Internet, I am going to show you a picture and you are not going to know what to make of it. I do not know what to make of it. I have absolutely no recollection of the sequence of events leading up to this picture, and I believe that the first time I ever even saw it, in fact, was last year when I unearthed it from my parents' massive photo collection. I'm thinking it was taken sometime in late 1995. Presumably at a point in my life when I was very, very, very exhausted.
That is the couch in our family room in our old house in Connecticut. I am approximately fifteen and three quarters. What time of day it is, I have no idea. Why I am passed out, I have no idea. Why I am clutching an enormous red flashlight in my hand while I sleep, I have no....well, you get the picture. This entire scenario is one enormous mystery to me.
I have studied the picture for clues, and so far I can come up with only one. There appears to be some sort of wrapper on the floor directly beneath me. I am not generally in the habit of littering in my own home, so I can only surmise that perhaps I was eating a candy bar and then....fell asleep? In the middle of eating it? Letting the wrapper just drift to the floor? But why the flashlight then, you know? Was I examining the candy bar before I ate it? Did I accidentally knock myself out with the flashlight, drop my candy bar, and fall into a deep concussion? WHAT IN THE HELL?
Perhaps I was blinded by the awfulness of those floral pillows, grabbed the flashlight in an attempt to fight back, and then gave up, sinking into an exhausted slumber. (This does not explain the wrapper on the floor.) Perhaps I was practicing for a summer job as a security guard in case the babysitting thing didn't work out. (But I would have made a really crappy security guard, falling asleep on the job like that.) Perhaps I.....nope, that's it, I am all out of explanations. I'm afraid I just have no idea. Maybe you do instead.