Dec
07
2006

It's About Time

This morning I spent a good five minutes looking for the door to number six on my advent calendar, cursing Cadburys for their shoddy advent calendar-making and fuming about what exactly they had against the number six (was it something to do with 666, I pondered?) before realizing that ah! Of course! Silly me! I'd already opened door number six yesterday, and today was in fact December 7th.

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Dec
14
2006

Don't Ask Why Convicts Are On My Mother's Christmas Card List In The First Place

What sort of Christmas card do you send to a person in prison? No, seriously, it's not some kind of riddle; my mother and I actually need to know. She came into the family room where I was draped over an armchair watching Laguna Beach and said "here's something you can ask the Internet: what sort of Christmas card do you send to a person in prison? Because suddenly "Wishing you all the joys of the season" doesn't seem terribly appropriate."

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Dec
19
2006

In Which I Go Crazy With The Caps Lock Button (So Wait, What Else Is New?)

There appears to be an advent calendar thief in my house. I have questioned every member of my family very sternly and all have denied opening doors number 16, 19, and 22---we haven't even had the 22nd yet!---and eating the small morsel of Cadburys chocolate inside. Thus, it remains a mystery. I have started suspecting everyone, casting my mind back to recall who might have entered the house, opened the refrigerator, and pilfered the one small joy in my life while I wasn't looking. No-one is safe. Was it the gardener?

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Dec
20
2006

I Think This Is What They Call Service Journalism

Do you know the trick about peeing so no-one can hear you? You do know this, right? Because I found out this afternoon that my sister had hung on and hung on for HOURS this morning, all because she didn't want to go pee in a bathroom that was next to a room with boys in it. That audible tinkle-tinkle-tinkle, after all, is not the most alluring.

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Dec
25
2006

And A Partridge In A Pear Tree

Happy Christmas, Internet!

I hope you all have a wonderful day with the people you love, giving and receiving fantastic presents, drinking a lot of champagne, laughing your head off, and eating your weight in cheese and chocolate. Which is exactly how I spent today.

If you can be bothered to wait for this video to download, you'll be treated to my family singing a very raucous rendition of "The 12 Days of Christmas" last night, with my brother Luke on guitar and my dad on the mandolin. And my other brother Tom getting all the words wrong.

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