Reasons I'll Need Therapy


Brought To You By The Letter Q

Now listen, I don't normally write about work, but something so embarrassing happened during my first week on the new job that I couldn't not tell you about it, because that would be wrong. I think that's blogging in a nutshell, really: me telling you about the times I did something stupid and you laughing at me.

Wait, with me. I meant with me!

Continue Reading


The Meek Shall Inherit The Earth (Big Piles Of It, All Over Their Front Lawn)

Now listen, I am no Miss Marple, but I'm pretty sure I have a mystery on my hands. Something very, very strange is happening on my street right now---more specifically, in my own front yard---and I could use your input in getting to the bottom of it. Or not even getting to the bottom of it, really, because I'm not sure we're even going to do that, but maybe you could just shake your head in bewilderment along with me. That totally counts. 

Continue Reading


Ain't No Sound of Silence If Your Cell Phone's Still On

Some essential part of me has been forever shattered upon finding out, firsthand, that Paul Simon is only 5"2. He's teeny! He's tiny! You want to scoop him up and put him in your pocket! If I were to stand back to back with Paul Simon---let us briefly pause here and imagine a scenario where this would feasibly take place---I would, at five feet and six inches, tower over him. You do not want to tower over your beloved musical icons, I think. There's something really wrong about it.

Continue Reading


Adventures in IKEA

I have recently been spending an obscene amount of time at IKEA. I have also recently been spending an obscene amount of money at IKEA, but that's a different story altogether. Actually, it's not such a different story, really: the more time I spend at IKEA, the more money I seem to spend there too. Once I have made my third loop around the lighting department in as many days, I find that I just don't even care anymore. Do we need this SBVLARBD, darling? Maybe a new GORMSKP? Heck, do we ever! Buy three!

Continue Reading


Words And Phrases I Would Become President Of The World Just To Be Able To Ban, Even If It Meant Doing A Lot Of Paperwork

In any way, shape, or form
Moms' night out
Put a bug in his ear
Just sayin'
I'm not going to lie...
Epic fail
Where are you at?
Pick your brain
I can haz _____?
I heart you
Teh Internets
If you will
Old school
I'm so blessed
Peace (when someone uses it as their sign-off in an email, like "Talk to you soon. Peace, Holly")
Coming down the pike
So be it

Continue Reading


Hello Colleagues, I Am Wearing A Bikini

I'm heading to Phoenix tomorrow for a brief work trip, and when I say it's a brief work trip, I do literally mean that I will be there less than 24 hours. In fact, I have just done the Plane Math (not to be confused with the Plain Math, although truthfully it was only adding and subtracting, so it was actually pretty plain) and it turns out that I will be in Phoenix for a grand total of seventeen and a half hours, eight of which (I hope) I will be asleep for.

Continue Reading


Prepare To Itch

I've become obsessed with bedbugs. I blithely followed a link on Twitter the other day (thanks a lot, METALIA) that led me to this horrifying article---honestly, try reading that without itching for three days afterwards---and now I can't stop thinking about them. There are far more pleasant things to think about, I know, and yet I cannot train my brain to think about them (cupcakes, sparkles, Jordan Catalano in a plaid shirt, COME ON BRAIN DO IT).

Continue Reading