Should They Stay Or Should They Go?

Well, here he is, ladies and gentlemen, Brad Womack: the fine young stallion ABC has chosen for the newest season of The Bachelor, and a guy whom my friend Alison described as looking like "that Sigma Chi who'd slip a roofie in your drink when you weren't looking." I mean, is she right or is she right? I think she's right. You should also know that the guy happens to own a bar called The Chuggin' Monkey---please note the dropped "g" on "chugging" as I really think that's the classiest part---where I'm willing to bet that bespectacled blonde co-eds sit around reading Kant and drinking hot cocoa with skim milk while sedate young upperclassmen in argyle sweater vests adjust their monocles and challenge each other to a quiet game of chess. I mean, it just sounds like that sort of place, don't you think?

Oh look, there’s even a MySpace page! And as you can see, that's exactly what's going on!

So, The Bachelor is set to start again on September 24th, and truthfully, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, I'd like to reinstate Secret Bachelor Tuesdays---which started out during the Travis “No Top Lip” Stork season, and then continued with the Andy “No Top Lip” Baldwin season, sadly missing the intervening Prince Lorenzo Borghese season because I was traveling in Southeast Asia (although I’m willing to bet that he, too, had no top lip)---but the thing is this: they started out fun and then sort of got...less fun. This was mainly because each episode was only 60 minutes during Travis Stork's reign of shame, but then progressed to a slightly unbearable 90 minutes during the Andy Baldwin years. And when you're reading (and writing) about rose ceremonies and hot tubs and low-cut dresses, bitching and backstabbing and dumb-as-rocks contestants, 90 minutes is a lot of minutes. And that translates to a lot of words, many of which a lot of people (hello, sensible readers who don't watch The Bachelor! Good choice on your part!) don't really care about.

So since the Internet is a democracy and all---plus, I'm incapable of making a decision, like, seriously, not even about where I want to sit in a restaurant, it's sort of like a sickness---let's take a vote: keep Secret Bachelor Tuesdays and start them again for this new season---bearing in mind that they take an age to read (and write), and probably don't appeal to half the people who come to this site---or let them slink out slowly and quietly while they're still vaguely respected, sort of like Hugh Grant should have done a few movies ago? The choice is yours; please feel free to chime in.

A) Secret Bachelor Tuesdays, I'd like to get to know you better. Will you accept this rose?

B) Secret Bachelor Tuesdays, I'm just not feeling the connection. In fact, I don't think you're here for the right reasons. It's been an incredible journey, but I'm going to say goodbye. Here, let me escort you to the limo.

Don't get me wrong, I'm going to be watching either way. What, you thought I'd pass up the opportunity to see Brad Womack getting the women drunk on two Screwdrivers apiece and making them dance to 50 Cent on the bar of The Chuggin' Monkey? Are you kidding? I may not be able to make a decision, but I do have a soul.

Aug 14, 2007

A please!

Aug 14, 2007

This isn't a vote, but I was reminded that the funny older gentleman who owns my neighborhood corner store once said, as one of his male customers was leaving, "That guy is very nice, but I suspect he's a Republican. I can always tell because Republicans have no upper lip."

OK, I would vote for A-, unless you can afford to dictate to a paid typist. Then A all the way.

I wish you were watching So You Think You Can Dance. Hot.

Aug 14, 2007

A. Of course. If not, I have to watch. And your recaps are wayyy better than the real show. I know this because I tested that theory during one of the seasons. :)

Aug 14, 2007

B - I love your writing but I don't dig roses or guys with no top lips.

Aug 14, 2007

B - Watch the episodes, enjoy them and laugh at them. And if smth comes up other than the 'blonde bimbos drooling over no-top-lip bachelor in a bathtub' that you feel you want to share your opinion on with the rest of us, THEN write about it. Because it seems to me that you dont enjoy writing about it anymore. And if you dont enjoy it then there's no point.

Sarah Marie
Aug 14, 2007

I vote A-lite too. :)

Aug 14, 2007

I vote A. That guy looks like Matthew McConaughey's character from "Dazed and Confused" with a haircut and a suit (and even less charm). Imagine the snarky Holly comments once we've see more than just a photograph of him!

Aug 14, 2007

But, *gasp* he appears to have an upper lip! Are you sure that they're not going to pare it back down to 60mins?

Now, I don't get it in Prague, and I probably won't get it in London (eek!) and if it WERE viewing in London, then hopefully I'll have already amalgamated enough of a 'life' to not be sitting in and watching it.

So I'm gonna vote for A-lite too. Keep it to the point where you enjoy writing about it - maybe only write about the stuff that's (admittedly - marginally) different from all previous episodes.

That should be a 5 word limit then.

Good luck with it. And don't hate the readers who say's just 'cos you're good at it, damnit!

Aug 14, 2007

i'm going with "A" because i enjoy reading your posts, even though i don't watch the bachelor

Aug 14, 2007

A - even it's a four sentence review/recap.

Aug 14, 2007

Holy smokes. I had no idea so many of your readers would have such strong opinions on Secret Bachelor Tuesdays!
I too am a horrible decision maker but I'll say this - B - for my own selfish reasons...your recaps are hilarious and since I've never watched the show I feel I can still (thanks to you) actively participate in a heated debate with my hairdresser about who should get the final rose.

BUT, I can completely imagine the whole "oh man, I can't go out because The Bachelor's on and my public wants a recap..and I'm tired and don't feel like writing..."
So, I guess bottom line, even if you don't continue with Secret Bachelor Tuesdays, I'll still be reading whatever you post(as I'm SURE everyone else will be!)

Aug 14, 2007

B. I watch it sometimes, I skim your recaps, but honestly, the show is so tedious it's difficult to get interested in the recaps. Don't waste your time--or, if you decide you HAVE to, just maybe make them a short bit on your impressions more than recapping everything. Pick the highlights.

Aug 14, 2007


My journey with Secret Bachelor Tuesdays only began with the story of Andy, and I feel such a deep connection already, that I think, no, I KNOW, that I'm starting to fall in love with Secret Bachelor Tuesdays and can't wait to spend more time with SBT.

Aug 14, 2007

If you want to watch something REALLY disgusting (sure, who wouldn't?), catch Bret Michael's "Rock of Love" on VH1. You'll see a washed-out, used-to-be-cool, rock "star" trying to find love among the dregs of sub-human womankind. I can't turn it off, all the while wondering what would bring a woman to such depths, and then being totally ashamed of myself!

Aug 14, 2007

A! I don't watch the bachelor, but I love your recaps. They KILL me.

Heather B.
Aug 14, 2007

A. I also do not watch the show and yet you make it so very tempting.

Aug 14, 2007

Oooh. I liked the C option as well, given far above. I hate the show but love reading your recaps. But post only when you want to.

I have to say, he has no upper lip and I thought that was a mustache across his nonexistent lip and I was horrified but had to find a larger picture to make sure - alas, it is a rather thinly connected goatee.

Aug 14, 2007

option a, it wouldn't be the same without the communal mocking that takes place here.

Aug 14, 2007

Wow! Your readers feel strongly about this! I LOVE your recaps, but truthfully, I barely watch the show anymore - it's ridiculous! If you write them, I'll read them; if you don't, I won't really miss them. How's that for a non-answer? Maybe start recapping something else? Like Project Runway? Either way, I'll be happy.

Aug 14, 2007

Why yes, I will accept your rose. Option A! for this gal. The bachelor is nothing if not (hilarious, dysfunctional, and, thus) great blog fodder.

Aug 14, 2007

A. But only if you are committed and in this for the right reasons.

Aug 14, 2007

Oh, and whatever you decide, just follow your heart.

(But still A)

Jemma Riding
Aug 14, 2007

A! Please.

Aug 14, 2007

Holy Moses these comments. I vote B. I tend not to read the updates anyway. I'm happy to keep skipping them if A wins the day.

Aug 14, 2007

A! I don't even watch the show, but I love the recaps.

Aug 14, 2007

A. I can't wait to see where this journey takes us.

gina in sc
Aug 14, 2007

Ok, can i comment again? all of these people putting B should just NOT READ THAT DAY! i live for bachelor tuesdays (or wednesdays. sometimes thursdays).... ok, maybe i dont "live" for them, but i enjoy them so much!!

really, Holly. please?

Aug 14, 2007

A!! Love your recaps, and then I don't have to watch it :)

Aug 14, 2007

i wish you recapped rock of love with bret michaels. its the bachelor on meth.

Aug 14, 2007

A - Please please please keep up with it. Even if it was a shorter recap (as a previous post mentioned)

Aug 15, 2007

A) Secret Bachelor Tuesdays, I’d like to get to know you better. Will you accept this rose?

I freaking LOVE Secret Bachelor Tuesdays, and I need to know more about roofie-boy and his Chuggin' Monkey of Ultra Classiness. And since I don't have cable? You are my source, my hook-up, my Bachelor dealer.

kat f.
Aug 15, 2007

what if..i don't know - you picked a different show? a shorter one?

Aug 15, 2007

A! The Bachelor is cheesy goodness (at least when the girls are catfighting and crying).

Aug 15, 2007

holy cats, more voters are showing up for this than the last election. and my vote: A! love the recaps!

Saucepan Man
Aug 15, 2007

This is so far from the beginning, I've forgotten what the question was...!

I'd say 'A' but only if you promise to deliver at least one piece on an unrelated topic each week as well.

Also, not sure how long the season is but you won't be able to see US TV from mid-December, remember

Aug 15, 2007

B - But it's not you - it's me.

Aug 16, 2007

OH NO!!! Why are all you picking B??? Seriously, I am more excited about Bachelor Tuesdays than I am about College Football starting. Please don't take it away, PLLEASSSSEEEEE! It's just too funny. I can't live without it.

Aug 18, 2007

A! I like to share my secret shame with someone and you make me laugh.

Aug 19, 2007

A --- I, too, am a secret Bachelor watcher, and half the fun is reading your recaps (you say what everyone else is thinking!). In fact I'm double voting --- A again!

Aug 20, 2007

A please! I'm certainly not going to watch it and you make it so hilarious.