On the Road

By the way, in case you were wondering, I spent yesterday between the hours of nine and 1am in hell. Perhaps you haven't been there, but hell is a speeding car on I-95, except it's not always speeding because it gets stuck in traffic in Washington D.C., during which time you lean excitedly out of the window, hoping to perhaps see Amalah or Emily or Sweetney in the car next to you. Food in hell---because whoops! you forgot to pack the goat cheese and arugula finger sandwiches on organic nine-grain bread!---is provided by Hardees, Subway, Starbust, and Smartfood White Cheese Popcorn. It's quite possible you may go up an entire dress size while in hell, even if your stay is only a scant fifteen hours. Your wardrobe in hell is made entirely of cat hair. Entertainment is courtesy of a grossly-overpriced David Sedaris CD boxset you bought in a Books-a-Million outside of Myrtle Beach, after pulling over in desperation because the only radio stations you could find were evangelical ones (in hell! who knew?) which featured a minister shouting "LAWD, this morning I woke up and looked out of the window! And I THANK you for that! And then I got out of my bed! And I THANK you for that! And then I put on my garments! And I THANK you for that!" And so it soon became obvious that you had to stop and find some alternative listening material before the minister started thanking the lawd for allowing him to shave and take his morning dump.

We're in Connecticut at the moment, staying with Sean's parents, and preparing to leave the cats behind this evening at Summer Camp. The poor things have no idea they won't see us again for half a year, and I cried all the way through our trip to SuperPetz, wherein we bought them an automatic litter box and a large bag of treats purely out of guilt. When you find yourself in front of a wall of Friskies Nibbles, trying desperately and wretchedly to make up your mind as to whether the ocean whitefish or the turkey with giblets would be the equivalent of a king-size Caramello for your cats, you may be getting just a little too distraught. But I feel like it's their first day of college and I'm dropping them off with a stack of phone cards, a tray of homemade brownies, and a jar of quarters for the laundromat.

Just after 1am tonight, we're set to board an Amtrak train all the way back to Charleston, stopping for three hours in D.C. again, during which time we're planning a whistlestop tour of the sights, and also some very large pancakes. And some vodka. I don't think 7am is too early for vodka when you're missing your cats.

1
jes
Jun 15, 2006

Poor thing. It's times like these that drinking and driving just shouldn't be illegal. Or homicidal.

2
lissa
Jun 15, 2006

I understand completely! When I went to California for 2 weeks I had to put my cat in a kennel I asked to see the facilities and then started crying when they put Tux (my cat) in the cage. The vet told me it would be okay but I had to ask for a moment so I could say goodbye!

Oh my goodness I think I found out the reason why I'm single.

3
Meepers
Jun 15, 2006

Ahhhh! You must be SO heartbroken! We were just gone for five days, and we couldn't wait to get back to our two little furry ones. When we went on vacation in January (two weeks) in Colorado, we only had one, so he went to a Kitty Hotel, where they understand how much love we Cat People have for our furries.

4
Horrible Warning
Jun 15, 2006

It's never too early for vodka. Or chocolate. My particular weaknesses are Stoli Razberry (with a little Sprite) and Hershey's Special Dark. It cures all. Or at least makes you not give a hang. Either/or.

BTW, terribly jealous about DC. So wish I would fit in your suitcase! Have a blast!

5
Gallaudet
Jun 15, 2006

Any port in a storm. Or, any vodka in a catless state. The only time a catless state is actually GOOD is on the interstate, which you have obviously discovered. (The state, I mean; I'm betting you've known about interstates for a while now. ) I drove across SD and Iowa a few years ago with one cat on my shoulder, one on my lap, and one yowling beneath the brake pedal. None of the four of us enjoyed it.

Whenever you feel too bad about leaving the cats at Summer Camp, just reflect on how happy they will be to receive their special Kitty Opium Treats from Bangkok on your return.

6
Lynn
Jun 15, 2006

I just have to ask: Can a David Sedaris CD boxset BE grossly-overpriced? C'mon. It’s worth a million. Did you PAY a million?

7
velocibadgergirl
Jun 15, 2006

I hope the cats remember to write you while they're away at camp!

8
Gretchen
Jun 15, 2006

If God hadn't intended for us to have vodka at breakfast, he wouldn't have invented the Bloody Mary. Don't worry about the cats; most cats can totally be bought. Although they might pretend to be distraught so as to also get the catnip mouse next time round.

9
Liberal Banana
Jun 15, 2006

Enjoy your 3 hours in DC! You'll be taking the train into Union Station, yes? Here are your "don't look like a goddamn tourist" tips: when riding on the escalator, you'd better stand to the right, walk on the left or someone might mutter under their breath at you, or even scream "WAAAAAAALK ON THE LEFFFFT!" at you. (That would be, if I weren't flying out of town tonight for the weekend.) And when the train pulls up to take you to the sights, DO NOT stand right in front of the train doors as they open. That is all.

Have fun!!!

10
Ree
Jun 15, 2006

Vodka and pancakes? I'm drooling.

11
Lumpyheadsmom
Jun 15, 2006

There's a liquor store in Union Station on the street level, near the metro, called Union Wine and Liquor. You know, just in case you run out.

12
PhoenixHearse
Jun 15, 2006

Ah crap, I have no great words of tourism wisdom for the DC area, but if you happen to accidentally make a wrong right turn and end up in the West Virginia Appalachians, give me a call....but not from your cell, it won't work there, trust me.

13
Carley
Jun 15, 2006

Oh man, I totally feel for you. I have two furry ones myself that I can't imagine leaving for so long. But, at least you know the summer camp they are staying at has a good reputation.

14
Laura
Jun 15, 2006

When my husband and I went on our honeymoon to Italy, we left our nearly new puppy at "camp" with his parents. I was so sad, until the first glass of wine, and then I kind of forgot... BUT, my dearest mother in law made me a "journal" of Maddie's stay at camp... complete with pictures and several long soliloquies about how lonely she was without her parents... All the way up until Grandpa showed her the joy of catching popcorn on the fly and then she seemed to forget we existed... hmmm popcorn for dogs=wine for girls...

15
Eliza
Jun 15, 2006

Bwaa.... I would be so sad without my kitty for a year. At least you have two cats to keep each other compant in your absence. Mine would probably go (more) insane with lonliness and confusion. Um, either that, or forget me completely within 36 hours. It's really a crapshoot.

So... can I skip work tomorrow morning and come drink vodka at Union Station with you tomorrow? OR... champagne at Bistro Bis. Mmmm, delicious brunch they have!

16
Eliza
Jun 15, 2006

Um, I meant half a year. Or maybe it is like a whole year, since you have twice as much kitty to miss!

17
sweetney
Jun 16, 2006

shucks, you should've made a pitstop on the way in charm city! we could've had gimlets on the front porch!