Don't Worry, I Will Certainly Wash Them First

So! My goodness! Hasn't it been a long time since I last posted something! Were you getting terribly sick of reading all that schmaltzy stuff and crying inappropriately and giggling covertly about Sean's ill-advised facial hair in the last photo? (I'm not sure what was going on there either; it was a Wacky California thing, I think. A brief one, thankfully.)

And so much has happened in the last six days! For example, I've been to four different airports in three different countries, and I've run like a crazy person through two of them. There is possibly nothing worse in the world than running through an airport, because everyone stares at you and there is panting and sweating and fear. And you bruise like a peach because your laptop bag keeps hitting you in the thigh as you gallop towards Gate 43C, only to arrive there and find out that it's not the right gate (unless you're going to Taipei, WHICH YOU'RE NOT) and so you ask one of the many non-English-speaking airport staff milling around which gate you're supposed to go to, and they send you on a shuttle to Gate 37B, which again would be great if you were going to Bangkok, WHICH YOU'RE ALSO NOT, and then finally, finally, finally, someone takes a lucky guess and says maybe the flight to Singapore is at Gate 61A and so you get back on the shutttle and your connection time of 55 minutes has dwindled to, oh, seven, and so you're RUNNING LIKE THE WIND through an airport in Tokyo and sort of kind of wishing you could die a little bit. And then eventually you get to the gate and everyone is standing around and looking bored, and no-one's even got on the plane yet. And you're the only one who is SWEATING BEHIND THE KNEES.

So that was fun! And I'd only been in Singapore for two days before my mother and I went to Hong Kong for a little vacation-within-a-vacation, during which we drank champagne every day and bought many, many J.Crew sweaters for the equivalent of $2.50. We also embarked on a whistlestop sightseeing tour that included my old elementary school and our house, and we saw old friends and ate too many chocolate croissants and did a lot of reminiscing and it was generally excellent. And now we are back and I am STILL on vacation, and I am marveling at my brilliance in not giving my office my personal email address before I left. Because people back in Charleston are working! And I am lounging on a balcony reading a book! And not working! And you can feel free to punch me when I'm getting too smug! Which is probably now!

But do you know the most exciting thing that has happened in the last few days? It's not the transatlantic flights or the family reunion or the fact that we got to sit in the First Class Lounge on the way to Hong Kong. (See: champagne. See also: chocolate croissants.) It's not the break from work or the tropical weather or the culture change or the nostalgia that came along with seeing all my old haunts. Oh no! The most exciting thing that's happened in the last few days is that I FINALLY HAVE A SET OF DAYS OF THE WEEK UNDERPANTS.

(Should I say underpants? What word would you prefer I use here? Because let me be clear on the fact that I abhor the word "panties." Briefs? Intimates? I think we'll say "knickers." Shall we say knickers? Yes, we'll say knickers.)

I've been looking for a set of days of the week knickers since about 1990. My longing for a set of days of the week knickers has not waned, even though I might actually be at the stage now where it's kind of weird for a 25-year-old to want a set of days of the week knickers, but we'll put that over in the May One Day Need Therapy Corner along with the boarding school years. So a few days ago, I was in a shop in Hong Kong and I came across a pair that said "Freaky Friday." Which I thought was kind of cool, in a Jamie Lee Curtis kind of way. And then the next pair I saw said "Sleepy Sunday." And then I found "Wishful Wednesday." And then suddenly I was off in a frenzy of excitement, because I realized I might finally be able to get a set of days of the week knickers! At last!

I should probably explain at this point that I wasn't exactly in Victoria's Secret. I was in some kind of outlet store---and I use the word "store" very loosely---where all the knickers were piled into a big.....I think "trough" is the only correct word for it.....and one just had to dig through all the knickers in order to find a pair one liked. After a good 15 minutes of digging, I had at last found "Shopping Saturday," "Tough Tuesday," and "Thirsty Thursday," (which I don't really understand---I mean thirsty? Thursday? Should I wear them to Happy Hour?) but I had yet to find Monday. I just couldn't find Monday! I was digging and I was digging, and I finally had to enlist the help of my mother, who came over from a different corner of the store to lend a hand. Because, seriously, what's the point of only having SIX days of the week knickers?

So we searched and searched for Monday, and people started giving us funny looks. I was getting maybe borderline obsessive about the need for the seventh pair of knickers, digging and digging and sending piles of underpants flying. Eventually several other women at the Knicker Trough caught onto my desperation to find Monday too, and they started to help. We were united in our mission! We were knicker-flinging machines! We were unstoppable! We were like those women Veruca Salt's father employs to unwrap all the chocolate bars to find the Golden Ticket! It was wild!

And then! My mother found Monday! There was much shrieking! And even though these Monday knickers are an extra small, I WILL SQUEEZE INTO THEM, CHOCOLATE CROISSANTS BE DAMNED, because they complete the set of days of the week knickers. And thus they complete me.

And I would post a picture of the days of the week knickers in all their glory, because oh yes, OF COURSE I took one, but I think that might just cross the Line of Appropriateness, don't you? I mean it's bad enough talking about your underwear on the Internet, but providing a photograph as well might be just a little odd. I might possibly get arrested. Or you would.

Dec 23, 2005

Oh man! Monday's the worst day to have to wear too-tight underpants. What do they say on them, Masochistic Monday?

Dec 23, 2005

I totally want to see your underwear.

There is no non-creepy way to say that.

I thought they didn't make Sunday undies? Can someone tell me why I thought that?

Dec 23, 2005

I thought, on Mondays, everyone went commando! By the way, what did the Monday undies say? Please tell me they said "Just another Manic Monday." (Because how better to start off the week than by quoting the Bangles on your panties?)

Dec 23, 2005

My daughter has had several sets of days of the week undies. I have always been (secretly) very jealous. Especially of Wacky Wednesday. I could be wacky on Wednesday, just see if I'm not! But alas, I am left to long for your knickers (okay, that's the part where I start to scare even myself...).

Dec 23, 2005

I think you really do need to tell us what Monday's knickers said. I'm voting for "Manic Monday."

The reason coolbeans thought they didn't make Sunday is because Meg Ryan says that in (i think) "When Harry Met Sally."

Dec 23, 2005

I probably wouldn't have known how much I wanted days of the week underpants (girls from Wisconsin can't pull off the word "knickers") until I saw the first pair. And yes, would definitely have engaged in a single-minded trough-diving quest for Monday to complete the set. Although extra small would not happen for me. If you run across any adult-sized Wonder Woman Underoos...I've said too much.

Nothing But Bonfires
Dec 24, 2005

Yes! They said "Manic Monday"! Can you believe it? I think they were the best pair.

Dec 24, 2005

I've heard women talk about a man completing them, but a set of days-of-the-week panties? Now, that's a new one.

Gretchen C.
Dec 24, 2005

Oh my my. I hardly even know where to begin! Mostly because I am beside myself with joy at a post that contains a number of my favoritest of favorite things, namely (1) wacky California (2) Christmas (3) crazy (4) discount shopping (5) chocolate croissants (6) vacation (7) champagne (8) days of the week knickers (9) the word "knickers" (10) Willy Wonka (11) posting intimate personal details on the Internet. Whew! See? This one goes to 11!

I totally would have bought those knickers, and I totally would have howled with delight, and I totally would have photographed AND posted them, although not with me in them, because I just had a baby and EWWWW. You, on the other hand? Sure, but people should have to pay extra.

Happy Christmas, Holly. Glad to see you; missed you. And now I'm getting out of here before I start spelling "colour" with the "u", you know.

Gretchen C.
Dec 24, 2005

P.S. Oh, and the Bangles. That's twelve, dammit.

Dec 24, 2005


I have an announcement to make.

I own TWO SETS of days of the week underpants. And one set is Christmas-themed.



Glad to hear Singapore is a hoot! Merry Christmas! I guess I could take the time to post to my own blog as I've done nothing but mill about the house in the last few days. That and incessantly nag Dave that there are NO CHRISTMAS PRESENTS UNDER THE TREE WITH MY NAME ON THEM. And it is now noon on Christmas Eve.

Dec 25, 2005

Uh I'm so sure we don't even HAVE sweatglands behind our knees, which I suppose just emphasises how much you were really sweating!! Now what was that word we learned in Balderdash last night? A person who is unable to sweat? That's not you.

Dec 27, 2005

'Knicker-flinging machines' is so wonderful. I just keep saying it over and over.

And damn you with the $2.50 J.Crew sweaters. Could you pick me up a cashmere cardigan next time?

Dec 27, 2005

I echo wanting adult sized wonder woman underoos but I would need the extra extra adult sized and that would be kind of weird. I would love to see a picture of the knickers. Thanks so much for making me laugh at the thought of the knicker flinging machines.

Dec 27, 2005

I have always wanted Days of the Week underpants, although lately Wonder Woman underoos have some sort of limitless fascination as well. But I'd want Cameron Diaz's ass know, where she's doing the little morning booty dance with her perfect perfect booty. I want that.

Guess I'll have to start living at V for the next six months so that my non-perfect booty will fit into nuptial underoos. Because guess what I got! A fiance!

Holy crap!

Dec 28, 2005

delurking, to say I've been really enjoying your blog, and that was just a fantastic post, and there has to be photos. No question.

Dec 28, 2005

I'll trade you the trip to Singapore, Hong Kong, champagne and the chocolate croissants for a set of Days of the week knickers. Actually, I don't have the knickers. I do have a sister and a mother who won't leave my home and two nephews who are stinking up the joint. I'd say that's an even trade.

Dec 31, 2005

"He was all suspicious: where was Sunday? Where had I left Sunday? And I told him and he didn't believe me."


"They don't make Sunday."

"Why not?"

"Because of God."