Jan
08
2008

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So I'm not dead. You know, in case you were wondering. I haven't been lying in a ditch on the side of the road (you were so worried! you were worried sick! couldn't I have called?) and I haven't even been, like, eaten by wolves or something cool like that. Or wildebeests, that would be even cooler.

(Wildebeests? Or wildebeest? Which is the plural? Help me out, my ratio of Hours I've Been Asleep to Hours I've Been Awake is hovering around the 1:10 mark.)

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Jan
21
2008

In Response

(I initially started this as a comment in reply to some of the other comments on the post below, comments which I felt the urge to respond to, even though I never intended this website to become a place of dissent or a place in which I felt I needed to defend myself. But, um, the comment grew. And if you have no opinion on the post below, then absolutely feel free to skip this. I’m sure we’ll get back to talking about nice, fun, uncontroversial things sometime within the week, because that’s the kind of conflict-free, lipgloss-heavy website this was always meant to be.

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Jan
23
2008

Bodily Fluids: Always Good When You Want To Change The Subject

Sean is in the living room, playing tennis. Where do we live, you ask, the Playboy Mansion? Buckingham Palace? What a thing to be doing in the living room! And in argyle socks, no less.

But no, no nets have been erected between the couch and the TV, no umpire chairs set up. We have hardwood floors, not Astroturf, and really, the blaring neon of those tennis balls would go with nothing else in our color palette. So how has this modern miracle been manufactured, you're thinking, why is he swinging a racket in the spot she normally watches Oprah?

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Jan
25
2008

Teaching Him To Take A Deep Breath And Count To Ten

So my cat Charlie is stressed. No really, that's what the vet told us yesterday when we took him to see her---I'll tell you why we took him to see her in a minute---after looking him up and down for a few minutes and stroking his fur. "He's just stressed," she said. "And, you know, he's also kind of overweight." Stressed and overweight, eh? Welcome to America, Charlie. Welcome to life.

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Jan
29
2008

Call Me Usual

Is there anything in the world for which it is worth getting up at half past four in the morning? Well, giving birth maybe. Catching a plane, I guess. But skiing? Is skiing worth getting up at half past four in the morning? Well, if you'd asked me on Thursday afternoon, I would have said no. I was done with skiing, you see. You remember the last time I went skiing, don't you? I had a sort of epiphany on the slopes that time. And the epiphany was this: "damn, I really suck at this. Why am I doing it again?"

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