True Life: I Was A Pregnant Alien

I spent the weekend at Camp Mighty in Palm Springs, where I had the most wonderful time. It was kind of like those girls' getaways you always read about in magazines that tell you to do things like go on girls' getaways—right after you buy yourself fresh flowers every week and just before you sprinkle organic flax on your oatmeal, obviously—except a hundred times better because I got to dress up as a pregnant alien.

Say what now? Oh, you heard me.

On the second night, there was a Space Camp party, you see, and a costume was required. I'd already found the disturbingly creepy alien mask in the Halloween bargain bin at Target, and I planned to wear a silver dress I'd bought a few years ago and never found an occasion for (funny how San Francisco just doesn't ever scream "this calls for the metallic jaquard!"), but the dress was rather roomy in the front—unflatteringly roomy, in fact—and so, at the last minute, right before I left the hotel room for the party, I decided to work with what I had.

"You know, this dress already makes me look kind of pregnant," I mused. "Why not just beat it at its own game?"

And so I stuffed a pillow down my tights.

Please note how my roommates look super gorgeous and hot, and I look like....well, like a pregnant alien. 

True, it was a little awkward telling Maggie that she was going to be a father, but she came around after a while.

First photo as a family!

As you can imagine, though, a pregnant alien creates quite a scandal among the disapproving.

""I am shocked! Truly shocked!"

"Did you learn NOTHING from that whole Justin Bieber debacle, young lady?"

Not sure why, though, as I made sure to stick to a pretty good pre-natal diet.

Back in the hotel room, I had a swift and easy birth, and mother and child spent some quality time together, marveling at the miracle of life.

Isn't he gorgeous? I think he has his mother's eyes.

Nov 14, 2011

Looks like fun! The new ads are a little much, though...

Nov 14, 2011

that mask is super creepy! what happens to this dress now? back to the closet or in the donation pile? I can't believe how much fabric it has in the front!

Nov 14, 2011

LOVE the costume!!

Nov 14, 2011

Congratulations on your little bundle of alien joy! ;)

PS: I think there is always an occasion for a sparkly dress!

Nov 14, 2011

you are hilarious. I'm cracking up by myself right now.

Nov 14, 2011

MJB -- which ads are you talking about? I see a Bare Minerals one at the top and a KinderCare one in the sidebar, but neither are overwhelming me -- feel free to drop me an email if you want to discuss!

Jen -- back to the closet for the dress, I guess. You never know when the need might arise again to dress like a pregnant alien. Or a pregnant anything.

Nov 14, 2011

Holly, the Bare Minerals ad expanded and took up the top half of my browser when I opened the page... so that's probably what MJB means by a bit much. It was twice the size of your banner until you click an "X" to minimize it.

That aside - HOLY MOLY I need friends like you (and Maggie). At costume parties I've attended, all the ladies are afraid of looking silly! Really, that's the point of a costume! To look silly!

Nov 14, 2011

What a fun idea!! I love it.

Nov 14, 2011

Hilarious! Looks like a fun weekend.

Nov 14, 2011

There are also ads that slide all over the page and you have to chase down to click "x". Not sure if it's intentional or someone is hijacking your site...

Nothing But Bonfires
Nov 14, 2011

This is so weird, because they're not appearing for me AT ALL. Arghhh!

Nothing But Bonfires
Nov 14, 2011

Thanks for the feedback on the ads, guys -- I've sent an email to BlogHer to figure out what's going on. Sorry about this!

Nov 14, 2011

They aren't appearing for me either- everything is as per normal!

Nov 15, 2011

All fine for me as well - although (probably because I'm in the UK) I'm getting an npower advert, which is not nearly as exciting as Bare Minerals.

Nov 15, 2011

Yeeeup, got the expanding ad AND the sliding around the page ads too... but have been getting those for a while now on this site.

Luckily, I think your blog is cool enough to be worth chasing down a few crappy ads for. I just pretend it's a mini video game before I get to read the next post.

Now if we could just get rid of the stupid comment monitor that rejects valid comments for unknown reasons... 8-)

Camels & Chocolate
Nov 16, 2011

I LOVE YOUR MASK. A space party would have been the best theme for our ball on Semester at Sea. Instead, it's Bollywood, which is fun but nowhere near as fun as pregnant aliens.

Dec 11, 2011

This was so hilariously random. I particularly love those first photos of mother and pillow. So touching.

May 19, 2016

Short, sweet, to the point, FR-cxeEaEtly as information should be!

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