Sean


Jul
26
2006

Balsamic Vignettes

"Whoa, look at all those grapefruits. I can't believe grapefruits still exist."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, do people even eat grapefruits anymore? They just seem so ... retro."

"Yeah, actually, I do see what you mean. Like maybe they should have become obsolete when the 80s ended."

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"What do you think of 'coagulate?' As a word?"

"I don't mind it. Why? What do you think of it?"

"I like it, but I didn't think you would. What about 'defenestrate?'"

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Jul
04
2006

Born On The Fourth Of July

sean in cafe The trouble with giving someone an antique opium pipe for his birthday is that you've rather shot yourself in the foot after that. Once someone has received an antique opium pipe for his birthday, a nice shirt or a good book is always going to pale in comparison, isn't it? Sean turned 30 today and, for a while, I was at a loss as to what to get him.

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Jun
05
2006

Jemima's Last Hurrah

Much to the disappointment of Jemima's fiance, her bachelorette weekend did not involve any semi-nude pillow fights. Much to his relief---and also to mine---it also did not involve male strippers in firemen costumes. Instead, we drank champagne and pineapple juice on the beach, gave ourselves impromptu pedicures on the back deck, baked in the sun while reading terrible books, and periodically shouted out, "Oh my god, Jemima!

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May
11
2006

What I Will Miss About Work: A Photo Essay

When I first got the idea to post pictures of things I'd miss when I left work---and when I say "got the idea," I actually mean "stole it from Amalah"---I thought I'd be a real asshole about it, and photograph things I hated, like the perpetually empty roll of toilet paper in the women's bathroom, or my constantly overflowing trashcan, or the huge red wine stain on the cream carpet right by the desk in my office.

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Apr
27
2006

A Happy School For Bright Girls, That's What They Called It

When I was eleven, as I have mentioned, I left my family and my life in Hong Kong to attend an all-girls boarding school in the leafy village of Bramley, England. To this day, if you want to make my mother cry, you can say "hey, remember in 1991 when you sent Holly to school 6,000 miles away? When she was eleven? Because you wanted her to have a better education?" Sometimes I bring it up when I really want something from her. Then I hand her a suitcase and some carry-on luggage and say "Bon voyage! Have a good guilt trip!"

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Feb
27
2006

He Pretty Much Always Has An Open Door For Call Girls

Well, that was fun! I now have a mental image of everyone's hair, a long list for the library, and a note to myself never to say PUS or MOIST or CHUNKY again. That was my favorite part, by the way, the words people hated; Pretty Coworker Elle and I used to have a running list of The Worst Words In The World, which we kept on the back of the door in our office, and added to every day. We had WOMB and WOUND and BRUISE and WAD and PANTIES and TURGID and LUBE, and it was awesome until someone stole it!

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