Close Encounters Of The Vaguely Awkward Kind

So a pretty funny thing happened last night, although I'm not sure whether it'll translate for the Internet. Or, come to think of it, whether it'll actually be as funny at 7:12am (when one is drinking a large glass of water) as it was at 11:03pm (when one had been drinking small, strong glasses of cold limoncello.) Do you know how small these glasses were, by the way? They were tiny!

I was almost afraid to drink from this glass, lest I accidentally crush it with my fist while raising it to my mouth. Or, you know, swallow it whole or something. I should have photographed the glass with a dollar bill next to it so that you got a sense of scale, but if you imagine, say, a cognac glass for a Barbie, you're halfway there. It was like a thimble! I wasn't quite sure where to put the remaining fingers I wasn't using to pinch it between my thumb and index finger, and I started feeling like Alice in Wonderland or, you know, the giant in Jack and the Beanstalk, which is not how one really wants to feel in a social situation. ("Fee fi, fo, fum! Give me some limoncello or I'll stomp all over your village!")

Anyway, where was I going with this? Oh yes, the funny thing! So as we were leaving after an evening of sausages and limoncello, we all stood up to say our goodbyes, and I noticed that my camera was sitting on the couch, in front of which Jemima and her Dimpled Husband were standing. And so I sort of stretched my arm out in the direction of the camera to indicate that I wanted one of them to pass it to me---although the words "would you pass me my camera, please?" would have done just as well---and then I stood there for ages with my arm stretched out like that, my wrist sort of limp, waiting for someone to pass it to me as the seconds ticked by, and there was a discernibly awkward feeling in the room and I couldn't figure out why.

And this is why: Jemima's Dimpled Husband THOUGHT THAT I HAD BEEN EXTENDING MY ARM FOR HIM TO KISS MY HAND! Like "okay guys, we're off, thanks so much for dinner, and by the way, dear sir, please kiss the royal hand." And so he didn't know what to do. Should he kiss his wife's friend's hand, even though he'd said goodbye to her on countless occasion before and she'd always opted for, say, a wave or sometimes even a hug, BUT NEVER A HAND-KISSING, or should he ignore the outstretched arm and go for something safe like maybe a salute?

Finally, I was all "Christ, could you pass me my camera, I've been standing here like this for ages," and the tension was broken and nervous laughs and relieved chuckles were had. But still. I can't be the only person who's had an awkward social moment like that! In fact, I know I'm not: there's a woman in my core strength class on Mondays who farts halfway through the lesson without fail. Often audibly.