Feb
05
2014

Sleeping In Seattle

 

Hello from Seattle, where it is currently really, really, really cold. No, I mean really cold. Like, think of the coldest thing you can think of right now—a milkshake with ice cubes in it, the Arctic tundra, Paris Hilton's heart—and multiply that by a hundred and four, and that is how cold it is here. I just walked seven blocks back from my office and by the time I pushed open the doors of the hotel lobby, I couldn't feel most of my extremities, and I was wearing gloves, a hat, and a coat that kept me pretty toasty in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. In November. I mean, come on. 

On the upside, here is the view from my office, which could not possibly be more beautifully Seattle-ish.

Okay, wait, maybe it could be a tiny bit more beautifully Seattle-ish, but only if it had Frasier Crane somewhere in the left hand of the frame. Holding a cup of coffee. Next to McDreamy. 

(Is McDreamy still a thing? Do people still watch Grey's Anatomy? I remember the last time I visited Seattle, I was obsessed with the show and kept thinking I saw Meredith everywhere, but I must confess that I stopped watching several years ago and now I have no idea what the residents of Seattle Grace are up to anymore. Although presumably the same five people are still getting together and breaking up in various combinations.)

As well as not realizing that it was going to be this cold in Seattle—I mean, it's not like I have a weather app on my phone or anything; it's not like I could have looked it up (I could have looked it up)—I also did not realize that I was going to be arriving in the city on the day of a major parade. Why was there a major parade in Seattle today? Well, if you just asked yourself that question, you're in good company, because I did not know either. This is because the parade was to celebrate the winning of the Superbowl, but because the Superbowl is a sporting event and my brain shuts off at the phrase "sporting event" somewhere around "spor—", I kind of didn't really pay it any attention until the hotel check-in person said "wow, lot of people out there for the parade, huh?" and I said "oh, there's a parade today? For what?" and then I was actually asked to leave the United States of America immediately for unpatriotic conduct and also my husband texted me and asked for a divorce. 

(Whatever. Talk to me when there's a parade for the Oscars. Oh wait, there is! It's Live From the Red Carpet on E! and I have the time and date of it written down in my planner. Look, I'm sorry, we all have our passions. Yours might be football but mine is marveling at what a good job that boob tape is doing at holding everything in.) 

I am going to finish this now because I have one-quarter of The Goldfinch left to read—I have been dragging it out for an entire month because I never want to not be reading it—and also a pack of Skittles to get through. In bed. In this quiet room. Bolstered by the magnificent knowledge that when I turn off the light and drift into sleep tonight, no-one is going to wake me up three hours later and demand to eat. Small pleasures, friends. You can't even imagine. 

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Jan
13
2014

And In The End We All Survived

First of all, thank you so, so, so much for all your kind and compassionate and encouraging comments about my return to work. I read them over and over, and they helped me so much to feel better about it all. I worked from home last Wednesday, Thursday and Friday—the equivalent of inching body-part-by-body-part into the swimming pool, as opposed to just cannonballing in from the diving board; highly recommended if you can swing it—and then today I actually went back to the office for real.

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Jan
06
2014

These Days Are Numbered

I go back to work on Wednesday. Even writing that sentence, my heart simultaneously plummeted and soared, like when you get on an elevator that you think is going down but then the doors close and it starts going up. 

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Dec
31
2013

A Lot Of Words About 2013

Oh hey, remember me? Here I am on the very last day of 2013, squeezing in one last blog post so I can say that I updated eight times since mid-July instead of seven. I mean, I don't know who I think I'd be saying this to—the imaginary blogging police, I can only assume, who presumably monitor this kind of thing?but anyway, there you go.

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Nov
17
2013

I Wrote This Entire Thing Without Taking A Breath Can You Tell

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Nov
11
2013

Party At My Crib

Look, let me just tell you once and for all that when it comes to babies and sleep, things are every bit as terrible as you would imagine. As in, once you have one, you probably won't be getting very much of it at all. 

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Nov
04
2013

There Is No Narrative Construct To This Blog Post But I Hit Publish So I'm Calling It A Victory

Hello! I just got back from a week in a cabin in Northern Michigan—actually, I kept calling it a cabin but it was really just a condo decorated very rusticly and located in a woodsy setting—with a small portion of my family. My parents got lots of grandkid time, my kid got lots of grandparent time, and I got lots of "sleeping til 10am because someone else is looking after the baby" time, so basically it was a win-win for all. 

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Oct
03
2013

You Are Doing Just Fine

One of the things that has surprised me so much about having a baby—and there is so much that does surprise you; leaves you reeling, in fact—is that almost everyone I've spoken to in the last eleven weeks since Hugo was born has asked me how I'm doing. How I'm doing. Once we've ascertained that the baby is thriving and well and sleeping just enough that Sean and I aren't contemplating driving him back to the hospital and asking about their return policy, their attention is turned to me.

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Aug
26
2013

Parents Of Twins, I Salute You

So having a baby is a little time-consuming, turns out. I know! Who'd have guessed! Despite the fact that Hugo has proven, so far, to have inherited his father's mellow, easygoing temperament—as opposed to his mother's, ahem, less mellow, less easygoing one—the basic job of keeping a tiny human being fed, happy, and not rolling around in his own poop all day has been surprisingly all-encompassing.

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Random Flashbacks

May
11
2006

What I Will Miss About Work: A Photo Essay

When I first got the idea to post pictures of things I'd miss when I left work---and when I say "got the idea," I actually mean "stole it from Amalah"---I thought I'd be a real asshole about it, and photograph things I hated, like the perpetually empty roll of toilet paper in the women's bathroom, or my constantly overflowing trashcan, or the huge red wine stain on the cream carpet right by the desk in my office.

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Dec
12
2005

Sean Would Still Say It Was Party City, San Diego, the Day Before Halloween

My most sincere apologies to Wal-Mart. I've maintained for many years that it is quite possibly the Unhappiest Place On Earth and yet today I discovered how wrong I've been. I'm sorry, Wal-Mart, but your crown and your sash have been unceremoniously removed and passed along. Because the Unhappiest Place On Earth is, in fact, Toys R' Us. On a Sunday afternoon. Right before Christmas.

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Jul
02
2012

Hey Girl Hey

I got catcalled on the street the other day by a busker outside a bar. It was just your garden variety catcall, complete with the sort of questionable grammar—"you sexy!"—that surely always gets the ladies whipping out their dayplanners to take down your phone number immediately, but it was notable for the fact that it was prefaced by two very, very, very unexpected words. 

Hey, mom! 

That's right. Somebody tried to get my attention on the street by shouting "Hey, mom! You sexy!"

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Jul
01
2010

Landlords Say The Darndest Things

No-one likes a whiner, I know. But sometimes you just feel so much better when you get it off your chest, don't you? Me, I'm railing against my old landlords at the moment, and I know "railing against them" sounds all hardcore and stuff, like I'm outside their offices with a pitchfork, but really it just means I'm sitting in my spare bedroom surrounded by boxes, making aggravated noises in the back of my throat like a cat hacking up a hairball, and sputtering angry words to myself. It's very productive, I assure you.

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Nov
07
2008

Beware Of Creeps

Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make: there are perverts in our midst. Well, not our midst---I don't think this site has any shady weirdos in tattered trench coats and dark glasses reading it, although, come to think of it, I am finding that I need to block at least one perv on Flickr every day---but rather the more.....general midst. Would you like examples? Here are examples.

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Dec
09
2009

I Want To Give You A Free Teeny Tiny Computer

When I first got the email asking me if I’d like to review the Viliv X70EX I forwarded it straight to Sean. “This gadget looks cool,” I wrote. “But I have no idea what it is.” Sean wrote me back so fast that he must have got whiplash doing it. “THAT IS THE MOST AWESOME THING EVER,” he said.

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Nov
20
2008

On Not Having To Make My Own Bed For The Whole Of Next Week

On Monday, I am getting on a plane and flying to Las Vegas for work, where I will spend two full days stationed at the airport, reporting on the Thanksgiving travel scene. If you live in the Vegas area, this means you might actually see me on your TV at some point---or hear me on your radio---and if that happens, I want you to be kind. I have to arrive at the airport at 5:30am both days, you see, which means getting up somewhere around....well, I don't even want to think about it. You can think about it for me, okay?

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Aug
02
2010

You, Me, New York

Are you going to BlogHer? I think we should have a drink together. That's if you want to have a drink with me, of course. Me, I'd love to have a drink with you: I think we could have some pretty good conversations about Tim Riggins if left in a room together with a bottle of wine, although if you switched the topic to nuclear engineering or sixteenth century Renaissance poetry halfway through, I guess I'd probably try and keep up. Don't expect too much, though; I'm much better talking about fictional television characters.

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