Bad Decision Tuesday: Prepare Yourself For What You Are About To See

Well looky here, a Bad Decision Tuesday! I haven't written one of these since February, which was pretty much almost a whole year ago. We all remember Bad Decision Tuesday, right? My beret was a bad decision, and so were my overplucked eyebrows. My Christmas morning legwarmers were a bad decision, frolicking on the edge of the Grand Canyon was a bad decision---though it could have been, you know, a fatal decision---and the biggest bad decision of all was perhaps the Ladies' Prom.

(My friend Alison loves the story of the Ladies' Prom. "Tell the story of the Ladies' Prom!" she urges me, in front of people to whom I would rather not admit the shame of the Ladies' Prom. Like high-powered executives at my company. For instance.)

Today's Bad Decision Tuesday, however, focuses exclusively on my long-suffering husband, who had to know that trouble was brewing when I spent three hours this Thanksgiving break poring over photo albums with his mother. Ah, the holidays: so festive! So fun! So perfect for finding blackmail material in one's significant other's childhood home, taking blurry pictures of the evidence with your iPhone, and using it to your advantage on the Internet! That's the old saying, right? From the Latin?

Thing is, Sean started out quite cute. Scratch that, he started out adorable.

Don't you just want to tickle him under the chin? And look at him here with his brother! In his little bitty suit jacket with his big giant teeth! Man, that is so cute.

You'd never guess he got in trouble at school for calling another kid a "fucking sandwich," would you? True story. He says he had no idea it was a bad word. Whatever, Sean. I think I just found my new insult for Camille Grammer.

Even in his Superman pajamas and his CHIPS helmet he was cute, despite the weird crotch-grabbing that appears to be going on just below the photographer's lens.

"Ma'am, you're under arrest. Your crime is letting me be photographed like this."

Sean's early teenage years were, it has to be said, not his finest. And look, I'm not one to talk: from 1992 through 1995, I basically looked like a dude. (I think we all remember this little gem, do we not?) I mean Sean, for all his transgressions, was actually male, so at least there was that. Still, though. Can someone call Butthead and tell him we found Beavis?

You do realize, don't you, that by posting this I am now no longer getting any Christmas presents from Sean this year.

I cannot even talk about this one.

On the upside, baby, I......I like your plaid shirt? I think maybe we had the same one?

All of the above, however, is a veritable spread in GQ magazine compared to what I'm about to show you next: a pair of photos that will please you so thoroughly that if, after viewing the below, you do not find your day officially made, I will personally hop in my car---providing the air hasn't been let out of all the tires by a livid husband seeking revenge---and drive to your home to offer my sincerest apologies. Are you ready? Well, no, I don't think you can be, but still.

Behold.

That is......no, that is not a hat. That is his hair. THAT IS HIS HAIR.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT, HE IS ANGRY ABOUT IT. He is really angry right now! I mean, why did he even have to come to his brother's first communion anyway, mom? God. Really. There is so much Jane's Addiction he could be listening to right now!

"Fine, I'll smile. Just a tiny bit. Just an ironic smirk. Then I'm going home to watch Ally McBeal. I mean Yo! MTV Raps."

Oh, and in case you were wondering, cutting it doesn't make it any better.

Yeah, he tried that.

1
saartjie
Dec 13, 2010

Best Bad Decision Ever! I have scrolled up and down this post alternating between grimacing for Sean and cackling wildly at the transformation from angel-child (despite the fucking sandwich: classic!) to awkward teenage... "sandwich" (perhaps). Man, I love an awkward teenager. Makes me feel infinitely better about my own misplaced sense of teenage style. Thank you Sean! And sorry...

2
Sarah
Dec 14, 2010

Wow, that's some very special hair right there.

3
Cathy
Dec 14, 2010

Holy shit. I'd like to think my Matty would let me do that to him.....but I'm just not sure.

Kudos to you Sean.

4
Nina
Dec 14, 2010

Mwahahahahahahaha. Oh that is... indescribable. He has out-Borised Boris Johnson! Marvellous.

5
Newgyptian
Dec 14, 2010

I am laughing loudly enough for the entire apartment block to hear. I am sure my Latvian neighbors thank you.

But, come on, I think we have to admit that while it looks bad NOW back in the day we all would have fallen for Sean and his bershon face. No?

In any case, this has indeed made my day. Thanks, Holly!

6
Jenn
Dec 14, 2010

Haaaaaaaaa! Those last photos almost made me choke on my Wheat Chex! How many years elapsed between the plaid shirt photo and the "hair as a hat" photos?

7
Laura D
Dec 14, 2010

I also like that his belt buckle is a bit to the side, bc you know in the early 90s we were all so cool like that!

Hope you weren't expecting something special under the Christmas tree this year! ;)

8
Vicki
Dec 14, 2010

Wow, just wow. Sean, there are no words. There is plenty of peroxide but there are no words.

9
stickyheels
Dec 14, 2010

All of this is so hysterically fantastic ONLY because he is so dashing right now. He does realize that, doesn't he? WHAT AWFUL HAIR THAT WAS THOUGH. But really he's quite the looker these days. Oh and when he was 4 he was also adorable.

10
Rebecca
Dec 14, 2010

The 90's were a cruel decade... I can hardly look at my middle school photos... Really when did I decide wearing an embroidered vest was super stylish?
And I can't believe you really posted these pics on here! Your poor husband!!

11
Krysta
Dec 14, 2010

This is amazing.

Also, I am currently working on a Christmas project for my Grandma and my mom sent a bunch of old photos. Oh man. From 4th grade to probably 10th grade I was a total mess.

12
slynnro
Dec 14, 2010

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA.

And up until his Should Be Illegally Blonde Phase, Sean looks remarkably like high school aged Mr. A.

13
A'Dell
Dec 14, 2010

This is the funniest, most awesome thing I have read on the internet in WEEKS. Maybe MONTHS!

God, what are our children going to dig up about US though? What are they going to post on whatever version of the internet they have embedded in their brains in 2035?

14
hip hip gin gin
Dec 14, 2010

Oh. my. God. Day officially made, coffee nearly snorted onto computer screen. This right here is why I adore the internet.

15
Mary Kathryn
Dec 14, 2010

seriously just had to wipe tears from my eyes after laughing so hard. No...SERIOUSLY. And I'm at work. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for making me laugh at work today.

16
jive turkey
Dec 14, 2010

HAHAHA! Oh my LORD. I will not even PRETEND to understand the physics that made that hair possible. GLORIOUS!

17
Sheila
Dec 14, 2010

Oh, his dad was working so hard in that last picture: "If I smile wide enough, maybe my gawky teenage son (sorry, Sean!) will lift himself out of this Parents Just Don't Understand Phase he's wallowed in these last few years."

Glad to know it all turned out right in the end.

18
Allison
Dec 14, 2010

I am crying I am laughing so hard. Epic photos. And don't be surprised when Santa leaves you a lump of coal in your stocking!

19
Mary H.
Dec 14, 2010

Holy WOW!

20
Claire Bidwell Smith
Dec 14, 2010

Uh-mazing!! You're one lucky girl to have a guy who will let you put these up.

21
AC
Dec 14, 2010

I can't stop laughing! This has certainly made my day. Every time I will need cheering up I will come back to this post.

22
ohnoAMY
Dec 14, 2010

Okay, so this is not intended to be mean, but it will certainly sound that way. For a dude who is so ridiculously good-looking now, he sure was a doofy-looking teen. It's mind-blowing, really.

23

Oh man, we were all awful once, weren't we? I had the half shaved head too. It was also not hot.

24
Kristen
Dec 14, 2010

See, the nice thing is that he turned out so cute that we can all look back on that time and laugh. AND VOW TO NEVER DO THAT TO OUR HAIR AGAIN, RIGHT?

So, so, so funny. Thank you!

25
Amy
Dec 14, 2010

There is no need for you to hop in your car and offer your apologies. This made my day. For a long time.

26
Missy
Dec 14, 2010

Oh my god, you are in a world of trouble. I think I just hurt myself laughing so hard.

27
Tracy
Dec 14, 2010

This is awesome! The blond hair! OMG! How long did he rock that look?

I have several pictures of a good friend of mine from high school who had very similar bleach blond frizzy mop hair. It was so cool back then. What were we thinking?

28
Leah
Dec 14, 2010

Thank you for the best laugh I've had in a good while. Wow.

29
Kristen
Dec 14, 2010

I'm fairly certain the secretaries outside my office are shooting each other quizzical stares right now, wondering why I'm in hysterics in here. Complete with tears.

AWESOME.

30
Tara
Dec 14, 2010

I really appreciate you risking your happy Christmas to post this.....I can't stop laughing.

31
Locusts and Wild Honey
Dec 14, 2010

You know, I thought NOTHING could eclipse the hilarity that is the LADIES' PROM but this post has gone a long way to prove otherwise.

I am GASPING for air in my cubicle.

Also, I have just gained insane respect for Sean for allowing these to be posted. Insane respect.

32
peach
Dec 14, 2010

ahahaha literally laugh out loud funny. i have no right to talk considering my gawky adolescence lasted far longer than necessary but, damn that is a fabulous hairstyle

33
kristin wear
Dec 14, 2010

Is that a PERM?!

34
Jamie
Dec 14, 2010

Wow...just...WOW. I have a Sean, too, with a questionable hair history - including a stint in college with early baldness on top and long (and I do mean LONG) naturally white blonde hair down his back, sort of a Hulk-Hogen-Meets-Crystal-Gayle thing. I've seen 1 picture from this time - ONE - in the 8 years we've been dating...and the only caption on the back was written by his best friend - and it says "Sean's Jesus Phase."

Good times.

35
Nothing But Bonfires
Dec 14, 2010

Kristin, not a perm, just an illegal amount of Sun-In and Clairol, I think.

36
kimblahs
Dec 14, 2010

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That looks like sun-in hair right there.

37
kimblahs
Dec 14, 2010

Sun-In Jinx!

38
Erin
Dec 14, 2010

Oh, wow. WOW. This made me laugh out loud. I would love to post photos of my husband's Kurt Cobain years, but he'd probably have a conniption.

39
Melanie D
Dec 14, 2010

Ha! I love pictures of beautiful people in their awkward phase. Those pictures are so rad.

40
cristen
Dec 14, 2010

thank you for this. hilarious.
you couldn't do this if he hadn't turned out to be such a cool, handsome guy.

41
Caroline
Dec 14, 2010

OH MY HELL THOSE ARE SO FUNNY I AM SNORTING AND GASPING FOR AIR. Does he actually KNOW about this??? Did he actually give this post his BLESSING? Because if he DID... wow. Just wow.

He is unreasonably cute as an adult, though. So WIN, Sean! WIN! You beat an awkward adolescence and young adulthood, and now you are HOTTT. With three capital Ts, and that rhymes with WHEEZE, and I gotta say I am wheezing STILL, after laughing uncontrollably at those photos for ten minutes.

42
Camels And Chocolate
Dec 14, 2010

I can't even.

43
simon
Dec 14, 2010

It makes me feel better about myself to know that Sean once looked like shit too.

44
Nothing But Bonfires
Dec 14, 2010

Caroline, it was totally sanctioned, not to worry! He's a good sport so he gave his blessing.

45

That is TOO hilarious! And sadly, very similar to my own disastrous head of hair from my early twenties.

46
Nicole
Dec 14, 2010

Bless you, Sean, for allowing Holly to post these. Best stress relief from finals I've found so far!

47
Peg
Dec 14, 2010

To: Jenn,
It was probably 3-4 years between the plaid shirt photo and the hair photo.

I had actually forgotten about the first communion look until Holly found these at Thanksgiving.

Sean's mom

48
sarah
Dec 14, 2010

This is best laugh I've had in weeks. Literally.

I'm feeling almost guilty at enjoying such a laugh at someone's expense. Sean? You are the definition of "good sport." And Holly? The Beavis and Butthead joke still has me laughing.

Thanks for the much needed laugh.

49
Mia
Dec 14, 2010

This was a bright spot in an otherwise crappy day. Seriously, I HOWLED with laughter. Thank you, Holly and Sean. I needed that. And while, like some other commenters said, I do feel kind of bad laughing at someone else's expense, Sean turned out to be quite handsome, so that makes me feel better.

50
whoorl
Dec 14, 2010

OMG HAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

51
Sara
Dec 14, 2010

I have several photos of my own husband in the awkward tween/teen years. Nothing like the Sun-In hair, though he did have it long enough at one point that he totally looked like Jesus.

52
Alecia
Dec 14, 2010

Hil-arious! Day is definitely made. You just gotta love the awkward teenage phase and the incriminating photos it leaves!

53
Savvy in San Francisco
Dec 14, 2010

Hilarious! I was laughing out loud at the mushroom hair. SO FUNNY! Poor Sean! I hope he forgives you!

54
Lo (@lamaschida )
Dec 14, 2010

I laughed so hard!! Poor Sean. My husband would KILL me if I did this to him. And believe me, the pics of him rival Sean's furry, blond bowl cut. Picture this: super, skinny, tall kid with helmet-hard slicked back hair, long shorts & tube socks pulled up to his knees. Sexy, right?

55
Natali
Dec 14, 2010

Dear Holly,

You and PW are the only two bloggers who have ever made me laugh out loud alone in a room. Quite the accomplishment, since I have 1000+ blogs on my reader. I sincerely hope the guy I end up married to has some gems like these in his mother's photo albums.

Happy Holidays!

56
Rach
Dec 15, 2010

I have a serious fit of the giggles right now - I salute you for making me laugh before 9am on a Wednesday morning!
P.S. Thank you Sean for your crimes!

57
Jo
Dec 15, 2010

Thanks to Sean for letting you post these gems! This post made me laugh so hard that I snorted. As for the best photo, it has to be a tie between the shaved undercut (which I rocked in the 90s and I'm female) and the curly blonde mop with a life of it's own. Stellar :)

58
Rebecca
Dec 15, 2010

I just want to note what a good sport Sean's dad seems to be in each of these photos. Genuine smile, like 'yes, I know my son looks like a clown and doesn't want to have anything to do with me but I don't love him any less'.

Oh the horror.

60
Liz
Dec 15, 2010

We all had our awkward phases. But... damn. :)

61
Katie
Dec 15, 2010

Please thank Sean. I so needed a good belly-laugh.

62
elz
Dec 15, 2010

Oh my God! I am so laughing AT your husband now. Let us know what you want for Christmas b/c you are so right, no way is Sean buying you anything. But, Holy Hell, that was a funny ride down bad decision lane.

63
Kate
Dec 15, 2010

Oh Holy Hannah - these are good, really, really, good. Thank you!!

64
Sarah
Dec 15, 2010

I haven't laughed that hard in MONTHS. Seriously. The hair. Oh. My. God.
Thank you for forfeiting your Christmas presents to bring us great joy.

65
Meaghan
Dec 16, 2010

Wow, that is one of the best examples of bershon I've ever seen (http://www.queserasera.org/archives/000802.html)

66
Lawyerish
Dec 16, 2010

I am in no position to laugh at anyone else's awkward-stage photos; nevertheless, I am cackling at my desk right now. He was so CUTE and then...the HAIR, oh God, the HAIR! And the teenage ennui that BURNS through the screen from that expression of utter disdain and angst.

Oh, dear.

What this does, now that I'm a parent, is strike fear in my heart about what horrid fashion/hair choices my child will one day make, and how I'll have to pretend to be fine with it even as I gawk in horror at something like the hair-hat of Sun-In-treated Shredded Wheat.

Well, at least Sean gets the last laugh since he turned out plenty adorable.

67
Lawyerish
Dec 16, 2010

Wait. Did he have that Shredded Wheat hair when you MET him?

68
Cobwebs
Dec 16, 2010

Good GAWD. In the first photo I thought, "Is he wearing some kind of weird Santa hat and all you can see is the ruff?" It wasn't until the second photo with his head inclined that I realized it was his hair. I...just...wow.

I have a couple of photos of my husband from the 70s sporting a Fu Manchu moustache, but even those seem to pale in comparison. Sean is a very good sport indeed.

69
Tracy
Dec 16, 2010

Wow. Maybe some coal this year for you?? I think Sean looks like Michael Stipe in the one with the plaid shirt.

70
Jennifer
Dec 16, 2010

o. my. goodness. you've brought me so much joy today. i LOVE this post. it's one of those i'm going to have to forward around to all those i love best. congratulations! and good luck with the marital aftermath...

71
amber, theAmberShow
Dec 16, 2010

But he's so well-groomed now! I don't understand!

72
April
Dec 16, 2010

Oh, my gosh. That is some serious bershon. I am crying! Crying with laughter.

Thank God my parents didn't have a camera when I was a teen. Dodged a bullet there.

73
Corky
Dec 16, 2010

Hahahha! That is hysterical! Talk about an 'awkward family photo'!

74
Amanda Brown
Dec 16, 2010

This is incredible!!

75
Sensibly Sassy
Dec 16, 2010

oh.
oh my.
no way.
I just....
yeah thats it.

76
honeypops
Dec 18, 2010

apple juice came out of my nostrils.

77
Marcheline
Dec 18, 2010

See, what you don't realize is that you have now forced millions of readers to believe in God. With a capital "G".

Because, short of a divine miracle, there is NO WAY IN HELL that the freakazoid kid in those pictures turned into your hotter-than-hottie husband.

Damn, this means I have to start going to church, and I don't even own a pair of panty hose.

78
Mary
Dec 19, 2010

Wow, totally Flock of Seagulls there. AWESOME!

79
lindsay
Dec 30, 2010

I want Sean to comment on this so badly!

80
lesli
Jun 21, 2011

Holy cats, that is one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time!! Sean is very brave and very understanding, you lucky, lucky girl.

81
JoyGirl
Dec 07, 2011

I come back to this post semi-regularly so I can pee myself anew. I love everything about it and couldn't even BEGIN to think of a critique! The photos, the text, just everything. My husband and I just called our children over to look at Sean, even. We just scrolled past the "fucking sandwich" part. My goodness does my stomach hurt right now. You've made my day. Again.

82
Coralie
Jan 18, 2012

You coduln't pay me to ignore these posts!

83
Marie
Mar 11, 2012

Dear God,
Thank you for Holly Burns and her sense of humor! Thank you more for keeping her far, far away from me and my photo albums!
Amen,
Marie

84
Jenn W
Mar 14, 2012

OMG, I am peeing my freaking pants right now! I was seriously doubled over laughing at the picture of his hair! I found your blog through Stumbleupon and I am so glad I did! I've been going through the Bad Decision Tuesday posts and they have truly made my day.

85
sylvi-ahhhhhh
Apr 28, 2012

I laughed so hard my cats are all *3* still staring at me.
Yeah, that hard!!
That hair reminds me of those cute lil round African houses that have a thatched roof that comes to a point at the top.... ya know which ones I mean? funny, funny, fun-NY!!!!!
I will always be beholden to Pinterest for helping me make my way to your site somehow.
I needed a good laugh today....so pls thank poor Sean for me, bless his teenaged pointy head. Tell him he is AMAZING for bringing SO MUCH laughter to those of us who really, really need it!!
Nice website, too, BTW!

86
Madalina
Jul 05, 2012

I laughed so much I had to cry. Not even that, actually I laughed so much that my boyfriend started recording it secretly. Amazing!
Love your blog!

87
Ruby
Sep 12, 2012

oh yeah! you made my day! That hair!?!?!? This was just awesome!

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