Look, sometimes I want to get all deep and serious with my complicated feelings about the inevitable passage of time, and sometimes I just want to talk about nail polish, if that's okay with you. Today is a nail polish day and I have some important, pressing news about it: I have found the perfect one.
For a long time, I've been looking—idly looking, I hasten to add, I'm not THAT industrious—for a perfectly natural pink color for my nails. You know the color I'm talking about: just like your nail beds, but a bit shinier. If the very best lipgloss makes your lips look like your lips when you've bitten them, and the very best blush makes your cheeks look like your cheeks when you've been running around outside on a cold day, the very best nail polish makes your nails look you're the sort of impeccably put-together person who has a standing date with a manicurist.
(I do not have a standing date with a manicurist. I have a standing date with my couch, a bit of half-hearted concentration, and an old nail file decorated with candy canes that I got in my stocking for Christmas one year, but what are you going to do.)
Anyway, I have now discovered a nail polish that makes me look far more glamorous than I am, and let me just take three seconds here to assure you that no-one is paying me to say this, no-one has sponsored this post or sent me any free nail polish, and blah blah blah, can't a girl just recommend a thing she likes anymore without all that hooplah? I want less hooplah.
I found this nail polish at Target when I was browsing for something natural-looking and office-appropriate—the kind of thing that makes you look like you don't have any nail polish on at all, you just have effortlessly attractive fingernails—and, despite the fact that I ended up getting really lucky with it, I pretty much just chose it because it had a hilarious name. It's called Shell We Dance?, which the pun-maker in me appreciated greatly. The cheapskate in me also appreciated that it was made by Sally Hansen and not the slightly pricier Essie or OPI, but was still slightly thrilled that it felt like a particularly fancy "treat," considering I usually buy the $1.29 stuff from the Wet n'Wild selection.
It goes on wonderfully smoothly, smudges not at all, and makes your hands look like they belong to a person much richer and more carefully groomed than yourself. Its full name is Sally Hansen Complete Salon Manicure in #160 Shell We Dance?—as I have mentioned, but I will mention it again because I want the person who came up with that name to feel good about the excellent pun they made, which I am assuming is pretty hard once every other nail polish pun has been made by OPI already—and it looks like this:
I look forward to the many compliments you are about to receive when you use this. "Oh yes," you can say. "Standing date with my manicurist." Then you can point to yourself a few times with your thumb when the person turns away from you, and smile a self-satisfied little smile. A small victory dance wouldn't be out of order either, I'm just saying.