Extremely Shallow Film Reviews, Part 2: Thoughts That Crossed My Mind While Watching Zodiac, Starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Mark R

Hmm, Jake Gyllenhaal or Mark Ruffalo---which one would I choose?
Well, which one would I choose in this movie? I mean, if this is how they actually looked in real life, Mark Ruffalo with his extra 20 pounds of weight and his mutton-chop sideburns, and Jake Gyllenhaal with his---well, actually, Jake Gyllenhaal pretty much looks the same. I suppose I'd choose Jake Gyllenhaal then. If I had to have Mark Ruffalo with those sideburns---I mean, if it was absolutely non-negotiable.
But what about in this scene here, where Mark Ruffalo suddenly doesn't look quite so porky, and he's actually doing something rather endearing? Jake Gyllenhaal looks a bit like a horse in this scene. No, a water buffalo. No, a wildebeest. No, maybe a puppy. He's very puppyish.
Holly Gyllenhaal. Holly Ruffalo. Holly Gyllenhaal. Holly Ruffalo.
Hang on a minute, why aren't either of them aging? It was 1965 a minute ago and now it's 1982 and Jake Gyllenhaal still looks like he's twelve. But maybe that could work in his favor---if I were choosing, I mean. Not that I fancy twelve year old boys or anything, but there'd definitely be less bitching about the grey hairs and the beer belly, wouldn't there? And I probably wouldn't have to deal with the red sports car and the affair with the secretary later on, if he just continued to look twelve his whole life.
Oh, San Francisco! Oh look, I know where that is! That's where Jemima lives! Right where that---oh god, right where that guy's getting....stabbed to death.
Well, what about if Mark Ruffalo and Jake Gyllenhaal had the personalities they have in this movie, but the looks they have in normal life? Then who would I choose?
I wonder if one can have a seizure from sitting this close to the screen.
Ooh, Chloe Sevigny! Sean went to high school with her! Wow, did they just let her keep the wardrobe from Big Love for this movie? It should be against the law to wear anything that high-waisted. Wait a minute, didn't Sean once say he used to have a crush on her? I think maybe he did. I wonder if he meant now or back then?
How long has this film been going on anyway? Have I had another birthday in the meantime? Am I going to get fired for missing a year of work? Does no-one else in the theatre think this is the longest movie in the world? My clothes are going to be out of fashion by the time I finally leave this cinema. It's going to be 2010! Am I the only one with a numb bottom? What if it's serious? What if it's an underlying symptom of a terrible illness and I just think it's from sitting in an uncomfortable movie theatre and so I don't do anything about it and then it turns out there's actually something really wrong with me? Oh god, should I ask Sean if his bottom's numb too? Should I ask him if he meant he had a crush on Chloe Sevigny then or if he has a crush on Chloe Sevigny now? Will people tell me to sssshhhhhhh if I do?
Mark Ruffalo. Definitely Mark Ruffalo. Oh, wait a minute---Robert Downey Junior is in this too? Now, there's an idea...

1
Sarah Marie
Apr 06, 2007

I'm much more enamored with Maggie Gyllenhaal than with Jake. I bet she'd be an awesome sister-in-law...

2
DM
Apr 06, 2007

I can't stop laughing over this. I wanted to see Zodiac just because Robert Downey Junior and Mark Ruffalo are hot and I have inappropriate thoughts about both of them and large vats of milk chocolate but now, reading this, I have saved myself the worries of "Numb Bottom Syndrome." Thank you for that.

Best lines out of this has to be "Oh, San Francisco! Oh look, I know where that is! That’s where Jemima lives! Right where that—oh god, right where that guy’s getting….stabbed to death." Made me snort.

3
Patrick
Apr 06, 2007

That's why I'm fond of going to movies by myself. If I'm that bored/distracted, I'm all "seeeeeee ya."

Hey Holly, just by the by...I just scrolled down a little to the Dirt Devil entry; I was the last to comment in there a few days ago--#30--and wanted to know if the thread was still alive, and if your readers were still discussing the efficacy of the DD hand-held. I mean, I really did want to know if it was worth the trip to Target and the 20 clams.

I saw there were #41 comments, so I thought "score!" and popped into that entry. And there was spam. 11 additional "comments" of smut and levitra.

Does this happen with some degree of frequency? Do you or Sean have to go in and clean all that up from time to time? I just thought that was the oddest thing--mini-spams in a blog's comments section.

Well, *your* blog's comment section, specifically.

4
Kari
Apr 06, 2007

Ah yes, great performances by all. But Robert Downey Jr...he's just in a class by himself.

5
labohemienne
Apr 06, 2007

Would you leave the love of your life for Mark Ruffalo? Now, that's a loaded question! But shit, if he gave me just the slightest look of lust, I'd drop everything. The man is hot! And if I could get the two for one Ruffalo-Downey Jr combo... Yes Please. With sprinkles on top! I just discovered your blog and simply love it daaahling! Thanks for the laughs!

6
Chiada
Apr 06, 2007

LOLOLOL Holly. I'm glad I'm not the only one who used to combine her first name with the last name of her many loves. I'm so cracking up.

Every time I think of Mark Ruffalo I picture him in his tighty-whities shaking his bum on the fold out sofa bed with Kirsten Dunst in Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind. Gotta love it.

7
Maya
Apr 07, 2007

Yup. Mark Ruffalo gives me an instant tighty-whitey mental picture. Gyllenhaaaalll wins via blue, blue eyes. Only by a hair, though - and only as long as no one asked me if he was my son.

8
Adele
Apr 07, 2007

Wow, this is a complete revelation to me.

I could never understand how Mark Ruffalo got to be in so many movies. I thought it was because he was related to someone in the casting department...or had a really good agent. I mean how could someone so un-hot, so un-mcdreamy keep getting all these romantic leads?

But NOW I see that I am the freak in this sideshow cos everyone else seems to think he is McHotDreamyMcSteamy!

WEIRD.

Have I passed into some weird age category where I only fancy George Clooney and John Travolta...and OLD guys?

I do NOT get the Ruffalo thing.

But about Downey Junior....yum, we agree on that one.

9
Susie
Apr 07, 2007

When you first wrote Holly Gyllenhaal I thought you'd written Holy Gyllenhaal like it was some cool new expression, like Holy Gyllenhaal I spilt coffee all over me!

P.S. Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon are going out! Yes!

P.P.S. Adele, I agree, if loving John Travolta is wrong, I don't want to be right!

10
jennifer
Apr 07, 2007

Funny review!

God yes. Mark Ruffalo. YesYesYes. There's just something about that man. Even with the sideburns and the funky 70's wardrobe, I'd still leave the love of my life for one night with him.

He's also a terrific actor--incredibly talented and a sweet guy too.

11
Em
Apr 07, 2007

Ooo, Mark Ruffalo. I have watched HORRIBLE movies just because he was in them (hi, XXXY? You stink! Rumor Has It?? UGH!) and then I pulled a picture of him out of a magazine and two of my friends were like "he looks like Bob!" So apparently I may have picked my boyfriend because he SLIGHTLY resembles a famous actor.

Shhh. Don't tell.

12
Gretchen
Apr 07, 2007

Jake Gyllenhaal is totally Tobey Maguire with big eyebrows glued on. I mean, have you ever seen them together?

13
Gallaudet
Apr 08, 2007

Hi! You are funny! Also, you have ads! Good for you!

Sorry. It's been a while since I've been out and about in the blogosphere. Catching up.

That comment you left on my blog made my week. Maybe my year. Thank you!

14
LOD
Apr 09, 2007

Holly Downey Jr. trills off the tongue nicely. And just think of all the free crank.

15
natalie
Apr 09, 2007

After five minutes of sitting here muttering to myself "Holly Gyllenhaal. Holly Ruffalo. Holly Gyllenhaal. Holly Ruffalo." I have decided Holly Gyllenhaal sounds better (and what's cooler than having two double l's in one's name?? nothing that is what) but Holly Ruffalo looks better.

16
Chiada
Apr 09, 2007

Oh my goodness, I was sooo rolling on the floor at Gretchen's comment. YES!!! You are so right!! That's what it is about Gyllenhaal that ever so slightly unnerves me! I mean, the guy is hot, yes. But there's always just been something about him. And Gretchen hit it right on. Although, that is the extent to which he reminds me of Tobey. Of course, Tobey reminds me of Frodo, I mean Elijah Wood, hehe ;) but that doesn't mean that Gyllenhaal reminds me of Elijah Wood. No way.

17
Nothing But Bonfires
Apr 09, 2007

Wait, Toby Maguire and Elijah Wood aren't the same person also? What's the difference between THEM?

18
tamara
Apr 09, 2007

Holly ~
Just discovered your site, and this is quite possibly the best film review I have ever read. Ever. (Read: ef'ing hilarious!) Thank you for saving me the 12 quid I would've spent going to see it myself...would have gone just to watch the boys, not because I was even remotely interested in the movie, but I can ogle RDjr and JG for free all over the www. Though I'm not sure why one would even give MR a second glance, let alone a first. But hey, to each their own, right? Great blog, I'll definitely be back...

19
Josh
Apr 09, 2007

So is Gyllenhaal pronounced with a 'j' sound then? I never got confirmation on that. Nor did I seek it before now.

I think Dido gave up telling people it's actually meant to be "Dee-do" (what! you didn't know?), and thankfully people gave up listening to her music soon after.

Luckily David Bowie named his daughter Zoe, which pretty much clears that one up for us. haha!

20
Nothing But Bonfires
Apr 10, 2007

Wow, if someone had told me they liked the music of "Dee-do" I would have thought they were pretentious AND had awful taste in music, rather than just having awful taste in music. It's like when people pronounce Bjork correctly! Yes, it's SUPPOSED to be "Byerk" rather than "Byork," thanks to that umlaut, but we're all too cool to admit that we know that.

Anyway, Josh, yes: I think it's a soft "g" in Gyllenhaal, like a "j" sound. Although I found out yesterday (the hard way) that the "g" in Gillian Welch is a HARD "g." So who knows?

21
Josh
Apr 10, 2007

IS IT? I've just been listening to Revival, and was consdering getting Soul Journey, but I'm not sure I want to any more...

yuck.

22
Chiada
Apr 11, 2007

Woohoo! Gillian Welch! You mean you listen to bluegrass and folk? I was just wallowing in self pity about how nobody listens to the music I do and how alone I am in the blogging world. In fact, I was going to write a poor poor pitiful me entry about it, too! I think I still will, though. *sniff*

23
Fuzzime
Apr 18, 2007

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