Sunrise Coigney Made Me Do It

I guess the most exciting thing that happened to me recently is that I got bangs. Bangs! Will the thrills never end! I did it Sunday night, see, after half an hour of watching the Oscars red carpet. I saw Mark Ruffalo's wife with her perfect shiny bangs and I thought "Bangs! I will get those!" and half an hour later I was in the stylist's chair, which sounds really impressive---like I am the kind of person so convinced of her need for bangs that she will stop watching the Oscars red carpet and hunt down a hairdresser on a Sunday afternoon---until you consider that I had an appointment anyway, so really the timing was just kind of convenient. 

Bangs are one of those things where you walk out of the salon really feeling like you got your money's worth. And maybe that's why I did it: I like to know that I'm getting my money's worth, so a couple of seconds after the "Oh, just a trim, please; maybe just take off a quarter inch?", I started to remember how much this was costing and I was all "AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE, I WILL HAVE SOME BANGS, MY GOOD WOMAN, AND MAKE IT SNAPPY!" except I didn't really say that at all. (For a start, I would have said snippy, not snappy. Hair pun!)

I feel like this is the part of my blog post where I'm supposed to show you a picture of these new bangs, except guess what, I haven't taken one (Bad blogger! Bad!), so instead you will just kind of have to remember what I looked like the first time I got bangs eighteen months ago, because the effect is basically the same. I had forgotten so many things about bangs: how you always feel like you have this weird toupee lying across your forehead, how you look like a horrorshow in the morning, how you will sometimes catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror accidentally and wonder, abstractly, who that dude is who looks like the fifth Beatle---OH GOOD GOD IT'S ME.

Apart from all that, though, I rather like them, and I certainly like having done something different. I've been in a little bit of a funk recently, for one reason or another, and a surefire way to pull oneself out of a funk is to make a bit of a change to one's.....well, to one's anything, really, so I suppose we should all be relieved that I didn't, like, get the cartilage between my nostrils pierced or tattoo a giant eagle on my back.

Speaking of which, I saw a woman the other day with a PIERCED CLEAVAGE. I don't even know how to explain this phenomenon, except to say that her.....well, yes, her CLEAVAGE was pierced, right at the little groove where the, uh, leftie meets the rightie, if you know what I'm saying, and I think you do, and I couldn't stop staring at it because.....what? Your ears weren't good enough? Doesn't it hurt? Don't you get your necklaces caught on it? Do people think it's a mole and tell you to get it checked out? So many questions I had for this girl with the earring lodged between her boobs, and yet all I could manage, when confronted with the situation, was "Oh no, not for me, thanks." (She was a waitress offering me a plate of hors d'oeuvres. Though my answer, had she asked me if I'd ever get a cleavage piercing, would have been much the same as it was for "can I interest you in a mushroom tart?") 

Another thing I've started doing recently is going to the gym again, and I'm sort of horrified by how long it's been since I've gone to the gym regularly, because I think my whole routine started to fall apart right around June or July of last year when I simultaneously got a new job and bought a new house and realized that any free time I once had was but a hilarious wisp of the past, so screw the treadmill, who even has time to pee anymore, which is certainly not a good way to think about things, particularly when you find yourself wearing your Spanx more often than not wearing your Spanx, you know? So now I am back at the YMCA I started paying for in September and whose director I am probably financing a Porsche for at this point, and I have been twice in five days, which is a whole lot better than my previous record of NO TIMES in five days, so I think we can all agree that this is a success.

Also, it's a success because I discovered a farmer's market in the parking lot adjacent to the YMCA, and it was at this farmer's market that I tasted my very first tangelo, and friends, if you have not tasted a tangelo, I am going to put a dollar in the mail to you right now and insist that you take it and buy yourself a tangelo, because oooooooh, they are just so tangy and tart and sweet and delicious, and somehow they are all these things at once. I don't even know what a tangelo actually is really----"a tangelo," mused Sean, as we tried the free sample at the farmer's market: "a cross between a tangerine angelo?"---but I am the self-appointed president of the tangelo fan club, and I have made it my duty to bring tangelo awareness to the masses, so please consider yourself tangeloed, which is kind of like being tangoed, except maybe more citrussy and less about dance. 

There is not a lot of narrative to this blog post, is there, but this is what happens when I don't write forever and ever, see, my brain gets all backed up with things I wanted to tell you about, and besides, I gave a 15-minute presentation in front of 100 people at a conference today, which is something I had been nervous about for weeks, and now that it's over, the sheer relief has taken over and all the parts of my brain that had been storing important information about KPIs and performance metrics are now just all TANGELOS TANGELOS TELL THEM ABOUT THE TANGELOS, so this is what you are dealing with, I'm afraid, and I'm sorry.

Tomorrow I will tell you about the $800 cab ride I took from the conference to my office, which is a distance of maybe fifteen blocks. Yes, there is a story there and it's coming.

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Mar 04, 2011

I've been in a bit of a funk too. So I've just written "tattoo giant eagle across back" on my list for tomorrow. You have so many good ideas.

I'm sure your bangs look smashing. And not at all like a misguided Beatles fan.

Mar 04, 2011

Unless it's Tangoed with a capital T, in which case it is all about the citrus. And a man coloured orange from head to toe, slapping people.

Mar 04, 2011

As I read your post I looked up at our citrus map (a result of an indepth office discussion) on the white board at work, which correctly told me that a tangelo is a cross between a tangerine and a grapefruit.

Actually most tangelos in the US have been imported from Australia - so eat up and support the Australian citrus growers!

Mar 04, 2011

I also recently had my first tangelo (my husband's a bit of a citrus freak) and I agree that they are wonderful. And such a fun fruit!

Mar 04, 2011

A tangelo is a cross between a tangerine and a pomelo, actually. They are so expensive in my country, but so delicious. Strangely, I haven't seen one while I've been in the U.S.

Mar 04, 2011

I just have to say that rambling, fun, day in the life post was quite enjoyable reading--windows into other worlds ;)


Mar 04, 2011

To bang or not to bang, was my question this morning. I was still waffling about my hair appointment this afternoon, but now you have made my decision for me. I hope you can take the pressure. I, too, feel like it will bring me out of my funk. The power of the bang!

Reading (and chickens)
Mar 04, 2011

Oh yes, I have been neglecting my YMCA membership, too. I am notoriously cheap, so I've already calculated out how many times a month I need to go to get my value out of it, and it is 12. 12!(Other people do this, too, right? Calculate the value of things? And also keep spreadsheets of all the books they're read with page number and genre? Yes?)

Mar 04, 2011

I feel like much of the Internet has been in a bit of a funk, myself included. But since bangs are out of the question (I have wildly curly hair!) I now have an uncanny desire to pierce my cleavage. That should snap me right out of it.

Chris C.
Mar 04, 2011

Oh, god, the cleavage piercings -- they freak me out! A friend of mine had one and do you know how they work? They actually make an incision in your chest and put in a metal plate under the skin that the bauble you see screws into. This HORRIFIES me! Also, just to add to that lovely image, they're very infection-prone. Mmmm. . . infected cleavage. Just what I always wanted!

Mar 04, 2011

Is this the Stonestown Farmer's Market? I keep meaning to check it out, but for stupid reasons never make it. Is it good?

Mar 04, 2011

My grandmother told me that she and her sisters used to get tangelos in their stockings every Christmas, so I'm very fond of them for sentimental reasons. Plus, they are tasty!

I hear what you're saying about the hair. I chopped mine off last summer, and now I'm waiting, waiting, waiting for it to grow out. In the meantime, I look like a 14 year old boy. Yeesh! I'm sure your bangs look terrific!

Mar 04, 2011

I had a similar reaction to yours with the cleavage ring when an acquaintance told me about piercing her ... ladybits. I was like, 'I don't think I'd be particularly fond of that, thank you.'

You're British, I'm Southern. We're nothing if unfailingly polite and masterful at hiding discomfort.

Mar 04, 2011

Motivated by cowlicks and a generally fickle nature, I am paying my hairdresser to make clip-on bangs, dyed to match my current shade. I have high hopes for the fabulous quotient, rescuing me in the midst of growing out my hair, at just that point when I forget why I wanted to grow out my hair in the first place.

Locusts and Wild Honey
Mar 04, 2011

You have convinced me on the tangelo front. My ass has been TANGELOED!

Mar 04, 2011

Well, bang therapy worked, right? I usually end up messing around with my hair when my world's sort of in limbo. Then again, there are those times I figure everything will be fine if I indulge myself with a body massage.

Mar 04, 2011

The cleavage thing is known as a "surface piercing." I know this because I recently saw a woman who had a metal bar through the nape of her neck and was so horrified I went home and googled it. Gah.

Mar 04, 2011

Good for you on getting to the gym! I did fairly well in February but it is hard to keep my motivation from flagging- both in the morning when I want to sleep and in the evening when I want to go home to my cute boyfriend! Also, I have a question that I've been meaning to ask but hesitating since you said before your wedding it bothered you when people commented on how skinny you were (which I think you were/are): did you have a specific exercise/diet plan leading up to your wedding and if so, would you be willing to share?

Mar 04, 2011

I saw Sunrise up close and personal last Sunday and she her hair did look awesome!

Mar 04, 2011

I went to UC Berkeley in the late 90s, so I saw some weird piercings, but the one that stays with me to this day is the time I was walking down Telegraph Avenue on a rainy November day and I passed by a girl wearing a skimpy v-neck tank top. The part that distressed me was that she had a piercing in that very same, uh, cleavage-y area. And it looked like WOODEN BULL HORNS coming out of her skin. The worst part (and the reason she was probably wearing a tank top) was that there were these nasty red streaks radiating from the piercing. I'm guessing at the very least it hurt a lot/was infected and she might have even had blood poisoning, but you can't tell some random teenager that she should really get her bull horn cleavage piercing checked by a medical professional, can you?

Mar 04, 2011

I'm still a little confused about the cleavage piercing. So they're connected? What about when she's not wearing a bra? Wouldn't that hurt? Sorry; am fixating.

Mar 05, 2011

"tangelo awareness" made me LOL. And I'm sure your presentation was a bang-up smash. (More hair humor!)

Mar 05, 2011

I've been reading your blog for a little while and I just wanted you to know how much I enjoy it. You always bring a smile to my face and I love to read your posts. Because I enjoy it so much, I picked you for the Stylish Blogger Award! You can go to my blog and get a copy of the award (copy and paste the award button)along with instructions. (I also love your aqua bike!)

Mar 06, 2011

I have been considering bangs myself recently, but it's taken me something like nine years to get the last ones grown out... so I am stuck between wanting something new and not wanting to undo all the hard work of growing the old ones out! ARGH.

The problem is that people on TV with perfect bangs do not have the two (count'em, TWO) cowlicks that I have just over my forehead. Cowlicks which make shiny, perfect, straight-down bangs impossible - no matter how much mousse, gel, or crazy-glue is used. Okay, I never used crazy-glue, but almost.

There's another problem. I have no electric outlet in my bathroom. Which means I have to sit on the floor in my computer room if I want to blow-dry my hair (the outlet is near the floor and my blow-dryer cord is short).

See, I bet you never knew there were so many obstacles to bangs!

Kate from Ohio
Mar 09, 2011

There is a waitress where we live that also has her cleavage pierced. She had another name for it that sounded horrifying, but I can't remember it right now. She said that it is permanent and it really hurt. Apparently her brother owns a tattoo/piercing parlor and she got a good deal on it. I think her brother should have been paying her. Makes me wonder what she did to him when he was little.

Aug 01, 2011

I had been thinking about since January, trying to decide whether or not I liked the first time I got it. Eating a second time, I decided that I did. There was a sort of love / hate thing going with pea shoots, but finally settled on "love." It only took me four months to complete and two tastings.


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