Oct
03
2007

Secret Bachelor Tuesday, Back By (Reasonably) Popular Demand

From: Holly
To: Nathan, Alison
Are you watching?
From: Nathan
To: Holly, Alison
THE BACHELOR IS BACK. 956 ROSES!! 620 LIMOS!!! 1,789 SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES!!
From: Alison
To: Nathan, Holly
This show has really taught me the importance of not "dropping it while it's hot" on national television. Or ever.
From: Holly
To: Nathan, Alison
I'm sort of embarrassed that we're LIVE emailing during the premiere of the Bachelor. Aren't you? But nobody'll know. Well, unless I tell the Internet.

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Oct
03
2007

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are!

Hey, did you know that today is the The Great Mofo Delurk? Because it is. So I thought this might be a splendid time for us to get to know each other---or rather for me to get to know you---because Internet, I love reading your comments, and I love hearing your stories, and I love discovering your blogs, and every time someone e-mails me and says "I read your blog but never comment," I think "well, how am I supposed to return the favor and get to know you then?"

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Oct
10
2007

A Plot Twist Worthy Of Elizabeth And Jessica Wakefield

This week for Secret Bachelor Tuesday Lite---hey, it's Tuesday where I'm writing this, okay?---I thought we'd have a little tutorial. I thought we'd talk about dates. The worst date I've ever been on was to some guy's apartment where we sat on his couch---which was also his bed, since BY THE WAY, he lived in someone's GARAGE, I mean, he paid RENT for this---and watched a VHS tape of Radiohead videos. That was the date. There was no food. There was very little conversation. There was just Radiohead video after Radiohead video and some talk about his toaster oven and his band.

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Oct
10
2007

From Sea To Shining Sea

My dad once told me that the thing about America is that it's exactly how you think it's going to be. And it's true: you step out of the subway station in New York and there are yellow taxis streaming past you, just like in the movies, and ooh, look, there's the Empire State Building, and then someone shoves you and doesn't say sorry, and suddenly every cliche you've heard about New Yorkers proves itself to be true.

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Oct
16
2007

Jimmy McNulty For President

In the last few days, I've developed an acute and potent fear of getting shot. There's no reason, of course, that I should worry about getting shot; I don't owe anyone any drug money, for instance. I don't owe anyone any money, actually, although I suppose it could be argued that I was a few days late writing Sean a check for my portion of the rent. Still, I don't belong to any street gangs. I do have a few known enemies, sure, but their weapon of choice would always be the bitchy comment over the bullet.

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Oct
22
2007

The Bachelor Dialogue Awards

Award For Most Clearheaded Look At The Future:
"I'm here for Brad; I'm not here to make a bunch of friends. Because when Brad and I get married, these women aren't going to want to come to my wedding. Because they're going to hate me" -- DeAnna

Award For The Person Who Apparently Didn't Realize How A Show Like The Bachelor Actually Works:
"Sharing someone is not okay with me." -- McCarten

Award For Teary-Eyed Petulance:
"You know, I don't think I even want a rose anymore." -- McCarten

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Oct
23
2007

And A Side Of Fries

Of all the things I bought with my mother on our great shopping weekend together in Southern California last month---and let me just say that despite the relative damage I did to my credit card, I could hardly compete with her, considering the woman bought a HOUSE---the purchase I was most excited about was a padlock.

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Oct
25
2007

Oh, Canada! Oh, Portland!

We're thinking of going away the weekend after next, partly because the travel bug is up to its old tricks and IT ITCHES OH IT ITCHES, and partly because I have a (soon to expire) promotional code to use on a last-minute getaway, and since I always seem to leave things to the last minute anyway, it seems particularly fitting that I'm leaving it to the last minute to take a last-minute vacation. Isn't that irony or something? Alanis?

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Oct
27
2007

This Time Tomorrow

A friend of mine once bought a day planner and used it for half a year without incident. Then one day, we're sitting there in Biology---did I mention that this was when I was fifteen?---and she turns the page to write down the due date of the next homework assignment, which was, I don't know, Tuesday June 5th or something, and finds that someone, SOMEONE THAT ISN'T HER, has written in her planner the following line: "a year today she went away."

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Oct
31
2007

All Part Of The Experience

Tonight Sean and I met after work to see a movie, which is something we've been meaning to do for a while. Every so often we get this twee idea to have a Date Night, and then we forget about it for the next two weeks and just heat up something from Trader Joe's while flopped out on the couch in front of Law & Order like we do every night. But this evening, we honored the promise we'd made yesterday and we both walked from opposite points in San Francisco and met in the middle at the Embarcadero Center to see the six-fifteen showing of The Darjeeling Limited.

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