My siblings and I have pretty much always been scattered across the world. I was 11 when I left Hong Kong, where my family was living at the time, to attend boarding school in England (oh trust me, we are going to have SO MUCH FUN with that in another post.

So have you been wondering what's become of my ear? You know, the one that just fell apart in my hand and made for some pretty gross and yet fascinating photography? So funny you should ask! Because today I had it sewn up and it was SUCH a blast. Anyone need any Percocet by the way? Because I have a prescription for 50.

How Christmassy, exactly, am I supposed to be feeling? Is there some sort of Suggested Timeline of Appropriate Christmassy Sentiment that someone can send me as a PDF?

Dear Hair,

My most sincere apologies to Wal-Mart. I've maintained for many years that it is quite possibly the Unhappiest Place On Earth and yet today I discovered how wrong I've been. I'm sorry, Wal-Mart, but your crown and your sash have been unceremoniously removed and passed along. Because the Unhappiest Place On Earth is, in fact, Toys R' Us. On a Sunday afternoon. Right before Christmas.

Don't worry, I have enough Valium. (Trust me, I ALWAYS have enough Valium.) Which is excellent, seeing as I've been having a series of low-grade panic attacks since midnight last night, some of which have only involved butterflies in the tummy and some of which have involved hyperventilating in my car while driving to work.

So! My goodness! Hasn't it been a long time since I last posted something! Were you getting terribly sick of reading all that schmaltzy stuff and crying inappropriately and giggling covertly about Sean's ill-advised facial hair in the last photo? (I'm not sure what was going on there either; it was a Wacky California thing, I think. A brief one, thankfully.)

Up until a few months ago, my big claim to fame was that I'd never been to a wedding. It was kind of a good ice breaker to use when I'd already told the story of the naked girl in my apartment, and it always made people say, "Really?

Yesterday afternoon, my brother Tom walked to Malaysia. I'm not using "walked to Malaysia" as a euphemism for anything, and it's not some hip new street lingo that the kids are all using. I mean he actually walked to Malaysia. From Singapore. For the evening.