Not Enough Air Miles In The World To Take All These Journeys

Oh! It's just so...final, isn't it? The last episode of this season's Bachelor ran on Monday night, which means this will be the last Secret Bachelor recap for many a month---possibly ever, depending on how much boredom and self-loathing I'm feeling by the time the next season comes around, and how much of a hole in my life there is that can only be filled with meaningless trash like this. Although, I'm honestly not sure whether my ears can take the endless repetition of "journey" and "connection" anymore, whether my eyes can bear the strain of a hundred more hot tub kisses and naked twentysomething flesh, or whether my brain might just spontaneously combust in the face of all this blatant mediocrity and cliche. And I would probably be in trouble if my brain spontaneously combusted, you know. Like, I bet they wouldn't want me to come to work anymore. What use is an employee without a brain?

Well, probably about as much use as a DOCTOR WITHOUT A BRAIN, which, coincidentally is what our bachelor proves himself to be this episode. (Did we all know he was a doctor, by the way? Yes? It's just he hasn't mentioned it very often, so I wanted you to be clear. Andy is a doctor. Got it? Good. Although you'd be forgiven for not knowing that. Like I said, he doesn't like to boast too much about what he does, our Andy. Very self-effacing. You probably didn't know he was a Navy diver either. Or an Ironman triathlete. Or Humanitarian of the Year. Or Jesus Himself, come to think of it, with maybe a smattering of God and George Clooney thrown in.)

(By the way, your keyboard should be dripping with irony right about now. Some Windex will take that right off.)

And it's on with the show! It's here, it's here, can you believe it? It's here! It’s the Most Romantic Season Ever! It’s the Moment We’ve All Been Waiting For! Who will get the final rose? Whose dreams of marrying an officer and a gentleman will come true? Ah, don't worry about that at the moment, let's just have a little flashback sequence of each woman so we can see her highs and lows. Ready? Go!

Bevin: ankle injury, making out, the dirty secret about being divorced, the breaking of the news to a shell-shocked Andy, hiking in Hawaii with a pink backpack to match Andy's blue one, kissing underwater, lazing down a river in an inner tube with sneakers on (attractive!), and the nauseating admission to the camera that she loves Andy followed by the bizarre squeak. That's Bevin!

Tessa: telling the muffin joke to a confused Andy upon first meeting (oh Tessa, you kooky thing), the freakout in the yellow dress that nearly ended in her leaving the show, wearing the diamonds from Andy, being browbeaten into telling him that she wants to fall in love, ziplining in Hawaii, and being scared and nervous at the same time. That's Tessa!

So now we've got that out of the way, we’re off to Lancaster, Pennsylvania, which I have never visited (have you?) but which raises some intrigue for me when I see the sign for an Amish horse and cart. The Amish, they fascinate me. Also, the Mennonites. Also the Mormons, but to a lesser degree. I must have something about wholesome-looking people in bonnets, I think. Anyway, we pull up to a nice-looking colonial house---the Baldwin Family Pad!---and learn that Andy hasn’t been home in two years. Huh, some family man! Inside we meet Andy's parents, grandparents, and sister Susie. It will come as no surprise to you that none of them have a top lip.

In the process of Andy telling his family a little bit about Tessa and Bevin, we learn that Tessa went to Middlebury College in Vermont, which is actually where an old flame of mine went (ah! that's a story for another day!), which makes me wonder if perhaps they knew each other, since Tessa would only have been a year or two younger. However, Old Flame's one desire in life, at least when I knew him, was to own a farm in Vermont and play his guitar and hang out naked all day---Old Flame was something of a hippie, and yet a hot one---and the simple fact that Tessa, you know, seems like she showers once a day, makes me doubtful that their paths ever really crossed. That would have been sort of awesome though, wouldn't it?

Anyway, we have a lot more to get through, so I'll quit with the "I wonder what he's doing now!" before I start, like, Googling him or something, and we'll get back to the Baldwin living room, where Andy is rousing the troops with a hearty "let's show them what we're about!" (goooooooooo Team Baldwin!) and a rendition of the icky "Operation Soulmate!" battle cry from a few episodes ago. Andy's sister, Susie, by the way---oh my god, I also have a sister called Susie, am I perfect for Andy or what?---at least has the good sense to seem vaguely embarrassed by her dorky brother. By the way, Susie has bright red ginger hair, as does Andy's mother, Cynthia. Not that there's anything wrong with ginger hair, but Tessa and Bevin might want to consider those genes very carefully, and perhaps ask themselves this: will a lipess carrot-top of a baby get as much attention at Gymboree as, say, a Shiloh Jolie-Pitt of a baby? Hmm, tough thoughts. I bet Cynthia Nixon's baby-daddy had to ask himself the very same thing.

Just before Tessa arrives at the Baldwin family home, we learn that the last time Andy brought a woman home was almost eight years ago. Hmm, I wonder why. No, seriously, I wonder why: is his family really embarrassing? Will Grandpa fart at dinner and blame it on Susie? Is Cynthia a horrible cook? Has Andy NOT ACTUALLY HAD A GIRLFRIEND in eight years? Really, inquiring minds and all that. Anyway, Tessa arrives and Cynthia and Susie peek through the blinds, and then chastise each other for peeking through the blinds. Tessa voice-overs that the overnight date "definitely brought [the] relationship to the next level" and that she "can’t wait to meet [her] future in-laws.” Uh, cart before the horse, Tessa, cart before the horse.

Inside, Andy and Tessa sit on the world’s smallest couch---is it maybe a piano bench?---and make polite conversation. Well, Tessa makes polite conversation; Andy suddenly interrupts her as she's talking---seriously, like completely out of nowhere---and bellows I’M GOING TO GET A DRINK YOU WANT A BEER? Tessa, sort of flustered, says "uh, yes, sure." Does Baldwin have Tourette's? What's the deal? Is he trying to show her up as an alcoholic? Is he proving to his parents that he's a grown-up now, so much of grown-up, in fact, that not only can he meet girls on TV, but he can also DRINK BEER in front of them, like a regular old normal adult? That was just...weird.

Not as weird, however, as Andy’s mother gazing longingly at Tessa, before following it up with "forgive me for staring at you, you’re just so beautiful!" Whoa, hands off, mom; this is Andy's territory! Although, I guess we at least know where he got his hamfisted flirting technique from.

Tessa helps Andy's mom with lunch---watch your back in there, Tess!---while Andy asks his grandfather what he thinks. Grandfather is sort of a dirty old bastard; he freely admits that back in his day, he would have been all over Tessa. This, bizarrely, is all the reassurance Andy needs. Damn, I knew there was a reason I was sad both my grandfathers died before I was born; they would have been excellent vetting tools for all the boys I brought home and needed approval on.

At the dinner table, Andy pressures his parents to tell the story of how they met AT CORNELL---does that have something of the Andy Bernard about it or what?---and Dirty Grandpa wants to know if Tessa is religious. Turns out she's a lapsed Catholic. Cynthia asks her why she went into social work, and where she hopes to see herself in five years. Tessa handles herself fairly well, though seems sort of surprised to hear the words "starting a family" coming out of her mouth. Cynthia has totally put something in the water, I know it.

After dinner, Andy asks Susie what she thinks. Susie really likes Tessa. Andy is worried that Tessa is too much of a “traveler” and he wants a commitment. Susie sits down to grill Tessa, at Andy's request, and ends up being quite impressed with her, despite the fact that she says all sorts of gooey, gushy, romantic stuff that girls really don't want to know about their brothers. Having satisfied everyone, Tessa leaves.

And probably drives right past Bevin, who is on her way to dinner at the Baldwin household that very night! Seriously, what kind of two-bit budget is ABC working on that they can't string this out to two separate days, at least, rather than crowding both visits into the same day? Think of poor Cynthia, having to make two nutritious, delicious, aesthetically appealing meals! Oh, right, except apparently she doesn't bother, because what appears on the dinner table during Bevin's visit looks alarmingly like cut-up Hot Pockets.

So Bevin shows up with flowers (nice touch!) and tells the camera that she knows they’re a pretty conservative family and hopes she can fit in. Well, that might be harder than expected: when asked about what she does for a living, Bevin starts telling Andy's very buttoned-up parents that she started a project at work that looks at libido in women going through menopause, and that she'd like to start studying sexual dysfunction. The Baldwin house just about implodes. Even Dirty Grandpa balks. There is silence. Cynthia says she's going to cook dinner.

At the table, Dirty Grandpa again asks about religion, and Bevin says that her parents both raised her in the Baha'i faith. Ba'what? (Don't worry, I looked it up. Ironically, divorce is strongly discouraged. As, presumably, is meeting men on TV.)

In an attempt to justify Bevin to his parents, who aren't really digging her, Andy says he has electricity running through his veins when he's with Bevin, and he doesn't have that with Tessa. Cynthia, perceptive Cynthia, says "it sounds like you're trying to justify us to her." Andy is crestfallen. Cyn always knows best!

As such, she and grandma---who up until this point, by the way, has been TOTALLY SILENT---go into the living room to grill Bevin. "When did you first feel a connection to Andy?" asks Cynthia, who's obviously been watching some Bachelor. Bevin gushes over Andy in a way that’s sort of creepy to be doing in front of his mother, sister, and grandma, but grandma apparently digs it, since she starts stroking Bevin's hair. And then it's time for a slide show, featuring a younger Andy. There is much laughing. Andy pretends to be embarrassed, but is secretly congratulating himself on being such an adorable child. Bevin leaves feeling good about everything. "I'd love to be a Baldwin! I think Bevin Baldwin sounds really good!" she says. Well, yeah, anything sounds really good if your name is currently Bevin Powers. (Thank you, Us Weekly, font of information that you are.) I wonder how often she gets asked if she's related to Austin.

We have a Baldwin family pow-wow; Andy is confused. Cynthia thinks Andy is more connected to Bevin, and surmises that the reason is because he feels confident she's crazy about him. "I want to see you with someone who's nuts about you," she says. "And she is totally crazy." Wait, what? Oh, "totally crazy about you." God, for a moment I thought Cynthia was speaking sense. Dirty Grandpa thinks the reason Andy is having such a hard time is because he's TURNED ON by Bevin. Yup, he uses those very words. Far from being embarrassed that his grandpa just used the words "turned on," Andy just nods seriously and says "yup."

By the way, there is a weird vase full of limes in the Baldwin living room which we keep seeing people being filmed in front of. I'm not quite sure what it's doing there, whether it was placed there by an earnest set designer in order to bring a little bit of Modern Chic to the Baldwin home or whether Cyn just got her new copy of Martha Stewart Living in the mail, but it's very much at odds with the twee window shades and the horrid studded red leather couch. I can't stop staring at this stupid vase of limes.

Back in Hawaii, Bevin and Andy meet up for a final date. He says he has a surprise for her, and we round a corner and see a helicopter. Bevin has this weird laughing fit that goes on and on and on, and becomes sort of awkward and borderline hysterical, so much so that I want to hand her a paper bag. Breathe, Bev, breathe. Apparently she is scared of helicopters.

Or perhaps, sensible girl, she is just scared of helicopters PILOTED BY ANDY (seriously, he's a pilot now too?) They take a short flight, and Andy freaks me out by continuously taking his eyes off the wheel (wheel? stick? controls? I don't know) to make out with Bevin. Like, MAYBE THIS IS NOT THE TIME, ANDY! KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS! Back on the ground, they share a picnic and some rather stilted questions and answers ("Do you think. You'd be happy here. With me.") and then Bevin says "I'm putting my faith in the time we spend together." What, your BAHA'I faith?

That evening, Andy says to Bevin "I’m in freakin’ love" and then does this really high-pitched girl sigh. Bevin has never felt this way about anyone. She sees an amazing future. She feels like it was meant to be. "What do you see yourself doing on your 31st birthday?" she asks Andy. "Getting married," he says. "On your birthday?" she asks. "Why not?" he replies. Uh I can tell you a million reasons why not. For a start, it would be a whole lot more expensive than just going to a bar like normal people do.

Bevin has present for Andy, and it comes with an ugly card in which she's written the rather awkward and clunky sentence “and it is with you that I want to spend my life until the end of time." (Dude, the copy-editor in me had a field day with that. Get me a red pen, stat!) She gives him a watch, and here is the reason: because every time she’s been with him, it’s been like TIME STOOD STILL. Get it? So she gave him the gift of time! But wait, does that even make sense? Shouldn't she have given him a stopped watch? Or even a stopwatch?

No matter, there's a declaration of love coming up. "Lieutenant Andrew James Baldwin, I love you. I love you!" says Bevin. "Are you serious?" says Andy. "Yes, I’m dead serious. I can see our amazing future. I hope you can see that too," replies Bevin. There is some kissing. And then finally Andy returns the sentiment ("I love you too, Bev.")

To the camera, Bevin says "there’s no chance in hell that he would leave me standing without a rose at the last rose ceremony." Wow, that's a jinx if ever I heard one.

It's time for Tessa's last date with Andy, which is almost identical at first to Bevin's ("I have a surprise for you!"), although Tessa's surprise turns out to be horseback riding on the beach, instead of a helicopter ride with Andy. Luckily, horses do not make Tessa hyperventilate. They do, however, make her flustered. "Look at what a cute butt he has!" she says, riding behind Andy. And then "Uh, not you, Andy! Your horse!" Wow, that was great. Have I told you I love Tessa? I LOVE TESSA! More than Andy, even! Except Andy doesn't love Tessa, does he? I mean, he can't---he loves Bevin. Right? Oh, naive reader. You just wait.

After the riding, there's some tomfoolery in the ocean with a weird plastic floaty toy, then a beer on the beach, and lots of excitement about the future from Tessa. That evening, Andy comes to Tessa’s hotel suite for one final evening, and asks her if there's anything she's scared of (apart from people walking on rugs with thin socks, we presume.) Apparently, the producers suggested to both girls that they might want to have a present for Andy, as Tessa also presents him with a package. There's a sappy note that includes the word "journey"---just one of many, many, many occasions it occurs in this episode----and then Tessa presents him with a home-made collage and tells him she's totally fallen in love with him. It's possible Andy is about to cry. He says "I love you, Tessa Horst, I freakin' love you!" (Horst? Really? Wow, she'd be better off with Baldwin, too.)

So let's get this straight, by the way: Andy has now told BOTH girls he loves them. This makes him the worst bachelor in Bachelor history. Did Andrew Firestone do this? No! Did Bob Guiney? Did the uglier brother of Jerry O'Connell do this, or even Sleazy Aaron? No! And no, and no again. Andy is officially In Some Deep Shit. And I can't wait to see how it turns out.

It's the big day! We see Andy walking around shirtless, and then Tessa in her pajamas opening the curtains and eating breakfast on the balcony. Andy describes Tessa as "refined, sophisticated, and versatile"---what does he think she is, a nice bottle of Chardonnay?---and then goes for a run to calm his nerves. He stops midway and puts his head in his hands. "It's not every day that a guy realizes, wow, I could propose to both women today," he says. Should I make my Utah joke here? Should I? Oh alright, I won't.

Andy goes ring-shopping and chooses a rather plain and boring round-cut diamond, forced upon him by an overzealous saleswoman. But who should he give it to? "I really need to dig down deep and see who’s touched my heart the deepest," he says. And this is where I crack: "HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW WHO YOU'RE GOING TO PROPOSE TO?" I shout at the television screen. The cat jumps. Actually, both cats jump.

The moment arrives. Andy, apparently, has "thought a lot about it, and after racking [his] brain and listening to [his] heart, [he] know[s] what [he's] going to do." He's hopeful he's made the right decision. Honestly, I still cannot understand how it would even BE a decision. But maybe I'm just old-fashioned. Maybe all the kids these days are getting engaged after meeting on TV. Maybe it's a phenomenon. Like MySpace.

Tessa is scared. But her turquoise dress is pretty. Bevin is not quite so scared. And yet her dress is not quite so pretty. She cries in the limo. She can’t believe this is actually happening.

This journey has changed Andy’s life more than anyone could ever realize. You know, in case you care.

Bevin arrives and Chris Harrison escorts her to Andy, while the voiceover tells us that she loves Andy, that they’d have a wonderful future together, that it’s beyond her wildest dreams, that’s he taught her to open up and trust, and she’s risking everything, and they were meant to be. They hug. The wind plays havoc with her hair. Then Andy puts his fingers in it and screws it up some more. Here, by the way, is Andy's speech to Bevin. I transcribed it word for word. You're welcome. It rivals the poetry of Shakespeare, you know:

"You are so beautiful, you know that? I thought so from the first time I saw you. Our connection is electric like I’ve never felt before. You have so much courage and strength and I know you’ve put yourself out there. You said that you loved me and I want you to know that I love you too. I wish I could show you how much I feel about you. And this is the finest line between someone I love and...someone I love and it’s the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make in my life."

Uh-oh, kiss of death! Bevin knows it’s over. She puts her hands over her face and starts crying. "I want you to know that this is not a rejection at all," says Andy, as he rejects her, "but there’s somebody who has touched my heart deeper." There is some crying, some "Bevin, look at me," some "you are beyond wonderful and amazing." Bevin is silent. Her mascara, however, which is streaking down her face, lets us know exactly how she's feeling. Why don’t the makeup artists use waterproof mascara, that's what I want to know! We saw the girls getting their makeup done! The professionals had to know there would be crying! How irresponsible!

Bevin is escorted away in a limo. Inside, she sobs. There is some self-pity. "You, like, love somebody and they don’t love you back," she wails. "I thought we could have a future together and now I feel like a fool. This happens to me all the time! This is the story of my life!"

Not that it would make her feel any better to know it, but back at the mansion, Andy is also crying.

Chin up, though! Here comes Tessa! There's lots of lovey-dovey shit (including Andy saying "you make me laugh until I get sidestitches," which sounds like some weird German translation) and then Andy says "you know what’s so special about today? It’s just you and me." And then he gets down on one knee. "I’ve always imagined this day," he says. "I’ve met this woman who makes me feel so happy and so unbelievably amazing. All I want to say to you is Tessa……will you marry me?"

And damnit, she says yes.

And then awkwardly bends down to kiss him, which just looks weird. There is some shouting and whirling around and laughing. Tessa accepts the final rose. (The final rose!) "Up Where We Belong" starts playing, over a montage of Tessa and Andy's dates together. All four of them.

And that’s it, kids. It's all over! Thank you so much for being such ardent, patient fans of Secret Bachelor Tuesdays-That-Were-Never-Tuesdays, and for all the lovely, hysterical, awesome comments you left. I've appreciated your input, your feedback, and your fantastically sarcastic and witty asides more than you can imagine; we should totally have a beer together sometime. If you haven't already, may you all find your own personal doctor/triathlete/humanitarian one day and live happily ever after. Although please make sure he has a top lip.

Mentions of the word "connection": 9
Mentions of the phrase "journey": a whopping 13, if you can believe it. Talk about going out with a bang.

1
AT
May 23, 2007

OH. MY. FREAKIN'. GOD! You must be exhausted. How can you possibly go to work today. Your eyes and mind have had to ingest that crap and then, to ad salt to the wound, you have had to regurgitate it for those of us who are too sad to stay up past 9pm.

You deserve a prize. Or a night out with tequila. Or, better yet, a night out with tequila drinks where the swivel stick IS a prize.

2
gina in sc
May 23, 2007

Oh Holly-you have been so good to us this whole season!! thank you for your hard work and smart ass-ness to get us through....
btw, did you watch the aftershow? oh my...

let's totally have a beer sometime!

3
Kate
May 23, 2007

This is great! There's no irony dripping from my keyboard--only tears of laughter. Thanks for the sidestitches.

4
Unstrung Harpy
May 23, 2007

Ok, maybe this will make you want to nix the idea of getting a beer with me, but right at the very end when the credits were rolling and Tessa and Andy were being interviewed, I actually thought they were very cute and goofy together. Has the show completely brainwashed me??

5
Sheila
May 23, 2007

I didn't watch this episode, preferring instead to visualize it from your totally awesome recap. There is one thing that disturbs me above all other things. Did they actually play "Up Where We Belong" at the end? REALLY?!?

More disturbing, I suppose, is that THAT is what sent me over the edge. I must have a stone for a heart.

6
Sadie
May 23, 2007

I like that AT thinks it's called a "swivel stick." Heh

7
megan
May 23, 2007

So...how long do you give the engagement after she actually WATCHES the show?

8
Daily Tragedies
May 23, 2007

Really? REALLY?!?! Did you throw something at the TV when Tessa said yes???

OK, sorry, I know it's not your fault. Thank you, Holly, for sitting through the entire season and presenting it to us here. You saved me the stress and plaque build-up in the arteries that would have occurred, had I watched it myself!

9
Pink Herring
May 23, 2007

I still have never seen the actual show, but I am so sad that it is over. I can see the future, and it looks bleak without my electric connection to Secret Bachelor Tues/Weds/Thurs/Next Tuesdays. It's been quite a journey.

10
Amanda
May 23, 2007

OK so I did some researching after this wrap-up blog, and Andy has a website! And on this website is an article!

Please people, read how freakin' wonderful Andy is:
http://andybaldwin.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=36&Item...

Truly a hero that boy....truly a hero.

11
Kelli
May 23, 2007

Oh Holly, I've felt such a "connection" with your blog and have really enjoyed this "journey" with you and your readers.
Thank you for such fabulous recaps this season! I never once turned on the show but was able to talk over my office water cooler with the best of them (and whenever I lacked for conversation I'd always say - "have you noticed he has no top-lip?")

12
camille
May 23, 2007

must add to count:
mentions of the phrase "touched my heart the deepest" - 3

13
slynnro
May 23, 2007

I was so hoping for a transcript of the ridiculous crap he said about Tessa before she arrived about "reaching for the stars" and whatnot. I was quite possibly the most cliche ridden soliloquy of the entire Bachelor series. Which, as you know, is seriously sayin' something.

14
Diane
May 23, 2007

Awesome recap! I still can't believe that she said yes to such a lipless wonder!!! Holly - thanks so much for the 'sidestitches' of the Bachelor recaps. The show makes me want to hurl with all the utterings of 'journey' and 'connection', hot tub kisses and wimpy-ass men but your recaps made me look at the show with new and evermore sarcastic eyes.

15
Colleen
May 23, 2007

Thank you Holly!

16
Chiada
May 23, 2007

Holly, your recaps have been so enjoyable to read. Thank you so much for your wit, humor, sarcasm, insight, and all of the hilarious asides. I did not watch one episode of this season's Bachelor, and it was because your recaps were that good.

Put all of this into your book of Bachelor Recaps. Maybe it could be sold in tandem with The Bachelor series DVD. Heee!!!

17
DM
May 23, 2007

I have never watched this show and I hopefully never will because of your recaps. You are fantastic and are right, the irony came right up with a little Windex.

I'm glad I'm not the only one that screams at the television screen. You should hear me telling Paula Abdul to shut up and actually say something normal for once in her life.

18
lisa
May 23, 2007

Can you even imagine being Tessa and having to watch how difficult it was for your fiance to choose whether to propose to you or to the other girl he said he loved? How awful! Poor girl- looking at a lifetime of lipless kisses and sentence fragments with a guy who chose her despite the lack of electricity. Nice.

19
Ali
May 23, 2007

I was sure Tessa had two brain cells to rub together, but, alas, I was mistaken. Damn. I actually flipped to the wrap-up show (don't judge me!) and my question is this: When the interviewer asks "Have you started talking about marriage yet?" my first thought is...huh?

Didn't The Lipless One just propose?

Didn't The Poor Girl just say yes?

And why the heck are they both satring at each other blankly?? These are things you *discuss* before getting on TV, people!
I pity the children.

Thanks for this, Amanda!:
http://andybaldwin.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=36&Item...

20
heaths.b
May 23, 2007

you forgot to mention that bevin got the consolation prize of andy saying "i will never forget you". like that makes the experience worth while for the girl who didn't get picked. great recap!

21
Sassha
May 23, 2007

I apologize if you've already shared this little tidbit of fun... But OMG...

"Coincidentally, Baldwin’s former girlfriend, Kerry Phyilliaer, was a contestant on the fourth season of the show."

Uh huh.

22
Maya
May 23, 2007

All this recapping makes me *almost* want to watch the next season of T.B. Almost. Which is sayin' a lot, honestly. But I find your recaps much more entertaining, so I will just go ahead and keep reading them. You've elippsed yourself.

Sorry.

23
RadiantSky
May 23, 2007

Wait wait wait..

You mean Andy is a doctor? All this time? I wish he would've mentioned it at some point. Next thing I know you'll be telling me he's an ironman triathelete too, geeze.

Great recaps, I will miss them. It also makes me wonder if when Tessa watches the show back, her nice memory of the day she got engaged will be ruined by the fact that he told another woman he loved her...like 6 and a half minutes before that.

24
Melanie
May 24, 2007

That was just an amazing journey. So many connections were made.

How long do you think they'll last? I vote that the actual wedding will never even happen. I'm going to miss these secret bachelor whatever-days. Do you think there'll be another ultra-cheesy show on that you can condense for us? Because that would rock.

25
Susie
May 24, 2007

Fortunately, I don't have bright red ginger hair! Unfortunately, my last name is not Baldwin - ooh Alec, he's so dreamy!

26
Luke
May 24, 2007

Ha ha ha! I laughed so hard I got sidestitches!

27
geofftech
May 24, 2007

3,900 words. And the Gold award to 'longest blog post I've ever seen' goes to ...

28
Bill
May 24, 2007

A better source on the Baha'i Faith is www.bahai.org or www.bahai.us. You are right that the Baha'i Faith discourages divorce; it also encourages prospective couples to learn about each other's qualities and behavior before contemplating marriage; and it calls upon people to be chaste - avoiding sexual involvements outside of marriage. Bevin may have been raised with the Baha'i Faith, but it is unclear that she herself subscribes to it. More importantly, Baha'u'llah (the glory of God), the founder of the Baha'i Faith, called us to recognize the fundamental oneness of humanity, taught that the world's great faiths are progressively revealed chapters of a single divine religion, and gave us spiritual and social principles for the next stage of humanity's collective evolution.

29
Diane
May 24, 2007

Totally unrelated to The Bachelor - but I just read that Spencer just popped the question to Heidi and she said yes! Is she really that blind to what a total ass he is? Any thoughts Holly? Maybe you could replace The Bachelor with NBB recaps of The Hills!

30
Shannon
May 25, 2007

You forgot to mention that the man is clearly the worst kisser on earth, and WHY were we subjected to the horrific sounds for the outrageous amount of times he kissed those poor women. I would have said NO on that basis alone.

31
AT
May 25, 2007

OH DEAR GOD!!! It's swizzel stick isn't it? Swiffer stick? No that doesn't sound right. Stiring rod? There is no way to not make this obscene. I rather like the sound of swivel stick too though now that you mention it Sadie.

Sorry to interupt Holly. Carry on.