Bad Decision Thursday: Explain This To Me

Internet, I am going to show you a picture and you are not going to know what to make of it. I do not know what to make of it. I have absolutely no recollection of the sequence of events leading up to this picture, and I believe that the first time I ever even saw it, in fact, was last year when I unearthed it from my parents' massive photo collection. I'm thinking it was taken sometime in late 1995. Presumably at a point in my life when I was very, very, very exhausted.

That is the couch in our family room in our old house in Connecticut. I am approximately fifteen and three quarters. What time of day it is, I have no idea. Why I am passed out, I have no idea. Why I am clutching an enormous red flashlight in my hand while I sleep, I have no....well, you get the picture. This entire scenario is one enormous mystery to me.

I have studied the picture for clues, and so far I can come up with only one. There appears to be some sort of wrapper on the floor directly beneath me. I am not generally in the habit of littering in my own home, so I can only surmise that perhaps I was eating a candy bar and then....fell asleep? In the middle of eating it? Letting the wrapper just drift to the floor? But why the flashlight then, you know? Was I examining the candy bar before I ate it? Did I accidentally knock myself out with the flashlight, drop my candy bar, and fall into a deep concussion? WHAT IN THE HELL?

Perhaps I was blinded by the awfulness of those floral pillows, grabbed the flashlight in an attempt to fight back, and then gave up, sinking into an exhausted slumber. (This does not explain the wrapper on the floor.) Perhaps I was practicing for a summer job as a security guard in case the babysitting thing didn't work out. (But I would have made a really crappy security guard, falling asleep on the job like that.) Perhaps I.....nope, that's it, I am all out of explanations. I'm afraid I just have no idea. Maybe you do instead.

Apr 09, 2009

What about being home late at night by yourself, possibly watching a scary movie, and thinking you hear a noise outside, or upstairs or in the basement and ending up huddled on the couch, armed with a flashlight to shine into dark corners, until you fell asleep through sheer exhaustion? In my case it was in the beanbag armed with a sugar cane machete...

Apr 09, 2009

It looks to me as if you were also rocking the extremely thin eyebrows we discussed in one of the earlier 'Bad Decision' photos so I'm going to go with, you were plucking your eyebrows, using the torch to make sure you got every last stray hair, and the effort was so great that you fell asleep on the couch just afterwards.
That doesn't explain the sweet wrapper, but as you have 3 brothers and sisters, I'm going to say that one of them left it there! I would also say your brother is the one taking this photos, as that is exactly what my younger brother would have done!

Apr 09, 2009

I really have no idea. That couch looks pretty comfortable, though. (Can you tell I'm all out of creativity this morning?)

Apr 09, 2009

I think that you were instrumental in assisting your family in some massive power outage. Because of your forethought and planning to have a flashlight in your hand, you were able to assist all in finding candles and snacks. Once the power came back on, you were exhausted and decided to take a nap, but did not want to relinquish your flashlight - JUST IN CASE!

Brother Tom, jealous of your ability to lead your family through a crisis, disposed of his candy wrapper under the couch and then took this picture for evidence. Brothers are crafty that way.

Apr 09, 2009

now there's the girl sean first fell in love with.

the best part about meeting your future spouse in the mid-nineties is that they are forewarned of what you look like in mom jeans and really big sweatshirts.

Apr 09, 2009

Oo, honey. Those brows.

Apr 09, 2009

Here's my theory. Since you were living in southern CT(assumed southern from previous stories, am not stalking you, promise) at the time, an area known for electrical failures as the slightest hint of a strong breeze, it's possible there was a power outage. If you're anything like me, you took advantage of the well known fact that any calories consumed during a thunderstorm are null and void --hence the candy bar. Also, having a power outage is very exciting for about five minutes (despite having them all the time -- what can I say? It's CT -- it's not exactly the party capital of the world), what with the searching for flashlights and candy bars and all. However, after said five minutes, you realized that even in 1995, there is really nothing to do once candy bars and flashlights have been safely procured. Thus, the nap. Mystery solved.

Apr 09, 2009

Perhaps you were making smores and telling ghost stories, then you crashed from the sugar high.

Apr 09, 2009

I think it's all staged, in case years later you would have a blog and needed material to start conversation.

Apr 09, 2009

This is really what happened. There was a bad storm and all the lights went out, but you were hell bent on plucking your eyebrows, so you did it anyway with the light of the flashlight. Exhausted from the effort, you fell asleep.

The end...

Apr 09, 2009

I don't know WHAT you were doing but it's funny that someone (probably your parents) thought it was weird enough to warrant taking a picture of you. You know, just for posterity. That's the reason my mother took most of the photos of me as a kid--"for posterity". Well I dunno who this "Posterity" person is but I wish he'd stop looking at all my embarassing pictures. Sheesh!

Apr 09, 2009

Do you think your brother or parents may have put the flashlight into your hand, taken the picture, removed the flashlight, buried the picture, waited patiently for you to uncover it, and are now silently, gleefully reading this post?

p.s. - I love your blog. My friend turned me on with the cat with fake diabetes post. My cat was subsequently psuedo-diagnosed with FIP, an incurable disease, which he apparently shook off with some steroids.

Apr 09, 2009

power outage exhaustion?

Apr 09, 2009

My kids routinely play with flashlights, for no reason at all other than: They like flashlights. And my big brother used to routinely ambush-photograph me when we were kids. Blame one of your sibs. The one who likes flashlights.

Apr 10, 2009

You were using the flashlight to make hand shadow puppets, using the candy wrapper as a prop. Exhausted from the effort of making the shape of Richard Nixon's head, you fell asleep, dropping the candy wrapper prop as your hand relaxed in slumber.

Deelish Dish
Apr 10, 2009

Um, I'm officially obsessed with your blog. Hellooooooo (said in booming Oprah voice, kind of like Toooom Caaarruiiiiseee)! Anyway, I think I peed my pants while reading your stuff and I thank you.

c lo
Apr 10, 2009

you were trying to get a closer look at those sweet pinstripes and just got tired from the awesomeness that is that couch? :P

Apr 11, 2009

You were watching a scary movie in the dark but you had a flash light with you just in case. The wrapper is from your movie snacks, you fell asleep with a half eaten snickers bar in your hand and a ghost (seen as those whispy white things on the left side, seriously what is that it looks like a ghost!) tried to come in and steal the rest of your snickers but your mom scared it away with the flash of the camera.