In my parents' new house in San Diego, there is a bathroom without a door. Well, that's not strictly true, I suppose; there is a sort of archway dividing it from the bedroom. But if someone walked into that bedroom while you were in the bathroom, well, hoo boy, you'd get to know each other pretty quickly. If they were at the sink or in the bath, you'd definitely see them. If they were standing in the shower? Then you'd see a whole lot of them.
My mother's suggestion, at least until she could get a door put in, was that they hang a curtain in the archway, thus blocking the bedroom from the bathroom with a few feet of fabric.
"But you'd have to have some sort of system," she mused. "So that people knew that they shouldn't come in if the curtain was pulled across. Perhaps we could come up with a little rhyme."
"If the curtain's closed," said my sister, Susie. "Someone's exposed."
"If the curtain ain't shut," I offered."You'll see someone's butt."
"If the curtain is skewed," countered Susie. "You'll see someone nude."
"If the curtain's on the fritz," replied my mother, getting into it. "You'll see someone's----"
"Mother!" I cried, aghast.
"BITS!" she said. "I was going to say BITS!"
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That night I couldn't sleep, which was partly to do with the fact that I was sharing a bed with my sister and she was stealing most of the duvet, but mostly because my brain wouldn't stop coming up with curtain-based rhymes.
"I have some new ones," I told my family the next morning at breakfast.
"Let's hear them then," said Susie.
"If the curtain is towerin'," I said. "Someone is showerin'."
"Nice," said Susie. "I like the dropping of the g."
"If the curtain's forgotten," I continued. "You'll someone's bottom. If the curtain's not there, you'll see someone bare. If the curtain can be seen, someone's getting clean. If the curtain---"
"If the curtain's pulled back, you'll see someone's crack!" shouted Susie jubilantly.
"I thought we were going to keep them more family-friendly," I said.
"If the curtain's not pinned to the walls...."
"Aaaand I think you've gone too far."
"Well," said my dad. "I sense a blog post brewing."
May 06, 2009
Your family sounds like mine. Which is to say, YAY!
May 06, 2009
LOL. I like. :-)
Could we turn this into a magic curtain, and say....
When the curtain turns green-you get to be the Queen,
When the curtain turns yellow-you get yourself a fellow,
When the curtain turns brown-you turn into a clown,
And when the curtain turns red- it's time to go to bed.
May 06, 2009
My family doesn't have as fine a sense of censorship as yours. Your Mum is so funny though, sounds just like mine.
May 06, 2009
Loved this post.
I'll vote for "If the curtain's pulled back, you'll see someone's crack!", but they are all great, very Carry On.
May 07, 2009
I loved this post! My master bathroom has no door and no place to even put one, we have a curtain!
May 07, 2009
Yay, Family Burns!
What I really love about your mother's rhyme is that there are so many other hilarious ways to finish it.
May 07, 2009
Lame but how about......
Touch the curtin and say pardon...
Lest you see someone's Lady Garden....
Sorry I will leave now....
May 07, 2009
Best. thing. ever. My husband and I were house-hunting and in one otherwise lovely house, the master suite had a bathroom that was completely not separated from the bedroom - it was all one big room. I'm all for intimacy but that was WAY TOO MUCH. My rhyme for that situation would be, "If someone's on the bidet, stay the hell away!" Actually, there was no bidet. But that is the best I can do for now.
May 07, 2009
I just really, really love your family. Is it sad that little rhymes about a curtain made my morning?
May 07, 2009
i know a family who recently renovated a brownstone in greenwich village for millions of dollars. their master bedroom and bathroom is now one big room, no separator no curtain no nothing. (ugh. i don't mind sitting in the bathtub in full view, but there are some things i like privacy for...) and i keep thinking millions of dollars and this is really what you wanted? really?
May 07, 2009
Your family is awesome. People from the UK must have some inherent "witty repartee" gene. Especially when it comes to bathroom curtains. =)
May 07, 2009
Hahaha! This is awesome. Heart!
xox
May 07, 2009
oh my goodness I think your family and I share the same sense of humor because I was giggling so hard while reading this.
I hope you visit your family more often so we can get more posts like this.
May 07, 2009
I once had a bathroom with no walls. It was also right next to the door to my apartment. I don't think any of my friends EVER went to the bathroom at my apartment when I lived there. Ever.
May 07, 2009
This is hilarious!! Please have that sign up for us to photograph!! Seriously forget the door. much more fun for your guests to have to pee with the excitement of know that they might get walked in on. Maybe you can put one of those disguise glasses the ones with the nose and mustache attached so they could have it on while sitting on the toilet. that way if someone happens upon them they won't be able to recognize them later during the reception. great idea!
May 07, 2009
HAHAHA. I think your family and I would get along quite well. These are quite similar to Scott's and my daily interaction...only they arent quite as family-friendly...
May 07, 2009
Is you family looking for any new additions, by any chance? I heart them.
May 07, 2009
Not to be TOTALLY off-subject (this is about to be totally off-subject), but you haven't told us what Susie is doing. Is she going to be going to school in the states, getting a job here, traveling, moving to England or Singapore or India or somewhere else? Undecided and hanging out in SoCal until it's figured out?
May 07, 2009
Susie is getting a job here for the summer then going to university in Scotland in the fall -- the same one Prince William went to! Sadly, Prince William has long since left.....but perhaps we can hope he shows up for dances at his alma mater.
May 07, 2009
OMG thank you, that was hilarious!
May 07, 2009
If the curtain's made of brass....
No, wait -
If the curtain's nice and slick...
No, uh, what about -
If the curtain's been to Venus...
May 08, 2009
there is NO way i would be able to keep mine clean. just saying. :)
May 08, 2009
Hahaha, this really made me laugh. You guys are so hilarious. And I can't help but quoting Austin Powers:
Scene: henchman just had his head eaten off by bad tempered fish.
Austin: "That's not a way to get ahead in life". "What a way to lose one's head." "He'll never be the head of a corporation."
Miss Kensington: "That's enough."
Austin: *sigh*
May 08, 2009
HA! Hysterical! Sounds just like our family, too. And I've totally done stuff like lying awake half the night coming up with song parodies or off-color rhymes or what.
May 08, 2009
I love it! It is always best when you can make potentially awkward situations funny.
May 08, 2009
If the curtain is folded shut, somebody's wiping their butt!
If the curtain's been padlocked, don't open or you'll be in for a shock!
May 08, 2009
You might have angina, when you pull back the curtain and see a vagina.
I would so love to hang out with you and your family! And not just to listen to you talk with your lovely accents!