Right now, I could either be writing this with an alive cat or a dead cat, but I will spare you the suspense and tell you that I'm writing it with an alive cat, so that this way you can read the whole thing without wondering if perhaps you need to get up at some point and find a box of tissues and a stronger-than-usual whiskey-based cocktail. You do not. (Not because of this, anyway. Maybe you need those things for your own personal reasons, who am I to judge! Maybe you just have allergies and you're really thirsty.