Blast From the Past

Having a subscription to Us Weekly has it benefits. I recently won a Starbucks card at work, for instance, after I entered a competition in which one had to identify a handful of famous people's children from pictures cut out of magazines. I got 'em all---Suri Cruise, Apple Paltrow, even Liam Spelling, if you can believe it---except for one elusive celebrity spawn, who turned out to be the daughter of one of the members of Wilson Phillips, which was a little esoteric, if you ask me, because who listens to Wilson Phillips anymore? Why, I even had to look up whether there was one "l" in Phillips or two.

Anyway, regardless of whether or not I should be proud of this particular accomplishment, I recognized enough famous children to win. And I believe wholeheartedly that it was my unhealthy relationship with Us Weekly that helped me do it.

One of my favorite features in Us Weekly---aside from "Stars! They're Just Like Us! They Love Corn on the Cob!"---is a double page spread they sometimes do called "Would They Have Dated In High School?", wherein the old high school yearbook pictures of currently-dating famous people are lined up side-by-side, leaving it  up to the general Us Weekly-reading public to answer the fraught and complex question that would surely have troubled even Plato himself: Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon---a match made in heaven? Or not a match made in heaven? Who can tell?

I've never really wondered whether Sean and I would have dated in high school, because a) he's four years older than me, meaning we only would have spent a year in each other's company, and b) I went to an all-girls school, and therefore didn't actually even know what a boy was until midway through 1996. Plus, we were in, uh, slightly different places in our lives at that point. Sean, for instance, once got arrested in high school for spray-painting graffiti onto the side of a Duchess restaurant and swears he only got caught because he was "too drunk to run." And as for me? Why, I was wearing enormous dorky glasses and winning prizes presented by the headmistress for exceptional progress in Latin.

You know what they say, though: you can always dream. And thanks to a boring Sunday afternoon spent messing around on which we laughed so much that I swear I pulled some sort of important muscle somewhere in my mid-section---we didn't have to dream for long.

Holly and Sean: Would They Have Dated In High School? Let's Step Back In Time...

1952: The Year I Turned Into My Grandma

1954: The Year I Turned Into My Other Grandma

1958: The Year Sean Discovered the Bowtie

1960: The Year I Was An Extra In Mad Men

1964: The Year The Boys Wore Their Glasses Crooked

1966: The Year We Went Blonde

1970: The Year I Started Dressing Like Mrs Doubtfire

1974: The Year Sean Went To Paris on a French Exchange Program and Came Back Speaking French and Acting Smooth

1976: The Year Sean Started Writing Bad Poetry

1978: The Year I Got an Afro. Or Maybe Just a Really Big Russian Fur Hat.

1980: The Year Neither Of Us Should Ever Have Been Allowed To Leave the House

1984: The Year Sean Became George Michael

1986: The Year We Had Matching Hair

1988: The Year Of The Feathered Bang

1990: The Year Of The Child Molester

1992: The Year Someone Slipped Some Acid In My Lemonade

1994: The Year We Bought Walgreens Out Of Hair Gel

1996: The Year Sean Said "Whoa, Wait a Second, I Did Actually Once Have That Hairstyle."

1998: The Year We Broke Up Because Sean Loved McDonalds Quarter Pounders More Than Me

2000: The Year Sean Turned Into Ricky Gervais And I Got Busted For Being a 40-Year-Old High School Student

Camels & Chocolate
Aug 25, 2008

You look frighteningly like Barbara Streisand in years '66 and '70; Julia Roberts in '90; and Kim Basinger in '94. And Sean? Well, he just looks plain disturbing from years '64 through the present.

Anne in SC
Aug 25, 2008

Sean looks kind of like Chris Farley in 1998.

aBd libbing
Aug 25, 2008

Sean looks pretty scary in all of them (except maybe 1954?) but you could totally pull off that Streisand bob or the afro, you know, just in case you ever felt like changing things up.

Aug 25, 2008

"Too drunk to run" is possibly the best defence I've ever heard.

Aug 25, 2008

I used to love looking at my mum's year book back from when she was an exchange student in the 60es - and I loved when her friends sent high school pictures of their kids. They were so different from mine... So exotic.

1994 is my favourite. It oozes NKOTB and Beverly Hills 90210.

Aug 25, 2008

Oh my god. That was a completely delightful way to start my Monday. I just laughed so hard that my eyes watered and washed all of the moisturizer off my face.

Aug 25, 2008

Loved it, loved it, LOVED it. And I totally had those crazy bangs. That was so much work!

Aug 25, 2008

I swear they took Sean's 1990 photo from my actual high school yearbook.

Liberal Banana
Aug 25, 2008

OMFG, that is hilarious! I especially liked the year Sean turned into a child molester. That was a good year...

Liberal Banana
Aug 25, 2008

By the way, where were YOU in 1998, huh? All of us want to see a fat Holly...It'll make us all hate you a little bit less for your ridiculous beautifulness.

Aug 25, 2008

I vote for Sean as Ricky Gervais.

Aug 25, 2008

You look like a dead ringer for Julia Roberts in 1966. Not that Julia Roberts has ever had hair that manageable but still.

Aug 25, 2008

1990 was startling real, I'm with Jenn, I could name the people whose heads were used for those! And now you know how old I am. :)

Aug 25, 2008

Oh my goodness, that is too funny! I laughed out loud a few times. You guys rock a nice Jheri curl.

sensibly Sassy
Aug 25, 2008

I love "the year we had matching hair" too funny!

Abigail M Schilling
Aug 25, 2008

I have to echo the 1966 Julia Roberts look-a-like comment. Wow.

Wacky Mommy
Aug 25, 2008

LOL -- 1978 is the best.

Aug 25, 2008

I can't stop giggling!

Aug 25, 2008

I just got a comment on a post I wrote that said something along the lines of, "you will die alone..." and it almost made cry. Then I read this post, and it made me laugh out loud. I feel better now. Thanks.

Aug 25, 2008

The Year of the Child Molester. BWAHAHAAAAAA.

Aug 25, 2008

I am totally peeing my pants right now. LOL

Aug 25, 2008

LMAO - Those are SOOOOOO funny! Made even funnier by your witty captions. Oh dear, I had a hard time not laughing out loud at work. Thank you for those.

Aug 25, 2008

oh. my. god. that is hilarious!

i laughed out loud when i saw the crooked glasses... you've brightened my day. (and almost woke up the baby.)

Aug 25, 2008

1970 Sean looks a bit like Ben Gibbard, especially with the 'burns he's currently sporting:

Aug 25, 2008

1970 Sean is in fact now Sean's Facebook picture. Which I am sure is confusing old high school pals everywhere.

Aug 25, 2008


Anne & May
Aug 25, 2008

1976 Sean scares the crap out of me. He looks like he owns a "video store" and in the back is a "special room" with "sensual videos."

On the other hand, I thought that first set really was a picture of your grandma and some guy! ha!

Aug 25, 2008

ha! i LOVE it.

Mrs. Who
Aug 25, 2008

That is the funniest thing I have seen all morning. My husband and I NEVER would have dated in high school. For one thing, I am a year older than him. God, date a younger student? Never. For another, he listened to Cream and I listened to the Monkees. Never would have worked.

Aug 25, 2008

This makes my day. Thanks.

Aug 25, 2008


But to whom were you referring in 1900? Sorry, but you BOTH look capable of some serious criminal activity there.

Aug 25, 2008

That was a fantastic end to a Monday for me! Granted I did just have to turn my back towards the glass wall at the front of my office and cover my mouth to hide my laughing, but I could not have asked for a better pick me up. Hilarious!

Aug 25, 2008

This is awesome! And Sean really does look like Ricky Gervais there. Creepy!

Aug 25, 2008

Surreal. You do look quite a lot like Julia Roberts in the "blonde" photo.

Aug 25, 2008

I'm scared. Hold me.

Aug 25, 2008

When I played with this tool, the 1964 and 1976 photos were nearly identical to pictures of my mom around that time. *shudder*

Aug 25, 2008 is a total addiction. i can't stop.

Aug 26, 2008

Oh.My.God. this is effing GREAT!!!! 'The Year of the Child Molester' is by far the best. Mullets should be genuinely encouraged as the new It Hair!!!!!!

Aug 26, 2008

1988: Sean looks JUST like Andrew McCarthy in Mannequin!

Aug 26, 2008

oh my goodness I haven't laughed like that in a long time! The Mrs. Doubtfire and the child molester captions were the best!

Aug 27, 2008

OMG! I laughed so hard I think I might just have peed a little.

Shamelessly Sassy
Aug 28, 2008

I love Us magazine and OK! magazine too. I have no shame.

Sep 05, 2008

You look like Julia Roberts in your 1974 picture.

That is hilarious!

Operation Pink Herring
Sep 10, 2008

I glad I wasn't the only one to note the Julia Roberts resemblance. Damn!