What Happens In Vegas Goes Straight On The Internet

Last weekend my entire family---apart from my brother Tom, who lives in Singapore---met in Las Vegas to celebrate the 21st birthday of Luke and Susie, my other brother and sister, who are, quite obviously, twins. Actually, I say they're quite obviously twins but the other day I read on my mother's Facebook wall---my mother is on Facebook now, by the way, which means I have had to take down all those pictures of myself shooting up heroin and robbing banks---that a woman in TJ Maxx, in reply to my mother's pleasantry about how her twins would be turning 21 in a few days, asked "what, both of them?"

No, lady. One twin will be turning 21 in a few days and the other will be turning 21 a few months after that. I mean, really.

I should preface this by saying that I'm not really a Las Vegas sort of person. I understand why it's meant to be fun---Debauchery! Buffets! The opportunity to wear sequins without irony!---but it's never really been my bag, quite honestly, and I'd been there three times prior to last week's adventure (once in my early twenties with Sean and twice for work, which....yeah, I can see how a work trip might not the most authentic Vegas experience, so maybe that was my whole problem right there.)

But if there's anywhere just made for turning 21, Las Vegas is that place, am I right? And so there we all were last weekend, a nice English family taking Sin City by storm. Oh boy, did we go crazy on the glasses of full-bodied Sauvignon Blanc!

Thanks to a fantastic hookup through work, I was able to pretend to my parents that I was far more important than I actually am by getting them a room at the Bellagio with a magnificent view straight out over the fountains. Every fifteen minutes without fail, we would all stop what we were doing, tune the television to the in-room music channel, and press our faces against the glass to watch a whole bunch of water get shot up into the air at full speed.

In the day!

At night!

Luke and Susie and I stayed next door at Caesar's Palace, which certainly wasn't too shabby either.

It looked this neat for about three seconds.

In Vegas, we did what most people do in Vegas: we played some slots---just the two-cent ones, mind you; I went a little crazy and started playing the 25-cent ones at one point, but I had to stop after I lost ten bucks in four minutes and couldn't stop weeping over how many bagels I could have bought with that money---and we drank some champagne and we ate some steak and we lay by the pool and we walked around a lot and wished we'd worn different shoes. 

My mother transported a carrot cake all the way from San Diego and we celebrated Luke and Susie's birthday for two and a half days straight, and one day we all just sat around in my parents' hotel room and watched two episodes of Hoarders back-to-back, and don't let anyone tell you that's not family bonding, because it is. The family who recoils in horror together.....well, that's not a very catchy rhyme, but it was fun.

I don't know what's happening in this picture but it makes me laugh so much every time I see it.

On our last day, we drove down the Strip and looked for wedding chapels and my sister accosted a very hunky South African man and asked if he'd mind pretending they'd just got married, and then we took a bunch of pictures of them together so my sister could post them on Facebook and shock her friends. But then it was kind of a bummer because the hunky South African man actually did go and get married---except it was to his very pretty South African girlfriend who'd been standing patiently on the sidewalk during the whole charade. Thanks, pretty South African woman! You were very generous to loan your almost-husband out for a quick photo shoot.

Speaking of quick photo shoots, how much do you love my parents here?

There are six squillion more photographs of the trip here, in case you're interested and I'm pleased to say that I enjoyed Las Vegas far more than I ever have in the past. Luke and Susie had a lovely birthday, I managed not to lose my house to a swarthy man named Sal at the roulette table---if one were to lose one's house at the roulette table, it just seems like it would be to a swarthy man named Sal---and no-one accidentally married anyone they weren't supposed to marry and then woke up with their front teeth missing and a tiger in their bathroom. Success!