I Will Gladly Pay You Tuesday For An Oil Change Today

I've been needing to get the oil changed in my car forever. I've been meaning to do it on a Wednesday because Wednesday is "Ladies Day" at the Jiffy Lube, and even though I find this blatant display of sexism just a tad insulting, if it means I can put a skirt on and save ten bucks, then I'm all over it. Shameless, yes, but neccessary. Plus, it's better than this place, where they leave a rose on your front seat when they give you your car back. How Bachelor is that? The first time it happened, I thought I'd been chosen for the one-on-one date. I almost ran back inside and said "Yes, Cotton, I will accept this rose." (His name was Cotton, I'm totally not kidding. Welcome to South Carolina.)

But when I decided to get the oil in my car changed this Wednesday, I looked at my bank account and discovered I'd already spent the Oil Change Money on fancy shampoo at Ulta in a last-ditch effort to make my hair less triangular-looking. Last week, I spent the Oil Change Money on steak and Prosecco at Whole Foods, so I could cook Sean a celebratory meal, in honor of his official departure from the Job O'Horror (and also, kind of ironically, his last official paycheck.) The week before that, I spent the Oil Change Money on hookers and crack. Or maybe at Old Navy, it's kind of a blur.

And so the little part of my brain that had been musing in a subdued whisper, "hmm, I wonder if ads might be a good idea, now that I've resigned from my job to spend the rest of the year trekking around Southeast Asia?" suddenly started SHOUTING at me, and it was shouting "GET THEM, YOU SELL-OUT! THAT BUNKBED IN A BEIJING YOUTH HOSTEL ISN'T GOING TO PAY FOR ITSELF, YOU KNOW!" Yes, it shouted just like that. Honestly, it kind of gave me a headache. I wanted to shut it up.

And so now I have BlogAds. These are courtesy of Yvonne---she of Meat Club fame---who sent me an invitation, and who I have now taken to calling my dealer. Apparently, though, I am not quite selling out yet, because look at that empty space to your right! There is only person advertising with me right now and HE IS MY BOYFRIEND. How lame is that? And I was totally going to make him pay, but then I remembered that he did the dishes last night while I was at book club, so I let it slide. Plus, he was up until 2am redesigning my site to accommodate my newfound avarice; see how all the things are up at the top now? If it looks a little weird, just refesh and refresh and refresh. And if it still doesn't look right on your computer, send me an email and let me know, and we'll chain Sean to his desk again and have him fix it. For what it's worth, he totally thinks you should download Firefox. In fact, he's sort of obsessive about it.

Next week, perhaps, I will finally get my oil changed. For now, though, I will leave you with this incredible non-sequitur in the form of one of my weird search hits. While I mostly get a pretty steady flow of the old standards like "Lisa LaPorta," "naked girl," and "Moana from The Bachelor's boobs," a few weeks ago, someone found my site by googling the phrase, "what year was the toothbrush invited?" And you know what? I don't blame him. Because can you imagine? It would have been such a faux pas to invite the toothbrush two years in a row.

1
Meg
Apr 25, 2006

I will click and click and refresh and refresh and get you that oil change. And thank heavens I already have the precious, precious Firefox.

Are BlogAds invitation only? Here I was looking to sell out, too, and I had no idea I had to have FRIENDS. Good heavens.

If I ever get them, I will invite the toothbrush.

2
Nothing But Bonfires
Apr 25, 2006

I didn't know they were invitation-only either, but I will gladly pay you Tuesday send you an invitation when I get some. Presumably, one has to have actual ADVERTISERS first, though, before one is allowed to become a dealer oneself.

3
Yo' Dealer
Apr 25, 2006

I'm starting to feel a little too powerful. Like, I've got TWO MORE INVITES. How bad do you people want one?

Don't worry, the ads will come. It takes a while. I felt like a JACKASS waiting for one. But, hey! At least you had a boyfriend who put up on ad to make it LOOK like you have a real ad. LUCKY!

4
Meg
Apr 25, 2006

I got one! I got one! Miracles happen at Nothing But Bonfires! Testify!

5
reluctant housewife
Apr 25, 2006

Congrats on joining the blogads club. Selling out is the wave of the future! Someday, I will sell out as well. Someday being the day I get an invitation (I get invited to plenty of things through my blog - but joining a harem isn't high on my priority list, y'know what I mean?)

I'm happy to do my part to send you on your trip!

6
lindsay
Apr 25, 2006

girls, you are funny! i will go click your ads now.

7
barbie2be
Apr 25, 2006

i'd sell out if i thought anyone would actually pay to help me get to chef school... :)

8
jes
Apr 25, 2006

You know, if you're going to push the whole Firefox thing, and if I were you I TOTALLY would, but then again if I were you I would have big boobs and a rockin' body AND a hot pink KitchenAid, AND I would be hiking the Great Wall and laying around on a Thai Beach, but I digress, I would join the FireFox affiliate program, where you get PAID, or something, for each person who downloads FireFox. Or something.

9
Angela
Apr 25, 2006

Rock on with your rebellious selling out self. If I had more than 12 people reading my site, I would absolutely have ads up. I can't figure out when money turned into a bad thing! Aside from that whole root of all evil bit, which, I mean, really I don't think it's truly the basis for ALL evil. Surely Flava Flav is the root of at least a little bit.

10
culotte folle
Apr 25, 2006

Kudos on one ad and making your site still look pretty. I'm all about aesthetics. I think I was browsing some comments on Dooce and I saw your insanely funny post about the Mormon Teen book, and I went to this site, and I said "What?! Her website is prettier than mine will ever be!" and I had a huge tantrum which involved waving my fist in the air, tablespoons of peanut butter, and looking for web design courses at my local community college.

I puffy heart brown and pink. I hate Jiffy Lube. Yay, Nothing But Bonfires.

11
Bella
Apr 25, 2006

Coming out of lurkdom here...which I have done a lot recently, since I noticed that people actually visit my own blog when I do comment, so hey! bonus for me!
Anyway, I really like your blog. You're pretty funny. Ok. I'll shut up now.

12
Gretchen
Apr 25, 2006

Do people still read Dooce? . . . Holly, advertise your little heart out, and while we're at it, does Sean work cheap? I was meant to get a redesign from the legendary AB Chao of Hashai and Television Without Pity, but the girl's up and got herself a DAY JOB. I might need to do the Sean thing. Let me know the next time he's good and drunk, and I will be sure to e-mail and negotiate price with him THEN.

13
Wood
Apr 25, 2006

Old Navy is always a blur for me too.

congrats on the ads and the redesign. Looks nice. I hope it turns into big fat paychecks for you and Sean.

14
Nancy
Apr 25, 2006

I can't get over the fact that some garage leaves roses on the windshield as a marketing ploy. Do they really think women are so easily swayed? So willing to turn left instead of right for a Bachelor-esque rose to fulfill our Harlequin Romance fantansies of sweaty Cotton um, changing our oil? Don't get me wrong, I am easily swayed, but I'd like something a little less "romance" and a little more "edible" (chocolate, perchance? a latte?). At least you get 10 bucks off.

Anyway, advertisers will soon be coming in droves, I'm sure. And hopefully you and Sean will get many a pretty penny to splurge with during the big travels.

15
SportyChick
Apr 25, 2006

I think Gerald's Tires & Brakes is trying to tell you something. After all, their own site says "We do our best to treat you the same way we would like to be treated," so get with it and pay THEM in roses.

16
Nothing But Bonfires
Apr 25, 2006

Oh, that's brilliant. Do you think a dozen would cover an oil change? What if I take the thorns off first? Maybe I could get my tires rotated too?

17
Vaguely Urban
Apr 25, 2006

I'm all about the science, so I conducted a little experiment and viewed your site through both Internet Explorer and Firefox. Firefox wins! Yes, you *win* in experiments. Everyone knows science is competitive.

Anyway, I will happily click on your ads in exchange for vicariously traveling through Asia with you. I spent a month in Thailand a couple years ago and am SO jonesing to return.

18
Daydreams and Musings
Apr 25, 2006

Have I mentioned lately that you are so funny you make me laugh until I cry real tears? No? Well, you are! And if I had even one iota of your writing talent (and fabulous readership, too) I would so get ads on my blog. I mean, if you can get paid for being your fabulous, funny self, you should totally do it.

19
Heather B
Apr 25, 2006

Reading this totally inspired me to (finally) download Firefox and now your site looks gloooorious. Also, who knew that selling out would be such a cool thing to do?

20
Susan
Apr 26, 2006

Welcome to the Sellout Club. We have an open bar, you know! To quell our doubts about selling out.

Seriously, if you--or I!--can make some sort of living off this writing thing, then why the hell not do it? After all, a girl's gotta pay for her hair-related physical therapy SOMEHOW.

21
s@bd
Apr 26, 2006

i have firefox (all the cool kids do, you know) but your comments are ... pretty much black. Except for the space in which I am currently writing.

Possibly it's supposed to be this way ...?

And Sean's ad is purty.

22
Nothing But Bonfires
Apr 26, 2006

Uh no, not supposed to be that way. Where's my whip? Sean has more work to do.

23
Nothing But Bonfires
Apr 26, 2006

ouch... these welts on my back will teach me to mess around with the code...
anyway, things should be back to normal now (on all browsers).

24
Kristen
Apr 26, 2006

I think the ads are a great idea - I hope they help fund your trip overseas. And I'm using internet explorer (because I'm at work) and the site looks great. Good job, Sean!

25
culotte folle
Apr 26, 2006

Sean, how cheap is cheap, anyway?

Will a dozen non-romantic roses get me a discount?

26
Nothing But Bonfires
Apr 26, 2006

Only if you leave them on the front seat of his car.

27
Kristin
Apr 26, 2006

I have not pondered the fate of Wimpy in years, and I'm glad you placed him in my head because Wimpy should not be forgotten. Also I would like a hamburger now.

28
Student Nurse, prn
Apr 26, 2006

Get your oil changed ASAP. Forgo any beauty treatments, shopping spree's.

I had a car run out of oil once, Yes, you heard that right. Run OUT of oil. Guess what? When that happens the engine seize's up and STOPS cold turkey ...and are very expensive to replace.

29
JB
Apr 26, 2006

... still giggling over the toothbrush invitation ...

30
Angela
Apr 26, 2006

Oh God... I should go get my oil changed...

31
Julie
Apr 26, 2006

Thanks for the oil change reminder. Much better than a string around the index finger. Not nearly so constricting.

32
culotte folle
Apr 26, 2006

I'm still reeling over the idea of forgoing beauty treatments.

33
s@bd
Apr 26, 2006

All's well; I can see comments again!

Question is, did you like the whips Sean?

Just wondering.

34
Meg
Apr 26, 2006

I think a cheap web site really suits my morals.

35
Liz
Apr 26, 2006

I found an Old Navy bag full of summer goodies lying on my closet floor yesterday and I swear-to-god I cannot remember ever having purchased them. Those Old Navy peeps are some sneaky bastards.

As a SAHM to twin 5 year olds and a two year old, I will live vicariously and jealously through your travels, cuz, MAN! I wish I'd been brilliant enough to travel with hubby when he was just plain ol' boyfriend and we had freedom! and no mortgage!

And I'll totally be sending you blog ad vibes, cuz how else are you gonna pay for the souvenirs you bring home for all your loyal readers? :)

36
Jemima
Apr 27, 2006

Ah, returning to the Internet is like a warm refreshing bath...

I can't believe you really did pull your neck while flipping your hair. I thought you were kidding about that! Well, I can't make fun of you too much. You totally came through at book club and ate my rotten clafouti. And your hair is NOT triangular.

Your blogads look lovely, and I will click lots and lots.

37
samantha
Apr 27, 2006

My husband and I made the mistake of getting our oil changed the same day, so not only am I overdue for an oil change, but I know HE IS TOO. And we are quite boring and get our oil changed at the Wal-mart, of which I have no shame of going as it is the cheapest! - and there are certainly no roses.

Your ads look great and I clicked on them to my heart's content. I don't do it for Dooce (which I totally meant to email you when she responded to your awesomely funny comment, like YES, that's our girl, Holly! The funniest!) but I will do it for you and Sean.

38
cierra
May 09, 2006

Nice website. The info on this page is awesome. I set your site as one of my favorites.Very fun page :-).