Two If By Sea

Sean and I are going on a cruise this weekend, which is quite a surprising turn of events for several reasons. For a start, you may remember that I cannot stand parties on boats---what if the artichoke dip sucks? You're trapped!---and, as such, this feeling sort of extends to vacations on boats too. For another thing, Sean spent eight years in the Navy---some of them on an aircraft carrier the size of three football fields---and has passed the majority of his time since then trying to steer clear of both large ships and large bodies of water where at all possible, lest he have some sort of Navy cafeteria-related flashback. I gather Navy food will do that to you.

But the cruise is free, and free is the magic word in this economy. The other magic word in this economy, of course, is "open bar," though technically that's two words, I guess, but still. The cruise is actually a work thing---everyone in my office and their significant other is invited---and this would worry me a little, this mixing of co-workers and a two-day open bar, if it weren't for one thing: THERE ARE NO PHOTOCOPIERS ON CRUISE SHIPS.* And because of this, of course, no-one has to worry about getting drunk and photocopying their bottom in front of their boss. Which is, I think, the thing we all worry about at office functions involving booze, am I right?

*(Uh....unless perhaps they have Business Centers on cruise ships. Do you think they have Business Centers on cruise ships? Because they should maybe keep those locked.)

Anyway, I am very much looking forward to this cruise, not least because I've never actually been on a cruise before. I've been on a large ferry, the kind that transports you (and your car!) from England to France or from England to Ireland, and I've even done the overnight journey from England to Holland on a very, very large boat with cabins containing bunkbeds. But I've never sailed on a ship that has not only a cigar bar, a state-of-the-art gym, a spa, and several casinos, but also something called a thelassotherapy pool. AND ALSO A WATERSLIDE. A CURLY WATERSLIDE.

(The curly waterslide does not go into the thelassotherapy pool, I should add. That would create quite a splash, I imagine. And also perhaps result in a few people peeing their bathing suit bottoms in shock. Which....actually might not be such a huge deal in a thelassotherapy pool, I guess. I mean, it's warm already, right? Who would know?)

In the event that I am not a fan of the thelassotherapy pool or the curly waterslide or the cigar bar or the gym or the casino---OR THE MULTIPLE NIGHTCLUBS ON BOARD, OH YES, DANCE PARTY IN THE HOUSE---I am bringing my embarrassingly large stack of wedding magazines to flip through on the deck. We are also bringing a laptop and the copy of Milk that just came from Netflix, and our plans are to just read and socialize and laze about and---because such things are free on cruise ships---eat every six point five seconds. Which basically makes it just another weekend, really, albeit one where we can just pop to the thelassotherapy pool if the going gets particularly tough.

Mar 19, 2009

Hope you guys have fun! I'm quite excited to find out what a lassotherapy pool is. It sounds like a place for tired cowboys, doesn't it? A place to lay down their ropes and rest their chapped hides.

Mar 19, 2009

Did you say "open bar"? You did, didn't you? You may open your suitcase and, instead of finding wedding magazines, find two stowaways - me and Buster.

Kerri Anne
Mar 19, 2009

This post just reminded me of one of my favorite memories from our trip to Vancouver and beyond last September. There was a cruise leaving port as we were taking endless pictures at one edge of Stanley Park, and everyone on the cruise ship was standing on deck cheering and toasting and waving, and so we stood there with a crowd of other tourists and cheered and mock-toasted and of course, took more pictures. It looked so FUN.

(I'm excited to hear what you think of Milk. It's been on our list for ages and I'm thinking we are just going to buy it. Have fun and bon voyage! and such.)

Mar 19, 2009

so milk? an amazing movie but i sobbed. and i wasn't the only one in the theatre crying - i mean - san francisco, true story, right after prop 8, total tearjerker. it's not necessarily a feel good fun cruise ship movie. just fair warning!

Sarah in LA
Mar 19, 2009

I too was skeptical of cruising, but last year I did a crossing from NYC to Southampton on the Queen Mary 2. It was one of my favorite experiences ever, and I was never bored. There is so much to do, no matter what you are into. It was very high society, in a good way - dressing for dinner, drinking champagne in the Veuve-Clicquot Lounge, and listening to jazz until the wee hours of the morning.

Have a great time!

Mar 20, 2009
Mar 20, 2009

I've never been on a cruise, and am really quite terrified of the whole thing....being stuck on a boat doesn't sound like my idea of a good time. I'm very much looking forward to your recap.


Jan Ross
Mar 20, 2009

The thalassotherapy pool comment makes me think you are probably sailing with Celebrity and, if so, you are going to have some GREAT food. They make all their own food on the ship, including the bread and ice cream. Eat all the ice cream you can hold because it is truly fabulous.

Mar 20, 2009

I'm thinking that the thalassotherapy pool might be reserved just for injured cowboys. (Thank you, I'm here all week!)

I'm also thinking that you lead a charmed life. Enjoy (she said, enviously)!

Mar 20, 2009

You are living the life! Tell me when they are hiring again at your office, because I sure like all the extra's.

Mar 20, 2009

Just reading about someone going on a cruise scquicks me out. I have a weird thing about boats. And not being able to see land. See, if I can't see land I can't swim to it if I need to.

But I'm just a crazy who shouldn't be paid much attention.

Have fun!

Nothing But Bonfires
Mar 20, 2009

Don't worry! It's a cruise to nowhere, so we'll mostly be sitting in the San Francisco Bay and we'll be able to see land!

Mar 20, 2009

Oh My God!Free food, free liquor AND a curly-slide?! I officialy hate you in that not-really-because-you're-super-adorable way.

Mar 21, 2009

I do hope it's a Celebrity Cruise because I was considering booking them, once, but it seemed that we would be the youngest people on board and I didn't know if the amenities would be worth getting my cheeks pinched that much. I eagerly await the report back on this little vaca!

Operation Pink Herring
Mar 21, 2009

A weekend sounds like the perfect duration for a cruise. Hope you guys have a lovely time, and beware: there are indeed business centers on cruise ships.

Mar 22, 2009

You left out the two most important details:

1. Where is the cruise to?

2. How in the hell did you get a cruise FOR FREE?

Mar 22, 2009

How could artichoke dip ever be bad? Seriously, I need answers. And also, some artichoke dip.

I went on a Disney cruise with my family when I was 15 (WE ALL WORE MATCHING SHIRTS WITH A SILKSCREENED PICTURE OF US, OMFG), and I was like, the mayor of Bershon City the whole time. I trust (hope?) that yours will be more enjoyable. :)