Party At My Crib

Look, let me just tell you once and for all that when it comes to babies and sleep, things are every bit as terrible as you would imagine. As in, once you have one, you probably won't be getting very much of it at all. 

Back before I got pregnant I used to think things, in all seriousness, like hmm, I really don't know if I can have a baby because I like sleeping too much, and then once I did get pregnant and everyone was "helpfully" telling me to stock up on sleep—ah, yes! Let me buy a chest freezer for my garage specifically for that purpose! Or maybe some of those storage bags that I can vaccum seal shut?—I thought ehhhh, it can't be as bad as all that, but now that I'm in the thick of it, I would like to go on record as saying, in case there was any doubt about it whatsoever, that yes, it is as bad as all that. I haven't slept for more than four consecutive hours in....my god, I don't even know. Since way before Hugo was born, certainly, because pregnancy ain't a walk in the park when it comes to restful nights either. 

And the sad part is, four consecutive hours is good. When I get four consecutive hours of sleep, I wake up with a skip in my step and bluebirds on my shoulder and I tell all my mom friends I GOT FOUR HOURS, I GOT FOUR HOURS, and all my mom friends rejoice with me and high-five me and slap me on the back like I just won the lottery and then I tell all my childless friends about the FOUR HOURS IN A ROW, FOUR HOURS IN A ROW and they look at me askance, the fear in their eyes matched only by the pity, and they back away from me slowly like oh, honey. 

I spent the hours between two and three this morning trying to devise a way to ask for more sleep for Christmas. Sometime in the next few weeks, you see, someone in my family is going to ask me for my Christmas list and I am just going to hand them a piece of paper that says SLEEP. And if they say "hey, that's not a list," I'm going to take it back, find a pen, and add as many synonyms for sleep as I can think of. Like okay, here, I would also like forty winks. And some zzzzzzs. Are those zzzzzzs eligible for free shipping with Amazon Prime? Yeah, I should think so.

I don't know if my kid is going through some sort of weird sleep regression or if Marc Weissbluth just totally lied to me about EVERYTHING, THAT SWINE, but we have been dealing with some seeeeeerious bullshit ever since I tried to get this baby on a schedule. A 7pm bedtime, a 6:30pm bedtime, and—okay, sure, I'll keep moving it back, whatever you say, let's try anything—a 6pm bedtime have all yielded the same thing: lots and lots and lots of frantic waking up, from every thirty minutes to every two hours. Last night, I gave up and put him down at 9pm because ughhhh, okay, this early business isn't working, clearly you are some sort of night owl who wants to stay up to the wee hours of the morning while you smoke clove cigarettes and listen to Joni Mitchell and write poetry in your journal, and boom: suddenly we're back to sleeping four hours at a stretch and everyone is happy.

(Remember, four hours at a stretch is good. If I just reminded you to take your birth control pill, you're welcome.) 

So now I can either keep trying to push the earlier bedtime, despite the fact that it doesn't really seem to be working very well so far, or I can be a terrible delinquent mother whose 4-month-old goes to bed at 9pm but does, in fact, seem to sleep better when he does. 

Also, don't get me started on naps, which work out wonderfully—three a day, an hour to two hours each—when taken in the carrier or the carseat of a moving vehicle but like a hot mess if attempted anywhere else (like, god forbid, THE CRIB OF DOOOOM.) Naps are something I had hitherto given, like, 0.05% of my thoughts to before having a child—I've never really been much of a napper myself, maybe it's because having to take one's contact lenses out beforehand sort of detracts from the alluring spontaneity?—and now they are something whose duration and timing can, no joke, influence the outcome of my day. I mean, I have an app to record them, for god's sake. With graphs. 

Oh god, look at me prattling on about sleep like a cliche while I type this with a baby strapped to my chest and my phone timer ticking down the minutes until I can reasonably expect him to wake. What's next, a rousing discussion about pacifiers? BRB, have to go iron my high-waisted mom jeans. 

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1
Mandy
Nov 11, 2013

My son would never go to sleep before 9pm. Still won't, and he's about to turn five! If he did, by some miracle happen to fall asleep by 8pm, he would wake up at 10pm and be ready to party until 3am. It's just not in his nature, and once we accepted that, things got easier. We actually try to keep him up until 9:15pm now, because if he goes to sleep any earlier he's up before the sun, lol. Go with what works for your family, every kid is different, and schedules are overrated anyway. Oh, and congrats on the four hours! :)

2
april
Nov 11, 2013

Every baby is different, and you can't possibly know if you'll get a sleeper or not, but thankfully eventually it will get better. With some babies it's sooner and some it's later, but it will get better.

3
Erin
Nov 11, 2013

Are you familiar with Ask Moxie? She is wonderful with the sleep regression/sleep advice.... mine her archives!

askmoxie.org

May you get many zzzzz's and winks this Xmas. :)

P.S. I hadn't been to her site in a long while and it turns out she's monetized her archives, but anyway, if you feel like shelling out 5 bucks to read amazing advice on sleep regressions, I recommend her.

4
jen
Nov 11, 2013

See here's the thing I realized with my second that I didn't know the first time around. There are babies where all of those "get more sleep" methods work. My first was one of those. Every thing I tried, worked. And so I believed people when they said "If you do X, you will get more sleep." Now that I have a second one, I think anyone selling a book about children's sleep is selling you B.S. They are lying. Seriously. Well not so much lying as they did not have a child like mine. Or like yours. Or like many other of my friends have. I have tried every single thing under the sun with my current baby (7.5 months old) and NOTHING WORKS. NOTHING. I now understand why people use sleep deprivation as torture.

I believe the truth is every baby learns to sleep at different ages and my goal is maximize sleep for everyone, by whatever means necessary.

Sleep is all I want for Christmas too. Hang in there.

5
Jessica
Nov 11, 2013

I know I am about to jinx myself but we seem to JUST be coming out of the 3 month growth spurt which rolled into the 4 month sleep regression, and then cozied up to the 19 week growth spurt, all of which resulted in a 7 week time span where 3 hours in a row was considered a full nights sleep. A few weeks ago we finally got her on a good schedule for naps (3 long glorious naps a day) and then the night wakings ramped up to insanity levels. Turns out, oh yeah, babies can nap TOO much- side note, do not ever post on a baby sleep board that you are worried your baby is napping for too long, the ire of the moms will befall you. Anyway, we cut back her naps to a total of 4-4.5 hours a day and bam, only one night waking. I think she is finally catching on to the fact that sleep is a totally awesome thing, and the party will still be going on when she wakes up. All of this to say, girl, I FEEL you. And it gets better. It truly does.

6
Jessica
Nov 11, 2013

Oh and my birthday is in a few weeks and I did actually ask for sleep as a present. This mama is pumping a few bottles for papa and then peacing out to a friends house who will be out of town and sleeping for 12 hours after having several glasses of wine and a hot bath. I have been assured by fellow mamas I will come out the other side a rejuvenated woman.

7
Carolyn
Nov 11, 2013

You may want to google the 4 month sleep regression. Or not. If nothing else it will make you realize your child is not trying to kill you on purpose.

8
Catherine
Nov 11, 2013

Oh gosh, this was me two months ago, nap tracker and all. Apparently four month sleep regression is A Thing and not at all weird. It gets better though, I promise! I've slept for seven hours in a row a few nights this last week. It's like waking up in a new body. Also, the Baby Whisperer's advice worked here when it came to sorting out the crib nap scenario. Hang in there!

9
Keenie Beanie
Nov 11, 2013

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a 9 pm bedtime for your four-month-old. My little night owl was up until ten or so until she was about 7 months old, then bedtime started naturally creeping forward as her naps consolidated to two a day. I've always thought she was a "good" sleeper but at nearly a year old I'm still celebrating 4 hour stretches, so it's all in the perspective. I never tried to get her on a schedule. I find going with the flow easier on both of us and she found her own rhythm. Wishing you many 4+ hours for the holidays!

10
Nothing But Bonfires
Nov 11, 2013

Carolyn: Yeah, I did that and I was kind of wondering if it was that too. But honestly, he doesn't even turn 4 months til tomorrow and he's been doing this sleep thing for the last few weeks.....about the same time I started implementing the schedule. So I don't know.

11
Tamara
Nov 11, 2013

I'm sure you're going to get a lot of great advice here, but just wanted to quickly chime in that my baby (now a great night time sleeper but shitty napper) didn't really get on a schedule for night time sleep until he was about 9 months old. So early on, I would put him to sleep when he seemed sleepy - and also, he would fall asleep in bed with me and then get moved to his crib. (I thought I would never, ever co-sleep, but did it so I could get some rest.) (Now he requests his bed and can't sleep if he's next to someone.) Anyway, the best advice I can tell you is, nothing you do now will ruin him forever, as I once believed. Do whatever you need to do to get some sleep, it will all work out in the end.

12
Janet
Nov 11, 2013

Amalah has some good information about sleep on her Advice Smackdown blog.

13
Mrs G
Nov 11, 2013

Congrats on the 4 hour stretches of sleep! I too felt like a whole new woman once I got more than mere minutes of sleep at a time.

The reason that there are a ton of sleep books? Every baby is different and there isn't a solution that works for every baby. Take (all) advice with a grain of salt and remember that you know your baby and you are one that has to live with implementing the stragies suggested. I am a firm believer in "do what works for your family until that doesn't work anymore." 9:00pm bedtime is working? Go with it until it becomes apparant that it needs to change. Napping in a swing, on mama, and in moving cars? Go with it until it isn't working or you want to try the crib again. It could be you, Hugo, or Sean that is the one to decide "this isn't working anymore" and then try something new to get things working for your family again.

That said, I had good experience with Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Ferber. I didn't read it cover to cover, but focused on the page suggesting the total number of hours of sleep needed in 24 hours (a lot less than other books) and the strategies for crying it out (when my son was about 5 months old and nursing/rocking him to sleep became apparent that "this isn't working for me or my son anymore.")

I also recommed thewonderweeks.com. I didn't read the book (see a trend here?) but did sign up for the email updates which tell you every time your baby is making a leap in his mental development which generally correlates to more fussiness, worse sleep, clinginess, etc. I found it beneficial to at least know that there was a mental development coming/happening and to expect that something might change in my baby's mood. Plus, mental development? Yes please!

14
kathleenicanrah
Nov 11, 2013

awwwww shitballs. baby is due in a month and I'm sleeping like....well, like a baby, meaning NOT AT ALL due to persistent middle of the night puking. (dear pregnancy: I hate you.) I'm one of those people saying "surely it can't be as bad as they say" and.....this sounds even worse. nooooooooooo.

15
Jen
Nov 11, 2013

Miriam certainly could care less that I would prefer she goes to bed between 7-8 pm, so I am that terrible delinquent mom whose 5 month old goes to bed sometime between 9:30 and 11 pm. If she is awake until 11 pm, she gets to watch Game of Thrones or Breaking Bad or Girls or whatever it is we're watching to unwind. And honestly, once I stopped fighting it, it was SO nice. She sleeps 6-7 hours once she goes down, but she never goes down before 9:30. Naps are also between 30-45 minutes long and several days a week, she puts up a fight on those. If it makes you feel better...there is such a thing as the 4-5-6 month sleep regression, which just seems like bullshit that they can give themselves 3 whole months as a window for when your infant might do this. But a regression implies that things are getting worse/things were once better. Hang in there. One thing I found immensely helpful in getting more sleep was learning to do the side-lying nursing in bed. Realize this isn't for everyone, but M sleeps in our room and frequently in our bed so it's a nice solution for me.
PS - high waisted jeans are a smidge better than still wearing maternity panel jeans, right? ;)

16
Martha
Nov 11, 2013

My daughter is a year old today and she has slept through the night twice in the last year. I talk about those two days in July often and with fondness, those times I got to sleep for eight hours. She sometimes does five or six hours now, for her first stretch, but of course I occassionally want to spend time with my husband, alone (CRAZY TALK) and thus I don't think I have slept for more than four hours in the last few months, due to going back to work full-time when she was 10 months old and associated reverse cycling on her part (google it). To sum up: I am tired, baby sleep makes one crazy. Hope you are one of the lucky ones, those people I meet who say 'my baby started sleeping through the night at four months old!' or such craziness. I wish I was one of those people :)

17
Meghan
Nov 11, 2013

The worst thing is they always change their damn minds about it all. Like they start sleeping a certain way and as soon as you get used to it BAM! No way mama, I've got a new thing going now. Sucker. But I write this from the other side of it. I have a 3 1/2 yr old and an almost 2 yr old and they both sleep most nights from 8 until 6 or 7 in the morning. And it is glorious.

18
lor
Nov 11, 2013

If 9pm is what works for him, then go for it. But work on the daytime naps. Not too many, and try the tough love approach. My daughter would nap for her grandparents but not for me, so I knew she could. I went through some hard days of 'mommy loves you' checkins on a sobbing baby, but then she slept. And slept. And we were all happier. The end.

You'll get through it. With your sanity. ;)

19
Kate
Nov 11, 2013

Ooh I have no advice - I just want to say I'm sorry to hear it's this hard (for you and my future self if I ever had kids). Stay strong and take up a friend's offer of a few more hours of babysitting if you can? And know, I guess, that inevitably this will pass.. xxxx

20
Abby
Nov 11, 2013

Both of my daughters were really dysfunctional sleepers, and despite many attempts at sleep-training, they did not sleep through the night consistently until age 2. It was rough but I got through it, and now, at ages 5 and 2 1/2, they do great. It will eventually get better, I promise. This is kind of weird, but something I read that really made me feel better when I was going through the constant night waking with my first baby was that, when you think about it from an prehistoric/survival of the fittest perspective, babies who were good, sound sleepers would be the most vulnerable to attacks by a predator, so the least likely to survive. All that night waking is actually a sign of a healthy and smart baby. So good job little Hugo, you are doing exactly what you're designed to do--even though it is hard on your mama!

21
Sara Baker
Nov 11, 2013

Just wanted to add another voice to the chorus of voices letting you know it is okay if your baby doesn't go down for the night until later in the evening. Mine were like that too, and while I was jealous of my mama friends who had strict 7:00 bedtimes for their babes, I also rejoiced in the mornings that my (last) wakeup call wasn't until much later than theirs. I've missed your blogs, hang in there!

22
Elizabeth
Nov 11, 2013

My DD was a night owl too, a 9PM bedtime worked for us so we just went with it. Even now at 3, she doesn't sleep till 10 or later. It's not ideal, obv, but the choice is out of our hands, we need to follow her weird body rhythm.

She also wasn't a great napper until we started letting her sleep in the swing. Have you tried it? The swing can be hellish to wean them off after a few months, but it saved my sanity in those days I just needed a break. She also hated her crib until she was over a year old, so she either slept with us (makes it so much easier to feed in the MOTN) or in her Rock 'n Play. Something about the angle makes it more comfortable for them, I think. Good luck, Holly. I promise this is not forever!! In a year or two, you will have forgotten the dirty details of all this, miss his adorable baby self and (it's pretty much inevitable) be longing to do this all over again with another.

23
Amy in CO
Nov 11, 2013

When you're not getting any sleep, sleep is all you can think of and how to get more of it.

Trust me when I say it will get better. It will........someday.

Hang in there!

24
Emma
Nov 11, 2013

I really wouldn't worry about a 9pm bedtime - if it's what works best for all three of you then there's little point in fighting it. A late bedtime isn't going to ruin him, but it sounds like it'll help make things easier all round. My daughter (just shy of 7 months) goes to bed any time between 8 and 10pm - we've found that what works best for all of us is to take our cues from her as to when she's ready, and the upside of her going to bed late is that she generally doesn't wake up till 9am, which suits me perfectly.

Four hours straight is pretty good for a wee one; I personally think we put far too much emphasis on babies sleeping through the night when that's just not natural to most of them.

When it comes to naps, have you tried lying down with him on your bed? I find that my daughter sleeps very well if I do so - it's a great excuse for me to have a nap during the day, and generally I find that if I nap for half an hour or an hour, she'll do double that, allowing me time to get a few things done before she wakes (barricading her in with cushions under the duvet first).

25
Laura B
Nov 11, 2013

I had a baby boy about two weeks before you and let me just say I know exactly what you mean. Everyone kept telling me it was 4 month sleep regression, but he was only 3 months when this started. Plus doesn't regression mean that at some point he was sleeping through the night? Which never happened. I also want to gouge the eyeballs out of friends who post on Facebook that there two and a half month old just slept through the night. My boy was sleeping, if I was lucky, 3 hours in a row. The thing that helped us, and by no means that I think that it will work for anyone else but us, was learning to roll over. He still hasn't mastered front to back only back to front, but apparently he enjoys sleeping on his stomach. I of course wouldn't let him do this for 4 weeks until I went to the pediatrician and she said if he can roll over to stomach he's fine to sleep on his stomach. Since then we've had a couple of nights of 5 hours of straight sleep. And it is glorious as I imagined. But its not a fix all. Last night we were up every 2 to 3 hours. And today we've had two naps: one consisting of 20 minutes and the other of 25 minutes. So I will be reading this thread as well hoping to get some tips. But I have already scoured the internet and mostly I've learned that works for you works for you and hope that someday your baby to sleep through the night. If only I didn't live all the way out in the suburbs of Walnut Creek, I think we should get together for a bleary eyed gab session or basically one person watches the baby while the other person after 30 minutes. Also, last guilty admission: sometimes I do nurse my baby to sleep just so I can then go lay down too. Yes I also know according to the internet that makes me the worst mother ever. Good luck!

26
Morgan
Nov 11, 2013

So, you're saying he sleeps well when he goes down at 9 pm? Well, there's your answer; he likes to go to bed at 9 pm. Congratulations on finding the magic hour your baby likes to go to sleep! The "experts" can suck it. You're doing great!

27
Morgan
Nov 11, 2013

I totally kept my infant on a 10 pm - 10 am sleep schedule for months, because I fucking hate mornings, and saw no reason to be awake for them while I was on my year long mat leave. (Hey, it was better than her original plan: 2 am to 2 pm.) It was nice because my husband got lots of baby time, and I got lots of sleep, and it totally helped with my PPD.

Note, of course, that she didn't sleep 12 hours in a row for like, months. Just, she'd go down at 10, sleep for 5-6 hours, eat, and then sleep for 5-6 more. That was pretty tolerable.

Don't let anyone make you feel bad for a non-traditional sleep plan. Everything I read saying "circadian rhythms" and "nature dictates" and stuff seemed like bunk to me. I live in Canada. Sun sets at 10 pm in summer and 4:45 in winter. There's no "magic sleep hour" based on sunlight up here! There's just whatever works for you.

28
Jackie
Nov 11, 2013

To echo others: you're doing great, and you're paying attention to Hugo's rhythms. That's awesome. There's no wrong way to do sleep; don't let anyone make you feel like you're doing it wrong just because you're not doing it their way! That being said, here's my story and advice...

My son would only sleep in his swing until he was 4 months old, and then still only for 2-4 hours at a time. I was losing my everloving shit. At 4 months old our pediatrician said most babies are neurologically ready to learn how to GO BACK to sleep when they awaken - it's not that they need to sleep all through the night, it's that they need to learn to self-soothe and go back to sleep. Everyone wakes up a couple of times a night during the REM cycle. Some babies/kids/adults have trouble going back to sleep. Some great sleepers go through hard phases. Some poor sleepers go through great phases.

Sleep training a la Weissbluth worked for us. Full CIO. The first night was horrible; my mom stayed with us and we all took turns convincing each other that it was okay for my son to cry so much. The second night improved by about 80%; by 5 nights in, he was sleeping 12-13 hours STRAIGHT.

Doesn't work for everybody. 4 months is the youngest you can start. Some kids aren't ready until they're a bit older. But you can always try. Buy earplugs and have a support system around you. Or not. You can't do anything wrong here - do what you think will work, and be consistent.

29
Beth
Nov 11, 2013

Don't give up on Dr. Weissbluth yet! I promise you--his advice is genius. It will take some time though, as Hugo is just 4 months and that's pretty young still for a good schedule. It will get better, and I bet in 2 or 3 months he'll do well with the early bedtime; and in 4 or 5 months you should be totally done with night feedings and can hopefully get EIGHT HOURS IN A ROW!! Hang in there--it's hard but it won't last forever. You're a great mom! :)

(PS, when my first born was 6 months old, all I wanted was a full night's sleep, so my hubby and I went away to a hotel and left baby with grandparents....well, my poor husband got food poisoning and I was awakened all night by him barfing violently in the bathroom!) :/

30
Amber
Nov 11, 2013

I have three kiddos, and not one of them had a "bedtime" of earlier than ten pm until they were sleeping through the night. (aka 6+ hours at a time) AND even then, sometimes that 6+ hours started at 10pm. There is no right and wrong way. What works for you and your kiddo is the right way. Also, a trick that worked for all three of my kids to get them to sleep in their cribs was to take a smallish receiving blanket and fold it in half hamburger style. (top to bottom) Then, roll up each side, with the roll facing down, leaving an unrolled part for baby to sleep in. Then, when laying baby down, lay him in such a way that the tops of those rolls hit just below his armpits. Obviously, this is only what worked for me and my kids, and I'm not a doctor and yada yada. I only did this when they were young enough to not roll over. Good luck! : )

31
Skance
Nov 11, 2013

Ooh, no advice here, but solidarity with the sleeping thing. My baby (almost 8 mos) woke every hour on the hour until we moved her to her own room. Now she sleeps until 4:30am or so. We didn't move her until a month ago. All those months of sleep I missed by keeping her in our room.ugh. Of course, she still has never taken more than two 20 minute naps throughout the day. Like, EVER. No matter what. Seriously, not in the car, in the swing, in her room, in my bed, looking at the dog (her obsession). Nothing works. I appreciate that she sleeps at night now, but no nap during the day makes the days reaaaaaalllly long and allows the housework to pile up in an alarming manner. It's always something. Dopey babies. Good job they're cute.

32
Rosie
Nov 11, 2013

My child just turned a year old, and in reflecting over the last year and what I'd do differently the next time around, it is this: DO NOT STRESS ABOUT SLEEP HABITS. At least not until they are six months old or so.

(Which is when you can really bust out the Weissbluth! Six months was our big turning point where things in the book actually started to work/make sense. I actually just re-skimmed his book after I shelved it around 7 months, and damn if everything he said isn't true.)

The 4 month sleep regression is a real, horrible, sucky thing that nobody told me about until I was in it(ours started at 3.5 months and lasted 4 looooooong weeks). All the sleep training in the world won't make it better; all you can do is whatever you can to get through it! Whether that is a later bedtime, a nap in the swing or Ergo, co-sleeping, not co-sleeping, etc...you will not be rocking your 16 year old to sleep with a warm bottle because of these things, I promise you!

33
Jaclyn
Nov 11, 2013

My daughter (18 months) was always a solid sleeper at night... Once we fought the nightly battle to get her to sleep in the first place. She didn't start going to be 'early' for the night until she was much older than Hugo. And at his age her first stretch of sleep was usually in the swing. I would put her in there, put on a movie and wait for the wake up rather than go down myself for only an hour. It was less painful that way.

She would get up between 11 and midnight, eat and then we would both go to bed until the next wake up. Then that first wake up moved further and further back until it was too late for me to stay up. At that point we were ready for a real bedtime routine. But she was closer to 5 months by then. I felt like we were creating terrrrrrible sleep associations and everything but it worked for us and she did transition to sleeping in a crib, going to bed at 7:30, without much fuss most nights.

None of this was to tell you to do it the way we did, just to say I think whatever works for you guys is what is best. And if Hugo's worst sleep habit is going to bed a little late... it will change before you know it. Don't sweat it! It sounds like you're doing great.

34
Erika
Nov 11, 2013

My daughter has always been a late to bed and late to rise kid. We're night owls when we can be so it just kind of worked out - and I am NOT a morning person so I was thanking the powers that be that even as an infant her final wake time for the day was usually 7 at the earliest. I never put her to bed before 8 even as an infant. Then it moved to 8:30 when she was around 2, and now she is 4 and goes to bed around 9. When she was around 4 months I figured out what I was doing wrong with naps - she'd only take maybe one and had to be in the car or the swing. I read somewhere that after about 45 minutes, babies need an opportunity to go back to sleep. I tried it, and turned out she needed 3 pretty long naps a day and needed to go to sleep about 45 minutes after her wake time from the morning and each nap. By putting her down at that mark I avoided the overly tired crankiness that made her hate the crib for naps. Wish I had figured it out sooner! As time went on the naps shortened and cut back to only twice a day around her 1st birthday and wake time lengthened, but I could kind of feel it out with her tired cues and stuff by then because I'd been doing it a while. She was a kid that napped forever because she didn't cut down to one nap a day until she turned 2…unfortunately the process sped up at that point because she stopped taking them altogether by 2 1/2 because we had taken the pacifier away and moved her to a toddler bed so there was nothing keeping her in bed. Ha. But she still sleeps a good 12 to 13 hours a night and for her age that is plenty so I'll take the 8:30 to 9:30 wake up calls over naps now that she's older any day!

35
Julie
Nov 11, 2013

Hang in there! Everything you write is hilarious and maddening and desperate and true. Author, it happened to me too. Some kids shake off every method until they are ready and the books won't tell you that, naturally. My first son nearly killed me with the same behavior...we tried everything, nothing worked for long, regression always came. And then finally at 18 months, he became an amazing sleeper AND AN AMAZING NAPPER. So hang in here, you can do it! You will want to scratch your eyes out but you can do it. Everything will get better! Plus you'll have enough comedy gold for a lifetime. And as my midwife said to me, better the nonsleeper first....

36
Kate
Nov 11, 2013

I'm never up to date on who is interweb friends with who(m?), or who reads whom(screw it)...but Amy of Amalah.com writes the Advice Smackdown over at alphamom and also has tons and tons and tons of practical sleep advice. One of the points that rang truest to me with my latest shit sleeper? Don't sweat naps - if it works? Eff it, it works, don't mess with it! (Paraphrased of course, and within reason..like if "a dose and a half of benadryl" is what "works", I'd maybe revisit that...)

37
Maud
Nov 11, 2013

Weissbluth is not the only fish in the sea of sleep experts. If he's not working for you, try someone else. Personally, i'd say that 4 months is the earliest that a kid might be expected to start moving his bedtime up - and some kids just work best on a late schedule forever. If you haven't checked out AskMoxie.org, I highly, HIGHLY, recommend you do because she has lots of lovely advice and suggestions and sympathy for you. Just stick "4 months sleep" into her search engine and off you'll go. Also, 4 months is a humongous sleep regression, so there's that.

It'll be okay. It'll get better. You will sleep again. I promise.

38
karen
Nov 11, 2013

Y'know what? If he does best going to sleep at 9:00, just GO WITH IT. It's not like he has to wake up in the morning for work or school. All three of my kids would go to sleep for the night at 9 or 10, and we switched to an earlier schedule pretty seamlessly after they started sleeping through the night regularly.

Having a baby is definitely not a science. :)

39
Kristin
Nov 11, 2013

Don't worry about a 9pm bedtime, it's what ever works best for you and Hugo. (Congrats by the way!). My Ella was a night owl even in the womb, and continues to be even at just turned 4. As a baby she would go to sleep late and sleep better than if I tried to force an earlier bedtime on her. & don't worry about a schedule. I lost a ton of energy (& sleep) worrying about her not being on a schedule. Other moms would look at me askance and declare 'She's not on a schedule yet? My so and so was on a schedule at 4 weeks and we've slept great!'

They were all LYING. Babies don't sleep well if at all once they move past the new newborn phase. That is why they are babies. My advice? Do what works for you and Hugo and try to block out all the other noise coming from other moms, people, family members and books.

Good sleep I hope! I won't tell you about the sleepless night that accompany life events like starting kindergarten. That would be mean.

40
Rhea
Nov 11, 2013

My 14 year old announced at 8:45 Friday night that he was going to bed, where very soon after the room was expanding and contracting from the snoring. He finally awoke Saturday morning (afternoon?) at 12:30.

It does get better....eventually.

41
jes
Nov 11, 2013

Kaelyn just turned one year old. She STILL doesn't nap in her crib. She will only nap in her swing, and only if it is set on Speed #5, and only if she has a blanket tucked tightly around her legs, the litte diva! We just went out and bought a new swing with a higher weight capacity to accommodate her demands.

I wish I could tell you it gets better, and I'm sure it does eventually -- I doubt she'll be sleeping in a swing when she's 15, for example -- I just can't tell you Hugo's sleep schedule will work itself out any time soon.

All that to say, I'd upgrade your Christmas wish list from "sleep" to "babysit twice a week every week for the next year" (during which you'll nap, obvs). ;)

42
Lisa
Nov 11, 2013

My second child stopped sleeping at 8 months, ever. Not at night, not at nap, just never. When he was fourteen months old I was six months pregnant with my third child, and I was sleeping in his crib every night to attempt to get him to go to sleep. (Unsuccessful.) My inlaws asked what I wanted for my birthday, and I asked for them to take the kids for a weekend.

We drove to NYC on Friday afternoon, had a senior citizen early bird dinner at 5 pm, and I was in bed at 7 pm and slept until 9 am the next morning. We had breakfast, a walk, and I took a four hour nap. Another snack, some magazines and reading in bed. Another walk, another early dinner at 5 pm, and back in bed at 7 pm, slept till 10 am Sunday morning. I got more sleep in that 48 hours than I did the preceding six months.

I hesitate to tell you how long my kids did not sleep for, but eventually it did get better.

43
Eva
Nov 11, 2013

Love this post! I could totally relate. As everyone said he's 4 months take it however you can get it. For me I Ferberized all 5 of my kids and when done right it is a gift from heaven! I usually do it around 4ish months. By my oldest my husband wasn't super game to try it. But I told him either he's on full time baby duty or we're giving it a FAIR shot. It took time,patience, and obscene amounts of self control. But within 2 weeks my barely napping sketchy sleeper was sleeping 12 hours with1 night time feeding. All my kids were Ferberized success stories. Good luck!! Btw so glad to see you posting again. No matter what the topic I always enjoy writing.

44
Alison
Nov 12, 2013

Long time reader, like maybe 3rd time commenter? I don't know...

As the mom of a 5 yo and 2 yo who have wildly different sleep patterns, I always do what I have to do to get through the rough patches, and focus on the sleep/food/potty-training when it doesn't feel like I'm in a full-on, life or death battle against whatever child development demon is waging war on our house at any given moment.

If my kiddo napped well in cars? I'd be saving up for gas refills and figuring out how many Real Housewives have books on tape. When one slept for 6 hours with me next to them? That lady was in my bed (though, looking back, I should have evicted her a *bit* sooner). Then, once you've had a few weeks to get yourself back in order, get back to the sleep training.

This motherhood thing is a helluva time even when you aren't trying to do exactly as Weissbluth tells you.

Oh, and try reading Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. Changed my life! Good luck ;)

45
laurenk
Nov 12, 2013

I hear you, oh boy do I hear you. My first kid (girl) was/is an amazing sleeper without me doing much at all.
I was a smug, smug lady going into my second pregnancy.

My son is a month older than yours (5 months today in fact) and he did not get the sleep memo I mentally distributed nightly while he was in utero. To make a long story short, I sleep trained him at 4ish months and everything changed.
I know you will get lots of advice, to cry or not to cry, etc. How about a little crying combined with a good plan?Try The Sleepeasy Solution. It's a quick read and my baby was trained in 4 nights. He still peeps around 5ish which is more than an hour before I want him to get up, but I'll take it. It's a work in progress, as is everything.
Solid blocks of sleep rule. Sometimes they need a bit of structure and help to learn how to settle. Good luck with it all!

46
Leah
Nov 12, 2013

I'm not sure how to ask this without sounding like a late-night chatroom post, but what is he wearing to bed? I ask because my niece is 6mo and for a while, wasn't sleeping a whole lot of consecutive hours, then one night my sister &BIL swaddled her in her pjs and BAM! sleeps through the night. I'm not sure if that's advice you've already heard or tried, but figured I'd mention it in case it works for Hugo too!

47
Anna-bird
Nov 12, 2013

Oh Good Lord. I'm 30 weeks pregnant, so tired, and this is pretty hard to wrap my head around. I'm just going to focus on the fact that it has eventually worked out for everyone who commented here :).

www.anna-bird.com

48
Sonja
Nov 12, 2013

Four months old is sleep regression time!!! It's awful and horrible, but it does pass.
And at the risk of sounding assvicey - cosleeping totally saved my sanity. We all sleep better that way.

49
Dana G
Nov 12, 2013

Some more unsolicited advice for you... Have you heard about the 'dreamfeed?' Google it and try it, it takes a while before your baby will get the hang of it (like maybe 2-3 weeks), but it's pretty great.

50
Tanya
Nov 12, 2013

I feel for you! I have two kids (a 2-yr old and 3-yr old, and yes, I wonder what we were thinking!).

Anyway, I can pretty much guarantee that I read every single piece of advice written regarding sleep. I tried everything. Twice. Nothing worked!

I breastfed and neither of my kids slept though the night until they were older than 1 and were eating solids and whole milk. I didn't sleep for 3 years solid (pregnant, breastfeeding my baby, pregnant and still breastfeeding, and then breastfeeding my second). I'm pretty sure my brain has been permanently damaged from the lack of sleep.

So, I wish I had advice. You'd think I would. I do not. However, I can offer you one teeny tiny glimpse of hope: your baby WILL figure it out! I tried over and over again to enforce what I'd read was "correct" and made sure I did everything "right" when in reality, with a little guidance from me, my babies both figured out how to sleep. Now my 2 toddlers sleep so peacefully -- 8:30pm bedtime, 7am wake-up, without one single peep from them throughout the night.

Granted, I wish my 3-yr old still took naps (that's an entire other story), but seriously, believe it or not, I'm rested now :-)

Therefore, if I had advice I'd just say: hang in there, pay attention to what works for you and your baby, go with the flow (and conversely have some structure), and it will fall into place. You will see the other side.

You're doing great!

51
Kate
Nov 12, 2013

My first son was born one month before my birthday. Like you, all I wanted was some good sleep. My husband told me if I pumped enough milk he would sleep downstairs with the baby and get up with him. I slept like the dead for 8 whole hours only to wake up thinking that my nursing breasts were going to explode off my chest. They were like rocks so Colin couldn't nurse. I had to take a hot shower and let them empty before I got any relief. It was totally worth it to feel like a real person if only for a day.

Hang in there. Let Hugo figure out when he wants to sleep and take it how you can get it. It is very hard to change the nature of your child's sleeping habits. My 8 year old son stays up until 10:00 because he just can't keep his eyes closed before that.

52
Tracy
Nov 12, 2013

Well, it's been a long time since my kids were babies -- trust me, when they are teenagers you have the opposite problem -- they NEVER want to get up! Anyway, even though it's been years, I still remember our first attempts to Ferberize our oldest. I resisted so long that she was actually able to TALK by the time I got around to addressing the awful sleep situation. And the first night, she stood up in her crib and yelled, "Someone please help me!" Dagger to the heart! And also I was afraid the downstairs neighbor would call the cops! Anyway, she's 17 now and I'm once again losing sleep waiting for her to come home until curfew!

53
jen
Nov 12, 2013

I have no advice even though I have three children. All I know for sure is that it is so so hard.

And then, one magical night, it ends.

54
Corri C
Nov 12, 2013

Listen to the baby. Experts are all fine and dandy and they have great ideas to try. But in the end you and the baby know more about you and the baby than the experts ever will because people are all different. If 9pm works for him and you are happy with that, he will be fine.

55
Ivy T
Nov 12, 2013

THREE naps?! I could barely convince my little one to take one nap, much less two or THREE. The only thing that guaranteed a nap in the afternoon from the age of 12 months to 18 months was an afternoon car ride. And even then, she would wake when the car stopped 9/10 times.

After 18 months of age, the afternoon naps stopped altogether (not without a fight on my part). The plus side is that she had been sleeping all through the night for a good portion of the year prior. She was and still is an early riser, which was a huge inconvenience for me (i'm not a morning person), but I got through it hoping that it will help me when she started school and I wouldn't have to drag her out of bed to get to school on time. Thankfully, she is still an early riser (now in 1st grade).

Every child is different. Nap when they nap. Appreciate the qualities each has and channel it for their success. *hugs*

56
Jeni
Nov 12, 2013

Stop attempting to get him on a schedule. He will eventually fall into a rhythm, and then quickly find a new rhythm, and so on and so forth.

Listen, you're in survival mode. Do what you can to get the most rest you can! There is no right or wrong. Naps and schedules are for when you've both adjusted to each other!

57
Audry
Nov 12, 2013

I second the AskMoxie.com website as a great resource. I would spend hours scrolling through the archives at 3 a.m. when my baby WOULD NOT SLEEP. He's 21 months now and we still have sleep blips here and there, but nothing like that first year. At about 8 months, when things had deteriorated to the point where my husband and I were taking shifts to sleep with our baby in a rocking chair, I finally caved and sleep trained him. We used the Sleepeasy Solution - recommended by Joanna Goddard from a A Cup of Jo. It's not for everyone but it saved our sanity, and possibly our marriage (I'm only partially kidding).

And don't sweat the later bedtime. Our kiddo goes down between 8:30 and 9 p.m. and gets up by 7:30 a.m. His friends go to sleep at 7:30 p.m. (but get up at 6 or 6:30 a.m.!) so it's a trade-off. Good luck - you're doing great, mama!

58
Amy
Nov 12, 2013

The Baby Whisperer. That is all you need.

59
Kim
Nov 12, 2013

My grandma says, "Never wake a sleeping baby and out a sleepy baby to sleep" and she had six f them. If he wants to go to bed late, so be it! The good news is that change is constant and this too will change before long. Hang in there, my dear.

60
Kim
Nov 12, 2013

PUT a sleepy baby to sleep, not out. DYAC!

61
Kim
Nov 12, 2013

PUT a sleepy baby to sleep, not out. DYAC!

62
Jenn
Nov 13, 2013

Holly, this is called the 4 Month Sleep Regression. Look it up, it will ease your mind. It is a phase, and will not last. My child went through it, all of my friends' kids did as well. It won't last! Wishing you sleep!

63
Amy
Nov 13, 2013

My 2.5 year old goes to bed between 7:30 (if she doesn't nap all day) and 9pm (if she does nap). She still wakes during the night for a sippy cup (or two) of milk and usually gets up with me when I get up at 5am. She's a very happy & active kid, and lots of fun! I just thought there'd be more sleep for her AND me at this point... Sigh. I've slept through the night a few times since she was born...but not many.

64
Angela
Nov 13, 2013

My son was born on July 4, so I'm right there with you! I had not heard of this "4 month awfulness" until I read this post, so this has explained alot of what's going on at my house! He's clingy, cranky, screamy, not wanting to nap and not sleeping very well at night. Up until about 2 weeks ago he'd been sleeping pretty well at night, he goes to sleep between 9:30 and 11 (totally variable!) and was waking up about twice to eat. Two times he slept through the night, which was about 7 hours. Now, bedtime is the same but he's waking up anywhere from 2 to 5 times at night. I just put him in bed with me so I can sleep more, but hopefully this "phase" will end soon and he can go back to sleeping in his cradle all night! And yes, what's with the "crib of dooom" as you say?? He will not sleep in his crib. One day....

65
Carrie
Nov 13, 2013

Holly, you are doing such a great job!! Seriously, these first months are so hard and the no-sleep thing is ridiculous (been there - done that). My kids were also night-owls who did not comply with the whole "sleep begets sleep" mantra and could never find the right balance of whether they weren't sleeping because they were over-tired, or not tired enough? So I say just do whatever is working for you...if 9pm bedtime works, do it until it doesn't. You are awesome, mama.

66
Laura
Nov 13, 2013

Hi Holly. Congrats again and keep up the good work - the first 6 months are tough! He might be having too many, too lengthy naps in the day, which is affecting his night time sleep. Its also worth making sure he's getting through to the hind milk (if you're breastfeeding) as that helps with their sleeping too. If you get the chance have a read of Contented Baby by Gina Ford - its all in there - there is such a science behind getting babies to eat well and sleep well, and its important for both of you that he does. PS those friends of mine who didn't believe in routines and went with whatever worked at the time, are now exhausted and have 4 year olds who go to bed at 9pm (bye bye adult dinner/evening with your husband) and STILL don't sleep through - its crazy! Persevere it will be worth it. And keep smiling. :)

67
DearWendy
Nov 13, 2013

Has Hugo started rolling over yet? If not, I bet it'll happen soon. Usually, before any type of big physical development like rolling over, crawling, standing up, and walking, babies experience some sleep regression because their minds are so busy working out the process to accomplishing this big goal. Once they get there, sleep gets better again. Hang in there.

68
katie
Nov 14, 2013

Here is the best advice I ever got: Imagine you are a cave woman/alone on deserted island/Neanderthal mom....what would you do? Just do that! Do what feels the best and most natural. It usually works out. 9 p.m.? Go for it! I know plenty of people who never put their kids to bed before 9 and those lucky people now have kids that sleep in, while 8 years later I still have a kid up at 5 a.m......just do the NATURAL feeling thing. Channel the cave woman!

(For the record, what comes naturally to me is being a total NAP DICTATOR. Naps ruled my days and thoughts and life for YEARS and other people didn't understand. It was the only thing standing between me and a mental institution. So I did everything in my power to protect the nap. Everything. It wasn't pretty. I'm pretty sure I lost friends over it but I didn't even care!)

And I know everyone says it goes so quickly. But it seems hard to believe when you're in the thick of it and just counting down the hours/minutes until you can close your eyes. I just realized I am a sleep person and babies/toddlers aren't. We just aren't all that compatible and that's ok! Now with an 8 and a 5 year old it is better. It is so so so so fun and so much better. I love it now. But it took me a while to get here. I do remember feeling that it incrementally improves. Every month or so I would feel like I was better off. And just gradually it improves. Next month will be better (sleep wise) than this month....Hang in there and be the cave woman!

69
Erika
Nov 14, 2013

Congrats on the four hours!

70
Katie
Nov 14, 2013

You're doing so great! I have an 8 month old and I feel you, every word. Sounds like maybe the 4-month sleep regression? (and I used Weissbluth too, THE SWINE ha ha). It does improve but it was so hard for awhile...

71
Lesli
Nov 14, 2013

Yay, 4 hours straight! When my son was a newborn, I was hallucinating I was so sleep-deprived. That was very early on, however, and may also have had something to do with the drugs (he was delivered via emergency C-section). Anyway, he is now 6 and I have found that he typically goes to sleep between 8:30 and 9:00 pm no matter what we do and that has been the case almost since we came home from the hospital. He has his built-in clock, apparently, and bedtime is rarely earlier or later than his 8:30-9:15 window. FWIW.

72
agirlandaboy
Nov 14, 2013

At 9 months, Wombat was still going to sleep around 9 or 10, and thank god I wasn't reading any books about it because that was what worked for us. Remember: Hugo hasn't read the books and will do what he wants.

And congrats on the four hours!

73
Marcy
Nov 14, 2013

I promise you will get some sleep and the first night you get more than 4 hrs in a row, you will wake up in a panic wondering if the baby is ok.

Hang in there lady!

74
Amy
Nov 14, 2013

Totally know where you're coming from, man. If it makes you feel better, I would keep my daughter up until midnight because it meant she'd sleep through the hours of 3-4 am. Something about that time of night was just the worst for me. Sometimes, if the sleep gods were looking favorably on me, she'd sleep til 6:00am. And then I'd do that happy dance of joy over six hours' sleep.

75
Jordan
Nov 15, 2013

He'll work out his sleep patterns soon. We had QUITE A TIME with the 4 month sleep regression. More tears from mommy than baby. We couldn't get him to fall asleep until almost 10pm then I would go immediately to bed, because I knew he would be awake in less than 2 hours to eat. I don't know if you're still BF, but getting the hang of BF while laying down was the best thing ever! That was the only time we ever did any "co-sleeping", and if he slept through the night in his crib I just left him there.

When I went back to work after maternity leave, I made it home by 6pm everyday and he was usually asleep for the night at 6:30pm! It was kind of sad to not spend any time with him, but he needed the sleep and I had the night to do whatever I needed/wanted.

76
Olivia
Nov 15, 2013

I have to agree with Jen that side feeding in bed is what saved me. That and having a king-sized bed. Also, if you do have to get up to feed in the middle of the night, the faster you get to them and the less they are really "awake" the better. I NEVER turned the lights on, in my room, the hallway or their room, didn´t really look at them, just fed, propped them in my lap for a burp and back to bed (whether it was in my room, their room, my own bed) My pediatrician also strongly counseled not to EVER change a diaper at night unless it was really full of poop or leaking. The last diaper change should be right before bed (I live in Argentina, a country where no one has dinner before 10 pm, so both my boys who are 3 and 1 now have always hit the hay at 9:30) I tried for a 8:50 bedtime last night and was laughed out of the room by my husband and 3 yr old who watched cartoons till 9:30 when they read stories and went to sleep at 10. He goes to nursery school all day and is up on his own at 6:45 in a great mood. As so many of the wise ladies here said, every baby is different. I am pretty sure though that the less movement, light, noise, time spent with baby in the middle of the night has got to help. If you are relaxed and physically FEEL to them like you are going back to bed, they will follow suite.. at least that was my experience. Good luck and hang in there.

77
edj
Nov 16, 2013

Ah sleep. Eventually it will happen. And in the meantime, don't tell, but I think our babies' bedtimes (we have 3 teens now) were closer to 11. And then they'd sleep most of the night, depending on age and size of given child, but it worked for us. I mean, they're babies...who cares when they go to bed?

78
Nicole
Nov 18, 2013

I tried to read W's book but I was too tired with my first to decipher it. I didn't read any of the sleep books with my second. I feel your pain. I try really hard not to give unsolicited advice on parenting, but can I do that just this once? My kids are 3.5 and nearly 6 now but I still vividly, viscerally remember the torturous sleep deprivation. I resisted the non-sleep situation so much that I drove myself cra cra. The best thing I heard was in yoga the other day (yes, I know, I am so thankful that I got to even go to yoga!) and it was this. "Don't worry about letting go. Sometimes letting go is just as difficult as resisting. Just try to let it be. Let it be."

79
ter
Nov 18, 2013

I hate to say this, but my son is two and still has major sleep problems. We've had some luck with routines and schedules (go with whatever works!), Happiest Baby on the Block's Guide to Great Sleep, and thebabysleepsite.com. Baby Whisperer and No-Cry Sleep Solution were big fails. We've just hired a sleep consultant on that website, so hopefully we'll have some progress soon! I wish we had hired them a year ago.

80
Heather B.
Nov 19, 2013

"...and then I tell all my childless friends about the FOUR HOURS IN A ROW, FOUR HOURS IN A ROW and they look at me askance, the fear in their eyes matched only by the pity, and they back away from me slowly like oh, honey."

Having friends with children is the greatest form of birth control. Like, your kids are cute and all but do I want one? No.

81
LB
Nov 19, 2013

Here's my assvice, for what's it's worth which is probably not much...First, I know when you're not getting enough sleep you feel desperate and that's all you can think about is how to get some more sleep but you do adjust and get used to it to a certain extent.

Second, beware of sleep books. I would say if you are going to read one, read at least a few more (or don't read any in the first place). I read Weissbluth, and Ferber and Pantley and Sears and the baby whisperer and a few others (basically any sleep book I could find). Once you read a few you will notice that they all proclaim to be experts and a lot of them have completey contradictory advice. So be all means try different things but don't expect one book to be the be all end all. And don't despair if they don't work for your baby.

I have a terrible sleeper although now at 18 months old she is much better and the only thing that helped me was acceptance and my philosophy of doing "whatever worked at the time".

First I tried absolutely everything every sleep book recommended. None worked. After that I accepted this as a stage that wouldn't last forever and just had the philosophy of doing whatever it took to ensure we all got the most sleep possible which included nursing to sleep, co-sleeping, rocking to sleep, etc. I stopped worrying that my baby was sleeping terribly because I was doing something wrong and stopped believing that there was a magic solution out there and accepted that she slept like crap because she is a baby and actually, that is pretty normal for a baby.

I also stopped worrying about creating "bad habits" and like I said, just did what worked. None of the so called "bad habits" have stuck anyway, she changed so fast and every stage brings it's own challenges.

Anyway, that is the perspective that worked for me and it's been freeing. I get more sleep and don't feel terribly about myself. Granted, I am writing this now at a time when she regularly sleeps through the night so I suppose it's a lot easier to have perspective than when you are in the thick of the sleep deprivation.

I wish you luck, I can tell you are doing a great job.

82
Carlien
Nov 20, 2013

Bit teary-eyed here, because it's so encouraging to read some of these posts, and because I am just so incredibly tired. I celebrate every 4 hour stretch too! I needed to be reminded that it will eventually get better.

83
Leslie
Nov 22, 2013

I feel for you. I recommend reading bringing up bebe and skimming healthy sleep habits happy baby. Crying it out worked for us at 6 months and if I had a second I would totally try le pause from bringing up bebe. If you just chant to yourself they need sleep sleep is good for them during the cry it out it will help. I dont normally comment and I hate to sound like a know it all but my best friend told me to do the cry it out and it worked and my son sleeps like a champ now.

84
mamalang
Nov 26, 2013

I am way on the other side of this, with my youngest about to turn 11. I'll tell you that it does get better :) And really, as babies, bedtimes don't matter. I had one that wanted to sleep earlier in the night until she was toddler, then refused to sleep until 11, and another that stayed up partying til 9:30 or 10:00 but then slept like the dead. No one trick covers all humans :)

Also I'll mention...my middle baby would always wake up when we put her in her crib. I finally realized it was because I was warm and toasty and those crib sheets weren't. We started putting a heating pad in before she went to sleep, and then yanking it out a minute or two before putting her down and she stopped waking. Your mileage may vary, but I swear that epiphany (after months of frustration) saved all our lives. May you have one as well.

85
Chiara
Nov 26, 2013

I love Weissbluth and have used him with all 3 of my kids. That being said, my interpretation of his book was very different with each of my 3 kids. All babies are different and there is no one way to approach sleep-training/sleep schedule. I think that Marc Weissbluth even says that himself. For me, his book provides guidance but its not meant to be an all or nothing approach (which is why he explains the different methods and doesn't advocate for one). I didn't read it with that much nuance my first time. I pretty much was like OMG my baby isn't sleeping through the night and how do I fix it (did I mention Im type A?). With my first (who is now 6.5) I was incredibly rigid and kept him on super-strict schedule down to the minute--probably because I had a lot of new mom nerves about having no idea what I was doing. Turns out he was pretty text-book. He slept through the night at 3 months. Regressed at 4 months (up every 2 hours for the entire month and so I did CIO at 5. From then on he was a 6pm to 5am sleeper without a peep. But I got up with him at 5am for 2 years. He is still an early riser. My 4 year old son was a 7pm-8am sleeper starting at 3 months with a 4am feeding until he was 10 months. I felt no need to make him cry it out to give up that one feeding (although he probably didn't "need" to eat per sleep training experts). At 10 months he regressed and was waking up every 2 hours so we had to let him cry it out and it was SO MUCH harder than with my first because at 10 months he was old enough to stand up in his crib and cry for mama. He continues to be a night owl and a late riser. Finally, I have my sweet little girl who is almost 6 months and goes to sleep at 6pm and wakes up at 11pm and 3:30am to eat. And then starts the day around 6:30am. Her nap schedule is coming together but its not perfect and no matter what I try, her 1st nap is 45 minutes. She had an ear infection last week (such a myth that breastfeeding prevents ear infections because all 3 of my kids had them their first year and were breastfed and none of them went to daycare) and that threw her "schedule" off. She was waking every 2 hours and after a few days of antibiotics when I knew the ear infection was no longer an issue, I did some gentle sleep training. Waited 5 minutes, went in, waited 10, then 20. It took 30 minutes total the 1st night and instead of waking up 8 times she woke 4 times. The past 2 nights she is back to 2 wake-ups. There is a wide range of normal. What might not work for Hugo this week may work very well in 2 weeks. I have no doubt that both you and he will sleep more sooner than you think. Its not a failing or commentary on you or your parenting at all whether your baby sleeps through the night or not. I didn't get that with my first but do see that with my third and in some ways (many ways) I am able to enjoy her even more (she is also my last so that could be it too). Good luck!!! Hope you get everything you want on that one item Christmas list!

86
Kate
Nov 28, 2013

I hear you! K was born on the same day as Hugo and also had terrible sleep. We are recent converts to the Magic Merlin Sleepsuit. I swear I do not work for them. It has been amazing for us though. However, even with it she still doesn't go down for the night until between 9 and 10, so maybe it's just those July babies. Good luck!!

87
laura
Dec 09, 2013

You literally just reminded me to take my birth control pill, thank you! Hope the sleep fairy visits you soon :)

88
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Dec 10, 2013

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