Same Sheet, Different Day

As I climbed under my duvet just shy of 2am on Tuesday morning, I realized that out of the last twelve nights, I'd spent exactly one in my own bed. That sounds rather scandalous and exciting, until I clarify that most of them have been spent in other people's spare bedrooms. Wait, that still sounds kind of scandalous and exciting. Huh, except maybe not so scandalous. Or exciting. 

I spent the first three days of last week in New York, staying with my brother Tom. My brother Tom is the only person I know in New York with a spare bedroom, and if you live in New York—or, indeed, any large city—I fully expect your eyebrows to be way up into your hairline right now, because what? A spare bedroom in New York? You thought those were mythical, right? Like unicorns and gremlins and a line at the DMV that's shorter than fourteen people. 

But no, Tom has a spare bedroom, and this is because Tom is one of those chosen lucky chancers, the kind of person who gets upgraded on a whim at the airport because he remembered to brush his hair that morning. Tom loses his passport and gets it returned to him from the back of a cab in Queens the next day. Tom once had to go on a business trip to report back on the safety and security of two dozen luxury hotel rooms. 

In Bali.

So this means Tom is a very good person to know in New York, because Tom has this spare bedroom. The reason he has this spare bedroom is that his roommate got transferred back to London a few weeks after they'd signed the lease and moved in together. The roommate's company felt so bad about transferring the roommate back to London after he'd just signed a lease in New York City that they decided to pay the roommate's rent for him so that he didn't screw Tom over. What? How does this even happen? And why hasn't Tom bought, like, fifty lottery tickets already?

The apartment was a bit of a bachelor pad, as you might imagine, and I was slightly worried about the sheets in the roommate's room, where I would be sleeping. Specifically, I was worred about the freshness of them.  Could I be sure of when they'd last been changed? Tom is a 29-year-old single man living alone in an apartment whose refrigerator contains seltzer water, half a granola bar, and a bottle of ketchup from the Clinton administration ("that's full!" he told me proudly as I surveyed its bare shelves.) What are the odds the sheets on his spare bed were going to be clean? 

Well, I have to give credit where credit is due, because the sheets were indeed clean. I prodded in the most polite way I could think to do it—"so, when did the guy who was staying here before me leave? Oh, yesterday? And, hey, no reason here, just spitballing, do you have a washing machine in this place, or....?"—and Tom, having known me for 29 years, just looked over at me and said "Holly. Come on. I put fresh sheets on your bed." To which the only response, of course, was to laugh gaily and say "Well, duh! I know you did! I never doubted that for a second.

(Whatever. I doubted that for many seconds. Mainly while I was wondering how close your laundromat was, whether it might still be open at midnight, and if they'd take credit cards.) 

I have much to tell you about everything we ate in New York—if there is another thing Tom knows about me it is that I like to plan my visits to cities around the food I can stuff into my mouth while I'm there—and also about the little side trip Sean and I took to Maine (more eating) after spending Thanksgiving with his parents in Connecticut (yet more eating), but I'll save that for next time, I think. Right now, I need to go and look at a bunch of kale until my clothes fit again. That's how that works, right? 

Nov 30, 2012

Hey holly
I going to NYC in a weeks time and I would totally need to see what you ate there!!

Love from singapore

Nov 30, 2012

You do realize that now you will get a ton of comments of the "ooh! your brother is 29, single, lives in NYC in an apartment with a SPARE BEDROOM, and he changes his sheets??" variety, right?

Or, maybe not. Maybe that's just what I'm thinking.

Nov 30, 2012

Well, I am not a single lady myself, but I do know some quality (also, younger) single ladies here in New York who would possibly be interested in your adorable brother and his spare-room and clean-sheet-having ways. So, you know, if he's at all interested in going on dates set up by random ladies on his sister's blog, just let me know.

Nov 30, 2012

Yep. Sign this married lady up for the Tom Burns Dial-A-Yenta. I've got a small but delightful selection of awesome single lady friends who love a man who appreciates the value of clean sheets.


I'm with Amanda and Lawyerish on this. My sister is single, has a great job, and is gorgeous. She lives in Florida but we can totally make this work. Just let me know. ;)

Pretzel Thief
Nov 30, 2012

Hahahah -- loving the hypothetical matchmaking happening in the comments with Katie, Krissa, Lawyerish and Amanda!

Now, Holly, you do realise that if any of the set-ups DO happen that you'll have to let us know, even if in the vaguest, most round-about way. Heh heh.

(By the by, great to have you back!)

And could Tom BE any luckier? What a champ!

Nov 30, 2012

I have several single lady friends in NYC who would love to be set up with your adorable brother :) He's going to be in high demand after this blog post!

Nov 30, 2012

what i find amazing is that he has not yet rented out this extra room to make some extra cash!

Susannah Watts
Nov 30, 2012

I'm very impressed. I live in DENVER and I don't have a spare bedroom. We just had 5 people sleeping in a one bedroom shoebox house for thanksgiving. But I must say, all the sheets were clean!

Nov 30, 2012

Sara: Oh, they do!

Nov 30, 2012

Everybody else has single lady friends who are might be interested in being set up with Tom. I AM a single lady who IS interested in being set up with Tom. Can this happen?

Nov 30, 2012

I'm sort of surprised you don't travel the country with a spray bottle of luminol to check for blood and fecal matter on your sheets. I guess you can't get it through airport security? :)

Saucepan Man
Nov 30, 2012

Your second para had me straight into Simon & Garfunkel BOTW mode:

Tom - The Only Living Boy In New York

Nov 30, 2012

How great that Tom's luck in this case is also your luck!

Camels & Chocolate
Dec 02, 2012

Hey, Whaddya know, it's been 12 days since I've slept in my own bed, too, and while this bed at the Viceroy may be very week the most incredible bed I've ever slept in, I did just move into my home six weeks ago, and given that we sprung for a bed that costs the equivalents of six months' mortgage, I'm quite eager to sleep in it again.

Dec 02, 2012

What are the chances of a Holly-esque guide to eating etc in NYC? We are going for our ten year anniversary next November and I'm starting to think I should do some research about where to go!

P.S. We stayed in the same place you rec'd from your trip to Rome and loved are now one of my trusted trip advisors!

(Victoria, Australia)

Dec 03, 2012

Wow, if only I could be so lucky. Upgraded to first class because I brushed my hair??? I brush it every day! Once, I begged, pleaded and demanded that the guy at the Air France counter tell me how much it would cost me to upgrade to business on that one flight. While I waited and waited, thinking he must think I'm so cute, he's finagling something, he finally told me that I didn't exist and was I sure I was meant to be on that flight? After a long,, long time, he found me (ah oui, voila) but I still couldn't get through to him my desire for business class free, or otherwise. Off to coach I went. I'd love to be your brother for one flight!!

Dec 04, 2012

Apparently, I need to wallpaper my house in kale. 8-)

Dec 05, 2012

I used to work with Tom in Singapore and you want to despise him for his totally random moments of pure jamminess but then you realise he is also a total sweetheart. Damn him! I am in NY next week do you think if we loiter outside a insanely over priced restaurant they will ask us in for a free meal?

Dec 07, 2012

Being single has its own blessings. Anyways, having someone you can spend on the rest of your life is much better.

Dec 07, 2012

Being single he/she free for anything that's why no problem for what happen. If he/she at the right Age.

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