Secret Bachelor Tuesdays


Jan
05
2010

Justin Bobby For President

I think we can all admit to a slightly embarrasing celebrity crush, can't we? Mine, for example, is Justin Bobby. Are you familiar with Justin Bobby? He's the resident "bad boy" on The Hills, and I put "bad boy" in quotes like that because pah! He rides a motorcycle! He often has a bit of stubble! Sometimes he forgets to show up at parties! He's not strangling kittens or handing out roofies, is what I'm saying: he basically just wears a leather jacket and chews gum. He's the best kind of bad boy: the fairly harmless kind who favors plaid.

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Nov
21
2007

Why I Am Giving Up On The Bachelor

Everything I know about life I learned from The Bachelor: namely, that reality dating shows suck and you should never trust a man who owns a bar called the Chuggin' Monkey. But then again, you probably could have told me that anyway. After all, no marriages have ever come out of Elimidate, at least as far as I know, and I am immediately suspicious of anyone who deliberately omits a letter from the end of a word.

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Oct
10
2007

A Plot Twist Worthy Of Elizabeth And Jessica Wakefield

This week for Secret Bachelor Tuesday Lite---hey, it's Tuesday where I'm writing this, okay?---I thought we'd have a little tutorial. I thought we'd talk about dates. The worst date I've ever been on was to some guy's apartment where we sat on his couch---which was also his bed, since BY THE WAY, he lived in someone's GARAGE, I mean, he paid RENT for this---and watched a VHS tape of Radiohead videos. That was the date. There was no food. There was very little conversation. There was just Radiohead video after Radiohead video and some talk about his toaster oven and his band.

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Oct
03
2007

Secret Bachelor Tuesday, Back By (Reasonably) Popular Demand

From: Holly
To: Nathan, Alison
Are you watching?
From: Nathan
To: Holly, Alison
THE BACHELOR IS BACK. 956 ROSES!! 620 LIMOS!!! 1,789 SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES!!
From: Alison
To: Nathan, Holly
This show has really taught me the importance of not "dropping it while it's hot" on national television. Or ever.
From: Holly
To: Nathan, Alison
I'm sort of embarrassed that we're LIVE emailing during the premiere of the Bachelor. Aren't you? But nobody'll know. Well, unless I tell the Internet.

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May
05
2007

When "Better Late Than Never" Probably Doesn't Cut It

Oh, my chickens, you have been so patient. So, so, patient! In fact, it's sort of sweet how patient you've been when one thinks about the absolute rubbish you're waiting to hear about. But thank you for being so patient! And to the people who emailed me things like "WHERE IS THE BACHELOR POST? WRITE IT NOW!", well, thank you as well. It's sort of bizarrely flattering to be chased in such a way. I almost want to give each and every one of you a rose.

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