It Isn't A Party Til The Cops Show Up

This past weekend was the Weekend of Socializing, which was only fitting, given that this week is destined to be the Week of Socializing, thanks to the fact that BlogHer is popping into town in about, oh, 24 hours, bringing with it a whole bunch of people I haven't seen in a really long time and whose presence in my city I fully intend to celebrate. And if that celebration happens to take the form of doing shots in a hotel room at 2am, then hell, it only happens once a year, SIGN ME UP. You have to understand something about me: I don't really go to a whole lot of parties anymore. So this sudden surplus of social occasions is actually really rather disarming. I mean, you wait for a bus forever and then they all come along at once, you know?

On Friday night, we bigged it up for Moose's 30th birthday, and then on Saturday afternoon, it was Sean's company picnic. When I told my sister that I was going to a company picnic, she said "oh, like in The Wonder Years? Where Kevin goes to his dad's company picnic and hits him in the face with a baseball and learns an important life lesson?" Thanks to our upbringing as international gypsies, you see, the only reference my siblings and I have regarding any type of Americana comes exclusively from either The Wonder Years, Happy Days, or Roseanne. If you are an American, please take a minute right now to be glad that you are an American, one who discovered pot roast and homecoming firsthand, rather than via a patchy montage of pop culture mentions.

The company picnic, by the way, turned out to have a taco truck and kickball, which made it nothing like the company picnic on The Wonder Years at all. This was a shame, actually, because I had a dress that would have been absolutely perfect for a Wonder Years sort of company picnic, and all week I thought about wearing it, the special Company Picnic dress in which I would play bocce ball and eat potato salad. This being San Francisco, however, I decided to eschew it at the last minute in favor of jeans, a hoodie, and flipflops, and that ended up being a pretty wise decision on my part, given that I showed up to find everyone else was wearing.....jeans, a hoodie, and flipflops. Dodged a bullet there, eh? I mean, honestly: what kind of person has a Company Picnic outfit anyway? (Don't answer that. Um, unless you have one too. In which case, let's form a club! I suggest we wear special outfits to our meetings!)

On Saturday night, my friend Alison and I co-hosted a beach bonfire to celebrate the birthdays---a day apart!---of our respective menfolk, all the way out in Ocean Beach. If you have been to San Francisco, you will know that Ocean Beach doesn't feel like part of the city at all; it feels like the edge of the world, and I mean that in the best possible way: the miles of sand, the acres of crashing blue-green Pacific, that poetic six o'clock California half-light that you can't find anywhere else.

The party was an ultimately splendid affair that nevertheless required a fairly fraught trip to Costco, during which we purchased forty sausages, forty hot dog buns,  a vat of salsa, four boxes of graham crackers, four bags of marshmallows, and---seeing as we were in Costco, where it's Go Big Or Go Home---a very large box containing thirty six Hershey Bars. You heard me right: THIRTY SIX. And you know how many Hershey bars you need to make s'mores for 18 people? Oh, probably two or three.

This meant that we had THIRTY THREE HERSHEY BARS left over at the end of the party, and knowing the damage I could inflict on my thighs with unfettered access to thirty three leftover Hershey bars, I started giving them out as party favors as people left. "Thank you for coming!" I trilled. "Here's your gift bag!" You know what? Next year at the Oscars, I would like to see them top that.

(Pictures of the birthday beach bonfire are here. The cops showed up at one point and threw away all of our beer! I feel like we should get a prize for that or something.)

1
Camels & Chocolate
Jul 15, 2008

Um, I totally ate two of those Hershey bars for breakfast the next morning on the way to Sac. Thanks for the party favors!

(Also, I'm convinced I was the only one who ate a full-blown s'more--several of those sissies in attendance only toasted the marshmallow--so those three missing bars? Are currently padding my stomach, too.)

2
Abigail M Schilling
Jul 16, 2008

Oh, oh, there's a scene at Ocean Beach in the book I'm reading! (I supposed you're reading it too. Thank you, goodreads.)

Also, I have some 24Hour Fitness music facts for you that I've been meaning to email, but I've been all busy getting ready for this little thing called BlogHer so maybe I'll just track you down there and tell you. Scared? Good.

(Really, though, I do hope I get to say hi. I'm a fan.)

3
HouseofJules
Jul 16, 2008

Cops can be SUCH buzzkills! Happy birthday to Moose & Sean!
Jules
House of Jules

4
hevang
Jul 16, 2008

Don't you love it when you go along and feel all responsible and adult for weeks, maybe even months at a strech and then you have a party and the cops show up? Or you get a stern call from the rental agent at your summer house as you are hanging out in the yard reminding you that check in isn't until four and you have to leave cause you are somehow making the cleaning lady all nervous by your very presence? It instantly makes you feel like you are fifteen again and late for curfew.

5
Raven
Jul 16, 2008

I would totally have a company picnic outfit. Except here in the land of 1 million degrees + humidity, it would involve as little clothing as I could get away with, without looking like a big ol' hoochie.

Beautiful pic!

6
jdg
Jul 16, 2008

wait, didn't kevin arnold meet soleil moon frye AKA mimi detweiler AKA punky boobster at that company picnic? and she used to have a crush on him when they were kids but now she has enormous jugs so he agrees to go out on a rowboat with her? and she takes her top off. . .?

holy crap, memories. . .rushing. . .back. if anything could keep your mind off winnie cooper, it's punky boobster.

7
jdg
Jul 16, 2008

okay, I just watched this like a dozen times, and I don't even speak spanish:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1jVGKnEQm4

8
Nothing But Bonfires
Jul 16, 2008

Jim, that video is hilarious: "Kevin! Hola!"

9
Clare
Jul 16, 2008

At least the cops just threw away your beer. In Malibu at the end of June, two of my friends and I got TICKETS for drinking ONE beer on the beach! We weren't even having a party, or anything. Just relaxing on the beach chatting with a beer. We got a 30 minute lecture about how nice they were being to us for not arresting us on the spot, and we were also asked several times if we are alcoholics.

The ticket is almost worth it though, just to have a ticket to show people that says "blue dixie cup with tecate"

10
Nothing But Bonfires
Jul 16, 2008

No, we also got a ticket. Well, the guy who brought the beer did. And the cops were really mean.

11
Georgia
Jul 16, 2008

As a Jew who grew up in Orange County and STILL has not had pot roast to this day (brisket at a jewish deli doesn't count, right?), The Wonder Years and Rosanne were my reference to Americana, as well. I always wanted my life to be like theres. Company picnics? Dad's workshop in the garage? A couch on cinder blocks in the front yard? Sign me up.

12
Georgia
Jul 16, 2008

Another thing I would like is to use the correct version of "their", so people don't think I'm not somewhat intelligent. Oh well...can't have everything, I guess.

13
Moose
Jul 16, 2008

I thought of you all fondly last night as I crammed a Hershey's bar and what may have been 16 marshmallows into my mouth.

14
angela
Jul 16, 2008

Having a company picnic dress is something i would totally do. i LOVE the dress you had picked out. very lovely. oh well, maybe to another company picnic you can wear it.

15
Clare
Jul 16, 2008

Boo to mean cops on beaches.

16
missbeegail
Jul 16, 2008

Last summer my roommate and I had a party and our awful neighbors (whose children, by the way, scream and pound on things all day long) called the cops on us. They live upstairs, but rather than come down and ask us politely to keep it down, they called the cops. Also? It was about 11:30 on a Saturday. The cops were nice, no ticket. My roomie and I pretty much hyperventilated the whole time, but now we tell the story as if we are true badasses.

17
kat
Jul 16, 2008

do you need to rent out the bonfire place or can you just have one? i might need to add this to my to do list for this summer or fall. brrr.

18
Maura
Jul 16, 2008

When I was young I went to company picnics and I had a company picnic outfit. I was about 8. Except it wasn't called the "Company Picnic Outfit," it was called "The Spare Rib Outfit," so named after the first company picnic when I saw they had a buffet, which allowed me to eat as many bbq spare ribs as I wanted. The key feature to this outfit (a one piece shorts jumper in turquoise) was that it had an elastic waist.

The picnic also had an ice cream truck and one of those blow up houses that you can jump in. I, however, could be found near the spare ribs. In my turquoise Spare Rib jumper. Two years running.

Stinks about the cops. Most cops I know would not write you a ticket, but would come back after their shift and join you for a beer.

19
Anne in SC
Jul 16, 2008

My friends and I would get together and have bonfire parties at Folly when we were growing up (you had to get a permit from the city of Folly. A sure tip to the local PD when and where to find us). I don't think we ever had one that the cops didn't visit and throw away all of our beer. Or a rented beach house that they didn't do the same for. You'd think with you all being "of age" it wouldn't have been an issue. Cops.

20
Adaora
Jul 16, 2008

Oh that pic looks awesome. Bonfires are the bees nees.
You want to know how I spend summer in a suburb just outside of Toronto, Canada? Chasing after flies with RAID, when we're not partying at a friend's friend's patio. Ahh summer. Can't live with it, can't live without it. Haven't had a bonfire in ages. I've got to organize one.

21
amanda
Jul 16, 2008

The cops took your beer? That is surely a beer crime in itself!

22
Adaora
Jul 17, 2008

I'm sure those cops had a massive party with all of your beer onces they took off with it. Probably categorized that you were 'in possession' of half of what they actually confiscated. Free beer = free party.

Just saying.

23
maggie
Jul 17, 2008

mmmm. chocolate.

24
caroline
Jul 18, 2008

looks like at the end of the night you ended up with nothing but bonfire(s).

25
Kristin
Jul 18, 2008

Umm, if you only needed three Hershey bars to make that many s'more's, you are making them wrong! (I grew up an hour from Hershey PA... we used at least a half of a large bar for each s'more!) Yummy!

Oh, and just in case anyone ever forgets the Hershey bars, Junior Mints make an excellent alternative! (in a pinch, that is...)

26
Marcheline
Jul 19, 2008

Silly - you're supposed to BURY your beer in the sand! The cops will never know which flip flop is the marker.

- M

27
Sachin
Jul 21, 2008

Awesome pic, reminds me of my college days.

28
Caitlyn
Jul 21, 2008

Way to socialize! It definitely isnt a party until the cops show- did you mumble about The Man while they poured out your beer?