It's Our Problem-Free Philosophy

I say "no worries" far too often. I'm not sure where I picked up this decidedly Antipodean affectation, but I can't stop saying it. Actually, I do know where I picked it up; I picked it up from Sean, a guy who's so laidback, it takes him two hours to watch 60 Minutes. (I wish I could claim that joke as my own, but  I'm quoting the great Bob Dylan.)

Sean says "no worries" because nothing ever is a worry to him. You're going to be five minutes late? No worries. You forgot to pick up that milk you said you'd pick up at the store? No worries. You tripped on a banana peel while carrying a gallon jug of bleach past the closet and accidentally spilled it all over his beloved collection of oversized Yankees t-shirts? Well, that one hasn't happened yet. Give me a little time, though. I'm working on it. (Do you think the banana peel would be too suspicious?) 

So I think I adopted the habit because it reminded me of my unruffled and unflappable husband, because a casual "no worries" is the best way I've found to belie the frazzled, neurotic, anxious hamster wheel of my brain and harness some of that imperturbable calm that never found its way into my DNA.

Except now I can't stop saying it. I say it at work. No worries! I say it to my friends. No worries! I say it to the person who crashes their cart into mine at Trader Joe's, even though it was clearly their fault for trying to get to the free sample station too quickly. No worries! You go ahead and try that blueberry vanilla goat cheese! Joke's on you! 

Have you started saying "no worries" too? Don't answer that if you're an Australian, because you get a pass. "No worries" is yours to begin with; in fact, it's even the national motto of Australia, if Wikipedia is to be believed. (And why shouldn't it? A public encyclopedia put together by bored teenagers and out-of-work geography teachers, writing collaboratively, anonymously, and without pay? Sounds watertight to me!)

About a year ago, I was having this conversation with Sarah, Zan, and Alison, in a bar in Brooklyn. This was back when I didn't feel too bad about saying "no worries" so much because I still thought it made me sound cool and unnerved, the sort of wacky gal who'd get a run in her tights and laugh it off with a wave of her hand instead of railing to everyone in a three-foot radius that she'd ONLY JUST BOUGHT THESE YESTERDAY, MY GOD, THE WORLD IS CRUEL AND UNFAIR. But still, we agreed. We said it too much. 

"We should just say something else," said one of us, I forget which, and the rest of us said yes, yes, we should, enough of this "no worries" stuff, I mean who did we think we were, Russell Crowe? 

"Hakuna Matata," said someone else. "We should just say Hakuna Matata." (You got the part about being in a bar in Brooklyn, right? This is the kind of thing that seems like an excellent idea in a bar. Where there is booze.) 

And the terrible thing is, I have actually started saying it. Mostly to Alison and mostly as a joke, but still: Hakuna Matata. Is this better than "no worries"? No, it is much, much worse. Be ye not so stupid, is what I am trying to say. Turn back now if you're considering thinking of an alternative to "no worries," because it is a slippery, slippery slope. And there are Lion King lyrics at the end of it.