Jul
02
2007

Time Was Away And Somewhere Else

Shortly after September 11, 2001, I flew back to London to begin my final year at university. For three months, I slept on a futon in my friend Anna's spare room in a building with a doorman and a dishwasher, an apartment far nicer than I could have afforded on my meager student budget. Anna had finished with university already and had a real job and a boyfriend with a BMW, a boyfriend who only tolerated my presence in the apartment because Anna and I had known each other since we were seven.

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Jul
04
2007

I Have A Sharpie And I'm Not Afraid To Use It

When the old Dooce got her car broken into a few weeks ago, I read the hundreds and hundreds of comments from people sharing their own stories about how their cars got broken into, and my first thought was "wow, that's nice, I bet it makes you feel better to commiserate and know that the same thing has happened to other people too." My second thought was "hot damn, a lot of people sure have had their cars broken into. These odds don't look very good."

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Jul
12
2007

Extremely Shallow Film Reviews, Part 3: Music & Lyrics, Starring Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore

"I've been sleeping with a clown above my bed...."

Congratulations, PR department who worked on this movie. Your job is done. A full three days after watching this cinematic piece of dried dog poop, I suddenly found myself spontaneously humming as I walked home. What was I humming, you ask? Well, I was humming "A Way Back Into Love," the song Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore write for the teenage pop tart Cora in this joyless, soulless, totally predictable sapfest.

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Jul
18
2007

Hi, I'm Not Here

I'm a guest poster today at Joy Unexpected. How did this happen? Well, the lovely Y hurt her neck and asked me to be one of a series of guest bloggers on the site so that she wouldn't just be writing about her neck the whole time, and I, of course, jumped at the opportunity. There may also have been some exchange of Vicodin involved. No, I'm totally kidding. I'm a Valium girl all the way. Also kidding. I swear.

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Jul
20
2007

Shake, Rattle, And Roll

In the wee small hours of this morning, I woke up with a jolt. I don’t mean that figuratively, like I suddenly sat up in bed and said “sweet baby Moses, I forgot to feed the cats!” I mean it literally: I was jolted awake. Physically. It felt like an eight-wheeler had slammed into the bedroom wall. The bed shook for a few seconds, and I thought---in that detached sort of way you think things in the wee small hours of the morning, unaided yet by caffeine or clarity of thought---“whoa, weird, the bed is shaking.” And then I went back to sleep.

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Jul
25
2007

Why I Wouldn't Be Sixteen Again If You Paid Me

Oh Internet, I hope you're buckled in, because this is going to be one wild ride. I've told you a little bit about how Sean and I met, I think, but I'm not sure I've gone into it in as much detail as is warranted. I don't think you've really felt the pain of my 16-year-old self sufficiently yet, and since this month marks the anniversary of the ELEVEN YEARS I have now known Sean, we're going to take a little trip back in time. 

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Jul
31
2007

In Case Of Emergency, Video Of Boyfriend May Double As Sleeping Pill

Something you probably don't know about Sean is that he's a bit of a drill sergeant. Not normally, not on everything. But when it comes to me updating my blog, he suddenly turns into one of those pushy stage mothers who enter their three year old daughters in beauty pageants and then say things like "you need more mascara, Coral Lynn! And when you pirouette next time, do it with feeling!" Seriously, that guy is all up in my grill about posting when I haven't posted in a few days, all "write a blog post! write a blog post!

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