The Antisocial Network

I'm pretty sure I'm the most antisocial person you've ever met. Except wait, you haven't met me, because I hate going out. I'm a hermit, a wallflower, a self-diagnosed recluse. Whenever I make plans, I start to resent them five minutes later. My idea of a rockin' Saturday night is me and my couch, other guests optional. And by "other guests," I mean my good friends Ben and Jerry. Man, I love those guys.

Is anyone else like this? Probably not, right? You're probably all rockstar partiers, out every night 'til the break of dawn. I used to be like that---from the ages of fourteen to twenty maybe---and then I just got done with it. Done with socializing. Done with going out. Oh, give me a home where the library books roam, and I'll curl up under a blanket and read three of them back to back.

At the beginning of the year, I hibernate. I pretty much go off people altogether, with a few special exceptions. I turn down invitations if they're likely to take more than an hour. But then April comes and the evenings get longer and the days get warmer and I emerge from my cucoon of apathy and think yes! People! I like me some of them! Also, I have this cute new cardigan I really want to wear in public.

All this is to say that I have, over the last couple of days, been Doing Things again. On Thursday night, for instance, I went out to dinner with Maggie to conquer a few things from The Big Eat. The Big Eat, if you haven't heard of it, is a list put together by a local magazine of a hundred things you have to try in San Francisco before you die. Most of it's worthwhile----I agree wholeheartedly with the Corned Beef Sandwich from The Sentinel, but then you already knew that---but some of the suggestions are decidedly suspicious. Maggie and I discovered this Thursday night when we found ourselves trying to force down lettuce cups and watered-down Crystal Light, the latter of which was posing as "freshly-squeezed sparkling lemonade" and which Maggie, the consumate diplomat, sent back by telling the waiter "I'm sorry, but this just really isn't our jam." 

On Friday I went to my favorite bride-to-be's bachelorette party with my yoga pants in my purse because I'd been told that we'd be watching BBC movies in our pajamas. A nice sedate affair, right? Right! Imagine my surprise when I glanced up halfway through a conversation about Mr. Darcy to find a dude in a construction helmet and tool belt setting down a boombox. Naturally, my first thought was not "oh my god, a male stripper has arrived" but "oh my god, the house has been broken into, we're all going to die at the hands of this intruder." 

Guess what: a male stripper had arrived. And I did die, but only of mortification.

Have you ever seen a male stripper? At a bachelorette party? With a group of ladies in their yoga pants talking about Mr. Darcy? I'm telling you, I didn't know where to look! Part of me wanted to make him a nice cup of tea and have a good heart-to-heart about his career path. Now listen, Chad, do you get health insurance with this gig? Is this what you pictured yourself doing as a little boy? Why don't we connect on Linked In, let's see if we can find you that sensible marketing internship your mother always wanted.

On Saturday, I went to Alice and Eden's book reading in Burlingame---are you getting dizzy yet with the social calendar I have been keeping? Madness, I tell you!--where they knocked it out of the park, reading from their new book Let's Panic About Babies. (I have read this book and it is very, very, very funny. And I don't even have a baby!) Then, as if that weren't enough, I made it out of the house again on Sunday for a lovely Girls Brunch at Heather's house, where I arrived bearing a platter of Scotch Eggs, which are a good thing to bring to a potluck, as it turns out, because you really cannot go wrong with fried meat and egg. "Oh, it's just something I threw together!" I demurred in the kitchen, as though I hadn't been up at eight o' clock in the morning, deep-frying sausage in my pajamas.

I am tired, I tell you what: I haven't been this social in ages! And it's nice, actually. What do you know, I do like people. Huh.

Filed Under:
1
ALittleBite
Apr 10, 2011

I'm actually the same way: come winter, I stay at home... I hate going out when it's raining and cold. But then spring comes around and I'm all: "Let's go out! Make plans! Have a barbecue!"

2
Starla
Apr 11, 2011

I totally get this, I am the same way, I spend far too much time, happily I might add, at home. But come the Spring, I do feel better when I make the effort to get out and about to do things, and see people. It's just finding that initital momentum that's hard! My couch is so comfy...

3
Camels & Chocolate
Apr 11, 2011

Except his name was Trent. And I don't know about you, but all the Trents I have known in my lifetime have most definitely been strippers. Though he could have easily been a Chad, too, with that Zach Morris-like coif.

4
Mir
Apr 11, 2011

I am totally a hermit by nature. Only I never get to the part where I go "Huh, I do like people." But then, I always suspected you were nicer than I am. ;)

5
MS
Apr 11, 2011

I'm right there with you...hermit is my prefered choice. However, this past weekend I went to a gallery exhibit, then actively participated in a neighborhood fundraiser and had a GREAT time (with my neighbors, who are strangers-EEEK!). And then to top it off, went to brunch on Sunday. But I have to say the favorite part of my day was my nap on the couch with the windows open.

6
Amy
Apr 11, 2011

I went out a LOT this weekend and now I feel like I have a people hangover...I just want to hide in my hole. It's not that I don't *like* people, I just have some weird need to be alone so I can muster up kindness. Sounds like you had a lovely time, though!

7
meghan
Apr 11, 2011

I have seen one male stripper in my life and it was one too many. He kept taking off smaller and smaller pairs of underwear. Ick.

And yes. My name is Meghan and I am anti-social.

8
Ris
Apr 11, 2011

I'm fairly social when the weather is nice but when it's cold out (as it is often in Chicago) I just want to hibernate indoors in my pajamas and a cup of hot chocolate spiked with Baileys.

9
Jessie
Apr 11, 2011

My social calendar these days is filled with schlepping boxes from one house to another, the new house being away from the City of 300,000 and in a town, nay VILLAGE, with only 752 residents. Ooops, make that 754. We did it intentionally, knowing we were hermits, knowing we don't visit or have people come visit us, and really just like it better at home. And being out of the City will take the pressure off of all of the social engagements we miss!

10
Laura B.
Apr 11, 2011

I'm the same way. I'll take a Saturday night with a glass of wine on the couch over partying until 2am every time. That said, I do like to get out and explore some weekends (usually 1-2 times a month). For example, this weekend I went skiing in Tahoe. Next weekend, I have every plan of vegetating on my couch in my yoga pants. Its all about balance right?

11
Victoria Leigh
Apr 11, 2011

I get like this as well - socializing for me is an ebb and flow. I find that in the winter months all I care to do is sit at home under a blanket with a good knitting project, a cup of hot tea, and a good movie or three (and I like doing this quite a few times during the summer months too!)

I am usually reluctant to go out of the house and sometimes regret making plans - which I begrudgingly always stick to because I want to be a woman of my word, hah! Thankfully when the winter thaws it occurs to me that, "Yes! People! I like me some of them" too! Glad to know there are more people like me out there.

12
MLE
Apr 11, 2011

As the planner of the party (but not the hostess), I thought it was going to be BBC movies and yoga pants as well. At the last minute, I thought I'd be shocking and brought the 80s movies instead.

13
Heather B.
Apr 11, 2011

My favorite activity involves ordering in and watching television via Netflix. Par-tay.

14

I'm the same way - the business of my social calendar is directly linked with the seasons. There's just something about sunshine and warmth that puts me in more of a social mood. Plus, I can step outside without freezing my nads off. Which I could actually only do if I had nads. Which I don't. So never mind.

Oh, and thanks for sharing that book - I might just have to get it for my friend who's expecting her first and hasn't (yet) lost her sense of humor!

15
Vrictoria
Apr 11, 2011

"Antisocial behavior", in my line of work, means setting fires, breaking the law, torturing animals, and other undesirable activities. Having read your blog for a few months, I am quite confident that you are not at all antisocial in those ways (or other ways listed in the DSM-IV, for that matter). So...congratulations?

I can also totally relate to this phenomenon :)

16
Leah
Apr 11, 2011

I relate. Sadly, it is usually the need to show off my cute clothes (or at least, to actually WEAR them) that drives me out of the house.

17
Patrick
Apr 11, 2011

Exactly the same way, up to kicking myself 5 minutes after making plans.

(I don't have a lot to add to this dialogue, but I wanted to try the new(er), much easier CAPTCHA.

18
Margie
Apr 11, 2011

Sounds like perhaps a touch of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), where people get a bit depressed due to the decreased amount of daylight. I think even "normal" people get it to some degree. And I know I have a bit of it, which I combat by getting outdoors as much as possible -- not necessarily with people, just outside in the sunlight, preferably walking (which is exercise, and helps, too).

Living in an area where we can still get snow this time of year (yes it is spring, but mother nature doesn't care), I do not like to go out driving in the snow or the ice, or blizzard-y conditions (none of which I expect you have in San Francisco, but might be able to remember when you lived in northern climates). This results in a sort of self-imposed solitude because driving in the ice or snow or strong winds that impair visibility is dangerous!

19
NodToStyle
Apr 11, 2011

i am a complete hermit. i love nothing more than to sit at home with my boyfriend, reading. i, like you, immediately regret plans made with friends. and yet? i go through social fazes when i'm out every night and love it. i think i do that just to ease my guilty recluse conscience.

20
Pretzel Thief
Apr 11, 2011

Yeah...same here, pretty much. I'm 26 and MAAAAN do I wanna be downing some red on the couch on Saturdays. Usually the red is an accompaniment to my delish spaghetti bolognese, if I may be so bold as to brag. Muhahahah.

I love my best friends, I love spending time with them, love dancing (though I tend to avoid Melbourne's infested-with-18-year-olds clubs like the plague)...but I love me some hermitising, too, and so does my husband. SCORE!

21
Marcheline
Apr 11, 2011

I realized I'd reached my antisocial zenith when I stopped going to the movie theater unless it was ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. In other words, if it's not an Angelina Jolie movie or a Harry Potter flick, I'm waiting for that baby to come out on DVD so I can watch it on my hi-def system at home, naked, with my own bathroom and my own refrigerator mere steps away from the couch.

Most of my recent forays into public movie theaters result in my grinding my teeth for two hours, clenching my fists and trying not to strangle to death the idiots who paid to see the movie but instead sit there yapping with their friends and texting on their brightly lit cell phones (or whatever device younguns use nowadays).

22
Marcheline
Apr 11, 2011

Have been trying to leave a comment and it keeps getting "flagged"... this is a test to see if it's my IP address that's flagged or the content of the comment. This is only a test. If this had been an actual comment, you would have been notified by local authorities. Carry on.

23
whoorl
Apr 11, 2011

I love staying home. I also love going to bed at 9pm sharp, which means I need to hurry up with this comment because it's 8:39 and I still need to wash my face and brush my teeth.

24
Operation Pink Herring
Apr 12, 2011

I adore staying home. I like to pretend that it has to do with the lack of parking in our neighborhood ("if I can't walk there, I'm not going!"), but really I just enjoy hermitude. I had friends visiting this weekend and it was so much fun... but so EXHAUSTING. There is nothing I love more than a weekend or an evening with nothing to do but relax at home.

25
Kate from Ohio
Apr 12, 2011

I work from home and would hardly ever leave if I didn't have to walk the dog. I am not anti-social, in fact I am a bit of an extravert, but sometimes it is a bit too much trouble to make myself presentable. I do think I have
SAD (seasonal affect disorder) since I live in one of the cloudiest areas in the country. So much so that the government built an armory because it is hard to see on satalite due to the crappy conditions we submit ourselves to. Yea us!

26
Debi
Apr 12, 2011

I really do like people, but I still prefer to stay home with a stack of great books and read all night. Yoga pants are a must...Ben and Jerry are always welcome.

27
alimartell
Apr 12, 2011

seriously, I have met you and you seem the exact opposite of an anti-social hermit!!

28
Erin @ Fierce Beagle
Apr 12, 2011

I hibernate. Big time. And the resenting of the plans after I've made them? Indeed. I told my husband this winter that I've finally come to the terms with the fact that I don't like big parties, generally.

The weather does affect me somewhat in this regard, because I prefer to be out of doors when it's warm. And if other people happen to be around, so be it.

I can't imagine having the job (and connections) you have and you being antisocial. Isn't it exhausting?

29
jasmine
Apr 13, 2011

hello, my name is Jasmine. and i am anti-social. I've been told its a problem. But I need my 'me' time. don't you?

30
Torque Wrench
Apr 13, 2011

I am a homebody, and a passionate blogger that makes people think I am anti social , which I would rather correct, no I am not I just choose who and where to spend my time with

31
Margaret
Apr 14, 2011

Ha, I always start kicking myself 5 min. after making plans - or about 1 hr. before leaving on a planned outing.

I used to be Miss Social Butterfly; I had something scheduled for every part of every night and felt sad when I didn't. Now? I'm in bed by 11pm and my favorite nights are spent at home with my husband and a movie or a few good books.

But whenever I do make the effort, I always have a good time out with friends and ask myself "why don't I do that more often?"

32
Amy in StL
Apr 14, 2011

I am completely a hermit. No matter how much I love the person, sometimes I really resent having to leave my house. However, there are times that it's fun to go out. I'm just glad I've got some extroverted friends that manage to drag me out sometimes!

33
Melissa
Apr 19, 2011

Love the bit about Mr. Darcy.. mostly because MY finance's name is Darcy!

34
Megan
Apr 28, 2011

I'm putting off making 2 friend dates next week for exactly the same reason. Being out isn't my jam, so to speak.

35
Sensibly Sassy
Apr 28, 2011

I'm really trying to overcome my anti socialness. But it is so hard-and my couch isn't even that comfortable. I mean I love people in my life but so much of my day to day is spent coming and going so when I get free time I just want to sit. But when I go out I usually have a great time. sigh. It's quite the dilemma

36
Lauren
Apr 30, 2011

I feel exactly the same way. After I turned 28 it was like my mind and body shut down the idea of partying. And I did a lot of partying in my day. I have no problems holing up by myself for the whole weekend but being single, my parents and friends think I am TOO anti-social. Just the idea of dating or going out just makes me TIRED. I now go to the occasional happy hour but secretly would like to be on the couch with my iPad.

37
Imogen
May 05, 2011

I laughed out loud while reading your post, sooo familiar!

Can assure you that there's at least another one like you out there..:D

The occasional bouts of rampant socializing are fun, though ;)

38
ashleypoet
Jun 12, 2011
40
medical-x-ray
Jun 22, 2011

You provide enriched information for us,thank u

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.

More information about formatting options

CAPTCHA
Just to make sure you have a pulse
Image CAPTCHA
Enter the characters (without spaces) shown in the image.