Hello Colleagues, I Am Wearing A Bikini

I'm heading to Phoenix tomorrow for a brief work trip, and when I say it's a brief work trip, I do literally mean that I will be there less than 24 hours. In fact, I have just done the Plane Math (not to be confused with the Plain Math, although truthfully it was only adding and subtracting, so it was actually pretty plain) and it turns out that I will be in Phoenix for a grand total of seventeen and a half hours, eight of which (I hope) I will be asleep for.

(Sorry, I know I just ended a sentence with a preposition but I just couldn't figure out how that one would work. I tried it a few different ways and all of them sounded like Winston Churchill's famous snarky quote "Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put." I mean, sometimes you just can't do it, man. Winston knew.)

My brief and fleeting seventeen and a half hour visit to Phoenix, while rather exciting, is actually kind of a shame as I'm sure Phoenix has many excellent places to eat---uh, I mean visit....oh what the hell, I did mean eat---and I will not get to experience them in such a short time. Unless any of them are in the airport? Or my hotel? Or the baseball stadium? Maybe? (Yes, my work trip involves a baseball game, which I know sounds weird, but it's true. It would be a really, really long story if I tried to explain it to you, but rest assured that Sean is horifically jealous about where I get to sit. Which is somewhere......near the front, I guess?) 

Anyway, my colleague in Phoenix emailed me the other day with flight confirmations and instructions for what to do upon arriving at the airport and such, and at the end of her email she put "and don't forget to pack light: it's going to be 108 degrees on Wednesday!"

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Picture the record skipping at the party when I read that---and by "at the party," I mean "in my office cubicle," where there is actually no record playing but maybe just my white noise app on my iPhone---and then picture me sitting there for ten minutes afterwards trying to figure out what 108 degrees would feel like.

Like frying in a frying pan, maybe? Like being the marshmallow part of a s'more? Like getting trapped in a sauna for 24 hours while bound in saran wrap?

Bear in mind, if you will, that it was in the 50s this morning in San Francisco and I layered a tank top, a sweater, and---for my three-block walk to the MUNI stop---a jacket with a fur-trimmed hood. I am typing this right now, no lie, with the heat on in my living room. (Sean is downstairs in the study with a space heater.) And so I asked Twitter what a person was supposed to wear in 108 degree heat---bear in mind that, yes, while I shall be spending a certain amount of time in an air-conditioned hotel, I shall also be spending the majority of it outside at a baseball stadium---and some of the suggestions were really quite creative:

Not to worry, though, I looked up the weather report this evening before I started packing and it turns out it's not going to be 108 degrees in Phoenix tomorrow, after all. Whew, right? Thank goodness for that!

It's actually going to be 110.

1
Locusts and Wild Honey
Jul 20, 2010

I grew up in Florida where it was so hot you kind of wanted to lose your mind.

The best tip I have? DO NOT WEAR JEANS.

They just stick to you.

Getting drunk is a pretty good strategy too. I'd drink as much ice-cold Hefeweizen as you can afford.

2
Maggie Mason
Jul 20, 2010

Pasties. Made of ice cubes.

3
peach
Jul 20, 2010

i'm in lake havasu, az for a few weeks and it was 120 for several days in a row...it's too hot for me to even wrap my head around it.

4
ElizabethSheryl
Jul 20, 2010

*giggles* I live in Las Vegas, and right now (at 10:30 at night) it is 101 degrees outside. It is like being in an oven. There are lots of people who say "but its a DRY heat" which, ok, may be true when its 90 and 6% humidity compared to 87 degrees and 80% humidity but when it gets to 110 its just CRAZY HOT.

I say wear the flimsiest, lightest t-shirt you have from Old Navy or whereever, and drink lots of water..and make many trips to the air conditioned snack bar/restroom area.

5
Margaret
Jul 20, 2010

Ditto on the light t-shirt and no jeans. when I lived in Texas and also experienced that kind of obscene heat, I found lightweight skirts and t-shirt to be the coolest attire. Also, wear a HAT. If you're in the sun at the game, a hat will save you.

6
Tanya
Jul 20, 2010

I live in Phoenix. All you need is a pair of flip flops & a little summer dress. If you would like a practice run on what the temps feel like in AZ...turn oven onto 400 and open the door. The first wave of heat that hits you is what it feels like the whole time you're outside.

7
Ashley
Jul 20, 2010

I live in Phoenix and it's the middle of monsoon season so not only is it hot, but it's hot and humid. IT'S SO MUCH FUN. Only you know, not so much. A/C and little clothing are our friends.

8
Nothing But Bonfires
Jul 20, 2010

Okay, it is now 11:30pm and I have finally packed: a very light tank top, a floaty skirt, and some flipflops. Please let this be okay. I do not want to wear swimwear in front of my co-workers.

9
Shut-the-folk-up
Jul 20, 2010

I guess the Phoenixians have managed to tolerate the heat with the aforementioned flip flops and thin layers. Think: South East Asia.

I have this hilarious image in my head of you trying to concoct your own complex cooling system outfit that involves duck tape and loads of bags of ice from the supermarket. Sitting at the front of a baseball game like, "What? It's hot outside? Huh, I could't even tell, not with my homemade Ice Suit on."

10
kma
Jul 20, 2010

Are you going to be in the Diamondbacks' stadium? Because it is closed and air conditioned - a very comfortable 70-somethingish. I've been known to bring a sweater, even when it's 108 outside!

11
Kate
Jul 21, 2010

Cotton dresses and light skirts are your friends. As are cardigans, because every place indoors will be unbelievably over air-conditioned.

(I believe those are the official Florida uniform of summer, so they ought to work in Arizona -- where at least you also don't have 80% humidity to contend with!)

12
FunnyGal KAT
Jul 21, 2010

Oh, but as everyone who has ever lived in Arizona will tell you, "it's a dry heat." Not that a dry versus humid heat seems to matter once you're talking about three-digit temperatures, but they like to say it anyway (as they quickly walk from their air-conditioned car into their air-conditioned office before heading home to their air-conditioned house). If "dry heat" is so much more comfortable, why all the air conditioning, Arizonians?

13
Christen
Jul 21, 2010

I live in the Sacramento valley and we have had triple-digit weather lately, although now it's cooling down to the mid-90's. This is pretty much the norm for July-August for us. Floaty skirts and dresses are a must (less sticky than any sort of pant option, and I feel less gross), but I carry a cardigan everywhere too since EVERY building is always freezing cold. Stay hydrated and you'll be fine!

14
Poppy K
Jul 21, 2010

If it would be appropriate to wear a tank top I'd suggest wearing a work-out top with shelf bra - the wicking fabric will keep you much more comfortable than cotton which will just turn into a sodden mass. As for shorts, if you're generally a sweaty person (you needn't divulge) make sure that your shorts won't darken noticibly - I went to a baseball game in Chicago last weekend (~ 90 deg.) and watched a young man progressively look like he had wet his shorts as they absorbed more and more sweat.

On the up side, Phoenix heat is supposed to be dry instead of humid so you'll have that going for you.

15
Stephanie
Jul 21, 2010

My summer quality of life improved exponentially once I started keeping a cheap, pretty fan in my purse.

16
Erika
Jul 21, 2010

Don't forget a big hat! I wouldn't want you to come back looking like a crab.

17

Ugh. Hopefully those amazing seats are in the shade?

18
S
Jul 21, 2010

As somebody who has been to Singapore many times, I'm sure you will be more than prepared!

19
Sensibly Sassy
Jul 21, 2010

When I was in Arizona it felt like I was in a human oven. It truly feels like your internal organs are roasting as you walk around. I now know what a cupcake feels like.

A sombrero (for optimal face shade) and nothing more.

MAYBE one of those gel neck ice pack things, but it might be pushing the look you're going for.

Don't melt.

We'd miss you too much.

21
agirlandaboy
Jul 21, 2010

How about: "I will be in Phoenix for a grand total of seventeen and a half hours, eight of which I hope to spend sleeping."

(Sorry, I have editorial tourette's and CAN'T NOT FIX IT.)

22
Caroline
Jul 21, 2010

Don't worry about the baseball game - Chase Field has a retractable roof, not for rain but for heat! When it gets too hot they close it and crank up the AC. There's even a swimming pool tucked into the stands next to the outfield.

23
suzrocks
Jul 21, 2010

Do you think your coworkers would think something was amiss if you showed up in a bubble with a porter following behind you carrying an air conditioner??

I hear beer is good for staying hydrated in heat like that. what??

24
katie
Jul 21, 2010

What you've packed sounds perfect! I was just in Redding last week, about 3.5 hours north of SF, and it was 108 -- but the key is that it's a dry heat (same in AZ!) so it's definitely hot, but at least not sticky!! May I also recommend night swimming? That's the best, and it'll still be 90 out :)

25
Annie
Jul 21, 2010

Make sure we get an update about your experience. I live in PHX and would love to hear an "outsiders" take on the heat. Almost nobody comes here in the summer on purpose !! Who planned THAT !??

26
pb
Jul 21, 2010

agirlandaboy stepped on my line:
". . . eight of which (I hope) I will be spent sleeping"

27
Allie
Jul 21, 2010

For some reason I'm having issues commenting. Apologies if you see several from me!

If you get the chance to suggest eateries: La Grande Orange and Kazimierz Wine Bar (both in Scottsdale) are awesome. The Lost Leaf is a great - and very hipster - bar in downtown Phoenix.

28
MelissaOklahoma
Jul 21, 2010

Yes, it will be very hot. And a culture, or rather, a climate shock for you.

I live in Oklahoma and not only are the summers hot, they're also muggy.

I'm always amazed by 50 degree in the summer in the USA...

I'm very easily amazaed.

29
Sonya
Jul 21, 2010

Posting for the first time..by way of thepioneerwoman.com...

108/110 it's still freaking hot. Have you been to Palm Springs in the middle of the summer?

No? Well, allow my interpretation of desert heat. HOT as in angry/raging hot minus any humidity. Searing on a skewer on the BBQ pit...hot.

30
Kristabella
Jul 21, 2010

Are you going to a Diamondbacks game? Because it isn't outside. They close the roof and crank the A/C, so make sure you bring a jacket or sweater, especially if you're sitting close to the field.

Also, I always say it feels like a kiln. This from someone who lived there for 4 years.

31
jen
Jul 21, 2010

I cannot understand what the draw is to live in Phoenix. I'm helping 6 people relocate there (by choice) from Pacific NW locations...maybe it's all the extra sunshine they're craving? Less rain? Surely they can find that without resorting to 110 degrees on an average summer day. I would never make it there.

Good luck! Drink lots of water, wear a hat, make a paper fan. :)

32
Franca Bollo
Jul 21, 2010

Think Bedouins. Long, loose light fabric. It's better/cooler to have a thin layer of separation between you and the sun. Look at field workers.

33
slynnro
Jul 21, 2010

It's dry heat! EZPZ!

34
Marcheline
Jul 21, 2010

Seriously? I am the ONLY PERSON HERE who has no idea what a "camelback" is?

35
Orion
Jul 22, 2010

@Marcheline: It's a backpack that has a water bladder and a straw over your shoulder for one to drink out of. Usually have around 70 ounces or so.

You should be okay because it's a dry heat. Still blazing but without all that darn humidity. Cotton fabric and hats work well.

36
Patricia
Jul 22, 2010

I was raised in AZ (Glendale and Chandler), for 18 years, and moved to the Bay 10 years ago only to move BACK to AZ (Chandler) in September of 2006 for my now ex-bf, but had to move back to the Bay in October of last year. I missed my family too much, and I couldn't take the heat. 122 was probably the hottest day I experienced there. But, I did experience 130 in Vegas one time!! I can't believe I lived in AZ for so long...especially since I cannot stand the heat. This 85 (San Jose temp) is murder for me!! LOL!

37
Sarah
Jul 22, 2010

In fact, I have just done the Plane Math (not to be confused with the Plain Math, although truthfully it was only adding and subtracting, so it was actually pretty plain) and it turns out that I will be in Phoenix for a grand total of seventeen and a half hours, eight of which (I hope) to spend asleep.

38
Rhi
Jul 22, 2010

Might I also suggest one of those fans on a little string that you can wear around your neck? I got one at a tradeshow once.

39
Janie
Jul 22, 2010

If it helps, I'm a writing student and had my first Corporate Writing class yesterday. My lecturer informed the class that despite the common misconception it is indeed acceptable to finish a sentence with a preposition, it's just a matter of personal taste. :)

40
Raven
Jul 23, 2010

You'll be totally fine with the floaty skirt and tank thing, although fair warning about burning your bum on the seats of any car, that you get into, because triple digit heat translates to beyond oven-like temps in cars that sit outside. OH! Don't forget to be careful of hot as hell door handles and steering wheels too (if you are getting a rental car) and the metal end of seat belts have been known to leave a mark!

(I was born there and lived there the first 18 years of my life)

It's too bad your trip is so short because Sedona is really where you want to be, it's so gorgeous (and much less hot).

41
Theresa
Jul 26, 2010

Ha! I got behind on reading your blog and look, I ended up featured on it! I hope you survived the heat. We hit temps over 100 this weekend + humidity, which is how I know exactly how little to wear when it's 108 outside.

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