up there too along with Neutral Milk Hotel, Iron and Wine, and The Shins...

Jan 23, 2006

Ooh, my favorite song at the moment is "you will you will you will" by Bright Eyes. Download it. Now.

Jan 23, 2006

If I am going to have a man set my "gently weeping body on the couch" I think there better be some ice-cream by the couch. Nothing can make you feel better than ice-cream because ice-cream is love.

Jan 23, 2006

I will probably not see Brokeback Mountain until it comes out on DVD, because I am lame like that. But I've heard it's awesome.

Thanks for the plug, pretty lady! Someone donated $1k this morning!! I just about fell over.

Jan 23, 2006

I saw Brokeback Mountain after a red-eye flight -- so I was PARTICULARLY vulnerable. It utterly broke my heart and I cried my little eyes out. Actually "cried" doesn't really cut it. Full-body-wracking sobs is probably more accurate. And then did nothing but talk about it, tearing up intermittingly for the next week. God knows what our waiter thought during our fancy New Year's Eve dinner, when I was (again) overcome and DK (patiently) patted my hand and handed me (another) kleenex.

Great link to Mir -- I've done the 3-day walk for the last few years with my mom-in-law (a three-time breast cancer survivor). It is totally mind-blowing.

mom on a wire
Jan 23, 2006

Does the movie have a sad ending? I need to know this before I see it. I need to be prepared. I'm not good with the surprises.

Pope Benedict XVI
Jan 23, 2006

Bright Eyes is wonderful. "I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning" is one of my favorite albums of all time.

Kirsten Dunst
Jan 23, 2006

hey what's with the aggressive 'teeth' comment above? Come on, it could be worse.

I could be British.

New Blue Shoe
Jan 23, 2006

Oh, and Heath's got himself a lady and a bun in said oven. Sorry, kids.

How do I know that?

Nothing But Bonfires
Jan 23, 2006

No, no -- the bun came out of the oven in November and its name is Matilda.

Um, how do I know THAT? Oh yes, Michelle Williams is my new best friend. In my head at least. And in Us Weekly.

Jan 24, 2006

Wait--Sean actually WENT WITH YOU to see this movie? Of his OWN ACCORD? The same movie that EVERY MAN I KNOW has REFUSED to see?

You have all the luck.

(And good job with the link to the uber-fabulous Mir.)

Jan 24, 2006

I wanted to see this movie because Heath Ledger is totally hot and I, unlike some of the others, kind of like the whole guy on guy thing (sorry, probably more info than you wanted) but my roommate Jeff went to see it and told me about it and I started crying from his description of it and I knew right then and there that I could never go and see this movie. Ever. Because I sobbed during Troy. And cat food commericals.

But I will check out the sound track.

Jan 24, 2006

The Ledger-Williams baby is Matilda Rose - like Tilly Walnes, who is delighted to have a trendsetting name - but as Heath's Australian, it does have slightly dodgy 'Waltzing Matilda' associations...

Holls - I saw Brokeback Mountain at the Camden Odeon with Alex & Beks and cried so much my bottom lip started to wobble uncontrollably (didn't realise that actually happened in real life) and had to make big snotty noises into my tissue at the end.

(Also, do you remember that time your "cell" phone went off TWICE during Twelfth Night at the Barbican? Just saying...)

Jan 24, 2006
Jan 24, 2006

I wish I could even IMAGINE that Dave could carry me somewhere. Unfortunately I have never ever seen him work out and I would hate for his legs to give way and for him to be pinned helplessly underneath me and my gargantuan thighs.

On a more positive note, I do enjoy some Heath Ledger every once in a while!

Jan 25, 2006

I've seen the movie and read the story. I suggest you read the story, too. It's a quickie, only about 40 pages.

Jan 28, 2006

love the review (came up on google) of both the film and the experience...here's mine


Feb 01, 2006

OMG-saw the funniest t-shirt on 'I Wish I Knew How To Quit You' on this site!