Brought To You By The Letter Q
Now listen, I don't normally write about work, but something so embarrassing happened during my first week on the new job that I couldn't not tell you about it, because that would be wrong. I think that's blogging in a nutshell, really: me telling you about the times I did something stupid and you laughing at me.
Wait, with me. I meant with me!
So at my new job, we have what is basically an enormous chat room and it is open to the whole company for the whole time. Working from home, this has been supremely useful for me: I can keep the chat room open, pop in at will, and reach out to someone with a question whenever I need to. It's been invaluable in keeping me connected to the rest of my co-workers, who are all thousands of miles away in a different state.
But on my third day on the job, it all went horribly wrong.
I needed to find my green card, you see, to scan it for a form I had to fill in for HR. My green card was in the living room, and my computer was in the spare bedroom. I got up from my computer, walked into the living room, and started to look for my green card. I was away from my computer for three minutes, tops. During this interval, my cat Sadie jumped up on my desk, settled onto the keyboard, and unwittingly joined the chat room conversation with the whole company.
It looked like this:
Holly Burns: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Holly Burns: QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ
QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ
QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ
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QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ
QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ
....and then continued on like that for about four hundred more Qs---and you know I often exaggerate, but I am not exaggerating here---until Sadie must have shifted position a little bit and my contribution to the conversation became even more nuanced:
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...at which point my new co-workers began to get understandably concerned:
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Co-worker 1: WAKE UP, WAKE UP!
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Co-worker 2: WTF?
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Co-worker 3: Apparently she didn't like our conversation.
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Co-worker 4: This is impressive.
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Co-worker 5: Seizure?
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Co-worker 6: Um, does anyone have her phone number?
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Co-worker 7: It just keeps going and going! It's like the Energizer Bunny!
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Co-worker 8: That must be some good acid.
Co-worker 8: Just sayin'
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Holly Burns: Whoa
Holly Burns: I'm so sorry!
Co-worker 1: Cat?
Holly Burns: I just really wanted to tell you guys about the letter Q.
Holly Burns: Uh, yes, cat.
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So that was a great way to make a first impression! I guess I know what they mean now about minding your Ps and Qs when you're new on the job. Or really just your Qs.
(For the record, everyone was super nice and understanding about it. And the next week, when I went into the office to meet them all in person---most for the very first time---I was really tempted to wear a shirt that just had a big Q on the front. And on the back too.)
Jul 14, 2011
Oh yes I am laughing. WITH you, of course.
Jul 14, 2011
Laughing. Out. Loud. So much so that my roommate knocked on my door to see what was going on. It's the middle of the night here.
Jul 14, 2011
Now I'm laughing so hard at my office my coworkers think something's wrong with me! But with you of course, only with you. You should have sent Sadie into the office to meet them all with a Q shirt on. But there's always next time, right?
Jul 14, 2011
This is by far the best thing I've heard today. Thank you Holly for sharing and letting us laugh with you.
Jul 14, 2011
Co-worker 4 was right, that was impressive!
Jul 14, 2011
This made me laugh so hard I cried.
Thank Q.
Jul 14, 2011
I used to work at a place that had the same thing. If a person was away from their desk for longer than about 5 minutes it would log them out of their entire system requiring a total reboot. I bet you can see where this is going....you guessed it, I accidently sent a message intended for one person to the entire company at 12:30 and most people were at lunch. It was not my best day or career move. At least I wasn't saying something mean about someone which was usually the main reason to use chat. What can I say, I was young.
Jul 14, 2011
I laughed so hard I cried. Thank you for that.
Jul 14, 2011
Wiping away tears I'm laughing so hard. I am constantly telling the cats at our house, "No! Move! We're not using the space bar/# key/letter i right now!" What is it with the keyboards?!
Jul 14, 2011
I can't stop laughing! My husband is just standing here going, What? What is so funny?
Made my day!!!
Jul 14, 2011
This post made me laugh. I have a cat too that happens to like to sit on computers. So funny!
Jul 14, 2011
Oh my goodness, I have never laughed that hard at my computer EVER. I just love your coworkers quiet little comments once every 4000 Q's. Thanks for sharing that Holly.
Jul 14, 2011
Oh my goodness, I have never laughed that hard at my computer EVER. I just love your coworkers quiet little comments once every 4000 Q's. Thanks for sharing that Holly.
Jul 14, 2011
I'm laughing hard enough that my dog is looking at me all concerned.
I don't have a cat, but my children have similarly caused friends to suspect that i'm having a stroke.
Thank you for that morning laugh. :)
Jul 14, 2011
That's one of the funniest things ever. If it hadn't happened during the first week, the funniness quotient would've dropped severely, so consider this a spot of luck!
Jul 14, 2011
The best part of this post is reading the comments that your coworkers made, interspersed among the Qs.
Jul 14, 2011
Oh, also, if you have an avatar/mini picture of yourself in any of these apps, you should either a) use Q instead of your face, or b) somehow emblazon Sadie with a scarlet Q, take her picture, and use that.
Jul 14, 2011
Best new job story I've ever heard. Ever.
Jul 14, 2011
God, that was funny! I love your coworkers' comments. "Seizure?" I am going to be laughing about this all day. Thank you, Holly!
Jul 14, 2011
Thank you for the laugh. I needed it!
Jul 14, 2011
Too funny. I love it.
Jul 14, 2011
Props to your awesome coworkers for the hilarious inter-Q comedy - I'm doing the silent-shake laugh WITH you right now from the jury duty waiting room!
Jul 14, 2011
Thanks for the belly laugh. Great presentation of the "conversation".
Jul 14, 2011
I really needed a good laugh this morning - thank your kitty for me!
Jul 14, 2011
I'm laughing so hard at my desk (the silent-shake Krissa mentioned) that I'm crying. We have cats that also love to lay on anything warm - like keyboards. We came home once and found that one of them had opened up almost 100 windows on the desktop.
Jul 14, 2011
THANK YOU!
Jul 14, 2011
Laughing and laughing. Sounds like you work with folks who have great senses of humor!
Jul 14, 2011
Your coworkers' comments are so awesome. I agree that the "Q" should make an appearance wherever it can. Holly Q Burns, sign your Q on the line, etc.
Jul 14, 2011
I am dying! So hysterical! I am definitely laughing WITH you!
Jul 14, 2011
Oh my god, I am laughing so hard right now. That was hillarious. You are SUCH a brilliant story teller!
Can't stop thinking about "Seizure?" Sounds like you work with awesome people!
Jul 14, 2011
Best thing I've read today, no make that all week. Dead from laughter here, really.
Jul 14, 2011
Oh god... this is histarical... and I would have totally done the t-shirt bit.
Jul 14, 2011
I enjoy your blog, as I enjoy many blogs, and while I find 98% of them very amusing, I rarely just laugh out loud uncontrollably. This cracked me up to no end. I'm still chuckling over here.
Jul 14, 2011
I don't often laugh until I start tearing up at a blog post, but I just did. :)
Jul 14, 2011
Oh, Holly. This is tremendous. It would, indeed, have been wrong to keep this from us. ;-) Laughing *with* you all the way. Also, your new coworkers are funny!
Jul 14, 2011
Also, I had no idea Sadie could spell "ass." That's one smart kitty!
Jul 14, 2011
"Q" is not a bad nickname to have. It's very James Bondian, which can only help to burnish your British credentials.
Jul 14, 2011
Oh, Holly, I'm in tears! Your co-workers sound fantastic, by the way.
Jul 14, 2011
That was hilarious. I really wish you would have worn that shirt.
Jul 14, 2011
Unfortunately, my efforts to suppress my laughter and not scare my officemate resulted in some very aggressive snorting/whooshing sounds. Which scared my officemate.
I'm surprised your coworkers didn't welcome you to the office by presenting you with a Q t-shirt. I would've. :)
Jul 14, 2011
That just made my day
Jul 14, 2011
You have the greatest gift of story telling. Loved this, absolutely hilarious! 'Seizure?' So funny!
Jul 14, 2011
SO funny. And I really wish you'd worn the Q shirt. You would ROCK a Q shirt!
Jul 14, 2011
Best. Post. EVER. I am on the floor laughing.
"I just really wanted to tell you guys about the letter Q."
SO SMOOOOOOOOOTH. I bet they would have fallen for it, with a little more fancy footwork!
Jul 14, 2011
I am laughing so hard! Reminds me of when I got locked out of my highrise apartment whe taking the trash to the chute down the hall. Problem: I was wearing pajamas. Second problem: I as barefoot. third problem: My cat got out also. Had to go barefoot in pj's with my cat to fancy apartment lobby. I made an impression.
Jul 14, 2011
Puuuuurfect.
Jul 14, 2011
Oh my gosh, Holly. I literally laughing out loud. I am so, so disappointed you weren't wearing the letter Q on your shirt. Next time. ;)
Jul 14, 2011
Oh god - I haven't laughed so much in weeks! Thank you.
Jul 14, 2011
I started laughing when your cat spelled "ASS" and didn't stop. Thanks for the giggles...
Jul 14, 2011
Holly, realistically I see very little point in adding one more comment which can only be identical to all the others, but since I am still laughing uncontrollably here, I really can't see straight anyway, so what the heck. I have been sort of sick for weeks on end, and it actually rather hurts to laugh -- but I think this post may seriously have cured what ails me. So funny! Isn't there some "Best Post of the Year" award for which this should be nominated??
Jul 14, 2011
Oh, God, this had me laughing out loud. You poor lady.
Jul 14, 2011
Great story! I had just taken a big drink of water just as I got to the first set of Qs. Let me just say I am pretty impressed that I managed not to spit it all over my desk and computer. Hilarious!
Jul 14, 2011
I'm laughing so hard I'm crying.
(And I want to work with you all.)
Jul 14, 2011
Oh my god, I laughed and laughed and laughed. That was awesome.
Jul 14, 2011
I just laughed for about twenty minutes straight. Also, I need more information about the letter Q. At your earliest convenience. Thanks.
Jul 14, 2011
Last summer I was using my husband's PC (I'm a Mac) for something and walked away for a minute. The cat jumped up on the keyboard and performed some sort of voodoo magic with his paws, and all the keys were short cuts. Like, you couldn't type anything at all, every key just performed a short cut. I actually had to call Dell's customer service (I had to call someone else to look up the number because I couldn't use the computer!) and thankfully the guy knew how to tell me to fix it over the phone. I think cats are the eventual downfall of technology.
Jul 14, 2011
Oh so hilarious!! At least Sadie didn't message your coworkers FU over and over again.
Jul 14, 2011
What is it about the letter Q that has us all in tears? I too am laughing so hard I cried.
Jul 14, 2011
This is your karmic retribution for having a spam filter that kicks people out for no reason.
Thank you,
The Letter Q
Jul 14, 2011
THAT, is hilarious!
Jul 14, 2011
Oh, this made me so happy. Laughed my fool head off. Thank you.
Jul 14, 2011
Was laughing so hard I snorted and frightened the dogs. What an impressive kitty to keep her paw on one key. Love the comments from your coworkers...
Jul 14, 2011
I haven't been able to stop laughing yet. ESPECIALLY since I own 3 cats.
Jul 14, 2011
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Jul 14, 2011
Hysterical. Thanks to you and Sadie for the laughs.
Jul 14, 2011
Best.
Post.
Yet.
Especially when read on an iPhone: scroll, scroll, scroll--hilarious interjection by co-worker--scroll, scroll, scroll--hilarious interjection by co-worker...me laughing so that my stomach hurts...scroll, scroll, scroll...
Oh, miss burns, I do believe I love you more than ever now.
Jul 14, 2011
oh that is hilarious!! and so hard to keep from laughing hysterically out loud whilst at my desk (open plan office!).
Jul 14, 2011
Seizure?
It probably shouldn't have, but that made me laugh like I hadn't laughed all day!
Thanks for sharing!
Jul 14, 2011
My cheeks are hurting for smiling so much! Too bloody funny. :D
Jul 14, 2011
Best thing I've read all day! Laughing so hard my boyfriend and the dogs are looking at me like I'm nuts. Thank you for this! LOL
Jul 14, 2011
Funniest thing I've read all day.
Jul 14, 2011
OMG, so funny. Love your coworkers' responses. Especially the acid remark. Laughing with you, of course!! :)
Jul 14, 2011
I am laughing SO HARD right now! Thank you for sharing!
Jul 14, 2011
That made me laugh so hard! QQQQQ! I hope they call you Holly Q from now on. Perhaps you can change your display name in the chat room to Holly Q?
Jul 14, 2011
Um, my stomach hurts from containing my silent laughter. Only you, Burns. Only you.
Jul 15, 2011
This made my day.
Jul 15, 2011
i think maybe its time to teach your cat how to type. maybe she was trying to type "cute"?
Jul 15, 2011
This is one of the funniest stories I have read in long time. What a way to break the ice with the new co-workers.
Jul 15, 2011
I had the singular misfortune of reading this at work, where guffawing aloud is considered decidedly improper. Cue the most severe case of church giggles I think I've ever experienced. So much silent-laughter crying.
Co-worker 8. CO-WORKER 8.
...Do you guys need an intern?
Jul 15, 2011
That is priceless. They will never forget you and your Qs.
Jul 15, 2011
Oh dear god. I have tears from laughing so hard, and I am TOTALLY doing the church-giggle (love that term) silent cry-laugh thing at work with Mr. Colin at #79 up there. I am now sharing this with um, everyone, in an effort to explain myself.
Jul 15, 2011
OMG, that is hilarious!!! I'm with Roberta and doing the church-giggle, oh, and I can't stop. I'm going to explode.
Jul 15, 2011
Karen Walrond linked to this post, and thank goodness she did. I really needed to laugh like that. Haven't laughed that hard in a long time.
Jul 15, 2011
I can't stop laughing. Truly can't!!
Jul 15, 2011
Yeah, everyone else said it, but holy crap I am so glad that I didn't read this at work, because there is no way I could have contained the laughter. It is a wonder I didn't just wake the baby up as it is. This post should definitely win awards...the kind that will make everyone in the world read this. Because then we could have world peace, what with everyone smiling and laughing so much!
Jul 16, 2011
BAHAHAHAH! Oh man...too freakin' hilarious, dude!
Jul 16, 2011
This reminds me ever so much of the pocket-dialing tendencies of the Blackberry. I own a Blackberry. I sing in the car. You can connect the dots.
Jul 16, 2011
Oh my hell. Hilarious. And the Q shirt would have been excellent.
Jul 16, 2011
Ha! I love your new co-workers.
Jul 16, 2011
Just have to de-lurk to thank you for making me laugh until the tears started rolling. Brilliant story!
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