If You're Happy And You Know It

I don't know how you go about celebrating something, but here in the Nothing But Bonfires house, our celebrations look a little something like this:


Awwwww yeah, champagne and pizza, baby! Keeping it real!

What are we celebrating, you ask? We're celebrating Sean's new job---excuse me, SEAN'S! NEW! JOB!---which was a long time coming and which we are both thrilled to bits about. Why are we thrilled? Because the new job is better. It's a better position within a better company, with a better commute, and better compensation. (Do you like how I was all PC there, using "compensation" when really what I meant was MORE MONEY? Oh Internet, I am not the daughter of an HR manager for nothing.) The new job starts on March 10, and when it does, Sean and I will be working a scant four blocks from one another (although he will be the only one working in an office that has a Wii. No, seriously. And also Free Friday Lunches. AND PET INSURANCE. Oh, that crazy San Francisco!) He will also have the enviable title of Webmaster, which I shall henceforth refer to only as Webmaster! because when you are the master of anything, I think, you sort of deserve to have an exclamation point after your name.

(As an aside, there is someone at my company who has the job title of Tzar.)

(As an aside to that aside, my brother Tom used to think---and we're talking until fairly recently, age 13 at least---that Ticketmaster wasn't a company but just ONE GUY, The Ticketmaster!, who was in charge of all the tickets in the country, and whom you contacted when you needed to go see Radiohead in Akron, Ohio, or two front row seats to The Police at Madison Square Garden. I am not even kidding. The Ticketmaster! One person! "What do you do for a living, Ken?" "Well, Bill, didn't you know? I'm The Ticketmaster! Can I interest you in a little Jon Bon Jovi on April 13th? Doors open at 7pm! No flash photography!")

Anyway, so yeah, we're very excited about that.

Changing subjects, I went to the dentist yesterday, and Internet, I think I must have the most hi-tech dentist in all of San Francisco. Everything in this dentist's office is electronic! They don't call you to remind you of an appointment, they email you. They don't give you paper forms to fill out when you arrive, they bring you a digital tablet! You don't sign a regular receipt when you pay with a credit card, you sign this....this sort of monitor kind of thing. It's like going to the dentists in an episode of The Jetsons!

And that's before they've even got to your teeth, which they photograph with a digital camera the size of a pencil and then beam on to a computer screen in front of your face (before sending you a CD of those photos in the mail.) Seriously, my dentist filled two of my cavities on Friday and then SHOWED ME BEFORE AND AFTER PICTURES. Of my back molars! And I was all "oh, yeah, I can totally see the difference," when REALLY? You put some fissure sealant in a tiny crack in the back of my mouth and now I'm supposed to be all Extreme Makeover about it?

Anyway, one of the other terribly hi-tech and wacky things they do at this dentist---and I've just realized that maybe they do this at all dentists in America, but forgive me, I grew up on the NHS---is they give you these earphones to wear so that you can't hear the noise of the drill (although of course you totally still can). But before you can put the headphones on, you have to choose which station you want to listen to, and at my dentist they had, like, four hundred stations. So when the dental technician handed me the binder and told me to flip through and pick a station, I panicked. It was a big decision: I had to commit to something for an hour and a half, and it had to be something that would take my mind off the fact that two men were hovering over my wide open mouth, sticking sharp pointy things in it. What if I slipped up and somehow picked a station that played straight Celine Dion? Would that convert the torture of being at the dentist anyway into straight-up hell?

Skipping over the station called Bootyshaker---which just didn't seem the best thing to listen to while strapped into a chair with a drill in my mouth---I rather self-consciously pointed to one called Uber Indie. "That one please, I guess," I said to the dental technician. "Hmmm," he said, silently judging me and my musical tastes. "What does uber mean anyway? I've always wondered that."

"Well," I said, full-on nerd reflex kicking into action. "Uber translates from the German into "over." So I'm not entirely sure, but I guess it's meant to describe something that's especially extreme or prominent. You know?"

"Hmmm," he said again. I got the strong feeling he didn't believe me.

In the end, Uber Indie was sadly not available; I had to settle for plain old Indie Rock instead---a second-tier Indie station name if ever there was one!---and even then I only knew about twenty percent of the songs. Imagine my shame if Uber Indie had been available! Then again, it probably was, but the dental technician took one look at me, decided my haircut just wasn't ironic and asymmetrical enough, and thought he'd better let me down easy. I bet it would have been a totally different story if I'd shown up in an American Apparel unitard and some skinny jeans.

Feb 24, 2008

Oh, hell, my dentist has DVDs they show on a screen, so you can wear headphones and watch a movie while you're having your work done. Problem is, all the movies suck, and I steadfastly maintain that "Charlie's Angels 2" was more painful than my dental work.

Feb 24, 2008

Oh and almost forgot, yay Sean on the new job! And great that his workplace is so close to yours -- I see lots of tete-a-tete lunches in your future.

The Over-Thinker
Feb 24, 2008

And just imagine if you'd topped the American Apparel unitard with a Members Only jacket.

Yup, my dentist has these movie goggles so I understand the pressure of making a good selection; you have basically 15 seconds to make a decision that will effect you for the next 2 hours (at least for root canals) and God forbid you choose "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" and end up spending those next 2 hours wondering why the hell Sean Connery would opt to have THAT as his last action role instead of the new Indiana Jones movie.

Congratulations, Webmaster!!

House of Jules
Feb 24, 2008

Congrats to The Webmaster! for his new position! I had to laugh when I read about your brother and Ticketmaster. I unfortunately had to deal with Ticketmaster today, and let me just say that if The Ticketmaster! was one person, I would have loved to meet him in a dark alley and have a discussion about his astronomical "convenience charges".
House of Jules

Feb 24, 2008

Who are you and why do you keep sending me these messages?

That's irrelevant. Without regard for personal identity, Internet is always pleased when anyone or their boyfriend gets a great new job.

And lucky for me, I got no teeth. So that dentist stuff is also irrelevant. Hey, this is the first time Internet has commented on a blog post with more than one irrelevant point. First. Time Ever.

Kalynne Pudner
Feb 24, 2008

Congrats to Sean the Webmaster! And props to you for recommending against "Bootyshaker" in the dentist's chair.

(This is Mama to twins Susanna and Nathaniel Luke, btw, referred by Nathan in the course of that contest. Do you think he'd be offended if I were to say your blog is MUCH more entertaining than his?)

Feb 24, 2008

Headphones? Movie goggles? Who are these dentists? The only entertainment option I have when I'm in the chair is staring at the inevitable Christian Reese Lassen poster of cavorting dolphins on the ceiling. Well, it's either that or one of those grade-school "Flossing is Fundamental!" sort of posters. Man. Apparently I need a new dentist.

I think I'll celebrate all worthy occasions with pizza and champagne henceforth. Well-played, Holly and The Webmaster!; well-played indeed.

Mrs. Who
Feb 24, 2008

I love all the new high-tech stuff the dentists are using now but I kind of miss the sink where you used to spit. There is just something not quite so satisfying about them sucking the spit out of your mouth with a mini hose. This post is truly hilarious and well-written. You are an excellent writer!

Feb 24, 2008

Cool. American Apparel sell unitards? Will you buy me one?

Feb 24, 2008

Hold up...pet INSURANCE!? Man, I miss California.

She Likes Purple
Feb 24, 2008

Congrats to Sean!

Feb 24, 2008

Kudos to Sean and his new domain.

Feb 24, 2008

It's the little things I miss about San Francisco...companies that all-but employ animals, high-tech dentists, the fact that people DON'T actually show up places in unitards and skinny jeans. Los Angeles has its perks, but the overabundance of people wearing Uber Indie outfits isn't one of them.

Congratualtions to The Webmaster!

Feb 24, 2008

congrats to sean on the new job. and OMG OMG - pet insurance!!! i could really use that.

and i say "uber" all the time. :)

Feb 24, 2008

Very awesome news, indeed. And Free! Friday Lunches sounds like the best incentive ever.

(Side note: My dentist too is hopping on the High Tech Train, although I didn't sign an electronic tablet, but he text messages you for appointment reminders, and lets you browse the Internet while you're waiting for, well, whatever it is you're waiting for.)

Feb 24, 2008

Congratulations to Sean the Webmaster!!! Also, seriously? There is a Tzar at your work? What does s/he do and what do I do to get a job title like that? That must make the coolest looking business card ever!

Feb 25, 2008

Ok, after reading your post and your readers' comments, I have come to one conclusion: my dentist is super LAME. Headphones? Movies? Goggles? Before and After photos? When I got my cavity filled last month, all I got was a numb face and a tooth that was sore for a week. I think I need to move to San Francisco.

PS. Congrats on the new job! I'm sure Sean will be master of all of the web :)

Someone Being Me
Feb 25, 2008

My dentist is so low tech you just stare at the ceiling while getting a filling. No radio or anything. Luckily it only takes him about 10 minutes to do the filling so its not too bad.

Feb 25, 2008

Congratulations to Seth! And pizza is the epitome of a good celebration.

Camels & Chocolate
Feb 25, 2008

I'm in the early stages of training for a marathon, and the other day during a run, freakin' CELINE DION came on my shiny, new iPod shuffle, crooning "Lullaby" nonetheless. Not only did I not know what that was doing in my iPod queue in the first place (I later found out it was due to my uploading her entire Christmas album, which I did for one reason and one reason alone: Celine and Andrea Bocelli's rendition of "The Prayer"), but that's not exactly the best motivating force for a six-mile UPHILL run in The Hilliest City on Earth. I know for certain I would never have added that song to my Running/Shuffle playlist, so I'm still trying to decipher who is playing a cruel practical joke on me.

Feb 25, 2008

Oooh if Sean is the Webmaster....does that make you the Webmistress?

And does Sean have to wear a suitably Spidey kind of costume to work everyday? Please tell me that he does...

Feb 25, 2008

For years pizza and champagne has been my and my boyfriend's easy peasy quick dinner solution, no celebration necessary. People would laugh when we told them about the odd combination, but it really is good, isn't it? I'm a true believer in drinking champagne just because. . .

Feb 25, 2008

My dentist knows better than to offer me music. Nitrous and nothing but nitrous is what I want and what I get!!!

Feb 25, 2008

Hooray for Sean! Does the newly coronated Webmaster get to take home doggy bags on Free Food Friday? (I have some friends who work at Google, Land o' Free Food, and they'll take boxes and boxes of food home. I'm not sure if they feel the need to sneak it out, or if they just strut brazenly out the door.)

Feb 25, 2008

My old dentist had movies you watched while the filled your cavities or cleaned your teeth. But then I got married and I moved to my husband's dentist where they are very old school - no goggles, no headphones, no TV - just me and the damn drill.

Congratulations Sir Webmaster! I can't believe that Pet Insurance is part of your benefits package - that totally rocks!

Good Girl Lit
Feb 25, 2008

As a girl who went through 7 months of under-employment, I can attest to how wonderful it feels to get a good job. Good golly, Holly. There's nothing better.

Love and hugs to Sean.

Also I'm just sitting here thinking, Gosh where did La Burns learn, "If You're Happy and You Know It?"

Do they sing this in ye old country? It just seems so aw-shucks American.

Feb 25, 2008

yes Good Girl Lit, they learn If You're Happy and You Know it in England!

Congrats to the Webmaster!

Tzar may be the best job title, ever.

My Dentist has movies for long prodecures, but when its short they offer you TV...cable TV, so 6868768768 channels to choose from. I made the mistake of picking MTV (Real World was on, I'm a reality TV junkie!) last time...never again, the dentist was obviously appalled at my choice.

Feb 26, 2008

I visited American Apparel in your fair city, and do you know that they sell silver metallic stretch headbands? Like, not regular headbands, but the Pat Benatar kind that go AROUND your forehead. My mind, it reels. (Congrats to Sean once again!)

Feb 26, 2008

This is a very entertaining blog. Well-written and clever. You are now on my favorite list.

Feb 26, 2008

Yay Sean! Woo! Champagne!

We don't have any "masters" or "tsars" but we once had an "Accounts Princess."

Feb 27, 2008

the only entertainment at my old-skool dentist's office are two paintings of wild turkeys in front of the chair. congratulations on the new job excitement!