Thrill Seekers Need Not Apply

All day Sunday---nay, pretty much all weekend---I waited to use my new Dirt Devil. A Dirt Devil, for the uninitiated, is a hand-held vacuum cleaner, a possession that has been on my Hey, I Really Want That list for the last year or so, sandwiched somewhere between Tivo and that new mascara that makes your eyelashes visible from the moon.

But since I'd already exceeded my one-new-mascara-a-month quota---and had come to the decision that I'd probably want to hold onto my left kidney just a little longer before selling it to pay for the Tivo---I ended up buying a Dirt Devil. Especially when I found out it only cost twenty bucks! Did you know Dirt Devils only cost twenty bucks? Because I certainly didn't and neither did Sean. A few days earlier, in fact, no longer able to stand the cat hair all over the living room rug, I'd said to him "hey, how much do you think those hand-held vacuum cleaners are?" And Sean had said "Like, a hundred dollars." And I'd agreed that yes, Dirt Devils probably were somewhere in the environs of a hundred dollars, which was maybe why we didn't have one. And yet, as we discovered in the cleaning aisle of the San Mateo Target on Saturday afternoon, Dirt Devils are in fact not the terribly expensive and glamorous items we'd presumed them to be, and can even be afforded by the likes of us, the kind of people who steal the little sachets of Splenda from Starbucks and hoard them in our office drawers.

So we started charging its battery yesterday afternoon after getting it home from the store (also bought: paper towels, toilet paper, laundry detergent, new toothbrushes, cat food; verdict: world's most boring Target run ever, like HARDLY EVEN WORTH GOING), and had to wait a full twenty-four hours before we could use it. "At least twenty-four hours," said Sean sternly, scanning the instructions. "Be patient."

And thus began the most mundane 24 hours of my life while I waited for the Dirt Devil to charge, a 24 hours that was punctuated only by my plaintive wails of "can we use the Dirt Devil yet?", a sentence so sob-inducingly banal that I'm starting to wilt away all over again even recalling it.

I'm telling you all of this because the next time you're bored, please imagine waiting a full 24 hours for something, and then imagine that the thing you're waiting for---the reward for waiting, as it were---is vacuuming your living room rug. I mean, I honestly don't know what's more depressing: having to wait 24 hours to use one's hand-held vacuum, having to vacuum in the first place, or being almost supernaturally excited about coming to the end of the 24 hours and finally getting to use one's hand-held vacuum. For the love of all that is good and holy, please tell me you went (naked) skydiving with Keanu Reeves this weekend or did jello shots with Angelina Jolie herself. We need to right the balance of the universe somehow.

Apr 02, 2007

I have a Dustbuster, which is the same thing (Dirt Devil is actually a brand that makes all sorts of vacuum cleaners, so if someone looks at you funny when you talk about carrying your Dirt Devil around in one hand, that's why). Dude, they're AWESOME. I live a fairly unboring and interesting life, and I can still concur that waiting for that thing to charge for the first time was torture.

I still love using it. And I hate vacuuming usually. But! You can suck all the dust right off the baseboards! With something that only weighs like two pounds! Also, when guests are coming over unexpectedly, you can sprint for the Dustbuster, clean up all the hairball nastiness that builds up in the corners of the bathroom really fast, and pretend you are actually a clean person. Not that I've ever done that.

Apr 02, 2007

Somewhere someone did something really fun this weekend – just wasn’t me. Waited for white paint to dry so I could paint it (white) again. Not much fun, not much reward.

Apr 02, 2007


Do not buy that 'moon mascara'. I was sucked in by the hypnotic accent of their spokesperson and the promise of frightenly long eyelashes. Eyelashes so long that I would immediately become a Latina siren and the world (and the moon) would be my oyster. It didn't happen. What I was left with were oddly clumpy lashes and $8 less in my checking account.

Apr 02, 2007

Remember when you were little and couldn't wait to be grown up so you could do whatever you wanted and it would be fun, fun, fun?

Yeah, this is it. It's sort of depressing to look back at all the ideas of what being grown-up would be like and realizing it's more about vacuuming and getting excited because mangoes are on sale.

Apr 02, 2007

I have the fashion-forward mini-vac called the Kone, also purchased from Target. I bought it for my grandmother but I use it all the time! I will be using it today to vacuum sand out of the car. Sand fom the beach I was at this weekend. Sand that stuck to the body oil George Clooney was rubbing on me. Okay not so much that last line.

Apr 02, 2007

Sadly, a new Dirt Devil would have been the highlight of my weekend, too.

Jessica Pierce
Apr 02, 2007

Dude, so how was it? The vacuuming?

I sort of have an ulterior motive for wanting to know (my own handheld vacuum sucks ass and I am shopping around for a new one), and um I am also just intrigued. Not so much by the vacuuming itself, but by whether you enjoyed it. I don't know why. The end.

Apr 02, 2007

The highlight of my weekend was buying Fig Newtons. I think your weekend was probably more fun.

Apr 02, 2007

I waited all day Saturday for a refrigerator delivery...that never came. So yeah, that fun weekend you're looking to hear about in order to balance the universe? Was not mine.

Apr 02, 2007

I went snowshoeing! In the snow! In Reno! And then yesterday, I took the world's lamest beginner ski lesson, and then promptly went down a sketchy blue run with Simons and our friends the possessed backcountry skiiers from hell(o crazy people) on Mount Rose. I nearly died!

I would have KILLED to be test driving a new vaccuum cleaner. My God!

Apr 02, 2007

I was visiting my in laws and doing my taxes. YOU WIN!!!!!

Apr 02, 2007

I helped friends move on Saturday and then spent most of Sunday recovering from those 9 hellish hours of lifting and dragging and dropping things on my feet, repeatedly. The highlight of my weekend was the free bagels the morning of moving day...but I did spend an inordinate amount of time vacuuming their living room after the furniture had been removed, and I would have *loved* a Dirt Devil for those baseboards.

Apr 02, 2007

geez! i only weeded the front walkway, finished pulling down the old wall paper in the kitchen and primed the walls for paint.

oh, and got my allergy shots. a hot time in the old town... NOT!

Thespian Libby
Apr 02, 2007

I spent the weekend charging my new (from Target) cordless phone, and then... AND THEN... I got to take the cat to the emergency vet clinic. Next weekend, however,I am flying to San Francisco to strangle Jemima for leading an altogether too exciting life.

Apr 02, 2007

We bought a house this weekend, and we had to wait 24 hours from the time we made the offer to the time we heard back from the seller.

And I spent much of that time cleaning my existing house with the DirtDevil.

Apr 02, 2007

Color me just as crazy as you, but I find that to be well spent time. I'm a little obsessed with vacuuming, love it, can't get enough of it, and now I need to shut up before the little white coats come drag me off...
Enjoy the new addition!

Apr 02, 2007

You crack me up! And them I read your commenters and they do as well. I really get my money's worth with you. Assuming we can say I pay anything for this privilege, which if we count the cost of satellite internet I do. But not right now actually, as I am at work ... soo, um, guess I am stealing to get my jollies.

I helped wash 3 pick-up trucks this weekend, being as how this is Texas y'all. And it was right up there with "wax on- wax off. And now my underarm no muscles hurt.

Apr 02, 2007

I spent saturday morning shopping for jeans for (and with) my husband. An experience on a par with ramming cocktail sticks into your eyeballs.

However having been married for nearly 12 years...uh...or is it 12 already? I forget....I have learned the secret of surviving this.

So on reaching town I went straight to a cafe and ordered a large latte to take-out...and a slice of chocolate mud cake roughly the size of my head.

This made the shopping go with considerably more of a swing.

(Oh and I was also incredibly frustrated waiting for a dirt devil to charge once...but then I hardly ever used it after that due to the deafening 50000million decibels at which it operates. Hrumph.)

Apr 02, 2007

I got sunburned riding on the back of the motorcycle AND I got to drink a lot AND i think I saw Foreigner playing, but because of the aforementioned "drink a lot' I can't be certain.

Apr 02, 2007

alas, did not do much more, though I am certain that what i did was probably more fun- overdosed on Catherine Tate skits, courtesy of YouTube. YouTube roxxxx!!!!

Unstrung Harpy
Apr 02, 2007

I went to a swanky wedding in Manhattan on Saturday, but since neither Keanu nor Angelina were in attendance, I'm not sure it contributes to righting the balance of the universe.

Apr 02, 2007

I still can't get over you actually pinched Gavin Rossdales butt.

Horrible Warning
Apr 03, 2007

I just spent an obscene amount of money on groceries (most of them overprocessed junk...and a London Broil), dishwasher stuff, washing machine stuff, cat feeding stuff, necessity stuff.

Somebody break out the salsa music.

Jess (the other one)
Apr 03, 2007

I would defenitely sell a kidney to collect money for a Tivo. And I would sell some other spare organ to buy a Roomba. If you think the Dirt Devil is pure vacuum extasy, wait till you see the Roomba in action. I am in love with my Roomba. No more cat hair, no more dog hair. No more vacuuming. Now I can finally call Keanu and take him up on that skydiving invitation.

Apr 03, 2007

I drove from Chicago to Virginia and back in an RV with friends. Needless to say, I am tired. And by the end of a 1700-mile weekend, that rental RV *really* could have used the services of your DirtDevil.

Apr 03, 2007

Just finished watching "Officer and a Gentleman"!!! I am soooooooooo excited for Secret Bachelor Tuesday tomorrow. Can't wait to hear your observations.

A quick tease: You know someone's crazy when you can see the whites of their eyes ALL THE WAY AROUND THEIR EYES. So "Runaway Bride".

Apr 03, 2007

As a matter of fact, this weekend I did Jell-O shots in New Orleans, where Angelina Jolie has been living, so TECHnically I suppose I did Jell-O shots with Angelina Jolie. But let the record reflect that usually I am at home in New York vaccuumming on the weekends, so this was by no means typical.

Apr 03, 2007

I can relate. We got a dyson vacuum for Christmas and the very first thing we did when we got home (before we even unpacked!) was put it together and vacuum. You know you're not a kid any more when the "toy" you're most excited to play with is a vacuum.

But damn, that vacuum is amazing.

Apr 03, 2007

Well? it's been two whole days since you charges your dirt devil. how do you like it?

Apr 03, 2007

Yes, please--I, like many others, await a report on the li'l Dirt Devil hand-held. The Dustbuster I use, even when charged for days on end, poops out after maybe 30 seconds.

I concur with Audrey--the Dyson rules.