What is it about synchronized dance routines that makes them quite possibly THE FUNNIEST THING IN THE WORLD? I spent most of my weekend standing in front of the computer watching the video for "A Million Ways" by OK Go, in the vain hope of learning the moves. Along with my dreams of having a special room in my house filled floor to ceiling with Good & Plenty candy (which shouldn't be too hard as I think there are only five of us in the world who eat it), I long for the day when I can perform---flawlessly---a very complicated dance routine in public. Sometime soon, I'm sure of it, I'll be chatting and mingling at an otherwise yawn-inducing cocktail party, when I'll hear the opening bars of "Flashdance: What a Feeling" coming from the stereo, and I'll launch into my routine---last performed in the cafeteria of St. Catherine's School For Girls, England, circa 1992; it was a sold-out event, I'm sure you were there---while all the other guests stand, mouths agape in awe, around the edge of the dance floor. Many of them will be clapping. This time around, of course, I won't be wearing the oversized purple Disney spectacles that were a staple of my wardrobe when I was 12, and this, I'm sure, will only enhance the quality of the performance (they had a tendency to fly off during the more vigorous of the star jumps). In the meantime, however, I need to keep practicing. The closest I've come to my moment of glory was doing the Macarena at a wedding last month with someone's aging aunt from Des Moines. And she was much better than me.
So go watch the video now. You'll die laughing. And then you'll call me and we'll start dance rehearsals immediately.