Dental Assistant (talking over my head to dentist, as I'm lying in the chair): So, did you and Thomas go out last night?
Dentist: Yeah, we went to Moe's.
Dental Assistant: Ha! Did you get him all messed up again, like last time?
Self, thinking: Um, excuse me! Patient in the chair, here! Maybe it's not a good idea to discuss your drunken escapades WHILE THERE'S A DRILL IN MY MOUTH. What happened to respect for the client? Please don't talk about how hammered you and your friend got last night, while I'm lying here with my mouth agape and you're filling my cavity, and all I can do is lie here and blink, and let's review again: you have VERY DANGEROUS MACHINERY very close to important nerves! What was it, tequila shooters? Jagermeister? So you're the kind of guy who gets his friends drunk, are you? Oh god, I'm going to end up paralysed. What if you're still drunk from last night? What if you got all messed up too? Are your hands shaking or is that just me? I knew I should have asked for Dr. Assey instead! I bet Dr. Assey doesn't get his friends drunk!
Dentist: Yeah, he spilled some Hi-C on his shirt. I kind of got in trouble with the wife, because she'd just put clean clothes on him. But I couldn't help it, he kept wiggling around in his highchair.