Goodbye To All That

I won't be posting for the next twelve days, since we're leaving for Burma this afternoon, and---prepare yourself---THEY DON'T HAVE THE INTERNET THERE.

(Pick yourself up off the floor. You look kind of weird like that.)

Actually, they do sort of have the Internet, it's just that you're not allowed to access it, just in case, you know, you accidentally find out some news or something and realize that not all countries are run by abominable military regimes.

If you have something to say to me in the next twelve days, though, I'd love to hear from you by e-mail. There are, apparently, certain places where one can check one's e-mail for, like, ten dollars a minute, as long as one doesn't have one of the popular web-based accounts like hotmail or yahoo (I don't.) This might be a rumor, so if I don't write back, it's not because I hate your hair or anything, it's just that I'm completely out of touch.

While I'm away, several things will happen. Emily, for instance, may have her baby (will someone e-mail me if Emily has her baby? I'm fairly certain she'll have her hands busy.) Two episodes of Grey's Anatomy will go by, which someone will have to update me on. And my site will turn one year old on October 16, so you should totally go back and read about how first I had nothing to write about, and then I totally did because---thank god! a plot!---my ear suddenly fell apart.

In the meantime, and to celebrate the fact that---seriously, how can I thank you enough?---you've been reading what I've written for A WHOLE YEAR NOW, how do you feel about a challenge? A few months ago, the illustrious MetroDad asked his readers to help him come up with a new tagline for his blog. (By the way, have you noticed that MetroDad is becoming far more reliable and indispensable than the guidebook I've been carrying around? The man has been everywhere! He knows everything! Every time he's left a comment telling us to go somewhere in Singapore or Vietnam or Thailand, we've followed his advice, and every time we've been very pleased indeed. Next time you're off to Zimbabwe or Uzbekistan or Malta, ask MetroDad where to get the best sushi/used books/mojitos, and I swear he'll know just the place.)

Since Sean is set on a redesign for this site---pink and brown are, apparently, so Fall 2005---he's going to start work on it once we're back in Singapore at the end of October and living at home with my parents freelancing for two months. And so I thought I'd like my very own tagline, something witty and pithy and fun, something that'll go underneath the Nothing But Bonfires header, and explain what the blog is about. (Bonus marks if you can work "days of the week knickers," "fentesssssy date," and "elephant poop" into the same sentence.)

So let's make it a competition! The prize will be some sort of Ethnic Curio that I'll pick up in Burma (come on, you totally want a souvenir from Burma, I know it) and the tagline will be, like, the best thing about the blog and the only reason people want to read it. Have at it! Be creative! Give me something to read when I get back from twelve days of no Internet!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a (tiny, scary, probably-held-together-with-duct-tape) plane to catch. See you on October 17. Over and out.

Horrible Warning
Oct 05, 2006

Gah, that is a long time with no internet! You are my hero for even attempting it!

Happy blogoversary, BTW. Yes, I know that is totally lame. I'm hanging my head in abject shame.

A tagline? I must be extremely clever and unlame to fit in here, therefore I must ponder it ponderously. Because hell yeah I want a Burma souvenir. And hell no, I am not clever. But I'll work on it.

Oct 05, 2006

Given that I have yet to ingest a complete cup of coffee today, I'm gonna have to let this marinade for a while. Perhaps post caffeine shock, I'll have something more clever to toss your way.

Oct 05, 2006

Twelve days without Internet? You expect us to come up with something clever for your tagline just after you've frightened us all by telling us there is somewhere in the world without Internet?

Holly. You really do expect too much.

Oct 05, 2006

Damn - just what I have always wanted a curio from Burma. But alas, too early in the morning for me and my creative juices are not flowing. Give me a few hours and who knows. Have a great time in Burma and I look forward to your next post. Oh internet, what will we do without Nothing but Bonfires....

Oct 05, 2006

"From Coup to Elephant Poo- The Fabulous Travels of Holly in Interspace"

Happy Bloggiversary!!!

Oct 05, 2006

"You should know that I have a British accent"

(Because I agree with your assertion in your bio that it's very important to establish a narrative voice in your head. And I believe that everyone, everwhere loves a good British accent. And it throws in your well-traveled, lived-everywhere-in-the-world background).

Alternately, "Rode an elephant, hiked barefoot in the jungle, and rafted a raging river all in the same day" has a certain ring to it.

Oct 05, 2006

something like, "don't get elephant poop on all seven pairs of your days of the week knickers during your fentessssssy date, read nothing but bonfires first!"

Oct 05, 2006

Please don't fling monkey poo at me for this:

"Nothing But Bonfires: Like any girl, she loves wearing her days of the week knickers . But elephant poop! Sean seems to have borrowed them this week. Sounds like she's in for a fentessssy date!"

Please forgive me Sean.

Oct 05, 2006

OH NO!!!!

Forgey Grey's Anatomy, I've only just now realized that there is no one to watch and then recap "The Bachelor" for me!!!!! This needs to be expressed with many more exclamation points!!! I've actually had to go to the Bachelor web site, where I was forced to read the following sentence in the episode recap:

"It seems like a strange but wonderful dream to Lorenzo."

What will we do without you? I'm not sure I would have approved this whole world-traveling gig had I known it was going to interfere with Secret Bachelor Tuesdays. Sure, sure, you can make us all weepy for undereducated kids living in abject poverty, slay us with your karaoke misadvenutres, you can even gripe about needing time off from your time off, but what we really want is Secret Bachelor Tuesdays.

People, am I right or am I right?

So, my nomination for your new tagline is as thus:

Nothing But Bonfires: Come For The Bachelor, Stay For the Burma

Oct 05, 2006

ForGET. Forget Grey's Anatomy, not forgey. Oy.

Oct 05, 2006

Nothing But Bonfires

The leading online resource for all your elephant poop, fentesssssy date and days of the week knickers questions.

-Come for the elephant poop, stay for the days of the week knickers.
-From Charleston to Chaing Mai...and back again

But remember, of course...less may be more. So sayeth the Bard.

To guard a title that was rich before,
To gild refined gold, to paint the lily,
To throw a perfume on the violet,
To smooth the ice, or add another hue
Unto the rainbow, or with taper-light
To seek the beauteous eye of heaven to garnish,
Is wasteful and ridiculous excess.


Oct 05, 2006

Yes, Holly, you really should have left someone in charge of Secret Bachelor Tuesdays.

Oct 05, 2006

Ooh, can I do Bachelor Tuesdays? Hey, Holly, can I take the torch while you're gone?

Oct 05, 2006

Goddamnit, I want that curio so badly I can TASTE it! ( tastes like elephant poop!)

Okay, since MetroDad didn`t pick my suggestion for his motto, I am going to re-offer it to you:

"Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit."

In fact, that would be my own blog slogan, if I hadn`t found something perfectly delightfully tacky and gone with that, instead of profound.

Oct 05, 2006

Some guys know how to fix cars. Others can lift really heavy stuff. Me? I'm good for bizarre travel recommendations and restaurant selections. Hey, we all have to contribute to society in some way, right?

Anyway, here are some entries for your tagline contest...

"Nothing But Bonfires puts on her days-of-the-week knickers one leg at a time."

"Nothing But Bonfires: Scooping up elephant poop 6 days a week!"

"Nothing But Bonfires: Wrap it to go!"

Shit, sorry. I suck at this!

Oct 06, 2006

Hi Holly! I religiously read your blog & never comment, but I have to tell you that I am addicted! You are SO funny and talented! I have enjoyed reading about your travels, and am excited to hear about your time without the internet. Can it be survived? The only tagline I could think of was this (however lame it may be):

"Nothing But Bonfires: Proving that elephant poop and days-of-the-week knickers are more addictive than crack. And that's a fact."

I wish you safe travels!

bad andy
Oct 06, 2006

no internet wha? so if more than 2 weeks pass and we don't hear from you what should we do???

Oct 06, 2006

I link to your site on my blog (spreading the good word, one link at a time!) and I bill you like this:

Nothing But Bonfires: To be Read with an English Accent for Best Results.

Funny thing, though; until you posted the video of the boys reciting the capitals of London and Scotland over and over again, I hadn't ever heard your voice. The one I use in my head while I read your words, however, came very close. Posh and cheeky, all at once.

Oct 06, 2006

I'm REALLY bad with taglines, but wanted to say that a) I love you, and read you on Bloglines, so never comment and b) I don't know how to survive 12 days.

That's all. Have a great time.

Oct 06, 2006

GAH! 12 days!?!

Nothing but Bonfires: Because trekking barefoot in the Thai jungle is always preferable to wearing poncy man-shoes.

wood from sweetjuniper
Oct 06, 2006

"Suprisingly Bosomy!"

Oct 06, 2006

Nothing But Bonfires --- Artsy stuff, travel, adventure, trainwreck television and questionable haircuts, all while wearing day-of-the-week knickers. Have YOU stepped in elephant poop today?

Daily Tragedies
Oct 06, 2006

I was subjected to Flavor of Love last weekend and found myself longing for Secret Bachelor Tuesdays! So, Holly, citywendy, somebody -- get on it!

Tagline, eh? Not exactly my forte, but if something wonderful comes to mind...

Oct 06, 2006

Oh, dear. I'll miss drooling over your Asian adventures. But, here are few tagline ideas:

Nothing But Bonfires: I Love You More than Elephant Poop AND the 4th of July

NBB (for brevity): How Come My Days of the Week Underwear Reek of Elephant Poop?

NBB: Stepping in Elephant Shit Since 2006

NBB: Over One Million Fentessssy Dates Served since 2005

Oct 07, 2006

Nothing but Bonfires, now with elephant poop!

Nothing but Bonfires, traveling, writing, looking stylish!

Nothing but Bonfires, living out fentessssies since 2005.

Oct 07, 2006

OOH BUT WAIT! can we do a group dissertation of the Bachelor??? i want in! i want in! gotta keep our girl holly up to snuff before the fentessssssyyyy dates start.

jenny lee
Oct 08, 2006

fentesssssy date monday starring elephant poop.


Mondays are like elephant poop on a fentesssssssssy date

jenny lee
Oct 08, 2006


Mondays are like elephant poop stuck in your knickers on a fentessssssy date.

there...i think i win.

Oct 09, 2006

I'm sure someone has mentioned this to you before, but so far on this season of The Amazing Race, teams have been to both China and Vietnam (currently Hanoi). I am starting to think you and Sean should have signed up for Amazing Race and won $1 million :)

Oct 09, 2006

Noting But Bonfires: Like a fentesssssy date in your Sunday knickers - elephant poop optional.

Oct 10, 2006

NBB: Online Casinos!

That's a perfect tagline!!

Oct 10, 2006

Well, looky up there...

How about "Spam- It's not just a mystery meat anymore..."

Rat-Bastard Spamming pieces of Elephant Poop! Hope Burma was awesome... actually, hope Burma was even more awesome than you had initially expected!

How about one of these:

Nothing But Bonfires: "Life, but with a British accent"
Nothing But Bonfires: "Why yes, I am cooler than you"
Nothing But Bonfires: "Doing all the semi scary things so you don't have to"

Oct 11, 2006

slotmachines slotmachines

Oct 11, 2006

I think slotmachines and onlinecasino misunderstood the assignment.

I suggest you take your tagline from Sheila's comment, i.e. "nothing but bonfires: To Lorenzo, it seems like a strange but wonderful dream.” Lorenzo is a suitably Shakespearean name.

Oct 11, 2006

Wood totally wins.

Heather B.
Oct 12, 2006

Yeah, Wood totally wins. I also thought you'd like to know that Emily had done had herself a baby. Thought you'd like to know.

Have fun and all that good stuff.

Oct 12, 2006

No, no! Don't talk about her boobs. Every time I make jealous remarks about Holly's boobs, she goes all shrill and hides in the ladies room.

Oh over-bosomy condition to be most envied. Sigh.

Tony Johnson
Oct 12, 2006

Hey Holly!
I was just wondering how you 2 were doing and if you were back from your trip only to find out that you are still on it. To be honest, I checked Sean's website first, because it's easier to remember than (sorry). I've only had time to scroll through the pictures, not really read. You guys look great in the pictures. I guess I'll have to start somewhere in july to find out all about your crazy adventures. Hope you 2 are having a good time and stay safe!

Oct 13, 2006

Eve stole mine! Damn.

Oct 13, 2006

How about somehow using that poem line from your first posting?
"Whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should..."

Oct 14, 2006

Every time I see the picture of where you are now, Blondie's "Hanging on the Telephone" sings through my brain. I love Blondie and Debbie Harry and all, but it's time for you to leave Burma and post again.

Oh...working on a tagline.


Oct 16, 2006

Okay where are you? Please post soon !!!!

Oct 16, 2006

Dear Lord one more day! I don't know if I can make it.

Sean's mom
Oct 16, 2006

Happy First Anniversary, Holly. Anxiously awaiting your next post.

Oct 16, 2006

Nothing But Bonfires: Just try and go twelve days without it.

Thespian Libby
Oct 17, 2006

It was much easier to give up smoking than to give up Bonfires. Don't ever make us do this again.

Oct 17, 2006

It's the 17th! That's twelve days, right...?

It's only 9 a.m. and I've already checked your page three times. Obviously this is not because I have no life of my own and is instead because I am VERY INTERESTED in Burma.

Oct 17, 2006

I think Meg's tagline totally wins!

Oct 17, 2006

Hey, wait just a gosh-darned minute...I saw you come over to Emily's and tell her congrats on baby Asher. Now we, your readers, are clamoring like so many baby birds for a worm....give us another elephant poo story! How was Burma?

Oct 18, 2006

All I know is that this morning on The View Rosie and Elizabeth were chattering on and on about the stupidity of The Bachelor. I wanted to shout, "Have I got a blog for you!"

You are a million times funnier than they are, but since you are out of the country for this round, I suppose this incompatible pair will have to do.