So have you been wondering what's become of my ear? You know, the one that just fell apart in my hand and made for some pretty gross and yet fascinating photography? So funny you should ask! Because today I had it sewn up and it was SUCH a blast. Anyone need any Percocet by the way? Because I have a prescription for 50.
Also, here is a suggestion. If you ever find yourself with a medical degree that allows you to wear green scrubs and sew up the ear of a nervous patient---one who you've already teased for being super nervous, remember---here is something NOT to say to her while she's lying on your operating table and you are holding very sharp instruments next to very important nerves and veins:
"Today's Friday, right? God, I'm, like, so out of it today."