The Nine Best Pieces Of Advice Anybody Ever Gave Me

1. Nobody ever regretted going to the gym. (My friend Ellen)

2. You can fool people into thinking you've been cleaning the house all day if you just spray some Pledge in the air before they get home. Also, have some onions sauteing in butter on the stove so it seems like you're cooking. (My mother)

3. Ask yourself this. Does this thing need to be said? Does this thing need to be said now? Does this thing need to be said now by you? (My friend Melissa)

4. Nude-toned undergarments are the only choice if you're wearing white. (Via trial and error, sadly)

5. If you're running and you feel like you're getting a stitch, press your thumb and your middle finger together, like you're holding a very thin potato chip between them. Keep doing this while you run and the stitch will pass. (Miss Hancock, my high school gym teacher)

6. Seriously. Why are you even worrying about this? (Sean)

7. If there's a Marlborough on the wine list, order that. (My dad)

8. Alright, so you lost that very important thing you were writing. But you still have the brain that wrote it. (Mrs Verey, my high school English teacher, right after I accidentally deleted my entire essay by mistake.) 

9. Never go with a hippie to a second location. (Jack Donaghy)

1
beyond
May 01, 2009

one thing i learned: wear comfortable shoes whenever you possibly can.

2
jen
May 01, 2009

I went many years before I stumbled on to number 4 (also applicable for any light colored item, I thunk). And number 6 is something I should say to myself at least everyday. All very good advice.

3
jen
May 01, 2009

Oh dear. I do not say thunk. I was typing much to fast. It should be I think. Gah, Fridays.

4
ali
May 01, 2009

does #5 really work???
i get stitches all the time when i'm running...

5
Elysabeth
May 01, 2009

I wish more people learned about the power of #3

6
zan
May 01, 2009

Number 3 should be followed by far more people on the internet.

7
Camels & Chocolate
May 01, 2009

This reminds me of this really great blog, 1001 Rules for my Unborn Son:

http://rulesformyunbornson.tumblr.com/

8
Nothing But Bonfires
May 01, 2009

Ali -- it works for me! Something to do with....lactic acid, if I remember correctly? Although I'm pretty sure a lot of it is probably psychological too.

9
Rhea
May 01, 2009

Whoops just played that link in class! I would like to know more about #5 as well does that really work!?!

10
Jummy
May 01, 2009

I think I need to write #1 in big letters and wallpaper my house with it because I have not been to the gym in almost a year and my body is suffering for it.

(Though arguably, plastering "Nobody regretted saying no to finishing off a 200 gram bag of skittles" around my house might be more beneficial.)

11
charise
May 01, 2009

#3 - oh god, yes, people need to learn this one. i like to talk. a lot. but i just realized i go through this same questioning process - because just because something should be said, doesn't mean you are the right person to say it or that it is the right time to say it. i think it's saved me from many an embarassing or rude situation.

#6 - it must be pretty common for the male in a relationship to have to say this, because it happens in our house ALL THE TIME.

12
Rhi
May 01, 2009

Amen to #1 (and, them all, really).

13
Emily
May 01, 2009

Loved this post, perfect for today. Thanks!

14
dani
May 01, 2009

I was just contemplating whether or not I should go to the gym. Mind decided thanks to this.

15
Sheila
May 01, 2009

I have two variations for #5: use the thumb and first finger of one hand to tightly squeeze the skin between the thumb and first finger on the opposite hand; alternatively, pinch the spot just above your upper lip/under your nose between your thumb and forefinger.

Both work for me, although Holly's #5 seems a much more elegant method. Naturally.

16
Rachel
May 01, 2009

Number 1 is true in most cases but it certainly wasn't the day I sprained both my ankles there. I really regretted going that day.

17
carrie
May 01, 2009

#6 is so true, sometimes you just need a 2nd person to remind you of the fact.

18
Nothing But Bonfires
May 01, 2009

Rachel -- that's Sean's argument to #1 too!

19
Katie
May 01, 2009

OMG! That 30 Rock quote is my favorite too! Made me spit my soda ALL OVER the coffee table (TMI?) Totes on my Facebook page. Shit. I probably just waaaay violated #3. Just excited! It's FRIDAY! Forgive me. And have a GREAT weekend!

20
GingerSnap
May 01, 2009

Haha, I love #9. 30 Rock is hillarious...good advice too :)

21
Habbala
May 01, 2009

Does the finger thing really help with stitches? I am so mad at my high school gym teacher's for not sharing this tid-bit of knowledge.

Totally trying it tomorrow!!

22
Lietje
May 01, 2009

Hi, I've been lurking for a while now - I love your writing, and this list is no exception. I giggled and nodded through most of it, but as a kiwi, had to give a shout out to #7!

Also, your friend Melissa is very, very wise, and #9 is my new favourite thing :)

23
greyfavorite
May 01, 2009

Love this list. I need more #3. I used #5 tonight for the first time. I use #8 all the time, because I am sadly afflicted with the accidental-close-without-saving sickness.

24
Patty
May 01, 2009

*can't believe I'm delurking to say this*

my cure for a cramp in the side: if you're running, exhale somewhat forcefully when the foot on the opposite side of the cramp hits the ground. (Is that confusing? So if you have a cramp in your left side, exhale when your right foot hits the ground.)

25
kimblahg
May 01, 2009

huh, i'll have to try that finger thing for a stitch (not like i run often).

26
Sher
May 02, 2009

sadly applying number two would never be enough to distract from the mess in my house most days.

27
Melanie
May 03, 2009

Great advice! I also like "if you don't ask you'll never get it. The worst that can happen is they'll say no."

28
Manda
May 04, 2009

I am trying #5 on my track team TODAY. Those WHINERS.

29
Kristabella
May 04, 2009

Excellent! Pine Sol works as good as Pledge too, since it is so potent.

Number 1 is so true, and yet still not enough to get me to the gym.

30
Stephanie
May 04, 2009

Great advice! And to end with a lesson from Jack Donaghy? Awesome!

31
Barmaid
May 05, 2009

I'm so excited to try all these side stitch cures!

32
Elisabeth
May 05, 2009

Totally agree with #4.

Still laughing...