Jumping To Conclusions

Dental Assistant (talking over my head to dentist, as I'm lying in the chair): So, did you and Thomas go out last night?
Dentist: Yeah, we went to Moe's.
Dental Assistant: Ha! Did you get him all messed up again, like last time?

Self, thinking: Um, excuse me! Patient in the chair, here! Maybe it's not a good idea to discuss your drunken escapades WHILE THERE'S A DRILL IN MY MOUTH. What happened to respect for the client? Please don't talk about how hammered you and your friend got last night, while I'm lying here with my mouth agape and you're filling my cavity, and all I can do is lie here and blink, and let's review again: you have VERY DANGEROUS MACHINERY very close to important nerves! What was it, tequila shooters? Jagermeister? So you're the kind of guy who gets his friends drunk, are you? Oh god, I'm going to end up paralysed. What if you're still drunk from last night? What if you got all messed up too? Are your hands shaking or is that just me? I knew I should have asked for Dr. Assey instead! I bet Dr. Assey doesn't get his friends drunk!

Dentist: Yeah, he spilled some Hi-C on his shirt. I kind of got in trouble with the wife, because she'd just put clean clothes on him. But I couldn't help it, he kept wiggling around in his highchair.

Filed Under:
1
Erica
May 03, 2006

I bet Dr. Assey would never abuse Hi-C like that!

Got here through Amalah and have bookmarked you. Good luck with your journey. Keep posting!

2
jes
May 03, 2006

i was totally feeling you. and feeling for you. and then laughing at you.

3
Gretchen
May 03, 2006

Ahhhhh! As the mom of a self-feeding nine-month-old, I can totally relate. Speaking of which, my baby Julia has a set of days-of-the-week bibs. And I was TOTALLY thinking of you when I bought them for her.

4
mothergoosemouse
May 03, 2006

There's just something about a drill in one's mouth that makes us assume the worst.

5
Painterbeachgirl
May 03, 2006

AMEN!

6
marcheline
May 03, 2006

Damn. Having a big tool in your mouth is FUN. And if it belongs to a dentist - hey! Can I drive the Lexus?

Relax. I was just kidding.

7
Vaguely Urban
May 03, 2006

Man, the writer's for Three's Company would have given their first born to come up with a misunderstanding like that!

8
citywendy
May 03, 2006

Classic.

9
Alana
May 03, 2006

I was empathizing like crazy, until I got to the end of that post. I was even getting indignant for you!

10
Y
May 04, 2006

HAHA. I'm so dumb, for a second, I was all "HUH?"

But I get it now!

11
SportyChick
May 04, 2006

Wait, you missed it all... they really DID go out and get messed up, ... but saw your eyes get all big and backpedaled with the cover-up.

12
Kristina
May 04, 2006

Haha!! That's hilarious!!

13
Sarcastic Journalist
May 04, 2006

That is so funny. I'm reading it and am like "That is so wrong! What next? Talking about SEX?"

Perhaps it was Hi-C mixed with vodka?

14
Anna
May 04, 2006

man, that's so the kind of thing i do.
except in a similar situation i would probably say something to them, then be humiliated when they explained themself. thank god i do most of my ranting in my head. now if i could only get that to 100%.

15
s@bd
May 04, 2006

marcheline: sick & twisted. I LOVE it.

16
wordnerd
May 04, 2006

Oh that was priceless!

17
lissa
May 04, 2006

Have no fear I do that all the time and then feel horrible afterward... at least I know I'm in good company.

18
PhoenixHearse
May 04, 2006

Wow, that was one of those times when I had to go back and re-read everything because I'm thinking, "How could I have misinterpreted that?"

At least this time I didn't interpret it in a sexual way like I usually do. (Ah crap, that's a lie, my first thought was..."Is her dentist a woman or is he gay?"...totally missed the "friend" part)

19
Diane
May 04, 2006

Totally was feeling so bad for you - at the dentist, he was hungover, getting a cavity filled - was filled with righteous indignation on your behalf and then burst into hysterical laughter!!! What would have been funny if you had tried to give your dentist heckers for his inappapropriate night out and then handling of machinery with your mouth full of said machinery!!!

20
Gallaudet
May 04, 2006

I wonder how many times my husband has had that conversation with his nurse, and freaked out his patients? Judging by the number of times he's brought one or both boys home from McDonald's wearing, like, the restaurant...he's had the discussion a lot.

21
misfithausfrau
May 05, 2006

That was funny!

22
Velma
May 05, 2006

I am laughing so hard right now, I may be triggering an asthma attack.

23
jes
May 05, 2006

Would it be considered stalking if I check this site like fourteen times a day? Or, often, more?