Internet, the economy is in tatters, several people have already RSVP-ed no to my wedding, a friend of mine got laid off today, my cat peed on my bed for the six billionth time---don't worry, he has a vet appointment this week---and earlier this evening I was standing on a street corner waiting for Sean when a man walked past and tried to win my affections by using the line "Hey baby, you tired? Want me to pick you up?" 

So all of a sudden it's March and I'm freaking out. I do this every March, actually---find myself at a point where I can't possibly believe two months of the new year are gone already and I've done NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING with them---but this year the inherent panic of It Being March Oh My God is heightened by the fact that March is one month closer to September than February was, and September is when I'm getting married. 

So you all remember my cat Charlie, right?  He's large and fluffy and Sean adopted him for me on my 23rd birthday when we had just moved to Charleston, and one time Charlie fooled Sean into thinking "Mazel Tov on your Bat Mitzvah" was French for "Happy Birthday."

(Wow, that still makes me laugh! Which I guess confirms that I'm marrying the right guy.)

I'm not trying to be cute or funny here, but seriously, are oranges the best thing ever or what? I've recently rediscovered them and now I can't get enough of them. So tasty! So healthy! So convenient, with their own neat and tidy packaging that you just throw into the trash can! (Or---if you live in San Francisco where your office has one---THE COMPOST BIN. And to think at my old office, we didn't even recycle the copier paper.)

Thank you all so much for your commiserations on Charlie's diabetes. He has now decided to stop eating, which is another issue altogether---Violent protest to being stuck with sharp needles? Hunger strike in response to the humility of being hauled to the vet? Just trying to lose a few pounds before the wedding?

Internet, I need a new shampoo. Well, actually I need a new haircut---my last one was this one, in October if you can believe it---but I rather think a new shampoo will be easier to come by, at least for the moment. You know, while the economy is crashing down around our ears and my newly-diagnosed cat is bankrupting me with things like glucose curves and pet-sitting bills and low-carb diets. (Seriously! My cat is on a low carb diet! He's just like Jennifer Aniston!)

If there is one thing I will never understand, it is why so many women, when asked what they want to look like on their wedding day, invariably give this response: "Like a princess." 

Well, we haven't done one of these in a while, have we? So to celebrate, I've got a real doozy for you. Honestly, Internet, I just don't even know how to describe this one. I don't know where my mother could even have purchased such an item. It is quite possibly the most ugly piece of clothing I've ever seen in my life, and I've a feeling I only have to show it to you for you to agree. 

Sean and I are going on a cruise this weekend, which is quite a surprising turn of events for several reasons. For a start, you may remember that I cannot stand parties on boats---what if the artichoke dip sucks?

Imagine, if you will, that woozy, groggy, hungover feeling you get when you....well, when you have a hangover. Pair it with the worst transatlantic jetlag of your life. Add a pinch of dizziness, a smidge of slight nausea, and a hearty helping of sleep deprivation. Welcome! This is how you feel the day after a cruise!

My cat Charlie is basically a big fat faker. He's like a feline Ferris Bueller. Remember three weeks ago---three weeks ago; this is key---when he was diagnosed with diabetes, and there was much tearing of hair and rending of garments and wailing throughout all the land?

We're off to San Diego this weekend, for a carousel of wedding-related errands that has me dizzy just thinking about it. Am I talking too much about my wedding, by the way?

This follows on from Twenty, and before that Nineteen, and before that, Seventeen & Eighteen, and before that, Sixteen, and before that, Fourteen & Fifteen, and before that, Twelve & Thirteen, and before that, Eleven, and before that, Seven Through Ten, and before that, Zero Through Six.