Recipe For Larger Thighs

Bake Sale!

Just look at all those baked goods! Doesn't it make your teeth hurt a little? Can you feel your waistband get a little tighter as you're reading? Today we had a bake sale at work---for charity!---and since I don't need to be asked twice to melt a little butter and chocolate together, I made the trek to my office today with a swaddled container of Chocolate Biscuit Cake in my (unexpectedly roomy) purse. A bake sale of this nature, you see---because this bake sale was also a competition---required that I really pull my socks up, get my skates on, and Bring It. And Bring It I did.

This here is the WINNING bake sale entry. Oh yes!

Chocolate Biscuit Cake: Beloved By British Schoolchildren Everywhere!

Have you ever had Chocolate Biscuit Cake? It's very simple, but it's also very British, and by that I mean that you'll have to go World Market to buy four out of the five ingredients. (The butter? I'm pretty sure you can get that wherever you like.) And all this Bringing It totally worked because, ladies and gentlemen of the Internet, you are looking at the BAKE SALE WINNER.

Do you know how awesome this is? The last thing I won was in 1991, and that was a VHS copy of Home Alone from a tween magazine that was also supposed to send me the Home Alone Gameboy game and yet never did. (Is it weird that both of those items are pretty much obsolete now---or if not obsolete, would certainly be worthy of selling on eBay with the tag "vintage" attached? I wonder if this means I'm old and should have some sort of quarter-life crisis. Ah, screw that. Pass the Chocolate Biscuit Cake.)

Recipe For Chocolate Biscuit Cake, So Easy You Can Make It In Half An Hour And Gain Five Pounds By Morning:

If you don't live in the UK, try World Market, Whole Foods, or a friend going on vacation to London for the first four ingredients:
1 packet of Digestive biscuits
4 tablespoons of Lyle's Golden Syrup (i.e.: what I will eat all day long in Heaven if there is a God and he doesn't believe in bathroom scales.)
6 tablespoons Cadbury's Drinking Chocolate
2 packets Nestle Smarties (These are NOT whatever you call Smarties here. These are chocolate, and they are way different and also far superior. If you really can't find genuine English Smarties, you could always use plain M&Ms, I supppose, though I may find it hard to look you in the eye after that.)
2 sticks of butter (Phew! Easy!)

1. Crush the Digestives up in a large bowl, leaving them mostly crumbs, but with a few chunks here and there. Set aside.
2. Melt the butter and syrup together.
3. Add the chocolate and stir until shiny.
4. Pour the whole chocolately mixture into the bowl full of the broken-up Digestives and stir together. This mixture right here is pretty much as close to God as you will get. Try not to eat it all.
5. Press the mixture into a brownie pan (I think I used a 9x9 one, but anything works), and refrigerate at least a few hours (I did mine overnight, but two or three hours should be okay. However, overnight is better because you won't be thinking about it. You will just be dreaming about it.)
6. Take out, slice into squares, and press a few Smarties onto each square.
7. Devour.
8. Thank me.
9. Promise me your firstborn child.
10. What? Are you kidding? Take your firstborn child back! I don't want him! Are you crazy? I live in a one-bedroom apartment. And besides, I can't be spending money on diapers! I need it to buy more Lyle's Golden Syrup.

1
Adele
Oct 09, 2007

Worth moving to England purely to be able to get the ingredients and bake 24hours a day.

Congrats on your win.

2
Schnozz
Oct 09, 2007

Get your skates on? Was that ... was that a derby metaphor?

Please say yes. (Lie to me if you have to.)

All those baked goods look awesome. I think my eyes are fatter just from looking at them.

3
Rachael W
Oct 09, 2007

Those look SO good. I would actually like to eat everything on that table, although that might not be such a good idea: this summer I was an honorary journalist judge for a culinary contest at the County Fair, and I kinda never wanted to see a pie again after that. I'm sure all your readers that still live in Britain are thanking you for posting this recipe right now.

4
Super-S
Oct 09, 2007

Holly that looks YUM! Congratulations on the win. As of three weeks ago I DO live in the UK. I think I'll be popping round to Tesco later this afternoon...

Mm...already salivating.

5
gina
Oct 09, 2007

Holly, this was a cruel post. Cruel because the ingredients for your dessert could not be more unattainable here in Brazil yet you've taken the picture of something heavenly, told me it's possible to eat the batter WHICH IS SHINY, left me hanging to drool upon my computer's keyboard, and then offered only half-heartedly to take my first born child. I am not pleased this morning.

6
sgazzetti
Oct 09, 2007

Congratulations on your big win, Holly. From the looks of it, it was well deserved.

Nestle's Smarties are my firstborn child's current favorite candy. He has a pronunciation quirk at the moment which renders all 'S + Consonant' combinations as 'F', though, so it's a bit odd when he starts screaming for 'Farties'.

7
lynda
Oct 09, 2007

You know what goes well in those too? Some sultanas (or dried cherries if you are posh) soaked in rum till they are all squishy and yummy. Because obviously the only major and essential food group missing from that recipe is booze......

8
Mark
Oct 09, 2007

I missed lurker Wednesday. I work in operations at a nuclear power plant. Hey to Sean.

9
lisa
Oct 09, 2007

Thanks for the recipe! Happily (or sadly, depending on how you see it) I go to World Market often enough that I even know where all those ingredients are stocked! I've heard about the incredible goodness of Golden Syrup from my husband but now I have the perfect excuse to try it!

10
Zoe
Oct 09, 2007

Oh this is exactly what I needed. I've just moved to Paris and although I'm not exactly homesick, this reminder of glorious English cooking, secondary school-style (Mars bar crispies anyone?) just made my day. Thank you.

11
leandra
Oct 09, 2007

Oh my god, that sounds delicious AND I just happen to be going to Whole Foods this week for a sale on organic raspberries that my hubby mentioned. This very same hubby loves chocolate desserts. Coincidence?

12
andrea_jennine
Oct 09, 2007

Oooh, that looks yummy! I'm going to World Market this week to get some supplies for gift baskets I need to make for work, so I'll have to look for ingredients #1-4 while I'm there.

13
Sherry
Oct 09, 2007

You can get a whole hunk of those ingredients here in Canada! Goooooo Canada!

14
Kristin
Oct 09, 2007

Congrats! And all that talk of British delicacies really made me want to move back to the UK. Digestives! Smarties! Cadbury drinking chocolate! Though luckily you can now purchase most of those things at any Duty Free airport shop in Europe, praise be to God.

P.S. I totally had the Gameboy Home Alone game (and VHS of the movie, too, but who didn't?). And the Nintendo game. That would be Nintendo original, not any of this 64, Game Cube, Wii crap. Though come to think of it, I did order a Wii, which should come in today, weeee!

15
theysaysilenceisgold
Oct 09, 2007

Makes my teeth hurt a lot. I wonder if the bananas and the orange were the healthy alternatives? Congratulations on the win - I'd go for chocolate biscuit cake anytime.

16
Amyella
Oct 09, 2007

Thought I'd offer this up to your readers who may be too lazy (like me!) to actually GO shopping anymore and rely almost solely on the internets and the UPS man to bring me things.

http://www.britshoppe.com/mcvitdigbis.html
http://www.britshoppe.com/lylgolsyr.html
http://baimp4u-store.stores.yahoo.net/caddrinchoc.html
http://baimp4u-store.stores.yahoo.net/smin6bag.html

Thanks for the recipe!

17
Willow
Oct 09, 2007

I will definitely try this recipe because, while on a lifelong diet, I can not resist chocolate anything.....
Question - Why the heck are there two bananas in the middle of all that gluttonous goodness???

18
Jennie
Oct 09, 2007

I think I'll make these this weekend and post pictures as proof. Really this gives me an excellent excuse to go to World Market and get both Strongbow and Mumms champagne. Fine and perhaps some earrings.

19
Jilly
Oct 09, 2007

Hurrah for British naughtiness. I had tiffin cake this morning, yum.

20
Shawnte
Oct 09, 2007

I don't know if I'm actually going to bake anything, but I NEED TO FIND CADBURY'S DRINKING CHOCOLATE IMMEDIATELY. This may be the key to my long-term survival.

21
Alana
Oct 09, 2007

Shame on you, Holly. I have a newborn, (who you can't have, because she is such a good sleeper and her neck smells so good), and shouldn't be driving yet. I will now have to go to World Market and get those ingredients. I have been dying to bake something, and it looks like this will be the chosen recipe. I cannot wait to taste that Drinking Chocolate!

22
Nothing But Bonfires
Oct 09, 2007

To answer a question that keeps arising, the bananas are there because every Monday at work, we get a fruit delivery. Normally this fruit is the Prom Queen of the kitchen table, if you will, but sadly the bake sale coincided with the Monday Fruit Delivery and so the fruit was relegated to runner-up in the face of all that fat and sugar. So I guess someone felt sorry for the bananas (and the one lone orange!) and put them on the table in case anyone was looking for an alternative to a sugar coma and clogged arteries.

23
aBd libbing
Oct 09, 2007

Thanks for the recipe! Have been in the UK for a month and have been too scared to bake anything out of fear of converting the temperature wrong and burning everything, so being able to stick something in the fridge sounds awesome. Now, if only the fridges in this country weren't so damn tiny...

24
Mrs. Kennedy
Oct 09, 2007

I cannot wait to try this. We have a nearby market that has a whole shelf of strange British foodstuffs, and now they will find a purpose in my kitchen.

25
Dani
Oct 09, 2007

Mmmm, fatty sugary goodness! I want to make your cake, but don't live near a World Market or other international-goodies store! I've taken the links from a commenter above and may consider purchasing the ingredients on line, which will surely earn me a slap on the wrist from my more practically-minded fiance who will point out that I have hundreds of sweets recipes that don't require internet-ordered ingredients. I care not. And I'm also going to talk to my HR Manager, stat, about setting up a charity bake sale, so thank you for that inspiration!

26
Tracy27
Oct 09, 2007

Oh God, those are tiny bricks of awesomeness. Golden syrup, tea biscuits, Smarties and Cadbury's - I'm getting the vapors. (I was actually guessing the biscuity part might be Cadbury Fingers before I read the recipe - maybe still worth trying if one wanted to crank the sweetsometer to 11 on the things).

27
SJ/The Simple Family
Oct 09, 2007

You can also get the Smarties from a Canadian.

I'm fascinated with the Brits and their food. My kids eat cookies (from the UK) called Jammie Dodgers.

Have no idea what the heck that means, but they like em.

28
Leah
Oct 09, 2007

Oh hell yes. We're going to England for Thanksgiving and I know what I'll be contributing to the holiday feast!

29
Disarming
Oct 09, 2007

what timing!

I have a bake sale at work coming up next week (winner gets a pink! kitchenaid mixer - alas, not hot pink)

I'm already entering:
Homemade Oreos
Snowflake Brownies (thank you Nigella)

this should be the perfect third entry.

Do you think its SUPER obvious I really want that mixer? Most people are only entering one thing.

30
Super-S
Oct 09, 2007

Ok, I went ahead and made this (all the ingredients minus the butter were on the same shelf at Tesco! And the digestives were two packets for 1.50! It's like they knew I was coming) and OH DEAR GOD. I keep going back to the fridge to look in on the dear things, and it's taking all my willpower not to eat the entire tray before my boyfriend gets to try it.

*Sigh* and thank you for this easy and yummy recipe.

31
Luisa
Oct 09, 2007

Yes! Finally! Something else I can make with the bottle of Lyle's Golden Syrup gathering dust in my cupboard... As for Smarties, is there anywhere you can actually buy them in the States?

32
Nothing But Bonfires
Oct 09, 2007

Luisa, I found my Smarties at World Market. See if there's one near your house: http://www.worldmarket.com/home.jsp
Of course, you don't NEED the Smarties. They just look pretty.

33
Colin
Oct 09, 2007

Is it wrong that the first thing I noticed in that top picture was not, as one might expect, the proliferation of deliciousity (...go with it), but the kitchen floor? Seriously. First thought. "Wow, that's a great floor." I...I'm so ashamed.

(It is a great floor, though. I'm a sucker for kicky vinyl-tile patterns, apparently.)

34
nancypearlwannabe
Oct 10, 2007

Oh man, the orange Smarties were always my favorite when my grandmother brought us back candy from England. Well, that and Flakes.

I need dessert, stat.

35
MJ
Oct 10, 2007

So, is the person who made sugar lollipops and put them in an attractive wicker basket ever so slightly peeved that she lost? Though your wicker tray looks good.

And I second (or third) the comment that most of these ingredients are available in Canada...where the Queen of England is also the head of state. This recipe may just have saved me from making rice krispie squares--or in my case, geometrical shapes that may vaguely resemble squares--one more time.

36
Vicki
Oct 10, 2007

This looks truly sinfully delicious and man, I can't wait to fatten my boyfriend up with it. Congrats, and thank you!

I thought I'd escaped its beautiful temptation, but then it popped up again in Slashfood:
http://www.slashfood.com/2007/10/09/no-bonfires-necessary-to-make-this-c...

I'm now convinced it's a vast internet conspiracy to part me from my newly fitting pants!

37
Mai
Oct 10, 2007

great! I love golden syrup, I live in Dubai and so does many Britis so it's easy to find golden syrup anywhere :) now I'v got something to do with all the syrup that is collecting dust, I was getting sick of eating parkin (because I bake it almost every month).

38
andrea
Oct 10, 2007

I just gained five pounds reading the recipe. Will be sending my husband to World Market on his way home this evening. I can't wait to eat an entire batch of these. Thanks Holly, now my jeans won't fit tomorrow.

39
squindia
Oct 11, 2007

wow! congratulations on the win. looks delicious! i am going on a mission for these ingredients.

40

Ronco Showtime Rotisserie...

Start eating healthier with the Ronco Showtime Rotisserie....

41
Alana
Oct 12, 2007

I made these yesterday, and they are SOOO good! They kind of remind me of cheesecake crust. I did have to take a newborn, who had a nasty diaper in the parking lot, which resulted in her being stripped naked in the back of my car and cleaned off, into World Market. Then, once I started making them at home, I had to bribe my six-year-old to feed the baby so that I could get the recipe done. It was worth it, though.

42
Beth
Oct 17, 2007

Great recipe.
Any chance we can find out the nutritional value for these? Calories/Total Fat and Fiber grams PER piece?