The Flute Was Nothing. In Fact, Bring Back The Flute!

It's 7:30am and there are two skinny white boys sitting in a van outside my bedroom window. Which, I shall remind you again, is on the first floor, facing the street. These boys have dreadlocks which I am quite sure were paid for on Daddy's credit card. They have been blasting reggae music from the open window of their van for the last half hour. And I do mean "blasting"; I have tried adding my own music to the mix to cover it up, but The Shins just get drowned in the face of such pounding rasta beats. Also, the fact that one of them is actually singing along---voicing the words "the Almighty" in a Jamaican accent, apparently without irony though definitely slightly off-key---is really not helping.

I'm not sure what to do in a situation like this. I am too chicken to open the window and say anything, and Sean is all "well, it's a big city and this is a small thing, deal with it." (Translation: he is also too chicken to open the window and say anything.) But I don't think my own private reggae concert at seven in the morning is such a small thing, do you? (Also, they have a dalmation in their van, and I am quite sure they are underfeeding it.)

Perhaps I will leave them a note, just pass it to them coolly when I leave for work. It will say "We get it! You're cool! You like listening to Bob Marley at seven in the morning in front of an aparment building. You like leaning louchely against your van with all the windows open and nodding your head to the beat. You don't give a crap what "the man" thinks about that, and I am quite sure you want me to know that you smoke marijuana cigarettes. Allow me to congratulate you again on your coolness---now the whole neighborhood knows about it! And yet I am sorry to disappoint you, but you know what? You will still probably never, ever get laid. Now go pay your student loans."

1
KarinGal
Feb 21, 2007

I HATE reggae in the morning.

2
Thespian Libby
Feb 21, 2007

Just remind yourself of Naked Girl Magnet Greg and his collection of Gloria Estefan. It could be worse.....

3
Chiada
Feb 21, 2007

Hmmm, if this was happening to my sister, she'd be looking up City noise regulations. Chances are, they are violating some kind of law (similar to construction work not being allowed to start in a residential area before 8:00 a.m.). I'd nicely ask them to turn it down. If they had a problem with it, I'd be all "well how'd you like it if I blared opera music outside your bedroom window at 3 a.m.?!" and then I'd be all "hey, dude, I can be nice about this, or I can get mean about this. Are you aware of City noise regulations which prohibit..xxxx..?? No? Well, allow me to call over an authority who can explain it to you. Now beat it!!"

:D At least, that's what I'd like to THINK I'd say. Probably I'd slam the window shut in passive-aggressive gestures similar to you.

Or I'd sic my hubby on them because he has no problem telling people off. Which can be a good and a bad thing.

4
Emily
Feb 21, 2007

Delurking:
I concur with what Chiada said. My first reaction was to tell you to threaten to call the "popo" on them, but there most definitely has to be some sort of city noise regulation--especially in a city like San Francisco where all the hippies run amuck! ;)

5
OMSH
Feb 21, 2007

I wouldn't threaten - I'd just call the police. Then, they wouldn't egg my windows and I wouldn't fear crossing their paths.

I once lived in an apt. like what you're describing. My biggest suprise was waking up to a domestic dispute where a man was waving a gun around while my 7 month old new pregnant friend sat out on her balcony and watched and yelled at them.

I was crawling around my house - sure I'd catch the ricochet.

6
s@bd
Feb 21, 2007

'louchely'?

yeah, that'll get you far with the reggae-wanna-bes.

7
Jemima
Feb 21, 2007

If you leave a note, they might decide to come back there and annoy you more often. I think you should download the Grease soundtrack and blast the speaker right out the window at them. Or ABBA. That'll get 'em.

8
culotte
Feb 21, 2007

What about asking them if they would mind turning it down a bit?

I can't imagine that two white boys with dreadlocks singing songs about freedom are all that harmful.

9
Yeah
Feb 21, 2007

Ah! The San Fran so few get to see! I love your posts on the insane and insanely hip.

10
jenny
Feb 21, 2007

OR!! You could totally grab a copy of vanilla ice's "ice ice baby" and open up your window, put your speakers up there and blast the shit out of those dudes. no really. i've done it *L* my stupid ass neigbors downstairs from me (at my old place) use to have their sound on their surround sound tv blasting late into the evening. i got myself a copy of ice ice baby and pointed my speakers towards the floor and let 'er rip while dancing *L* try it.

11
Sarah Marie
Feb 21, 2007

"Police on the scene, you know what I mean?"

Just saying the name of that song has guaranteed it will be looping in my mind all day. I vote for ice ice baby or for calling the po po.

12
Kelli
Feb 21, 2007

Maybe you & Sean could rent a van and park it out there tomorrow morning (complete with your cats to of course) THEN you'd beat the slackers at their own "cool" game...
Although, I do love the note you crafted in your head to them.

On a completely different note - I read Three Junes last summer. You'll have to let me know what you think of it once you've finished.

13
Liise
Feb 21, 2007

Ice Ice baby... oh, what?

Yeah, uhmmmm damn that song.

Definitely jam the jams back at them. Something very anti-reggae though, like Mariah Carey.

14
Liise
Feb 21, 2007

CELINE DION perhaps?

15
Meepers
Feb 21, 2007

Yeah Celine Dion or better yet, some really dramatic OPERA. Top volume is key. Sadly, I would also be among those all to willing to stomp out and crab at them. Seven is just to damn early.

16
JB
Feb 21, 2007

I think the 1812 Overture, complete with cannons, should do the trick nicely.

Good luck, Holly...!

17
Melanie
Feb 22, 2007

I would have done a passive-aggressive going outside and staring meanly thing, like I do to our neighbors whose kids play in the street or blocking the stairway into the apartment building. You could try that, but I have to admit it doesn't work that well.

18
Susan
Feb 22, 2007

I'm with Jemimia--a little ABBA should fix everything. Plus, how fun would it be to dance around to "Waterloo" first thing in the morning?

Aaaaand . . . now I've got that in my head. Damn.

19
Susie
Feb 22, 2007

Why are they even UP at seven thirty in the morning? Why I didn't get up till eleven thirty today, THAT'S cool for you! Anyway, you should just blast some of Sean's Korn through the window, because even though he was probably all, yeah I thew it away, I bet he really didn't!!

20
pseudostoops
Feb 22, 2007

The note idea is BRILLIANT. Bonus points if you write it on a rolling paper.

21
Diane
Feb 22, 2007

Loved the use of the word louchely! Also, I cannot add anything original to the above suggestions other than perhaps blasting a recording of Tibetan monks.

On second thought, that wouldn't work as they might be high and think it is really relaxing. Don't listen to me at all.

22
Josh
Feb 22, 2007

I once had a similar experience, only it involved the horn from a honda civic blasting at two am directly outside of my window. I looked out the window only to see the white posterior of an apparently inebriated young man straddling a young woman.

This was a very awkward situation, but I did consider leaving a note.

I really enjoy your blog. I found you recommending Josh Ritter on Zach Braff's blog and followed your trail. Happy birthday.

23
geofftech
Feb 22, 2007

"I think you should download the Grease soundtrack and blast the speaker right out the window at them. Or ABBA. That’ll get ‘em."

You're assuming that Holly doesn't already own the Grease OST or Abba in here iTunes. I bet you 79p that she already does ... :-D

24
David Burn
Feb 25, 2007

http://www.passedoutwookies.com/

Believe it or not, Wookies do breed.

25
Chatelaine
Mar 06, 2007

Pan pipes! Very loud! Or whale music. Or get some really stirring church organ music (you know, the kind with the really low vibrations that were apparently included to make congregations feel scared without knowing why). Or else find a middle-aged/elderly couple to stop next to the van one morning and comment on how much they love that particular artist/track - as my ex said of the teenager who looked aghast when she discovered we liked Evanescence: "oh no, people who are nearly dead like the same music I do!"