Extremely Shallow Film Reviews, Part 4: The Dark Knight, Starring Christian "Hottie" Bale and...Wait, Other People Were In It?

I'm not sure how, but on Friday night, I was coerced into going to see The Dark Knight. Sean has been looking forward to it for months, and since I've dragged him along to such cinematic masterpieces as Legally Blonde and Legally Blonde 2, I figured I probably owed him a favor or five. The deal was sweetened when two of my favorite people were added to the evening's plans, and the whole itinerary grew to include not only cocktails at Bourbon & Branch but also The World's Best $5.95 Falafel Sandwich, procured from this fine establishment. And that was that! I was in! Honestly, ply me with enough champagne and hummus and I'd probably agree to go see Gigli with you. Or a documentary about the inside of a ping-pong ball. Which would be more interesting, do you think? No, don't answer that.

(By the way, a brief aside: Bourbon & Branch is a speakeasy-themed bar where you need a password to gain entrance. After you make your reservation---don't get me started on how I feel about reservations at bars, but hey, at least it guarantees you a table on a Friday night---they email you the password, and then when you knock on the door at the appointed time, someone opens it a crack and says "what's the password?" You know, kind of like they've just built a fort out of couch cushions and don't entirely trust you to come in with that PB&J sandwich on a tray.

This time around, our password was---I kid you not---"nookie." I don't know how much you know about the Tenderloin, but saying a word like "nookie" in anything less than a whisper is likely to get you severals propositions of the very same, most at around fifteen bucks an hour.  I swear on my life, several women on several street corners perked up when I mumbled it sheepishly to the doorman.)

So now is probably a good time to mention that I hadn't seen any of the previous Batman movies before this one, and I don't really know a whole lot about Batman at all, to be honest. Which means that yes, perhaps this was not the absolute best film for me to see. But seriously, one thing bugged me throughout the entire seven-hour long snoozefest and it was this: HOW COULD NO-ONE FIGURE OUT THAT BATMAN WAS THE SAME DUDE AS BRUCE WAYNE?

This irritated me and irritated me and irritated me: in one scene, Christian Bale would show up and be all chiseled jaw-ish and curved lip-ish and Christian Bale-ish, and in the next scene, Batman would show up and be all chiseled jaw-ish and curved lip-ish and Christian Bale-ish, and WHAT THE HELL, CITIZENS OF GOTHAM CITY, HOW COULD YOU NOT PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER? Was it the fact that Batman was wearing a mask that threw you off? Was it because he SHPOKE.....LIKE......THISSHHHH? What was it? How could you not think "wow, this Batman guy certainly has an awfully familiar-looking mouth. It's almost like.....yes, it is! It's almost like Bruce Wayne's mouth. Say, where is Bruce Wayne, anyway? Why do we never see them together at the same time?"

Sean tells me that I am missing the point and that you're just supposed to suspend disbelief when it comes to things like that, but....wha? How can I ignore something so glaringly obvious? Am I supposed to pretend that I am fooled by a rubber suit and a gravelly voice and that I don't know it's Christian Bale/Bruce Wayne in there? Am I supposed to believe that the people in the movie believe it? Wait, why am I watching this thing again? Don't I have a "no car chases and/or explosions" movie-going rule?

(I do.)

So it wasn't really my bag in the end, not least because I am of the opinion that should I  end up in the fiery depths of hell one day, it will be Aaron Eckhart who is sent to greet me---I cannot stand the man! With his stupid BUTT CHIN!---but even I must begrudgingly admit that Heath Ledger was rather brilliant, probably the best thing in the whole movie, in fact. (Maggie Gyllenhaal, you are dead to me.) Still though, I am of the opinion that Sean owes me a whole bunch of movies now in return for sitting through all eight trillion slow-moving hours of that one.

And oh, what a lovely coincidence: The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants 2 comes out the Friday after next.

1
Camels & Chocolate
Jul 27, 2008

So you didn't like it? I've seen the majority of Batman flicks, and I was a fan of this one, primarily b/c Heath Ledger was so incredibly freaky and entertaining and eerie. And have you read that it may go on to be the top-grossing movie in US history (overtaking Titanic)? I thought it was good, but not that good.

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20215205,00.html

On a side note, guess who's here a week from Friday to see Sisterhood 2 with you! That's right, if you can't rope Sean into it, I'm so there (since I won't be hitting the town hard anyway as we have this little 9-hour-long dive class the next morning).

2
Nathan
Jul 27, 2008

I'm just saying.....

Salon's review

Priceless quote: "If this is genius, give me hackery."

3
Abigail M Schilling
Jul 28, 2008

Batman I do not do (too scary) but Traveling Pants? Been circled on my calendar for months. In fact, I may be throwing a Pants-themed party, and I may tear up when I watch the trailer. What can I say? I love the books, I love the characters, and then Warner Bros. got all genius and signed on all my favorite girls (twice).

4
Adele Richards
Jul 28, 2008

Sidenote: Christian Bale is a peer of mine who went to the boys school (Bournemouth School for Boys) at the top of the hill while I went to the girls school (Bournemouth School for Girls) at the bottom of the hill.

I wish I could tell you we met illicitly behind the pavilion at lunchtimes for a smoke and a snog but I could never tell which one he was. (He always wore a mask.)

5
Abbie
Jul 28, 2008

I haven't heard anything good about it, and I haven't seen any previous Batman movies, and yet my boyfriend (who has ALREADY SEEN IT ONCE) is insisting we go to see the Dark Knight tonight.
WHY?

6
susie
Jul 28, 2008

a post about Christian Bale and you didn't even mention The Newsies? How could you?!?!

7
Raven
Jul 28, 2008

Christian Bale's mouth drives me INSANE. Seriously. I have a hard time concentrating in any movie that he is in, simply because his mouth distracts me that much. It's AWFUL. I respect that he could be a good actor, what with the devotion he has to his craft and all, but I wouldn't know it because all I see is his mouth!

That said, I think we are going to see this movie on Wednesday; I am looking forward to Heath most of all.

8
Mrs. Who
Jul 28, 2008

Thank God I am not the only one who is constantly aware of Christian Bale's lisp. It absolutely drives me crazy and you would be surprised how many people look at you in surprise when you mention it. "Lisp? What lisp?" GAH!!

That said, I did think it was a fairly good movie, considering the genre and the fact that it was too long and should have been broken up into two movies. Two villains? C'mon.

And also? Superman and Clark Kent are different because Clark wears glasses. And NOBODY NOTICES they are the same person. Also crazy-making. Although we are serious fans of "Smallville", so we also suspend the disbelief.

9
Jill
Jul 28, 2008

A couple/few things:

1. I LOVE Christian Bale and might leave my husband for him, if propositioned. His crooked grin and hint of a lisp just make him even sexier to me. I have to stop thinking about that now......

2. Heath Ledger was amazing and it made me more sad that he's dead.

3. The Legally Blondes are part of my movie collection, and I'm SUPER excited to see Sisterhood 2.

10
Lissa
Jul 28, 2008

But it's Christian Bale! That alone got me into the movie theater. Everytime he was on screen I think I swooned. He is my long time crush every since newsies.

11
suz
Jul 28, 2008

We saw it last night! I actually liked it, although I think it was due to my extremely low expectations. I was also bribed, with champagne and sushi. I admitted I liked it, but am still considering what my "exchange" movie will be!

12
CC
Jul 28, 2008

Could care less about Batman, but am beyond excited for Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. So sorry you had to suffer through the film, but at least now you can make Sean go with you to see the Sisterhood movie!!

13
She Likes Purple
Jul 28, 2008

I actually considered taking a nap during the movie. But I was afraid I'd miss Christian in tight clothing.

TWO AND A HALF HOURS? FOR A SUMMER ACTION MOVIE? Just no.

14
Cathy
Jul 28, 2008

Agreed. Long, long, long and boring...no, make that BORING!! Why oh why do all the reviewers love it?

15
Hilary
Jul 28, 2008

How could you not think "wow, this Batman guy certainly has an awfully familiar-looking mouth. It's almost like.....yes, it is! It's almost like Bruce Wayne's mouth. Say, where is Bruce Wayne, anyway? Why do we never see them together at the same time?" I COMPLETELY understand this frustration. It is such a glaring thing to simply overlook. I have never been a fan of superhero films but I would see the 'Dark Knight' because I have heard all the hype about Heath Ledger and especially for a trade with my bf- i.e. Watch All Six Seasons of Sex in The City (AGAIN!) with me. I'd even throw in a 'Hellboy' viewing. Also: How totally awesome is Bourbon and Branch? Because it looks so awesome.

16
Elizabeth
Jul 28, 2008

SO EXCITED FOR THE PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!

I have not seen the Dark Knight due to lackage of babysitterage, but I sent my husband and when he came home he said that 1. he had to sit on his hands to avoid yelling "Go Batman!" while throwing his fist in the air and 2. that Eli (our 17 month old) was going to be Batman this year for Halloween. So I think he just may have been hardwired to love Batman from when he was a little boy.
Go Batman! It's fun to say, if nothing else!

17
flybunny
Jul 28, 2008

I haven't seen Dark Knight and probably won't - Mama Mia is more up my alley. That being said I am using my 11 yr old daughter as an excuse to go see Traveling Pants and even offered to accompany her and several friends, you are more than welcome to come with us if you want to come to KS. I'll supply the champagne and I even know where we can get some great falafel cheap!

18
Stephanie
Jul 28, 2008

I was beginning to think I was the only person who found TDK boring (aside from Heath Ledger who was awesome. The entire movie should have just been a compilation of his scenes). I love super hero movies, but I just don't get the big deal about this one. Yuck.

19
cryitout
Jul 28, 2008

If Sean doesn't take you to SOTP2, I will! I'd stand in line to see that.

20
A'Dell
Jul 28, 2008

As far as I'm concerned, the best part of this movie was seeing the new James Bond trailer with YUM-A-LICIOUS Daniel Craig.

Ohhhh, I can't wait for that one this fall.

21
regan
Jul 28, 2008

My husband and I alternate picking the movies and I let him drag me to Wanted and HellBoy on back to back weekends, skipping my turn. Now he owes me Mamma Mia and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. I'm tempted to make him go to an early showing of one and a later of the other on the same day as punishment. And because I am a bitch.

22
sarah
Jul 28, 2008

I really liked the movie but I agree that it seems like it would be incredibly easy to figure out that Batman was Bruce Wayne. But whatevs suspend disbelief.

23
leandra
Jul 28, 2008

The hubby and I both loved it. C'est la vie! :)

Although I will admit that Batman's "gruff" voice was a little distracting, not in a good way.

24
Rhi
Jul 28, 2008

I classify this as a BOY MOVIE. I am a girl, thus I have zero need for this movie. But, count me in on Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants!

25
Dianna
Jul 28, 2008

I've got to agree with you on this one, even though I haven't seen it or any of the others. I just don't get what the hype over them is. And yes, Sean owes you many chick-flicks after making you sit through that.

26
Ajemi
Jul 28, 2008

You should be thanking Sean for making you see this film! IT WAS AMAZING. I don't even like the Batman series or whatever but I LOVED this (minis the icky Batman voice). However, Heath Ledger's performance stole the show.

27
geeky
Jul 29, 2008

How you feel about Batman/Bruce Wayne is how I feel about Superman/Clark Kent! I mean, at least Batman wears a mask. Superman just takes his glasses off!

28
metalia
Jul 29, 2008

I had a lot of the same feelings about the movie; did you notice that Maggie Gyllenhaal sounded EXACTLY like Drew Barrymore? Also? I giggled when I read the phrase "butt chin" in reference to Aaron Eckhart. I am five.

29
PAPA
Jul 30, 2008

Coming from a guy, the movie is BORING. Bale's lispy, Maggie's fugly, Batman looks like Bale and Morgan Freeman thinks he's still in Bruce Almighty.
Snoozle.

30
Michael Keaton
Jul 30, 2008

People over 12 and not in training bras actually want to see "Travelling Pants" movies? Does this same subset Tivo "Hannah Montana" and have "Babysitters Club" books on their nightstands?

Also...I'm Batman.