Things You Need When Apartment Hunting In San Francisco
1) Nerves of steel
2) Balls of steel
3) Breakfast
4) The ability to know whether you or your boyfriend should flirt with the property manager. Which, in San Francisco, is actually not always as straightforward as it might seem.
5) Far more money than you actually have, and the lack of conscience to lie about it. Note: it helps to say "self-employed" instead of "unemployed."
6) A very patient and kind pair of friends who are already probably sick of the sight of you---and your damn cats and their damn fur and their damn kitty litter---and yet show no signs of strain, even as your air mattress on their living room floor threatens to take over the apartment and also, oh my god, shut your damn suitcase already, and would it kill you to change that obnoxious ring on your cell phone?
7) A roll of quarters for the parking meter. And good eyes for spotting a space. Also, maybe some kind of personal in with Jesus.
8) The sort of sturdy disposition that means you're not personally hurt and offended when real estate agents don't call you back, even after you've left three messages enthusing about the ad you've seen on Craigslist for the awesome one bedroom in the great location. I mean, what, do they not want to rent the place? Are they just listing ads for fun in between games of online solitiare? Was it something you said in your message? Will it change their minds if you make them cookies? Not even the kind with macademias?
9) Boobs. (Well, sometimes. See number four.)
10) The ability not to freak out entirely when you call your old company to see if they can fax over your W2 to prove you're a fine upstanding citizen who did at one point earn a paycheck, and the HR manager (hi Pam!) says "oh, guess what, I found your blog! We all check in and read it from time to time!"
Luckily, Sean and I seem to have all ten. Oh yes, you heard me: the search is finally over and we'll be signing a lease this morning. And what happens after that? Why, the best three words in the English language happen after that:
Target and Ikea.
Jan 04, 2007
Yay! And congratulations! And exclamations marks!
That was damn fast, considering. Thank breakfast. But surely you don't mean to imply that Sean has #9? Though maybe that could be good there? I don't see how, though.
Before embarking on an Ikea visit, you might want to give this a quick read.
Jan 04, 2007
OMG TARGET AND IKEA!
I am SO EXCITED for you!
Jan 04, 2007
Hooray! I shall be storming the City, wine in hand, to see the new place. The wine will be crucial in the assembling-of-the-new-furniture that is sure to follow. =)
Jan 04, 2007
Oooohhh! Target and Ikea--the happiest places on earth! *swoon*
Jan 04, 2007
HA! Story for you. I was at my Christmas party a few weeks ago. Met the wife of one of my coworkers. She said she worked at the magazine, i.e. your magazine. I asked if she had known you. She said she had come right after you left, effectively training for your job. So we proceeded to have a conversation about you and your blog and how everyone at the magazine references funny stories you have written on here and she's like what? and they're like, oh you have to read holly's blog. So interestingly enough, you are in the minds and conversations of completely random people left here in Charleston. Creeepy enough?? :-)
Jan 04, 2007
Congratulations! I have friends who now live in SF and it took them 6 weeks to find suitable accommodation. As I read your list, I note that they were lacking in a number of the qualities so that explains why it took so long. As a Canadian girl, we have plentiful IKEA but am very envious of the Target experience. It is the first place I hit when visiting friends in any American city.
What we all want to know is - does this apartment come with its own joint rolling man or is it in the vicinity of crack whoredom? Think of the stories!!!
Congratulations to you both again and happy housewarming!
Jan 04, 2007
Squeeeee! I'm thrilled for you guys - I'm sure you're both ready to have solid footing once again: a place to call your own.
Please do upload pics. We've all been going through withdrawls from not seeing the hot pink KitchenAid. (Or is that just me?)
Jan 04, 2007
Congratulations! And yes yes yes to new apartment pics (your old ones were so cute!).
Jan 04, 2007
Sure, we all want to see the apartment . . . but what I want are pictures of you and Sean assembling your new IKEA furniture with those wee little allan wrenches they so kindly include.
Jan 04, 2007
Many Congrats! Poor and happy is definitely the way to go. Especially if you have a totally cute apartment.
Jan 04, 2007
Mazel Tov to you guys! It can be rough.
You do know there are TWO Ikeas within a half hour drive, right? In case one doesn't have something you want... I have been to both in one day. It wasn't pretty, but it got the job done.
And there are two Targets right across the street from each other. Same rule applies.
Jan 04, 2007
congratulations!
might i recommend that you go to the IKEA in Palo Alto rather than the one in Emeryville. Trust me on this.
Jan 04, 2007
Phc, you are the devil! Or maybe God, I'm not sure.
And no, Sean does not have #9. But then I don't have #2 either. But between the both of us we make do.
(Yes, this is the same apartment I mentioned earlier. I have decided to have a higher tolerance of crack whores on my front steps in order to fulfill the dream of a kitchen with a dishwasher. Call me a sell-out.)
Jan 04, 2007
Oh! Finally, we're at my favorite part. The shopping part.
FYI: assembling IKEA furniture induces hives, vomiting, headaches, intestinal cramping, diarrhea, heart palpitations, and Tourette's Syndrome. Good luck with that.
Congrats on the new place.
Jan 04, 2007
OMG! You're in the same state as me.
But SCREW YOU for being 8 hours away. What's wrong with The Inland Empire? HUH?HUH?
Jan 04, 2007
Will you get me a French press from Ikea? And for God's sake, turn down your ring tone!
Jan 04, 2007
Wow, you guys sure don't waste time, do you?
And congratulations on the new place, it's amazing.
Jan 04, 2007
Hooray! Welcome back! (I've now officially used up my quota of exclamation marks...) Wonderful apartment, but I must confess I'm a bit surprised that you're concerned about noise. You have lived in the same house as Naked Girl Magnet Greg, ergo you hve been tried by fire. Crack whores? Hah. Bush league. (as it were....). I'm insanely jealous.
Jan 04, 2007
Oops. "you HAVE been tried by fire...."
Jan 04, 2007
Oooh, that was quick! I hope the price tag didn't shock the conscience too much; the thing I love the most about the Bay Area is that it makes housing costs in coastal Orange County seem downright REASONABLE. And that is a tall order.
Oh and about the gay thing: I'm led to believe that one-third of the population of San Francisco is gay. So, as you walk down the street, look to your right and look to your left. If they're not gay, YOU are.
Jan 04, 2007
What a cute apartment! You got one with a) wood floors, b) a dishwasher, c) high ceilings, and d) lots of windows. It has tons of charm and I can't wait to see how it looks furnished with your i'm-so-jealous hot-pink kitchenaidmixer!!! Congratulations on signing the lease!
Jan 04, 2007
One of the many reasons I love SF is that you can live in real estate valued in the millions and still have drunks peeing on your doorstep. May your drunks be few.
Jan 05, 2007
I second the commenter above who prefers the Palo Alto Ikea to the one in Emeryville -- it might be a little extra driving, but you avoid the Bay Bridge.
Jan 05, 2007
Congrats on the new place! I look forward to seeing it decorated. IKEA and Target were part of the reason we moved to Houston; didn't have either of those in Baton Rouge. They have a two-story Target now, but still no IKEA. I guess we won't be moving back. Happy unpacking!
Jan 05, 2007
OMG, that is gorgeous. As if I wasn't seething with jealousy before, now you have those stunning floors and all that character. Welcome home!
Jan 05, 2007
You forgot the third of the holy trinity. It's Ikea and Target and Trader Joe's. And I'm envious of you who can buy wine at TJ's; we're under the vice grip of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania's stranglehold on wine and spirits sales. (It's honestly harder to buy booze here than it is in Utah.)
Anyway, big congratulations on the apartment!
Jan 05, 2007
oh yeah... did i mention i have an SUV and i am willing to help with your IKEA stuff if needed?
Jan 05, 2007
Congrats on finding a BEAUTIFUL place where you & Sean can hang your hat! I'm still settling into my new apartment in Boston so I'll think of you anytime I drop $100 at Target & Ikea (since there's a rule you can't get out of the door for less) and know many miles across the country that there are two other people that are doing the same thing.
Isn't it fun to have a totally clean slate/new place to decorate and make completely your own?!
Jan 07, 2007
i have been reading your blog for a couple of months now, but I have been to shy to leave a comment - mostly because now you will know the name of the person who checks your site 10 times daily - often first thing in the morning after I check my email but before i brush my teeth and pee (sorry if thats too much information for a first comment...but its the truth).
Anyway, I just wanted to congratulate you on finding your new home. Since moving into my own place, Ikea has become MY best freind, but I'm willing to share him with You and Sean anytime.
Jan 07, 2007
Many congratulations on the new apartment! I don't comment on here very often, but I'm coming out of lurking to say hello, happy new year, and congratulations! You are awesome! :)
Jan 08, 2007
Hello and hi from Seattle.
Jan 08, 2007
Oh joy! It looks like a wonderful apartment Holly, and it will soon be the home to many wonderful memories (can I say wonderful enough? No!). And it gives me hope , as I will be moving within the year to search for my own high-ceilinged, big-windowed, wood-floored masterpiece (yeah right--I'm just hoping the crack whores are considerate enough to throw their needles in the trash instead of in front of the mailboxes, where I would walk out to barefoot because I'm too lazy to put on shoes. Wait, is it the crack whores that use the needles? Does crack come in needle form? I am so naive.) Here's to the new place, and to your successful annexation of the big closet. May all your days there be merry and bright (the apartment, not the closet. Sheesh).
Jan 09, 2007
Oh geez....Target and Ikea. Two more dangerous words might not exist! I haven't checked in on your blog in awhile, but I'm glad to hear that things are moving along for you and you have found yourself a new home!
Jan 17, 2007
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