Sean Would Still Say It Was Party City, San Diego, the Day Before Halloween
My most sincere apologies to Wal-Mart. I've maintained for many years that it is quite possibly the Unhappiest Place On Earth and yet today I discovered how wrong I've been. I'm sorry, Wal-Mart, but your crown and your sash have been unceremoniously removed and passed along. Because the Unhappiest Place On Earth is, in fact, Toys R' Us. On a Sunday afternoon. Right before Christmas.
I don't think I've been in a Toys R' Us since people were wearing shoulder pads with straight faces. And yet the layout of the store in what the web site calls "West Charleston" and what I call "Pretty Much The Hood" is almost exactly identical to the layout of the Toys R' Us in Tsim Sha Tsui, Hong Kong, circa 1989. Which made it a lot easier when I stepped inside the double doors, realized I was possibly the only person there who was not accompanied by one of my parents, and had no clue where I might find what I needed to find. Which was a Magic 8 Ball. FOR AN ADULT.
(Oh, the irony! I know! The irony deserves its own special paragraph!)
Memory served me well, though, and I navigated past the party favors, took a left at the Barbies, passed by the fake plastic food, and went all the way to the back of the store to where the board games---and, apparently, the Magic 8 Balls, for those of us who still buy them---are kept. I passed numerous screaming children, many bored-looking sales clerks, and a disproportionate number of couples arguing over bikes. I also passed a woman yelling into her cell phone "I'm gon' break your nose!" which, guess what, was EXACTLY how I was feeling too! Once I found the Magic 8 Balls, there were a few different kinds to choose from and though I normally suck at making decisions, I had a whole wall of Magic 8 Balls to help me! The hard work was done for me! I asked each one whether or not I should buy it and settled on the one that said "you may rely on it" in reply. And then I got the hell out of there. No noses broken.
So, let's strike a deal! If you're wondering whether to leave your partner or emigrate to Beijing or take a chance on those chicken breasts even though the label says they should have been eaten by yesterday, let me know! I have a Magic 8 Ball! I can help! And if it ever looks likely that I might enter another Toys R' Us again, please call me and tell me that I'm being insane and that that's what the Internet is for, so that none of us ever has to go into another Toys R' Us again, we can just do the whole thing online. With liquor. Tell me you're gon' break my nose, if you have to. It's fine. I promise.
Dec 12, 2005
I'm saying it's Stew Leonards. Full stop. I hate Stew Leonards.
On a more cheerful note it could be Caldor circa 1996 when i got stuck in the shopping cart and thirty year old men had to pull me out. Haven't told that story yet, have you??
Dec 12, 2005
By thirty year old men I mean men who were thirty years old, not year old men who were in a group of thirty. I thought I should clear that up...
Dec 12, 2005
My old roommate used to make her major life decisions based on a flip of the coin. Needless to say, she ended up in some really shitty situations. One of which involved moving to Germany.
Dec 12, 2005
I'm a lawyer and in a pinch, like on a Friday afternoon when you are ready to walk out the door and a client calls, the Magic 8 Ball really comes in handy. The client asks "could I get sued if I do X?" After a quick shake of the 8 Ball, I reply "all signs point to yes." Then I bill them 20 minutes for a 2 minute phone call, and everyone goes away happy. Or at least I do.
And while I have not been to the Toys R Us, I find it hard to believe it is MORE depressing than the Evil Wal-mart.
Dec 12, 2005
Could you ask the ball if it's OK to buy someone socks for Christmas?
Worried, London.
Dec 12, 2005
I have worked retail long enough to know whether or not some place will be a good scene by the looking around the parking lot. I also know that you shouldn't shop on the weekends during holiday season, no matter what. Depending on the type of venue and location, hit stores when they open, or during the later part of the lunch hour. Oh, If you can't hear the background music there are too many people inside and you should just come back at a later time. If you can afford it, pay someone to do the shopping for you. Give them a list and send them on their way. When I worked for Westfield Shoppingtowns, it was my job to know who sold what and the approx price points, including any sales events. These shopping concierges won't make the purchase for you, but they can tell you alternatives if there are stores you don't want to shop.
Dec 12, 2005
Online all the way. With drink in one hand, Magic 8-ball in the other, asking "Will I find this item cheaper on another site?"
Dec 12, 2005
All I can say is: It is decidedly so.
Dec 12, 2005
It's not the store that's depressing... it's the store LOCATION. Wal-Marts and Toys-R-Usses are rockin' fun here in NY.
When I lived in NC, though, I have to admit a trip to WM or any comparable store was enough to make me long for bamboo sticks under my fingernails.
- M
Dec 12, 2005
NBB, please tell me: Will this zit on the very tip of my nose EVER go away? The Magic 8 Ball will have the answer.
Dec 12, 2005
I am all about the Magic 8 Ball. I will confess at this juncture that during each of my pregnancies, I consulted the Magic 8 Ball about whether my baby would be healthy, or have a defect or dread disease or chromosomal abnormality, and also would it be a boy? Will it be a girl? And not only did I do this, I did it on numerous occasions.
I don't know whether that says more about what a really scary time pregnancy can be, or about the degree of my own insanity which is, apparently, quite high.
Dec 12, 2005
I haven't stepped foot in TRU since my oldest was still a pre-ambulatory lump. And between Thanksgiving and Christmas?? Are you MAD, woman???
But now that you have the 8ball, could you just assure me that nothing else really terrifying is going to happen to me... ummm... ever again? Thanks! ;)
Dec 13, 2005
Swedish Girl, re: whether it's okay to buy someone socks, the ball says "without a doubt."
Jes, re: whether the zit on the tip of the nose will ever go away, the ball says "most likely."
Mir, re: whether any more terrifying things will happen, the ball says "my sources say no."
Good answers all around, right? Aren't you all glad I braved Toys R Us for you? See, this was SO HELPFUL.
Dec 13, 2005
Sorry to lead everyone off track here, but i am responding to another
entry* on NBB ("It’s Beginning to Feel a Lot Like … You Know, Actually It’s Totally Not") that i thought people should hear, where Holly was having trouble finding Christmas spirit. Well, I have found the ultimate solution to the search for the Yuletide child in all of us: do it like the Scandinavians!
This Swedish girl I know got me roped into doing this 'ancient tradition', where pretty little blonde girls and boys dress up in white, carry candles and sing in honour of Santa Lucia, a Sicilian saint persecuted for practising Christianity in the 4th Century. Sounds odd, but we performed it in assembly at school (with candles on heads, flowing white gowns and real Swedish words: the whole shebang!) and it really put me in a holiday mood. Afterwards, we handed out ginger bread biscuits (another Swedish tradition: who knew?). Try it sometime, but watch out for melting wax... ouch
*entry? is that the word you bloggers use?
Dec 13, 2005
the magic ball was correct! this morning, i awoke to a blemish that has begun to fade! i'm doing indian rain dances over here, complete with a feather headdress and skimpy leather coverings!!
Dec 13, 2005
Three things:
1. The other day I mentioned to my husband that I was thinking about going to a Toys 'R Us for something I was struggling to find our son for Christmas, and he said, 'No. Do not go there. If you can't get it at Target, the boy doesn't need it.' Fortunately for the boy, Target had his toy. Whew.
2. Please tell us about Susie and the Caldor cart (I haven't thought about Caldor in YEARS--but my god those places were horrible).
3. Could you do a Send Your Questions to the 8 Ball Friday feature? Wouldn't that be fun!
Dec 14, 2005
Oh, Susan, that's a brilliant idea. An 8 ball Friday feature would be much fun.
Here's my question. I absolutely adore this guy. Will he ever ask me out?
I think I need to buy a magic 8 ball.