Incapable Of Making A Decision

I have this problem. Well, let's call it a disorder. Wherever I sit in a restaurant, I always think I could be sitting somewhere better.

Does this happen to you as well? It doesn't matter whether the hostess shows me to the table or if I have to choose it myself---actually, sometimes it's worse if I have to choose it myself---but whichever table I end up at, I always find myself thinking "wait, this is way too close to the toilets" or "great, we're right next to the door, now we're going to feel a breeze."

Often it's the other patrons around me who make me hate the table, those particularly obnoxious diners with their loud conversations and their staccato laughs. I'll roll my eyes at Sean, who'll stiffen involuntarily, knowing what I'm going to propose next: "hey, want to see if we can move tables? I'm not sure I like this one." This peccadillo of mine has gone from the eh-whatever equivalent of a wobbly chair leg (easily remedied with a few packets of Sweet n'Low wedged beneath it) to a full-blown pubic-hair-on-the-edge-of-the-plate scenario. It's now a thing. We now cannot eat out in restaurants without changing tables, or at the very least, changing our places at the table.

I'm the same way at the movie theater, convinced we're sitting right under an air conditioning vent or right behind the World's Chattiest Filmgoers (or, worse, right in front of their cousins, the World's Most Violent Chairkickers). I'll worry that my seat doesn't recline quite as much as Sean's, that it's broken, oh my god, it's broken, I chose the only broken seat in the whole movie theater, I knew we should have taken those seats a few rows back instead, wait, maybe we can still move, come on, it's only the previews, you want to?

As you can probably tell, I'm a real blast on a date.

The worst, though, is when I'm choosing fruit or vegetables at the grocery store, you know, picking them out of a bin? After a few minutes, I literally cannot choose a potato to save my life. I start scrutinizing them all way too closely, and before you know it, I've been at Safeway all afternoon and they're pulling down the shutters on the front of the store. And in my cart? A potato. Just one perfect potato, because all the others fell short.

Needless to say, Sean chooses the produce in this relationship these days. And my shuddering nightmares involve not sharks nor murderers but those supermarket delivery services that CHOOSE YOUR APPLES FOR YOU. I mean, man, that's a task you only delegate to someone you trust.

1
laurenkie
Dec 17, 2007

I'm the same with fruit! I'm a complete fruit snob.

2
bohemiangirl
Dec 17, 2007

OMG! Too funny. I too have a knack for choosing seats behind or in front of the most annoying people in the theater. Did these people not come to watch a movie? If they wanted to talk, why didn't they go to a coffee shop. Gaarrr! And the kicking... don't get me started on the kicking. Do you do the quick turn of the head thing in hopes that they might get a hint?

3
aBd libbing
Dec 17, 2007

I don't have the fruit problem to such a paralyzing extent, but definitely the seat problem. It takes me forever to choose the right place to sit, and it's inevitably the worst place. I will never actually change seats, though, and prefer to just seethe over how irritating the neighboring diners/moviegoers are. Oh, and don't even get me started on choosing the right queue at the supermarket...

4
Littlefoot
Dec 17, 2007

When I was little, I couldn't go with my parents to the grocery store because I would feel so badly for the items that weren't picked, like somehow their inanimate object feelings might be hurt by being left behind. I must admit, I still feel this way sometimes which may be why I come home with a dozen apples when I only needed two.

5
jive turkey
Dec 17, 2007

Dude, I feel you on the produce. I am regularly glared at by my fellow shoppers who are [not-so-patiently] waiting for me to choose a damn onion already and get out of the way.

And I CANNOT IMAGINE letting some grocery-delivery place choose my tangerines or bagged carrots for me. That's just...unnatural.

6
She Likes Purple
Dec 17, 2007

One of the paragraphs reminded me of the scene in Pretty Woman, when they're at the opera and she thinks her whatever those fancy glasses are called are broken.

7
Miriam D
Dec 17, 2007

I get that way too when eating out. Usually it's because I'm in a crowded NYC restaurant and I have to listen to our neighbor's conversations. I can't even have my own because I'm too busy rolling my eyes at the inane things my neighbors talk about. Restaurants in cities need to be bigger.

8
geeky
Dec 17, 2007

You really have to watch out for the World’s Most Violent Chairkickers at the movie! We sat in front of them at one of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, and one of them kicked the chair next to Mr. Geeky so hard it BROKE.

9
Sarah
Dec 17, 2007

When I go to a movie, the person I'm with has to sit on my right. It feels SO WRONG if they're on the left, and I have to get them to switch. I feel like they think I'm crazy every time.

10
Operation Pink Herring
Dec 17, 2007

The problem I have in restaurants is that I can never decide what to order. I always end up blurting out something when the waitress finally takes the orders, and then I immediately regret it. Sometimes I'll call her back and change my order, but that doesn't help. then I'm just convinced that what i originally had ordered would have been so much better. Or maybe what that guy over at the next table is having.

The only remedy is for me to order one thing, my dining partner orders the other meal I'm contemplating, and then we share. As you could guess, that gets really old for whoever is lucky enough to be eating with me. I am also an awesome date.

11
Nothing But Bonfires
Dec 17, 2007

Oh Operation Pink Herring, don't even get me STARTED on ordering in restaurants. I always, always, always have regret. And I insist on ordering last, so I can see what everyone else has first.

12
generic propecia finax
Dec 17, 2007

generic propecia 6buy propecia generic 100

13
Kat
Dec 17, 2007

LOL. This was so funny! I can relate. I always make sure that when I'm at a table that I'm facing the door, or the greater scenery. I don't like having my back at the door or where I can't see what's going on. And no matter what I order, the minute it arrives, whatever someone else ordered is, suddenly, MUCH better! Sigh ... I wear myself out sometimes.

14
DM
Dec 17, 2007

I'm pretty casual about where I'm sitting at the table but the neighboring conversations can set me off. There are people that make me take a fork and start making vague stabby motions with it. And then my friends take my fork away.

Movie theaters, my roommate likes to sit at the top and we get there about a half hour early because she hates having to try and find the perfect seat. I do have to have people sit on my right though. It's weird otherwise. And the chatty people drive me nuts. Shut up! And his name is Rowan Atkinson, not Mr. Bean (during Love Actually which was the one time we didn't get there incredibly early)! Someone give me a fork!

15
Diandra
Dec 17, 2007

On Saturday I was at the grocery store with my nephew. We were only there to pick up a few things for mashed potatoes and I wanted apples. The kid is only four, and he was so excited to pick out the apples. I pulled up my cart to the giant bin of Fujis and to my horror, I actually slapped his hand away and told him, "Auntie, has a VERY particular way of picking out apples!" What is wrong with me, I thought. But reading your post, I realize there are more of us out there.

Holy crap, I need to get a grip. The four year old was unharmed, his consolation prize was to pick out the bananas (granted they were the nicest of the bunch) and I didn't utter a single peep.

16
Marcheline
Dec 18, 2007

I knew there was a reason this long-distance love affair was perfect.

- M

17
Kristin
Dec 18, 2007

I'm inevitably like that every time I get dessert. Dulce de leche? No, strawberry cheesecake. Wait, definitely the molten chocolate cake. Dammit, why didn't I go with the dulce?? And then I'm always jealous of everyone else's dessert and end up picking at theirs instead.

18
nancy
Dec 18, 2007

Oh my god, I thought only my father had this disorder. It is so bad that when we go out to dinner with him we try to wait until he sits down and then stands up again and asks the waitress for a booth or something further from the kitchen door or the bar or the round table etc. etc. Then we do the silly "after you" scenario because it is usually me and my mother and he is trying to do the ladies first bit and we are trying to avoid sitting down 2-3 times and having to re-situate. argh.
well to be honest I have a bit of this in me too it just hasn't progressed to full blown disorder yet and my husband knows I prefer booths and the middle/back of the movie theater.

19
Gretchen
Dec 18, 2007

Hee! You should try having three kids. I always pray they'll seat us somewhere horribly loud, like next to the kitchen, somewhere that MIGHT drown out the ruckus of the kids. Many people, when shown to a table near ours, take one look at us and ask to be seated somewhere else.

My husband's problem is sticking with a choice of where to go eat. We'll choose a place, "Okay, let's go there." And then he's all "But we COULD go to B.J.'s Pizza . . . or Lucille's . . . or" and I'm all "Shut up, we already chose!"

20
Dawn
Dec 18, 2007

Haaa! I always have to order last in a group, so I can see what everyone else is getting, too! This particularly sucks in my line of work - I'm in a male-dominated field, so I'm inevitably stuck at a dinner table with a bunch of guys who are all, "oh, no, let the lady order first!" So then I'm stuck with a taco salad or something lame while they're all eating steaks or whatever. There is always regret!

You know who I'd like to choose my produce for me? Those folks who do the shopping for the cooking shows on Food Network. Those chefs reach over and are all, "take your bell pepper..." and they've got a BEAUTIFUL pepper (that some shopper has picked out), all symmetrical and everything and the core pops right out and seeds don't fly everywhere and it's not already starting to sprout inside or anything. Come to think of it, those guys could pick out ALL my food for me, really.

21
jennysays
Dec 18, 2007

i understand. i'm a freak about my avacados

22
MJ
Dec 19, 2007

You know, I'm like that with fruit. And vegetables. It's rather painstaking when I buy green beans. You should have seen me choosing our Christmas wreath.

One time recently that I really wished I'd changed tables was the last time we went out to dinner. We went to a restaurant called Cowbell. Despite its name, it isn't a restaurant for children or those who act like them. But the table of eight--who came in after us--brought a--you guessed it!--a cowbell. And one idiot proceeded to ring it at intervals throughout our dinner. I wanted to do something else with that cowbell. Now, because I'm crotchety and because he held up the cowbell to show me when we left, I did tell him that it was like dining with my six-year-old children. Of course, if they'd been doing something so obnoxious I would've made them stop.

23
kate
Dec 19, 2007

One time after I had my first child I was incapable of choosing a box of tissues. I was paralyzed with fear of choosing the wrong kind. Finally a very nice lady picked up a box of Puffs Plus and put them in my cart for me and then just walked away.... I am blaming that one on the hormones, and not because I need mental help!

24
Ree
Dec 19, 2007

"I’m not looking for a dress for an event I attended two years ago—retroactive shopping! damn, I need to find a better pair of pants for my middle school graduation!—"

Never, ever, ever read blogs and drink ginger ale. Especially if there's a chance you will read a line like that.

I hope that helps someone!